| When you wish upon a star, be oh so careful, what you wish for! Being the hopeful individuals we are, we seem to stretch our goals disregarding any precept of limitations. We are superhuman, is there anything out there, that isn't within our grasp? Because we are the superior race, aren't we granted our every desire? Can we not, at least be graced with the itty-bitty dreams, we so genuinely yearn for? We are deserving of happiness, lacking dilemmas. |
| Never intending to be attacked by Multiple Sclerosis, many of us possess this sort of fairytale fantasy. We are often ensnared by the "I want," and the "I need." We are so attracted to our ideals for ?the perfect life,' that we experience an earthshattering jolt when we learn the heights of our expectations are insurmountable. We are shocked by the electrifying knowledge that we are in fact, limited. Dreaming is the ultimate tool in securing our desires. In our flawless fantasies, we are wanting nothing. We have the perfect marriage, the best kids, an immaculate home and a profession providing adequate funds to deliver whatever we crave. Sorry, I neglected the necessity for vigorous health. Funny how we, omit this most significant detail, in the pursuit to fulfill our dreams. |
| Sadly, I am included in this "we" I speak of. Like you, I placed high standards on my anticipations for my future. In 1998, my dream was utterly disrupted. I was awakened from my world of hopes and wishes by an ugly monster. I had been attacked by this horrible entity, I had no escape route charted, I had no disaster plan to set in motion. This nightmare, Multiple Sclerosis, was a startling hallucination that I could not, simply arouse from. Dreams, hopes, wishes, desires, goals, they faded into the night accompanied by my ambitions, motivations and determination. My feet swiftly hit the ground with my spirit plunging straight into a well of frustration. I was instantly humbled by this treacherous condition that had invaded my existence. The vision of a better tomorrow, and the illusion of a perfect life, wrecked. You know, I had a wonderful life in progress, and to me, it seemed to be improving each day. I had the greatest husband, two beautiful ?healthy' kids and an occupation that supplied my needs. I was an independent woman with visions of prosperity, a person bypassing defeat and dashing to success. Never, in all of my demented dreams, had I witnessed this horror, as an even remote, probability for me. In my endeavors as a person, I had suffered that sense of catastrophe and disappointment. I had confronted, yet endured those rendezvouses with hurt and pain. I was able to wrestle those demons, add them to my list of misfortunes and move on to achieving ?that dream.' With God's assistance, a strong will and plenty of laborious feats, I was proficient in rebuilding a life that was sufficient for me. I repossessed my self-esteem, reestablished my career and was striving with God's help to be a reformed human being. |
| October 1998, launched an unforeseen enigma. Interrupted by these symptoms and compelled modifications to my life, I was disheartened and, sensed defeat. This disease they call Multiple Sclerosis appeared out of nowhere, intruding my body and alarming my world. In my state of bewilderment and confusion, I was buried in a sea of torment and grief. Unawares, the motivation, ambition and determination were slaughtered by this adversary. My visions of prosperity and good fortune, diminished to mere shadows of survival. I had quickly been coerced into appreciating an awareness of surrender. Life since that climax hasn't exactly adhered to my preceding intentions. My dreams have been altered to cater to MS. My home, my family, my friends have all been conditioned to managing this illness. It's so bizarre when you comprehend that two words, Multiple Sclerosis, could so profoundly transform a person's existence. I am a living witness of that awesome certainty. Because its transfiguration, I have been demanded to adjust any prior objectives and to alter my visions. |
| As I mentioned before, I didn't have a backup plan, I didn't anticipate a need. Since Multiple Sclerosis, I have been simply rolling with the punches. I am cultivating other curiosities and attempting to redesign my draft for my destiny. I am struggling daily, to contend with this transition, and I have unearthed several characteristics and talents that had been camouflaged by my hungers and desires. Beneath this image of independence, abides a longing for simplicity and virtue. I am aiming to be an enriched person, complete with honesty, consideration and sensitivity. I am learning to look beyond my infirmities and envision positive attributes in myself and those I have the privilege to encounter. I am trying, in my weakness, to be an instrument of inspiration and a means of encouragement to all who are searching for comfort. |
| Dreams often impel revisions. It is crucial to recognize the initial qualities that stimulated you in the beginning. We shouldn't ever neglect the distinct characteristics that manifested our drive and enthusiasm to allow us to create positive insights. Still a fragment of this Universe, our contributions matter. We boast personalities that are unique, traits that we alone can donate to mankind. Sure, the uncomplicated thing, might be to forfeit our hopes and dreams, consumed by Multiple Sclerosis and its complexities. I believe that we are a zealous bunch, not willing to crumble under duress or abandon our dreams and fantasies. Myself, I may have been temporarily intimidated by the hype engulfing MS. I will be the first to confess, this disease and all its unpredictability petrify me, but I have resolved to roll up my sleeves and dive in, with every fibre of my being. I have brand-new goals for my future. My love for writing and the extra time has presented the liberty to develop this talent that God has allotted me. I am committed to tap into that gift, using it to rescue others from their nightmares. I am praying that via my experience, those with MS or any sort of unnerving condition might access it for its optimistic attributes, dedicating their influential lives to being all they can be. Always identifying that not one is without heartache, but all, "everyone," embraces the potential to make their conceivable dreams an actuality. Written On June 23, 2002 Written For MuSings ***Thank you Darin for ecouraging me to write for this magazine. |
| "Dreams" |