The Book of Messianic Conduct
Which regardeth Dignity and the Fonz

F:1



F:2
F:3


F:4

F:5

F:6



F:7



F:8



F:9




F:10



F:11





F:12


F:13
F:14




F:15


F:16
F:17

It often came to pass that when FishGod would try to spread the holy word, non-believers would speak cynically, raising their eyebrows and saying, "Isn't the messiah, like, supposed to walk on water or turn bread into wine or something?"
For that is how they always talk, and no one knoweth why.
These same non-believers would impugn FishGod's godhood, saying that he doth not act with the dignity of the messiah, and that he hath not a halo.
(Which is true, but hast thou ever seen somebody actually wear a halo?  Tacky, tacky, tacky.)
And when these things did come to pass, FishGod did roll his holy eyes and reply thusly:
"In days long past, when the word of FishGod was still lost and there were yet a few good cartoons on Saturday mornings, I was like unto thee, believing that the messiah must present himself in all his glory to every Tom, every Dick, and yea, every Harry.
"With mine best foot forward I walked before all men, and even moreso before the ladies.  And like unto Fonzy on the Happy Days I dared not cry, nor admit to being in love, nor let the Cunninghams see me recovering from mine motorcycle accident.
"I thought myself above common men (which is an easy trap to fall into when thou art the fucking messiah).  And I did come off as alien and isolated, which was pretty messiah-like, let me tell thee.  And behold, everybody bought it.
"But the image was not real, and like unto breast implants, it only generated controversy and put me into debt.  For within the shell of artificial dignity there was insecurity, and even doubt in mine messiah-ship, for the test of a claim is its resistance to hecklers.  And lo, there were no hecklers.
"So I went forth to the Oracle of Bayshore, for though she is not much good at the oracle bit, she is the kind of woman who can get thine mind off of religion for a while, if thou knowest what I mean.  And behold, we went to a couple movies and had some coffee. 
"And then I did lie with the Oracle of Bayshore, and to her I did reveal mine love, and mine lust, and even mine painful recuperation from mine accident outside of Arnold's.  And for her I did not put mine best foot forward, nor mine other foot.  Verily, I did just lie back and enjoy it, for that is the effect the Oracle of Bayshore will have on thee, I don't care who thou art.
"Listen up, for here is the good part.  After all of this was complete, and I had acted in a very unmessiah-like way, I did say unto the Oracle of Bayshore, 'Who is thine Heavenly Daddy?'
"And she did say, 'Thou art, FishGod,' in her Sexy Voice.
"And from that time forth, I hath not put mine best foot forward, nor hath I worried mineself about dignity.  For dignity is not about being untouchable and turning thine nose up.  Rather it is about being touchable and keeping thine nose on an even keel, and yet getting a little respect.
"For he who may fearlessly admit to the world that he is a sucker for something (be it flattery, bribery or Oracles) hath simplified himself, and the fishes are mighty within him.
"No matter what people like thee say."
And this did not shut the non-believers up, but it did help drown them out, which is almost as good.