breakup

Unfortunatly not all couples stay together for ever, despite the best intentions and great beginnings. Whether it is a LDR/online love or a regular life relationship, sometimes, for countless reasons, the relationship folds, and both parties are faced with a new life alone without their partner anymore....
During the time before, during and after a break up, there are many emotions experienced, too many to mention really, and there is always a sense of what to do now?... this page is really just to let those of you who are experiencing a break up, or close to one, that you arent alone, and just outline a few of the things u may experience, and just try and offer a few tips i have picked up a long the way...
My recent break-up was not an easy thing to go through, many issues have to be dealt with, and you feel a wide range of emotions and often feel like you are battling within your self for reason, the way to feel and the right way to go next!...

Emotions:
I would describe the array of emotions you experience as a rainbow, from the lightest to the darkest... you can feel relief, closure, confusion, heart break, sadness, anger, jealousy. vulnerability, strength, etc... too too many to mention! And all in the space of a few hours! Its how you deal with these feelings that is important though, its very crucial you look after yourself, and dont make/take any rash decisions or actions...

I'd suggest not going down the anger route, as blaming yourself or someone else for the demise of your relationship will only make it harder to grow and move on... bitterness and hurt never fades, and it will be hard to get rid off once you let it fester there, try and remember the good times, and just thank god that you were able to appreciate them and enjoy them while they lasted, its very hard to look at things so positively, but stopping the angry feelings is, i feel, good to be able to deal with the way you feel in a better way, as positivity breeds positivity! Know that you did your best, and for some reason, whatever it may be, things just didnt work out, and you have no choice but to accept that. Yes, there is a possibility that things might change, and the two of you may still be together in the future, but for now, things are over and you can't live you life on hopes and wishes alone, you have to try and get on with your life, let the future happen, and see where life takes you.

What to do?...
Clearly a lot of your time and efforts can be taken up when you are in a relationship, and one of the worst things that happens when you split is that you suddenly have a lot of time on your hands, plenty of time to dwell and feel lonely...it can be very very hard..... Also what can happen is that the loneliness and "time apart" can make you want to just return to that somebody, just for the comfort and reassurace you had when wiht them, this isnt a good idea, there were reasons for your break-up, and I would strongly suggest a period of at least a week where you both have complete space from one another to think things over, and see if you really can survive without one another...then if you truly want to patch things up, take it slowly, if by then things look a little brighter, then dont go back, the decision was probably for the best!
There are a few things however that you can do to limit these pangs of loneliness and eleviate some of the feelings of emptyness.

Take up a Hobby or two! Spending a lot of time with yourself isn't as bad as it may seem, there are many many things you can do, from taking up a new hobby, such as learning a new language, keeping a journal, a website, or potery etc:) also you can go to thr gym/go running/go to yoga/aerobics etc, this is particularly good as it will improve your health and happiness, as exercise releases endorphins, the happy drug for your body :)
Go out with your friends, call up your old school mates/someone u havent seen for a while and have a good chat, talk to your friends about how you are feeling, or join in their hobbies/activities...friends are probably the best distraction for a broken heart.
And talking about your pain will help to release the pressure and not let it build up inside... if you cannot confide certain issues to friends or family, then why not try counselling, there are various phone helpines and also counsellors through your GP to try!
Join a chatroom forum, such as Lovingyou.com, where there are specialist boards for break-ups/broken hearts, or join a chatroom associated with a passiojn of yours, music/sport etc and meet like minded people to talk to :) this will help boost your confidence and self esteem, which can be lowered when you go through a break up.

Check out the page on Coping with loneliness in a relationship, for other good ideas on how to deal with being alone.

Dating again?..
It can sometimes seem like the easy option to go out and find someone new to fill the void left, however, this may be ok, but sometimes it is best to grow again by yourself and get rid of past hurts before progressing to another relationship, this will save you, and other people from heartache later down the line.... you cannot really eneter a new relationship and give it your best, if you are emotionally involved still with the last one, you will know in yourself when you are ready for that transition, and it will be when you dont even question your past relationship, or let worries from the previous relationship permeate to your new one...it may take weeks/months/years... everyone is different, and it is up to you when you feel like u can be with someone new... dont think u may be missing out on your only chance of happiness if u wait too long, because if this new person really is Mr/Miss Wonderful then they will totally understand, and will not rush you!!!!

Staying in touch.
It is a nice thing (if the circumstances of the relationship allow it) to stay in touch, particularly if it was an amicable break....
There are certain things which can limit this, as in long distance, if another person is involved or one of you starts dating again soon after, or any particular hurts... but if at all possible, try and stay friendly and civil to one another, you may have mutual friends, which makes it pretty difficult to avoid them completely.
You both went through a lot together, and despite the reasons for the break up, there was once love there, and so u probably know one another very well, and it would be a shame to suddenly cut those ties,,,, who knows, they may become the bestest friend you've ever had.... it just takes time, its the greatest healer, and ofcorse strength of character and heart:)
its nice to not always be wondering "what if?", and so being able to talk will allow you both to be able to clear the air, so both sides know exactly why what happened happened, helping both sides to have closure, and less confusion/unanswered questions or unsaid feelings!
If you cannot get in touch with your ex, maybe write them a letter/email and send it, or just write one to yourself...detailing it all....