Humour

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Scroll down for MARY WHITEHOUSE EXPERIENCE

Brasseye

"Cowsick [pronounced "Cozick"]. The stench of poverty hangs in the air like an old man's nappy.
For the kids, it's a depravity supermarket, where bad is free, and society foots the bill.
Not many cars to nick here, so instead they hijack pedestrians, running them around at terrifying leg speeds. It's called gitsurfing; all too often, the git . . . is one of their own mothers"

Ah, Chris Morris - where would we be without him ?

The man who brought us The Day Today, Brasseye (from which the above quote is taken) and, more recently, the controversial Blue Jam.

Below, for your pleasure, are some sound clips from Brasseye. They're in mp3 format, quite heavily compressed to make them as small as possible, so excuse the slight high-frequency fluttery noise. Go to winamp.com to download Winamp, the best mp3 player around (probably).

SLEAZE

aargh.mp3 - disturbing. Chris Morris stars in his own porn film.
"If this were really happening, what would you think ?" (101kb, 00:20)

twit.mp3 - she's a good child actress...(137kb, 00:27)

gay.mp3 - Chris Morris as a Navy bigshot
explaining why gays are not allowed in the navy
("they attract enemy radar, and insist on being placed
at the Captain's table" etc.) (190kb, 00:48)

perve.mp3 - obscene ! Chris Morris starts off
by doing a parody of Kilroy and his ilk,
then just perves out on us..."if you fall over in the snow,
do you make a couple of bumps ?" (261kb, 01:06)

liquidsilk.mp3 - outrageous. I was stunned when I
first saw this one on telly. A US senator
disgraces himself at a press conference (212kb, 00:53)

CRIME

cowsick.mp3 - a current affairs report about a
council estate, and how it was in the old days.
"Everybody had keys to everybody else's house,
and the locks were made of...something like paper" (504kb, 02:08)

batman.mp3 - Jesus. Chris Morris is talking to
SIR Rhodes Boyson, who was a London MP
until recently. No, really. Morris describes Batman
as though he were a real vigilante, and Boyson
believes it all (222kb, 00:56)

priest.mp3 - spoof US chat show, about priests
with guns. A priest explains the problem he faces
during services (61.7kb, 00:15)

borstal.mp3 - the problem of men who have been
stuck in borstal (juvenile detention) for decades.
"When I was seven, I got dressed up as a little city gent,
and walked into the Bank of England shouting 'fuck the pound'"
(119kb, 00:30)

burythebeds.mp3 - more borstal fun. Inmates fail a room inspection
(79.2kb, 00:19)

borstal2.mp3 - Chris Morris as an inmate, and how he'd like to
get back into society (50kb, 00:12)

boycott.mp3 - Tommy Vance introduces Geoff Boycott,
who thinks he's reading a message to
borstal inmates. Absurd (230kb, 00:58)

davidsullivan.mp3 - a real-life newspaper owner.
Chris Morris interviews him about his views
on capital punishment (253kb, 01:04)

The Mary Whitehouse Experience

Yes, the Mary Whitehouse Experience. Truly a benchmark comedy show. It launched David Baddiel, Rob Newman, Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis to fame. They were the Beatles of modern comedy. So many classic sketches; The Man Afflicted With A Sarcastic Tone Of Voice; History Today; Mr Strange (milky, milky); Ivan, the maladjusted daytime TV presenter.

Below are some mp3 clips of the TV show. If you haven't got an mp3 player, get Winamp from winamp.com. It's the best !

I encoded the clips at the lowest possible bitrate in order to keep the files (relatively) small. So they sound a bit warbly, but that's life.

The files in each group come from a single episode, ie one episode per group.

aliens.mp3 - why they never make contact (102kb, 00:34)

english.mp3 - where did the American accent come from ?
And what about tabloid language ? (237kb, 01:20)

exams.mp3 - how to sit an exam (485kb, 02:44)

henrykelly.mp3 - substitute words for swearwords (79kb, 00:26)

medicine.mp3 - medical students (288kb, 01:13)

snowman.mp3 - the abominable snowman (85kb, 00:28)

southbank.mp3 - Melvyn Bragg interviews Ralph Periman,
writer of football terrace chants (437kb, 02:28)

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drink.mp3 - David Baddiel hates drink (97kb, 00:32)

postmanpat.mp3 - robbing post offices(52kb, 00:17)

rockstars.mp3 - middle aged "mortgage-sensible rockstars"
- Newman and Baddiel offer their thoughts (555kb, 03:08)

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cure1.mp3 - the first parody of The Cure
- the fat policeman song. The audience are cheering
Edward-colander-hands who is sitting in the audience,
in case you were wondering (318kb, 00:53; NB - 64kbps)

graffiti.mp3 - hilarious. David Baddiel tells us about graffiti
he's seen in public toilets (125kb, 00:41)

gran.mp3 - why do they laugh before the punchline ? (22kb, 00:06)

ivan.mp3 - Ivan, the troubled TV presenter.
Oh, flaky, now !! (229kb, 01:17)

ivandeb.mp3 - and again; his guest complains of
a boring taxi driver, to Ivan's dismay(232kb, 01:18)

Ray.mp3 - the first ever Ray - a man afflicted
with a sarcastic tone of voice (456kb, 02:35)

mkhan.mp3 - is bent... (124kb, 00:41)

...and everyone knows it. mkhan2.mp3 - (138kb, 00:46)

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busking.mp3 - "...and inevitably, they can't be bothered
to learn the difficult bit." Steve Punt
plays guitar (324kb, 01:49)

Finally, here are a few sound clips I had on my hard drive.

What Homer Simpson really got up to with Mindy
(311kb)

I had to include it, it cracks me up - Homer sings the...
Spanish Flea song
(195kb)

Will I get complaints for this one ? Probably. Tap your foot to...
I've Never Met A Nice South African
...by the Spitting Image people. (917kb)

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> And finally...some links.

The Unofficial Mary Whitehouse Experience

Spoof news site. Excellent quality of stupidity.