Dan Lander risks his sanity with Machine Gun Fellatio's Chit Chat von Loopinstab

Machine Gun Fellatio. Some people suggest it's a Sex Pistols-inspired moniker (sex and firearms seem disturbingly compatible in the world of rock & roll) and it makes sense - MGF deliver cock-shock-anti-rock as blatant as any lout-mouthed British yob ever has.

But whatever the inspiration behind the name, it is probably the least remarkable thing about MGF. After all, these guys have a history as chequered as an old man's boxers.

Take keyboardist and spokesman Chit Chat von Loopinstab. He's won an ARIA award for 1998's song of the year (co-writing the Whitlams' "no aphrodisiac") and penned a tune with Tex Perkins, called "fake that emotion" (from the film Love And Other Catastrophes). He is also responsible for three grossly underrated porn films: Sasha And Amber's Hardcore Holiday, OZ VR, and the vividly titled Fisting By The Pool.

All seven members - Chit Chat, Pinky Beecroft, Three K Short, the Love Shark, the Widow Jones, Bryan Ferrysexual and Sparkjug - have stories just as interesting. The Love Shark once played in a band called Loveshark And Lionel Ritchie, which featured a dubious theramin player and some shocking costumes; Three K Short wrote the score for a film called Soul Sucker (no, it wasn't a porno); and Pinky Beecroft was raised in secrecy in a Swedish convent. (well, we can't verify that, but Chit Chat did mention, "we've all got T-shirts saying 'Pinky's a c#*t', and he has one that says 'be my friend'.")

As far as the music goes, there is only one question about MGF: how long can people keep referring to them as one of the most underrated bands in the country? When will their public profile catch up to reality? MGF's debut album, Bring It On, was one of the best releases of 2000 and was home to smashing tunes "100 Fresh Disciples", "Unsent Letter" (the surprisingly sensitive ballad, written with the aim to leave "not a dry seat in the house," states Chit Chat). And of course, there was the unforgettable "Muthaf#**a On A Motorcycle", which MGF's bio describes succinctly as, "a song that the whole family could gather round and swear along to."

With live shows that include more blatant bad taste and nudity than the entire Porky's series, you simply have the most interesting thing to happen in Australian music ever (which doesn't actually mean their the best thing ever - you know, 'interesting' is one of those terms like 'nice personality').

The only problem MGF posed for Esky was: just how do you get someone called Chit Chat von Loopinstab to answer serious questions about music? After a little thought, we decided you don't so you might as well ask him about sex instead. Here's what he had to say.

If God was a woman, what sort of lingerie would she wear?
Mine

Would you rather go blind or impotent?
Blind. Then I could stop being so picky.

How long were you breastfed?
Until I was 17

Where do you buy your underwear?
The same place as god...

Do you love your girlfriend?
Ah f#*k yeah. I don't even have to be silly about that one. I'm in love. I wish I could say the same for her. She's trying hard but I'm a difficult man.

How does it feel to have people singing along at gigs?
It gives me the horn. I don't mind saying that. it really does give me the horn.

Have you ever been to Canada?
No.

If you could ask anyone one stupid question, what would it be?
"Have you ever been to Canada?"

So have you ever been to Canada?
Yes.