SEPTEMBER 14, 2002
WELCOME BACK!!
NOW YOU KNOW WHY THE "POWERS-THAT-BE" DON'T WANT THIS WEBSITE GETTING TOO MUCH PUBLICITY. ALREADY, YOU'RE STARTING TO GET "ADDICTED" TO SOMETHING CALLED...THE TRUE FACTS. YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT YOU'VE EVIDENTLY GONE THROUGH THE FIRST 23 PAGES, JUST TO GET TO PAGE 24, JUST TO HEAR MORE OF...THE TRUE FACTS.
AND YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T LOSE A CLOSE FRIEND, OR LOVED ONE IN ANY OF THE ATTACKS THAT WERE ALLOWED TO HAPPEN OVER A YEAR AGO. I SAY THAT BECAUSE IF YOU DID LOSE A LOVED ONE, YOUR BLOOD WOULD BE BOILING WITH THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND ANGRY PEOPLE, NOT JUST ONE! OR MAYBE YOU CAME BACK BECAUSE YOU HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO. IF THAT WAS THE CASE...GET A LIFE, BEFORE IT'S TAKEN FROM YOU!
BUT HOW MANY OF YOU THAT I'VE E-MAILED THIS WEBSITE ADDRESS TO, HAVE DARED TO WHISPER IT'S CONTENTS TO OTHERS? FAMILY? FRIENDS? CASUAL ASSOCIATES?
CO-WORKERS? SOMEONE AT A BUS STOP? JUST HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SAID...
oocities.com/gedc1998/index.html
OK...SO I GOT MY ANSWER. BUT IF A CAR WAS SCREECHING DOWN THE STREET OUT OF CONTROL, HEADED FOR THAT SAME PERSON THAT I JUST MENTIONED, WOULD YOU KEEP QUIET? IF IT WAS SOMEONE YOU WERE TRYING TO "IMPRESS" OR "LOOK GOOD FOR",
(PRETEND YOU KNOW HOW I MEAN BY THAT)
WOULD THAT PERSON HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE TRAGEDY HAD ALREADY STRUCK TO BE WORTHY OF YOUR WARNINGS OR FOR YOU TO TAKE SOME KIND OF ACTION?! HMMMMM!
THEN THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE THE HERO THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT BEING WHEN YOU'RE ALONE...UNATTACHED...TIRED OF THE BAR SCENE!!
(THAT'S THE LINE THAT THOSE DATING SERVICES USE)
AND SINCE THIS IS SATURDAY, YOU CAN USE THIS HIGHLY SUCESSFUL "LINE" TONIGHT.
AT THE CLUB...AT THE BAR...AT A FAST FOOD PLACE...AT A BUS STOP...ANYWHERE YOU NORMALLY GO AND SPOUT OFF SOME DORKY, LAME, NERDY "HI, MY NAME IS..."
(AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU'RE "ALONE...UNATTACHED...TIRED OF THE...")
LET'S SPRUCE YOU UP WITH A NEW "ATTITUDE"! IT'S CALLED CONFIDENCE!! AND AS EVERYONE KNOWS..."CONFIDENCE IS VERY SEXY"! AND POWER (THEY SAY) IS AN APHRODISIAC!! SO HEY FELLAS, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK AROUND WITH "POWERFUL CONFIDENCE", MAKING WOMEN SWOON IN YOUR PRESENCE. INSTEAD OF THEM LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY AT YOU, THE MINUTE YOU'RE OUT OF EARSHOT (HOPEFULLY) THEY WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE SOMETHING MEANINGFUL TO MENTALLY ASSOCIATE YOU WITH. YEAH, YOUR CLOTHES ARE STILL WOEFULLY OUTDATED, BUT IF SHE KNOWS THAT YOU JUST SAVED HER LIFE FROM A COMMUNIST TAKEOVER PLOT...YOU COULD BE WEARING "MR RODGER'S SWEATER" AND "URKLES" HIGH WATER PANTS, AND BROTHER, SHE'LL LOVE YOU...SINCERELY!! IN FACT, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FEEL HER LOVE, BECAUSE SHE'LL WANT TO "CHANGE YOU" INTO WHATEVER SHE FEELS YOU NEED TO BE!! IT'S CALLED "BEING WHIPPED"!
AND IT'S THE BEST, MOST POWERLESS FEELING YOU'LL EVER EXPERIENCE. WHEN YOU'RE BEING LED AROUND BY THE NOSE, (OR OTHER PARTS) ORDERED TO BE HOME AT A CERTAIN TIME (AND MAKING SURE YOU'RE NOT LATE...DAMIT) LIKE THAT KIDD ROCK BEER COMMERCIAL, WHEN ALL OF YOUR POSTERS OF HOLLYWOOD STARLETS ARE REPLACED BY "HER", IN THE FLESH, AND YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT
IT IS...WHEN IT HAPPENED...AND CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE SUN RISES TOMMOROW MORNING SO YOU
CAN BE HER SLAVE AGAIN...
