I have had questions related to the ones I cite above for a long time as I have pondered what it means to have a testimony of the atonement. I have had a difficult time in temple recommend interviews answering in the affirmative when asked whether I have a testimony of atonement. In the past I know I have had moments where I felt grateful for Christ but it has been a long time. My difficulty has been overcoming the resentment that has built up in me in regards to the church because I always feel guilty (even though I have been active). It has led me to conclude that I don’t have a testimony of the atonement.

On Sunday, June 30th of 2002 I attended a satellite broadcast of one of the Nauvoo temple dedication sessions. Elder James Faust spoke and during his talk he said something in regards to prayer that I found interesting. Paraphrasing – he said something about how he had come to know Christ and Heavenly Father through his many years of prayer. I don’t know the exact quote and haven’t been able to find a transcript yet. The impression I got was that Elder Faust had interaction with Christ or felt he has come to know Christ better (i.e. developed a relationship with Christ) through prayer. For me prayer is something I do to Heavenly Father in the name of Christ. How can prayer be a vehicle to interact with Christ?

There are many scriptures where we are commanded to pray to Heavenly Father in Christ’s name. I list a few below:

Moses 5: 8 Wherefore, thou shalt do all that thou doest in the name of the Son, and thou shalt repent and call upon God in the name of the Son forevermore.
Alma 12:33 But God did call on men, in the name of his Son, (this being the plan of redemption which was laid) saying: If ye will repent, and harden not your hearts, then will I have mercy upon you, through mine Only Begotten Son;
2 Ne. 32: 9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the ewelfare• of thy soul.
3 Ne. 18: 19 Therefore ye must always pray unto the Father in my name;
3 Ne. 18: 20 And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.
3 Ne. 18: 21 Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed.
3 Ne. 18: 23 But ye shall pray for them, and shall not cast them out; and if it so be that they come unto you oft ye shall pray for them unto the Father, in my name.
3 Ne. 18: 30 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out from among you, but ye shall minister unto him and shall pray for him unto the Father, in my name; and if it so be that he repenteth and is baptized in my name, then shall ye receive him, and shall minister unto him of my flesh and blood.
3 Ne. 20: 31 And they shall believe in me, that I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and shall pray unto the Father in my name.

However, we have also been commanded to call upon Christ’s name (see Doctrine and Covenants 93:1 quotes below).
Is this prayer to Christ?

D&C 93:1 VERILY, thus saith the Lord: It shall come to pass that every soul who forsaketh his sins and cometh unto me, and calleth on my name, and obeyeth my voice, and keepeth my commandments, shall see my face and know that I am;
D&C 93:2 And that I am the true light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world;
D&C 93:3 And that I am in the Father, and the Father in me, and the Father and I are one—
D&C 93:19 I give unto you these sayings that you may understand and know how to worship, and know what you worship, that you may come unto the Father in my name, and in due time receive of his fulness.

What does it mean to call upon Christ’s name? Two instances of prayer to Christ that I am aware of are first, in 3 Nephi 19:17-18, 22, 24 where the apostles pray unto Jesus because he is with them. The second is in Alma chapter 36 where Alma the younger calls on Christ – “O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me,who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death” (verse 18). I have been jealous of Alma’s experience in this scripture because he seems to do something I am not allowed to do, pray directly to Christ. He sure got a big return on his prayer too – the pains of his sins obliterated from memory followed by joy intense as the guilt he had felt previously. It doesn’t seem fair. Generally I have been a faithful member (with occasionally failings of course) but I just go on feeling guilt. I don’t recall ever feeling a remission of pain associated with specific sins I have tried to repent of. Why? I haven’t been trying to destroy the church either like our friend Alma (see Mosiah chapter 27).

I find the Doctrine of Covenants interesting because it is presented as a book full of Christ’s words and revelations to the prophets. Many of the sections are said to have been revealed in response to specific prayer offered by Joseph Smith as he encountered questions. I wonder if his prayers were addressed to Heavenly Father or to Jesus. All of answers to Joseph’s prayers in the Doctrine of Covenants came from Jesus Christ and are presented as if Christ is speaking directly to Joseph. Does God answer my prayers through Jesus Christ? All my interactions with Christ seem so indirect (through Christ’s name). Anyway, that is enough for this entry. It presents some of my main questions and concerns regarding prayer and how it might help me know Christ better.

initially posted - 14Aug03