How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
Nigel Rees

Gesta Romanorum.
... mundus suis servitoribus reddit mercedem
(See how the world its veterans rewards.)Alexander Pope: Moral Essays, epistle 1, line 243.

Sometimes what you forget doesn’t bother you as much as what you remember.
Yoonja Hwang

The human race is faced with a cruel choice:
work or daytime television.
Unknown

Procrastinators have the advantage of working with the very latest data available.
Tom Talley

We should be thankful for the good things we have
and, also, for the bad things we don't have.
Anon

Everything must degenerate into work if anything is to happen.
Peter Drucker

I once listed all the good things I did over the past year,
and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them.
That was a good feeling.
Robert Fulghum

To dare to dream
that for every question there's an answer...
for every answer yet another question...
and that in the asking there is renewed adventure...
in that daring and dreaming
is a symphony of ambition.
Rev. John Abbott

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
Arnold Bennett

It is a good idea to take things as they come-
if you can handle them that fast.
Sig Arno

Four of life's rules
1. Show up
2. Pay attention
3. Do your best
4. Tell the truth
unknown (from the kitchen chalkboard, All Saints' Episcopal Church, Austin)

If at first you don't succeed,
think how many people you've made happy.
H. Duane Black in National Enquirer

Birds of a feather flock to a newly washed car.
Marlys Bradley in The American Legion Magazine

For every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies.
Laurence Sterne 1713-1768

There are more books to read,
more music to play, more words to write
and more places to see.....
Retirement Notification
Kenneth Ashworth
Texas Higher Education Commissioner 21 Years

In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next-best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
Theodore Roosevelt

Those who can, do.
Those who can't, write the instructions.
Branhorst Knowles in National Enquirer

The key to life is to become skillful enough
to be able to do rewarding things.
Jim Rohn (Sig file of Archie Kregear)

Lord,
deliver me from the man who never makes a mistake,
and also the man who makes the same mistake twice.
Dr. William J. Mayo

Think like a man of action and
act like a man of thought.
Henri Bergson

One cool judgment is worth a dozen hasty councils.
The thing to do is to supply light and not heat.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924)

Decide promptly, but never give any reasons.
Your decisions may be right, but your reason are sure to be wrong.
Lord Mansfield

Blessed are they who have nothing to say and
who cannot be persuaded to say it.
James Russell Lowell

"There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate."

Keep
your nose to the grindstone,
your shoulder to the wheel,
your eye on the ball, and
your ear to the ground
then see how much work you get done in that position!
The Old Philosopher

Every man has a right to his opinion,
but no man has a right to be wrong about the facts.
The Old Philosopher

Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
the population is growing.

Love letters are the campaign promises of the heart.
Robert Friedman

George Washington was first in war, first in peace,
and the first to have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
Ashley Cooper

Real friends are those who,
when you've made a fool of yourself,
don't feel that you've done a permanent job.

Public officials are not a group apart.
They inevitably reflect the moral tone of the society in which they live.
John F. Kennedy
Message to Congress April 27, 1961

When you come to the end of a perfect day..... it probably isn't over yet.
Anon

Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Oscar Wilde

The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
and the realist adjusts the sails.
William Arthur Ward

It's just a job.
Grass grows, birds fly, (and) waves pound the sand.
I beat people up.
Mohammed Ali

A politician would do well to remember
that he has to live with his conscience
longer than he does with his constituents.
Melvin R. Laird

Economic understanding continues to increase.
College kids used to write home and ask for money.
Now they report unanticipated adverse cash-flow problems.
Changing Times, The Kiplinger Magazine

Nothing great is created suddenly,
any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig.
If you tell me that you desire a fig,
I answer you that there must be time.
Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
EPICTETUS

When someone says that he's laying all the cards on the table, count them.
Gene Brown
Danbury, CT News-Times

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie
is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark Twain

Never borrow for what you don't need.
Never think you need what you have to borrow for.
Irish Proverb

No time for your health today;
no health for your time tomorrow.
Irish Proverb

May those that love us, love us;
and those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts;
and if He doesn't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.
Old Irish Toast

A Law of Computer Programming:
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.

A politician is a person who can make waves and
then make you think he's the only one who can save the ship.
Ivern Ball

There is one exception to the rule, "Never eat at a restaurant called Mom's."
If you're in a small town, and the only other place is called Eats- then go to Mom's.
Carl Waxman in Parade

A government, which robs Peter to pay Paul, can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

XII digitation, n.:
The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made
by deciphering the Roman numerals at the end of the credits.
Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

The beginning is the most important part of the work.
Plato

It does not matter how pleased an author might be to have
converted all the right data into sentences and paragraphs;
it matters only whether a large majority of the reading audience
accurately perceives what the author had in mind.
"The Science of Scientific Writing"

I've learned that the person with big dreams
is more powerful than the one with all the facts.
Anonymous, age 51 (quoted in _Live & Learn & Pass It On_)

Some people have a way about them that seems to say:
"If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity.
Tom Peters

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person
is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Dennis Wholey

You can teach an elephant to dance,
but the likelihood of its stepping on your toes is very high.
Gary Moss

Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
A bull in a china shop is not capable of appreciating the beauty
and elegance of a fine piece of hand painted porcelain.
Anon

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
Herman Wouk

Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same income.
Plato

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist takes only your skin.
Mark Twain

"Here I am again against my own best judgment."
Inscription on a tombstone in West Texas as quoted by Rep Rob Junell
as the HB1 Conference Committee on Appropriations began its organizational meeting

Spend enough time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
From the Beancounter Creed

When a habit begins to cost money, it is called a hobby.
Unknown