** As a graduate with Honors (Golden Key National Honor Society) from FSU (The Florida State University) -- and the resultant holder of a B.S. degree (Double Major: Biological Science / Chemical Science), I've indeed studied which ingredients comprise the best recipe for romance ... and marriage. (And, I've, of course, been curious as a human being having taken on human form ...) MARRIAGE: Second in importance to Nothing! except the Almighty Creator GOD!!!
OK, let's kick it off with a short quiz: one question (and, no peeking!)
Which is best (over all other methods) for romantic success?
(I know some people will say "The LORD's will" or "fate," but, the Lord
would want us also to use wisdom, and we cite our reference for those who
trust & believe the Bible: The Book of Matthew, Chapter 10, Verse 16 says:
"Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore
wise as serpents, and harmless as doves." So, put on your thinking cap: we
need an answer, and here it is ...)
ANSWER: a) Things in common.
Yeah, I know, some of you will say "I'd get bored with someone like
myself." Well, here's what I say to that: You do the studies and
see which works best. The more similar, the better they get along; the
less similar, the worse, the research indicates. I cite an expert for The
Register's reference here. (Warren, N.C., Finding the Love of Your
Life: Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner, Pocket
Books, pp. 48-49, ISBN 0-671-89201-0)
*_MY_* PRINCIPAL POINTS (not Dr. Warren's here) to be made:
He is a trained expert to be sure; yet, he researched other studies to
check the facts. Check out what he uncovered: (Please, don't consider this
a copyright infringement, Pocket Books; these are only selected for review
and academic purposes, according to law.)
Several studies have shown that not only the occurrence of relationships
but also their degree of happiness and stability can be predicted by
matching of personal attributes.
Finally, after a careful review of the literature, researchers White and
Hatcher conclude:
Clinical studies available indicate that similarity is associated with
marital success and is less associated with marital instability and
divorce. Evidence suggests that dissimilarity per se is associated with
instability and divorce." (Ibid., p. 49)
Note about spelling for above: I, editor Gordon Watts, found many web
pages spelling Mr. Rushton's first name two ways: "Phillippee," and, more
commonly with only one "p" as "Phillipe." Thus, even thought Dr. Warren
uses the less common spelling, it seems ok to me: it stays as is.
Dr. Warren lists as important or "absolutely essential" the following
similarities (pp.53-54):
Some "Differences that spell trouble" include:
Finally, Dr. Warren lists among his other principles that one must not be
too young, too impatient, must not marry someone with a behavioral
problem, must learn to be intimate, to resolve differences, be comfortable
with your decision, wait for a deeper love, consider advice from friends,
relatives, and so on. This list I am citing IS NOT comprehensive for his
book. (The Register only does a book review to support the
claims being made here; We will leave the rest to his book since we do not
hold copyright.)
His claims, however, are supported, by a U.S. News & World Report quote I
found: "More than 90 percent of all people marry and, they typically chose
mates who closely resemble themselves, from weight and height, to
intelligence and values, to nose breadth and even earlobe length." (p. 59
of the July 19, 1993 issue)
OK, how about some support from the Bible? (Don't cringe, atheists: we
must consider all the facts.)
* Genesis 2:22: "And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."
Amos 3:3 says: "Can two walk
together, except they be agreed?" This is a rhetorical (obvious) question:
the answer is a resounding "No."
--> From the New Testament, I just now realized: IT AGREES:
This is significant, since we are the 'bride of Christ,' and the bride and groom are SIMILAR: Look at that again: We shall BE LIKE Him [Jesus].
This accords with 2nd Corinthians 6:14, which says: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:..."
Yes, the 'significant other' has to be saved ALSO (read: Spiritually 'SIMILAR'), but it is much more that that -THAT is why Dr. Warren and I do our respective research!
Also, I, editor Gordon Watts, cite my own informal but scientific personal study. It seems to confirm the other studies. But before you take my word too far, let me point out that since it is "good," therefore it ** IS ** from God! My scripture reference:
How imprinting affects young birds' later
sexual preferences: SOME CONFLICTING DATA POINTS!
The picture to the right shows the result of imprinting. The genetic code
of the birds, then looks for "similar" mates. This supports my theories.
But, look! -- There's a fly in the ointment (conflicting data!). The
birds' preference for other birds seems to decrease/decline as the
prospective mate is *very* similar. This rather opposes or conflicts with
my theories here. Oh well, as an honest scientist, I must present
** all ** the data, even if it disagrees with my
hypotheses. Yet, these birds may be an anomalous (unusual) case. OK, I say
that given more studies, most (but not all) animals will show more
attraction as they are more similar. Perhaps, we humans should learn a
lesson and take a cue from our less advanced winged neighbors here and see
the value in common interests.
a) Things in common between man and woman
b) Opposites attract
c) neither a. nor b. is a factor
((( #1 ))) Similar Personalities build stronger relationships -- romantic
and otherwise.
