Well, today I'll take you on another little journey in my life...... so pull up a chair.. get all relaxed and have a nice cup of tea with me this morning.. Maybe some English Breakfast, or Earl Gray, or Darjeeling Blend, or maybe even a little Lemon Lift... (one of my favorites.. ).. and let's sit back reflect on this past month...

I have a monthly newsletter that I share with just a little over 300 now... most of them are pastor's wives like myself.. others just signed up to see what's new...My April newsletter theme came easily for me because I had been dealing with different people in which the Lord had brought some difficulties into their lives and they were having a hard time handling them.

So this devotional that follows was born out of this....Read on.. and then I'll get back to my story.... By the way, the song you're listening to is "He's Been Faithful"..and He he surely has!!!!

"WHY, LORD?" "WHY ME?" "WHY NOW?"

THE FIRST LADIES' ENCOURAGER
April, 2002

"Oh what a beautiful morning... oh what a beautiful day.. I've got a wonderful feeling.. everything's going my way!" Remember that song from the musical "Oklahoma"? Well, it IS a beautiful morning and a beautiful day here in the Ohio valley.. but most times, things don't always go our way, do they?

In fact there are times that we wonder and ask the big question .."Why, Lord?" "Why me?" "Why now?"

You know.. the longer I have been a Christian, the clearer that question becomes.. because now I understand it's not so much, "Why me?".. rather.. "Why not me?"

As I have dealt with countless people over the years as a pastor's wife, I've come upon (as I'm sure you have) people with the most horrible things that have happened in their lives.. The adulterous mate, the child that was molested, the young woman that was raped, the person with incurable cancer or other terminal disease, someone who had to have his or her leg amputated, the mother who has lost her child, the wife or husband who has lost their mate, and on and on and on. The list never seems to end. You talk to them.. you listen to them.. you cry with them.. and you, yourself go home and sometimes ask "Why?" And WHY do some people just have EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD GO WRONG TO THEM AND WITH THEM??? Did you ever feel that way?

Well, just let me share something that the Lord has taught me not only through other people, but through some of my own physical trials and struggles..

I remember one time talking to a young woman prior to the amputation of her leg and later when she found out she had some horrible disease that basically would take away her ability to live normally.... I told her I didn't know WHAT to say to her.. or how to help her.. and that it broke my heart that she had to go through so many things in her life.. And then I said something that later I realized was actually scriptural.. I told her.. that she must be so special for the Lord to want to use her to glorify Himself through.. and that I NEVER could be that person.. apparently because I hadn't experienced her terrible trials.. and yes, she was SPECIAL!!

I Peter 4: 12, 13, 14, 15,16,17,19 "Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye hare partakers (partners in) of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you; on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters. Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? Wherefore, let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to Him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator."

Christ was our example of suffering.. I Peter 3:17, 18 "For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing. For CHRIST ALSO HATH ONCE SUFFERED FOR SINS, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:"

So dear ones.. . we're in great company....even the Captain of our Salvation suffered and gave the ultimate sacrifice for us.. So.. "Why NOT me"? Our good........God's glory..

Well, little did I know that I would be in a similar predicament less than two weeks later.. Many of you who know me..and for those who don't.. Just let me share briefly the path the Lord has led me on specifically since September, 2000. I was being treated for severe pain in the rib area for some months now and my one doctor referred me to another.. because they were puzzled.. They finally came up with a diagnosis of chronic costochondritis.. Whoa!!! What's that? It is an inflammation of the cartilege surrounding the rib cage and was pretty nasty.. In the process of changing doctors, she decided to check my blood work and that was when I was diagnosed with diabetes along with high blood pressure at which time came quite a life-changing way of living. Within three months, I was able to control my diabetes with diet, weight loss, and exercise. It took nearly nine months of constant trips to the doctor and changes in medication to get my blood pressure somewhat under control. I was devastated, to say the least, that this was now a chronic disease situation I was in and things would never quite be the same. I would be known as a "DIABETIC". Wow. That sounded a little harsh.

Within the next year, I would learn to deal with other little problems here and there, but constantly battling new aches and pains that came with injuries and overweight and old age. Yeah!!! Old age! Ha. Now I'm 53!!

