| June 16...2:00 am. The girls and I are leaving for a family vacation this morning. Gary bought a little get away for me along time ago and we are just going to go. It is in Massanutten, Va...in the Shenandoah Mountains, you'll just have to forgive that spelling. We will stay in a cabin and have access to pool, spa, horse back riding, biking, hikiing...etc. We are all excitied. Then off to NY for my neice's graduation from high school...Yeah Janelle. Notice my colors Janelle! She is my oldest brother Brian's step-daughter. She is sweet and I am looking forward to seeing her and our family. After graduation, then we come back to De for Dallas to attend bereavement camp through hospice. It is really neat. She is giong to have a great time. She is looking forward to it. I am sure you are wondering how we are doing. Up and down, better than last week, and better than the week before. Kids ask everyday about him...what if's...Dallas misses the fun she and her dad had. They rough housed a lot. I'm learning. I'm still a little over whelmed. You might even say, shocked, still. It still doesn't seem really real?! Do you know what I mean? I am struggling but, I am a survivor. I'm a fighter. I'll see it through, with up and downs and by myself if I have to. I did not feel this way a week ago mind you. I may feel different tomorrow. I probably sound a little more up beat, it is because I couldn't function. Time to 'get' a purpose. Today anyway. Larry and cousin Matt were here early this morning (3:00 am) to pick up some furniture. He did a turn around trip. He came prepared, I was so proud of him. We had a beer and talked a bit. Joked again and laughed about the comments Gary always made to him. You know just pickin' at him. It made us all laugh agian. Gary was quite the smartass, on a constant basis, wasn't he! I miss him horribly..is that spelled right? Better yet, is that a word? who cares, not me. so we are getting into the summer months, remember to slap that sunscreen on your children...and yourself... I am going back to work on July 1st. I think I'm ready. The girls rooms are almost finished, just really waiting on the painter, then Rodney can lay the carpet and just about be done. I am shooting for the weekend of the 28th...Be ready to be in a routine, and the house done. No clothes in rubbermaid containers, girls in their own room, me in mine. WEll, I don't feel like writing anymore,and it's late. til next time, love, Shelly |
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| June 30...Hello. I can't believe that it has been so long since I have written. The time has just flown bye. We have been so busy. OUr trip to the mountains was absolutely wonderful. NY was wonderful too. I was able to see many close friends and family that I have not seen or spent time with. I was ready to stay this time. No, I'm not leaving. But, somedays I do wonder... NO big decisions for me in the next year or so. My friends Missy and Pat are here this weekend. Pat has left but Missy is still here for the week. We spent a nite on the town friday night and our good buddy Ray came to drive and take care of us. We had a blast. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. OUr friends have really kept close tabs on us., inlcuding Gary's drivers/friends through Overnite. The girls are doing pretty well, but they are demanding much attention. I get a little frazzeled here and there. Dallas finished up her week of bereavement camp last week, this was via Hospice. The children put on a memorial service, I cried for 2 hours. She met some great friends, all , mostly, her age. What a great experience for her. I start back to work tomorrow... I think I am ready. I 'm starting to feel alive. Guilt is a very hard emotion to live with. I'm here, living and he's not. I think I am just about over the shock. What a difficult thing to get used to. But, I'm trying. Being busy has really helped. I have had, yet again, a difficult blow to my friendship with Shelley...her mother and best friend has been diagnosed with, get this of all things....MELANOMA. She goes in for surgery next week. We'll know more then. I am unsure of the reasoning here. Her thickness is a 1.7, Gary's was a 1.9. Just unbelievealble. So much emotion here. I'm gonna try harder to get going, I'm tried of feeling that way. I'm tired. I need some sunshine, laughter. The memories are coming back. I remember so many precious times, happy times. Thank God they are coming back. I miss him dearly. Writing has been probably, the most difficult for me. WE are ready to enjoy the summer. The children and I have many plans. We swim everyday. I have to go, going to start new life. It is you know. New. It is not even close to being the same. I never will be. It never will be. But, I"m ready to make it count. It'll be good, I'm not a loser by any means. I'm feeling strong. Not about facing my family at Stockley tomorrow, but I'll get through it. Happy Independence Day if we don't talk. God bless amercia...stay safe. Oh, I did want to say that the cemetary is looking better ever time I go there. Sherri has done great job. There are flowers and a huge Bill Elliott flag hanging, he's growing grass. He can see beautiful hills and trees...a room with a view..with angels as visitors stopping by. I'll see him again soon. Love, Shel |
| Hi, July oh, 10th. I am back to work. Apparently, life goes on. I, uh, have to say, I've cried almost every day since last monday. Seeing my friends at work, some of which are like family, has been just hard. And, I cry. But, routine has arrived, sort of. The girls are well and they are sleeping in their own rooms. My house is done and it's wonderful. Honestly? I have mixed emotions. I'm glad we have it, but really would trade everything and go back to the way we were. That's a movie. This is movie. Really. The impossible. Something like this was just impossible and would never happen to us. NOthing is impossible, right? Unsinkable ships, sink. right? You know what? This is so awful. NIght time is just unbareable. This whole thing. One day at a time, good thing this day is ending. Who knew I had this many tears? THey just keep coming. About what? Well, lots of things..lonliness, kindness from others, concern from others, HASSLE, CONFUSION, loosing my temper, lonliness, ooh, i said that. Um, music, saying goodbye, saying hello. Remember my friend Shelley? Her freind's house just burned to the ground, including their van. Her friend just buried her father about a month ago and having a hard time keeping their mairrage together. I, I'm having hard time tonight. I, who am I? I am not the same person. I hope you like the new me. When I figure that out, I'll let you know. My day is over, it's midnight. I get to start a new one, a good one. I'm ready. I really wasn't ready to go back to work, but it is really the best choice. I"m heading for JITH next Tuesday. I can't wait. NO crap, maybe a few tears, but that is normal any year when the girls get away, no pissyness, just happy dancing and great music and most likely too much beer. I'm pulling the camper, my sister and my friend Kerry are coming here to make the trek to Ohio with me. It is truly where I belong...I love it there. I went to Bowling Green, Ohio, where Bobbi lives over the holiday weekend. I met her family, went out on the boat and shopped. It was a wonderful weekend with a few exceptions. You know, Bobbi had a son, he died when he was 9. She took me to the cemetary to show me his stone, their whole families stones'. Words can not describe what I saw and read. It tore me up. I couldn't speak. A beautiful memorial to her son. Oh, this just a reminder to those who don't remember, I hated composition and I like phonics when I spell. Take care, and thanks to everyone inlcuding old friends who have called me and keep trying to lift me up. Talk to you soon, much love and I'll leave you the tears, Shelly Lyn |