NAME: Tonya

AGE: 24

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: lesbian

DEGREE: BS Psychology

HOW I ENJOY SPENDING MY FREE TIME: I love watching movies by directors/writers who focus on the "message," artistic integrity, and do not allow their "vision" to be changed by bullying studios... G-d I love independent movies! I enjoy being with close friends--the people I can be happy with, sad with, angry with, or zany with-- but most importantly BE HONEST WITH.

FAVORITE MOVIES: The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love, High Art, Bound, Schindler's List

FAVORITE ACTORS/ACTRESSES: Gina Gershon (too cute!!), Ally Sheedy (High Art... wow!), Ralph Fiennes, Jeremy Irons

FAVORITE TV SHOW: The Sopranos

FAVORITE CDS AND ARTISTS: The Sopranos soundtrack, Carmina Burana (Carl Orff), Breakdown (Melissa Etheridge), Your Little Secret (Melissa Etheridge), Relish (Joan Osbourne), Earthling (David Bowie)

FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPHERS: Robb Debenport, Doug Lester (whom I have met...)

MY COMING OUT STORY: A hell of a journey! I knew in high school, yet I thought I was "bi" because I couldn't imagine not liking guys... I didn't allow myself to think about the fact I only liked them platonically. I did not date at all in high school... I had crushes on girls though. When I was 19 I started dating guys, casually. I dated my best friend (male) when I was 22 for approximately a year. THE MOMENT: When I was 23 I was sitting in a classroom with another student. We were discussing the topics we were thinking about for a paper in another class. I mentioned that I was going to write mine on Internalized Homophobia. She didn't freak out, she didn't give me a look of disgust. It was the greatest feeling... this was the point of no return for me... I knew that the door had opened. I had to finally admit to myself that I could not live this horrid lie anymore. That was almost a year ago. I describe myself from that moment onward as being both the weakest and strongest I have ever been. I strive now to be honest with my friends, to no longer accept those into my life who want to change me or not truly accept me. I have lost one "friend," but I have found that the bonds with the others have only grown stronger during this process. A year ago I had no idea how strong I truly was. This "disease" is all-in-all a wonderful gift... I still don't know exactly what I doing, and people can be cruel about things they can't possibly understand... But it is worth it in the end... I can't imagine a more spiritual connection than what is felt between two women who love and respect each other.

MY BIGGEST REGRET IS NOW WHAT MOTIVATES MY BEHAVIOR: I remember a homophobic statement when I was about 14 years old. I remember to this day how much it bothered me. The remark wasn't about me (because I was "straight"). The words cut like a knife! I look back on that event and remember how I and another person just looked on, not saying a word. That happens too much, even 10 years later. I no longer "just take it." I now stand up against the hatred, even if I can only stare the person down until he/she looks at me. I have learned that when I "just take" it, I take it not only at that moment, but I take it at home, in bed as I fall asleep, wherever I go, just by remembering that I did nothing to stand up for what I believe in. I haven't had to out myself once... it's possible to defend someone without having to do that. If the situation is awkward for words, just stare, let it be known that you don't appreciate negativity in your life!

MY AMBITION: I want to work with the gay/lesbian/bi population. Exclusively??? I don't yet know.

MY LABEL(S): Laid-Back Femme (thanks Lynn! lol); Semi-Silly Femme (from yours truly!)

MY TYPE: I like someone who is gentle and tough, semi-butch.

WOULD I CHANGE IF I COULD: The only thing I hate about being a lesbian is the lack of social acceptance. Even so, I no longer want to be someone I'm not.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHAT/WHO DO I RELY ON TO HELP ME MAKE THINGS OKAY AGAIN? Dhammapada (Buddhist text), songs of Melissa Etheridge (the poet of my soul!), Mark (the greatest friend and ex-boyfriend a dyke could have, lol), Lynn (the woman whom I did not expect), and Rebecca (the chick who encouraged me when I first came out to just "be").

MY GREATEST CHALLENGE: To live in love, not anger.

Included on this page are my favorite links (not necessarily relating to homosexual/bisexual issues). Some of the pages may contain nudity (fine art sometimes does); in such cases, a warning will be given next to the link. :-) I do not, however, condone pornographic images.

If you think you may be offended by some of the following material, don't look! It's that simple!!!