With diabetes, there needs to be constant care of feet, eyes, etc. So coming through a few infections in the toe nails, cellulitis and other fun stuff, I got my chronic case of yearly bronchitis (so I thought). Of course, I got sick the Thursday before Easter and was not going to be able to sing (which is one of my VERY favorite things to do for the Lord.)... I called the doctor and they told me they could not give me an antibiotic because they felt this was a viral infection and that antibiotics wouldn't work for it.. (ever hear that one before?). So needless to say, I was disappointed, because I knew that if it was genuine bronchitis as I always get, I would be very, very sick, coughing and getting laryngitis and it would last for a few weeks at least. Sure enough, it did.. and then after a week of hacking and coughing and sore stomach muscles, etc. etc. etc....The doctor finally prescribed an antibiotic!

Well, it was too late and probably very well WAS a virus. So.. it took nearly a month to get back my speaking voice to where I didn't crack and still do not have my singing voice in full strength.

Then, comes the next challenge!

On Friday, April 26th, my husband and I were talking as we watched TV together for the evening. I noticed as I was talking, that my mouth was not quite moving normally, and that when I spoke, I felt as though I had just been to the dentist and had a little novocaine. I told my husband how weird it felt..and then I made the comment, "Boy I sure hope I'm not having a stroke.. I may just not be able to talk.." And he chuckled and made a comment about my disability to talk may be a blessing in disguise.. ha.. ha.. You know husbands and wives and their teasing (which we always do). . And I told him he shouldn't tease about that because it may just be true and he'd be sorry.. (you know how we always have to throw out some guilt!)

The next morning, we were going to our son Tim's house to help he and his wife, Lesley, and son, Luke, move into their new house. I had woken up earlier thinking I had a sinus headache and then later before we left, I realized it may be the beginnings of a migraine (which I do get occasionally). We hurried and drank our coffee, didn't talk or look at each other much before we left.. as we were running late.. (but in the back of my mind.. something just didn't feel right.. as I spoke and felt)..I had just brushed through my hair, didn't put any make-up on as I knew that I'd be taking a shower when we came back.. because we were just moving them, right?

We arrived at my son's home and as he opened the door, Tim said, "Hey, Mom.. what's wrong with your mouth?" (as he made a really crooked face to me.. ).. I said.. "Gee, thanks" and came in.. (then wondering.. "Is there something wrong?"). As I spoke to my daughter-in-law and a friend at church, I told them about my migraine and how I just didn't feel quite right.. and then both looked at me.. looked at each other.. and both agreed that something was wrong with me. As I looked into their sad eyes.. I began to cry.. "Oh, no... I think I've had a stroke!"

With that, we proceeded to call my nurse daughter, Lisa, at which time she advised me to take an aspirin ASAP, call the doctor and see what they said. They, of course, said "Go to the emergency room"

Then................my husband's car wouldn't start.. isn't that just what it's like?

We got to the hospital and waited just awhile, told them my symptoms.. and when the doctor came in.. he said....."You have Bell's palsy!"

What in the world is that??? I had heard of it once and known someone who had it.. but never saw them.. By this time, my face had shown all the right symptoms... the whole right side was drooping. I couldn't raise my eyebrow (like Groucho).... couldn't shut my eye completely....... had half a smile... and talked as though I had a major shot of novocaine on the right side of my head.

He said it was caused by a VIRUS... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... yes I had a virus and it lasted for weeks.. He said that most people didn't realize that a virus could last even up to 6 weeks in a body and that in the 7th cervial vertebrae the nerve becomes swollen.. and hence causing partial paralysis in that side.. The good news was that in 90% of people there is full recovery and that it could take up to 6 to 8 weeks total, but shorter in some cases. I would have to go on steroids immediately (which would cause increased appetite, weight gain, and high blood sugars.) GREAT!!!!!!!!!

Oh........... one other thing, I would have to tape my eyelid shut at night because the eye can't completely close and the eyeball could dry out and if that happened... it could damage the cornea and other parts of the eye.. Okay.. now I definitely was going to look like "Quasidmodo" from "The Hunchback Of Notre Dame"!!

Praise the Lord!!! Really.. thank dear Jesus that it was NOT a stroke and that it WAS NOT permanent. I'm in "Day Four" of my new big adventure and I just want to share a few more things before I leave.

I wrote my friends and family online before church on Sunday about my fears.. about facing people for the first time looking like I did.. and this is what followed.. A wonderful testimony of HIS grace, HIS love, HIS glory and HIS blessing..

From my follow-up newsletter ... Monday, April 29, 2002...