((( #2 ))) Similar Appearances are "more attractive."
((( #3 ))) Similar Blood Types avoid Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn --
the Rh-incompatibility disease.
Dr. Warren was a dean of Fuller Theological Seminary's Graduate School of
Psychology, author of books, one of which is available from Focus on the
Family Publishing, and a featured guest on radio and TV, including Geraldo
and The Oprah Winfrey Show.
"J. Phillippe [see note about spelling below] Rushton, a professor at the
University of Western Ontario in Canada, summarizes a considerable body of
research:
Intelligence (not Education); Values; Intimacy; Interests; and,
Expectations about roles. (It is noteworthy to note that he didn't list
ethnic background or race as essential to compatibility. Marriages are
usually within the same ethni-racial and religious background, but I and
other researchers are not prejudiced nor inflexible.)
Energy level; personal habits; use of money; and, "verbal skills and
interests." (There is "interests" again!) He also cites flexibility as a
quality or trait that can compensate for a multitude of differences.
TRANSLATION: Woman is from man -but *not* the same gender: She must be female. (I don't mean this in any way to disrespect or insult homosexuals -I love homosexuals and gays, yes, I do, but I am straight, not gay. LOL)
1st John 3:2 "Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is."
The Book of James, Chapter 1, Verse 17 "Every **GOOD** gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." ~ WHICH AGREES WITH: Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are *TRUE*...think on **THESE** things." (I ask you: Is Dr. Warren's research not true and good? ~ But of course: Think on THESE things - I rest my case.)
Here, we see the effect of imprinting on apparent sexual selection of
birds. (It is only apparent because the birds may only want to spend time
with similar birds for non-sexual reasons.) It is a well-known fact among
biologists that experiences of animals when they're young will influence
the thing that they consider "mother" or "mate." In fact, ethological
biologist Konrad Lorenz, one of the first scientists to do imprinting
experiments, is famous for convincing young gosling birds the he was their
mother as shown by their following him. He also convinced a male jackdaw
bird (similar to a crow) that he was its mate as evidenced by the bird's
attempts to shove chewed-up worms in Lorenz' mouth to feed its "mate."
(How the bird was raised trains the bird to look for mates similar to its
parents, which, of course, would lead it to other birds similar to itself.
Aren't humans kind of like that? We tend to look for someone like our
parents when we marry, don't we?)
(Source for the picture, Figure 8.15, along the right-hand margin of the screen, the bird attraction graph: Goodenough, J., et al., Perspectives in Animal Behavior, Publishers: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., ISBN 0-471-53623-7, p. 268. Other data: ibid, pp. 261-269.)
And, also, don't the intuitions and gut feelings also bear witness to
these claims? But, there are some popular misconceptions that must be
addressed first:
some say that people start looking and acting like one another after they
get married. The Holy Books tell us that two become one, and they Do, but,
we are only so flexible as humans. Stop and consider: when is the last
time you saw an old high school friend start looking (or acting) like his
or her spouse? Maybe, they were older, heavier, and/or grayer haired, but
really, anything else? Didn't think so! So, the moral of the story is
this: Don't assume something without careful study, consideration, and
input from others as well! Especially something as important as Romance.
(Please pardon my sentence fragment or non-standard capitalization of
"Romance" etc.)
And, intuition tells us that couples will never get bored because of being "too similar" due to sexual attraction! Both emotional attachment and physical attraction will always be positive factors. When added to our efforts AND a similar core of values & personalities, the end result is ... compatibility. Now, did y'all get all that?
This just in:
Good luck on your 'Romance Connections,' Smooth Jazz.
The bottom line: 'Things in common' and Honesty are good in
relationships.
WJZT-FM Stereo 100.7 MHz (Smooth Jazz 100.7), a Tallahassee radio station,
has what is called "Romance Connections" or something like that. The
reason I mention it? Because, according to the advertisement, their
compatibility software matches people by making sure only persons who
AGREE on at least 95% (that's ninety-five percent!) of 'things' are
'connected.' What those "things" are is currently unknown, but it probably
consists of personality traits and 'likes-and-dislikes.' As a matter of fact, many dating services
match people based on similar interests. Thing that make you go
"Hmmm..." (E.g., maybe I'm right about my theories, here.)
It is the simple things of romance that work: Effort and consideration for all parties' feelings. Just remember: if we try to get "perfect matches" in organ transplants (ugh! yuk! the tissues themselves sure aren't perfect!), then should we not also try for the same "similarities" in romance too?
