| Body Image |
|
| Body image involves our perception, imagination, emotions, and physical sensations of and about our bodies. It s not static- but ever changing; sensitive to changes in mood, environment, and physical experience. It is not based on fact. It is psychological in nature, and much more influenced by self-esteem than by actual physical attractiveness as judged by others. It is not inborn, but learned. This learning occurs in the family and among peers, but these only reinforce what is learned and expected culturally. In this culture, we women are starving ourselves, starving our children and loved ones, gorging ourselves, gorging our children and loved ones, alternating between starving and gorging, purging, obsessing, and all the while hating, pounding and wanting to remove that which makes us female: our bodies, our curves, our pear-shaped selves. "Cosmetic surgery is the fastest growing 'medical' specialty.... Throughout the 80s, as women gained power, unprecedented numbers of them sought out and submitted to the knife...." - Naomi Wolf The work of feminist object relations theorists such as Susie Orbach (author of Fat is a Feminist Issue, and Hunger Strike: Anorexia as a Metaphor for Our Age) and those at The Women's Therapy Centre Institute (authors of Eating Problems: a Feminist Psychoanalytic Treatment Model) has demonstrated a relationship between the development of personal boundaries and body image. Personal boundaries are the physical and emotional borders around us.. A concrete example of a physical boundary is our skin. It distinguishes between that which is inside you and that which is outside you. On a psychological level, a person with strong boundaries might be able to help out well in disasters- feeling concerned for others, but able to keep a clear sense of who they are. Someone with weak boundaries might have sex with inappropriate people, forgetting where they end and where others begin. Such a person way not feel "whole" when alone. Our psychological boundaries develop early in life, based on how we are held and touched (or not held and touched). A person who is deprived of touch as an infant or young child, for example, may not have the sensory information s/he needs to distinguish between what is inside and what is outside her/himself. As a result, boundaries may be unclear or unformed. This could cause the person to have difficulty getting an accurate sense of his/her body shape and size. This person might also have difficulty eating, because they might have trouble sensing the physical boundaries of hunger and fullness or satiation. On the other extreme, a child who is sexually or physically abused may feel terrible pain and shame or loathing associated to his/her body. Such a person might use food or starvation to continue the physical punishments they grew familiar with in childhood. Developing a Healthy Body Image Here are some guidelines that can help you work toward a positive body image: 1. Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry. 2 .Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.. 3. Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size. 4. Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape 5. Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself. 6. Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful. 7. Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life. 10 "Will-Powers" For Improving Body Image Twice a day, everyday, I WILL ask myself : "Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believe are the flaws in my body weight or shape?" I WILL think of 3 reasons why it is ridiculous for me to think that thinner people are happier or better. I WILL repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare my body shape to someone else’s. I WILL spend less and less time in front of mirrors—all I do is make myself feel uncomfortable and self-conscious as I focus on each body part. I WILL exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I WILL not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to "make up" for calories I have eaten. I Will participate in activities I enjoy, even if they call attention to my weight and shape. I WILL constantly remind myself that I deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter what my shape or size. I WILL refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not like but wear simply because they divert attention from my weight and size. I WILL wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel comfortable in my body. Taking Affirmative Actions If you wanted to resolve a troubled relationship with a friend or relative, I would counsel you to create new shared experiences. You would put aside complaints about the past and concentrate on the present. Both of you would commit to do what you know you have to do to make things better - to take Affirmative Actions - even if you don't feel like it. You stop the mutual finger-pointing and say to one another. "I'm truly sorry. I know I haven't treated you well. I want to start anew. I want to be as good to you as I can." Then each of you affirms, "Rather than being so fault-finding, I'm going to remind you and myself of what I value in you." If you were in an unfulfilling relationship, you would be understandably skeptical of the other person's promises. But what if your friend or partner actually began to behave in affirming ways toward you? You would start relinquishing the past and enjoying the present. You would have growing optimism that the future could bring good times. Affirmative Actions are also essential for improving your relationship with your body. These actions involve doing special things to foster positive body image thoughts and feelings. With conscious effort, you can counteract the quagmire of your past negative experiences and start fresh. Four Affirmative Actions for your body image. 1. Writing Wrongs Thinking of your body as you would a friend, you can only reach one conclusion: you've mistreated your friend. In this first exercise, you will write your "body-partner" a letter expressing your wish to set the relationship on a better course. In your letter, apologize to your body-partner for prior mistreatment, express assurances that you want to change, and thank your body-partner for the good things it has given you. Right now you may be thinking, "You want me to do what? Write a letter to my body?" Yes, it is a little unusual, But that's okay, do it anyway. Suspend judgment and see what happens. With the following Helpsheet compose your Writing Wrongs letter to your body. Write it as you would to an estranged friend with whom you want to restore relations. Keep your letter nearby, perhaps taped to your bathroom mirror. It's a reminder of your new attitude. 2. Face-to-Face Affirmation Accepting compliments can be difficult for people with a negative body image. While they may privately yearn for social compliments to counter their insecure view of their looks, words of praise are foreign to their Private Body Talk. If your New Inner Voice will speak affirmatively about your appearance, your body image will rely less on other people's judgments. At the same time, you'll be able to accept others' favorable comments more easily. Face-to-Face Affirmations are compliments to yourself, in recognition of your physical assets. 3. Feature Attraction Days The Affirmative Action creates and celebrates more good times for your body image. One day each week, on Feature Attraction Day, you give special recognition and treatment to a specific aspect of your body. It could be some aspect of your appearance such as your physique, or your hair, or a facial feature. It could be a physical capability, like being a good dancer or a fit runner. On this day, you devote efforts to experience an affirming attitude toward this aspect of your body. A fulfilling relationship with your body requires that you give credit where credit is due. And credit is due! 4. I Am Becoming The fourth Affirmative Action is an imaginative exercise called I Am Becoming. Back in Step 5, you learned that the Unfair-to-Compare Distortion leads you to devalue yourself by comparing your looks to some lofty ideal. You also learned about the Beauty Bound Distortion, in which you curb your activities because of not living up to some physical idea. Instead of insulting and restricting yourself for not measuring up to your ideals, I want you to become them - in your mind's eye. Review your answers to the Wishing Well Test. If you could wave a magic wand and immediately transform yourself to match your physical aspirations, how would you think, feel, and act differently than you do now? Describe your ideals and then write down how you expect things would be if you looked this way. Each week, pick one day and live that day as you would if you embodied your ideals. Read your description and vividly imagine that this is exactly how you look. Your visualization skills from Body-and-Mind Relaxation can help create this experience. Allow your Private Body Talk and your actions to flow from the images of being your ideals. At the day's end, record the fruits of your experience. Your I Am Becoming exercise can be emotionally and behaviorally liberating, It does have two potential hazards that you will need to ward off: Don't slip into Unfair-to-Compare thoughts in which you start hassling your self for not really looking like your ideal. Imagining that you look the way you wish, can sometimes trigger faulty thinking: "Gosh, imagining being my ideals felt so good that it's depressing that I don't actually look that way so that I could really feel good." The flaw in such logic is that with the exercise you really did feel good, you did not have to look different to be different. I WILL list 5-10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding, intelligence, or creativity. I WILL repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel bad about my body. I WILL practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do, not for how slender, or "well put together" they appear. I WILL surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about my abilities and myself. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks. I WILL treat my body with repeat and kindness. I WILL feed it, keep it alive, and listen to its needs. I WILL remember that my body is a vehicle and that it will carry me to my dreams. |
| With help and extracts from work of Judy Lightstone Michael Levine and Harbinger Productions |
 |
 |