WHEN THAT NERDY, LAME AND DORKY LOOK IS REPLACED BY A "GOOFY GRIN" AND THE "DEAR IN HEADLIGHTS" LOOK, AS THAT THING CALLED "WOMANHOOD" ROARS DOWN ON YOU LIKE A SALMON TRYING TO SWIM NIAGRA FALLS...SIDEWAYS!!
(OH, BY THE WAY, YOU'RE ALSO WEARING BETTER CLOTHES...THAT SHE PICKED OUT)
WOMEN KNOW WHAT POWER IS, AND THEY DON'T HESITATE TO USE IT!! BUT DON'T EXPECT THEM TO WASTE IT ON A NERD...DORK...LAME...GEEK...LIKE THAT GUY YOU USE TO KNOW!!
NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M NOT PROMISING YOU HOT TUBS FULL OF THONG BIKINI CLAD "HOTTIES" AND BUBBLY CHAMPAGNE! NO, YOU HAVE TO BE MORE REALISTIC!
(BESIDES...YOUR NAME IS NOT DOUGLAS CLARK...DAMIT!!!)
BUT YOU CAN GET A FRESH START, AND YOU WON'T NEED THOSE MAGAZINES LIKE "MAXIM" OR "STUFF"
OF "GEAR" GIVING YOU STUPID IDEA THAT WOMEN ONLY LAUGH AT.
REALITY...SINCERITY...AND MAKING HER FEEL AS IF HER LIFE AND YES, HER VERY EXISTENCE, IS HIGH PRIORITY MEANS MORE THAN CHOCOLATES AND FLOWERS. AND STOOPING TO THE LEVEL OF THE LAMEST, AND DEPENDING ON ALCHOHOLIC WOMEN TO PASS OUT IN FRONT OF YOU...WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO "RAISE UP" AND GET THE QUALITY "STUFF" THAT WILL "MAXIM"-IZE YOUR "GEAR" AND MAKE YOU (AND HER...AND THE WORLD) SEE THAT THE INNER-MAN REALLY WASN'T THAT LAME, NERDY, DOOFUS THAT TRIPPED ON A CRACK ON THE SIDEWALK, SLAMMING HIS HEAD INTO A LIGHTPOLE AND GIVING HER WRITER'S CRAMPS, AS SHE FOREVER IMMORTALIZES HER BRIEF, YET EMOTIONALLY DISTURBING ENCOUNTER WITH "THE LIKES OF YOU".
AND WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD THAT WOULD BE!!
IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE WOMEN DON'T LAUGH, OR GET A SEVERE CASE OF "DRY HEAVES" WHENEVER YOU'RE WITHIN "RESTRAINNG ORDER" DISTANCE OF THEM. IMAGINE YOUR WORLD WHERE OTHER MEN WOULD RATHER EAT SAND, THAN KICK IT IN YOUR FACE...IF YOU DARE EVEN SHOW UP AT THE BEACH! IMAGINE HOW GOOD IT WOULD FEEL TO NOT BE THE MIDDLE GUY IN THE BACK SEAT OF AN OVERSTUFFED CAR FULL OF LOSERS, GEEKS AND DWEEBS...EACH ONE GETTING OUT LOOKING WORSE THAN THE ONE BEFORE HIM, UNTIL LAST (AND CERTAINLY LEAST) YOU'RE ALLOWED TO MAKE YOUR LESS THAN GRAND APPEARANCE, WITH THAT QUIZZICAL, YET VERY UNDERSTANDING LOOK ON YOUR FACE THAT ASKS:
"WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE "HOTTIES" THAT WERE JUST STANDING HERE AS WE DROVE UP?"
WELL, THAT'S THE WORLD THAT I GUARANTEE THAT YOU CAN AND WILL LEAVE BEHIND IF YOU FOLLOW MY FREE ADVICE: MAKE HER LIFE THE PRIMARY CONCERN!!
YOU CAN'T GET DEEPER THAN CARING ABOUT SOMEONE'S LIFE. HOW MANY TIMES DID THAT MAGAZINE TELL YOU TO SAY "IF YOU NEED A KINDEY, I HAVE ONE FOR YOU" OR "IF YOUR PANCREAS STOPS MAKING INSULIN, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU" OR THAT "CAN'T-BE-TOPPED" OPENING LINES "HI!! I'M UNEMPLOYED, LIVE WITH MY MOTHER AND HAVEN'T BEEN WITH A WOMAN IN OVER THREE YEARS!"
(I CAN'T WAIT TO USE THAT ONE...I HEAR IT MAKES WOMEN WEAK IN THE KNEES!)
YES FELLAS, IF YOU LISTEN TO MY ADVICE, AND SAY EXACTLY WHAT I'M ABOUT TO PRINT, YOU CAN BE "THAT DUDE"! THAT DUDE WHO SAVED HER LIFE...THAT DUDE WHO SAVED AMERICA'S WOMEN FROM THE CLUTCHES OF COMMUNISM...THAT DUDE WHO'S "ALL THAT"!!
GO BACK IN HISTORY TO THE END OF WORLD WAR TWO, AND THAT FAMOUS PHOTO OF THE SOLDIER KISSING THE FIRST GIRL HE SAW. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT SAVING YOUR COUNTRY THAT MAKES A
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