One last point: just as in a heart transplant, the heart needs a body, NOT another heart; thus, the male needing a female & vice versa is only logical. This supports the heterosexual (straight) method, but I am not prejudicial nor against the love of our homosexual fellow citizens. They are beautiful people too. Indeed, in some cases, their homosexuality protects them from "straight" heartbreak until the right moment. We straight people, I must confess, probably have more fatal lovers' quarrels than our gay neighbors. I don't say for certain on this point, but I sure don't like our approximately 50 to 55 percent divorce rate here in the United States now-a-days.
PS: Please see my 'Debate' page for further info about AIDS/HIV/.and./AZT. Apparently, some people may have missed this section of my website, but you just scroll on down to the bottom, and click on it there. PS: A recent email to me from a doctor I'll keep anonymous, suggested that the influence of genetics was stronger, and that the influence of environment was weaker, in causing homosexuality, than I have estimated. (I estimate a 50/50 split, based on recent research that I have read.) I will research this claim as I have time -- and it may be true, as many other personality traits are VERY strongly influenced by genetic makeup, as shown by the STRONG similarities in the personalities, preferences, and behavior of identical twins that are raised in separate environments -- and by separate families for most of their lives. But, here is *this* section's info about Homosexual-related topics:
A little bit more needs to be said about homosexuality to do justice to the topic & people wanting info on the subject:
CAUSES: To the best of my memory, I recall that some of the causes of homosexuality are bad childhoods, particularly abusive or absent relationships with the father -- true for both male and female children. This makes sense in light of the findings that homosexuality is about 50% influenced by environment. But, remember that with hormones and other bodily chemicals influenced by genetic composition of each person, it's not surprising that identical twins who are separated at birth and grow up apart are later found by scientists to be VERY SIMILAR in many personality characteristics.
(Most other personality traits were found to be virtually identical in identical twins separated at birth and raised apart. Thus, most other personality traits may be considered to be nearly 100% controlled by inherited genes. On another note, the average intelligence for persons of one race is not measurably different from those of another race, when considering the different opportunities and oppression experienced by different races. It could be, but, as it turns out, it is not. Yet, two brothers raised together usually have DIFFERENT personalities, but not as different as non-relatives.)
Other Causes of Homosexuality: It then seems reasonable that bad adulthoods could push one to homosexuality. In fact, I've read several magazines that indicated well-known homosexual Ellen DeGeneres had some heartbreak with some guy. It is unclear who was at fault, or if they were just "incompatible."
The conclusion of these findings, however, is that people can get burned and become sensitive, pushing them to look for a "cooler" or "slower" relationship. (I personally don't favor a homosexual love life, and I think it's another form of impatience in addition to the fact guys are not attractive -and women are. Yet, "straight" heartbreak can be bad!)
Abuse can make one sensitive -- too sensitive -- to the hard bumps and fast twists (no sexual puns, thank you) of the fast drive down love lane.
So, the CONCLUSION of the matter is this: for people of any sexual orientation, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. As they say, prevention is the best medicine. "Marriage classes," which I hear the State of Florida now mandates for people seeking a marriage license, are good for looking for a cure for "differences" in opinion, whether it be money matters or sex, but what about prevention? Thus, I advise you check out The Register's web page, which apparently you already did -- but, this time with the theme in mind to NOT BE IMPATIENT. You might research the scientific studies to see what has worked for other people. Yes, science can help you by letting you learn from ** other ** peoples' mistakes -- or successes, and not your own, ouch! You can also check my references for accuracy and completeness.
Speaking of sexuality, here below are two links to
Gemma's Twilight Zone. Gemma is a hermaphrodite, born with both male and
female attributes, that is, transsexual or with LACK of sexual
orientation. Also known as the Transexual Zone, her story is found
at...
http://freespace.virgin.net/gemma.brunswick and
Remember points two (2) and three (3) above? Well, on
point #2, the claim that similar appearances are more attractive, I will
only offer scant evidence: see the quote below that says: "Scientists have
long known that people typically chose mates who closely resemble
themselves in build..." This supports the intuition that "birds of a
feather flock together." Yes, people sometimes find that "opposites" are
exciting, but this facination with the different is usually short-lived.
That covers all I say about point 2, but what about point 3?
Knowing your blood types can prevent Kell or Rh Hemolytic Disease of
the Newborn (and other blood mis-matches will do this, too!) should you
ever become pregnant. What is a "hemolytic disease?" Well, when the mother
is Rh-Negative, this means that she has NO genes for Rh-Positive, thus
hinting that the father should NOT either. And...? Sure enough, if the
father does, then the baby might be Rh-Positive, and he/she would provoke
an immune response from the mother's immune system, which is unfamiliar
with the Rh antigens. The baby would probably survive due to the slow
response time of the immune system -- this due in part to the fact that
the woman would not have "broken blood" until late in the pregnancy.