"This is the Lord's blessing to me yesterday... Going to church yesterday was a very hard thing for me.. I bought a pair of lightly tinted sunglasses to wear because of the way my eye was looking plus it helped keep the air from blowing in it.. because it's not blinking properly and keeps drying out..I have to use special drops frequently and when I talk.. my mouth is distorted to the side.. and I feel as though I have had a major dose of novacaine shot into it.. Seeing the faces, sadness, pity, in their eyes was tough because I did not want them to feel that way..my daughter, Wendy, broke down many times when I couldn't see her.. but they're hugs and kisses and love were precious.. as I've said before.. if I wasn't such a smiley, in your face type of talking person.. I could have withdrawn into a hole and hid.. but.. I'm not.. and the Lord uses us as is.. and praise Him for that..

Tom (my hubby) has been preaching on a series for 3 weeks on Salvation Experiences in the Bible.. Yesterday was about Cornelius the centurion.. and here's what followed...

GUESS what???? The Lord used me this morning to lead a man to the Lord .. He's the man we have bought our cars through for the past 7 years or so.. a retired General Motors worker.. who fixes up cars and sells them.. the Lord has given us such an open door with him.. and God knows we've bought many cars from him for the kids and us.... Well.. Tom (my husband) has always invited him and shared the Gospel with him.. he would always say.."Oh I'll come some day Reverend..when I make a promise.. I keep it.. "

Well.. they've come every Sunday since Easter except for one.. and Tom's been preaching awesome message series on Salvation experiences in the Bible.. Anyway..after church we had a pot luck dinner.. and afterwards we were talking.. and I had the privilege and joy to lead him to Jesus.. with my crooked mouth and all. Praise be to the Lord.. so He does use us even with our weaknesses.. As I shared with a friend.. he used my little crooked mouth to show him the path that was straight and narrow.. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS LOVE AND MERCY.. and showing us that he can use us for His glory anytime... and had I not gone to church because of how I was feeling.. he may have not taken that step.. So praise God with me.. and rejoice as the angels are as well..

Just wanted to encourage you.. that no matter what the path the Lord allows us to follow.. He always has a plan.."

Oh yes He does.. So if you're discouraged, depressed, feel as though God has let you down.. "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off.. and start all over again." Remember.. each new day is a new beginning in Him and for Him.. and He can makes all things new again..... Praise God with me.. and rejoice ... for He is a great and awesome God.. and "I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!!!!!!"

JUST A LITTLE POST SCRIPT FOR YOU.. May 6, 2002..

Yesterday.. on my way to church, I was singing along with my praise tapes in the car.. when I realized.. that I finally had my full singing voice back (since the bronchitis and laryngitis.. )... Well.. I said, "Thank you, Lord.. for my voice coming back!" And He said.. in His still small voice... "Well... what are you going to do about it??".....

Hmmmmmmmmm....... "I guess I'll sing."

Those of you who have Bell's Palsy or those of you who know someone who has it.. you know how distorted the face can be when talking and smiling.. let alone singing..

I went up to my husband before the service.. and said.. "I'd like to sing today.. "... and of course, He said.. "That's fine."

I had no music planned.. no accompaniment tape or piano accompaniment.. But the Lord had given me the song.. "Praise The Lord."

I stepped up to the pulpit.. took microphone in hand.. with my tinted sunglasses and crooked mouth.. shared God's grace from that FIRST week of change in my life.... Eyes were filled with tears.. including my own.. and I talked about how God can use us.. even when we're disabled or unable to be what WE think we should be.. and I proceeded to sing.. acapella.. yes... my voice was stronger than ever... and it was such a joy to share that God could use us... no matter what!!!!!

Isn't He Wonderful???? (Now.. that's another song!!!!!!)

Thanks for listening and letting me share ... You have a great day.. and remember.. Nothing is impossible with God!!!!!

****************

Encouraging email...

Another pastor's wife read the story I published here and shared her journey as well, with Bell's palsy.... I felt it needed to be read so that you too may be encouraged..

Dear Georgia,

I understand how you must be feeling with the Bell's Palsy.

Twenty-six years ago I had it. My husband was Youth Pastor at our church. I awoke on Sunday morning feeling the numbness and the inability to smile or blink my eye. I looked weird and distorted. It just so happen that I was to speak to the young ladies, that evening, on the importance of "Inward Beauty". Need I say more? Never did I think that I would be the one who would need the message I brought to the girls that night.

Is'nt God good to use us...NO MATTER WHAT!

Thanks for your testimony! God Bless.

Sincerely in the Lord,

Sherry