However, the second child, if Rh-Positive, will usually get attacked by
the mother's immune system. Thus, in those cases, which comprise about one
out of seven pregnancies here in USA, the mother is typically given
antibodies that are strong enough to destroy the any antigens leaking out
of the baby but not strong enough to actually kill the baby. This way
here, the mother's immune system remains unaware of the problem.
You might ask, "What happens if both the parents each have one gene for
Rh-Positive and one for Rh-Negative?" This would make it appear that the
matching of two similar partner (both "Rr" for the Rh-gene) -- and both
Rh-Positive as this is a "dominant" trait -- well, this possibility makes
it look as if they could have an "rr" or Rh-Negative child whose immune
system would attack his/her mother's Rh-blood antigens. But, you see, this
is just not so. Why? ... Well, it's like this: First, the child's immune
system is not yet strong enough to detect the mother's blood antigens.
Second, the child's immune system, even if it could detect something, is
not yet strong enough to go on the offensive. Third, the child's immune
system, even IF provoked, will probably NOT come in contact with that
scenario again as would the Rh-Negative mother above. To illustrate,
recall that type-O blood CAN be infused into a type-A individual even
though it possesses antibodies. This is usually NOT a problem because the
amount of antibodies in the transfused blood is small as it is usually
just a liter or so. But, if the type-A blood is given to a type-O person,
then the full defenses of all of the body's blood come into action and
there is a major problem. So, where does that leave us? ...?
MORAL of the STORY: Marry someone who is a LOT like you if you want to be
successful here.
Now, about that breaking news about the three day "waiting period"
for licenses:
Here's the deal: because of our monstrously high
divorce rate (Florida, about #1 in crime in the US, surprisingly has only
about a 50% divorce rate like the rest of the nation)... well, ... because
of that high divorce rate, legislators have passed this bill. Couples can
bypass the 3-day wait and, possibly get a small discount on fees by taking
a pre-marital preparation course. The law suggests (but does not require)
it cover such areas as financial issues, conflict management,
communication skills, and parenting.
It's about time we apply science to relationships and marriage.
Furthermore, the idea of divorce is not only immoral from a religious
point of view, it is also not usually a good idea, unless someone is
getting beaten by their partner! Think of a person experiencing serious
withdrawal symptoms from drugs as an analogy. Well, SURPRISE! It's not
just an analogy; it really happens. Here is how:
----- The body's brain and various glands produce chemicals (drugs, yes!)
such as adrenaline, androgen, estrogen, FSH (follicle stimulating
hormone), and testosterone, just to name a few. These drugs are dependent
on experiences, such as relationships in the romantic sense. Well, when
the relationships are broken off, the drugs (and reality) are altered.
Hence, the withdrawal symptoms are the logical result!
We know that improper relationships of people who got IMPATIENT cause resultant babies in the mothers bodies to be unwanted and increase desire for killing the kids in uterus via ** abortion **. We know, also, that it is against the law to kill another person unless it is to save the life of someone. Abortion usually is not legally justifiable homicide. Sorry to touch on such a "hot" topic, but it is important. Even those few babies who are a product of rape and incest (like, if a brother rapes his sister) -- even those kids usually turn out normal. Ask any biologist who knows: many animals are bred brother-sister and produce NORMAL offspring; and, many persons are the product of cousin marriages (a full 25% as close as brother-sister incest!) -- yet, almost all those kids turn out normal. (See bottom of article for explanation as to why this is so!)
I know many products of cousin marriages, and they are normal. ** Also: --> For more info on abortion, you can visit the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform web site at http://www.CBRinfo.org . (Be sure to click on the BACK "<--" key to get back to The Register.)
In closing, I wish you the best of luck in not becoming impatient in romantic matters of the heart: they can lead to hurtful shortcuts like abortion -- or heartbreak, too. We should strive to take our time to do the job right, not the job fast. Correct? In the day of trials and testing, the weak faint. (Proverbs 24:10: If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.) Are you weak? Or, instead, will you do the job right?
The Register's corporate sponsors include FSU and God. Here are their advertisements about useful services THEY provide:
FSU Offers free web sites. Click on http://www.acns.fsu.edu/Docs/WWW.shtml for details.
Click on the new section explaining things about God's role in our lives at this clickable.
I know I mentioned how increasing honesty will increase the stability of the male/female relationship, but it bears emphasis/repeating! It does. You can get more details on that subject by clicking on "this" above to learn about God, goodness, and stability, and the relationship between them.
About me:
I may not have 20 million old girlfriends and a
scrillion sexual experiences, but I don't need them to know what's
important. As my grandmother used to tell my mother when she was a child,
you don't have to jump off a building to know that it's bad news. Now, do
you really have to "test drive" the girlfriend or boyfriend in
whom you're interested? Do you really have to touch the wall plug to see
if it has 110 volts AC? (Zzzapppp!) No, goofy: pull out the voltmeter! Do
you REALLY have to jump off that building to measure it's height? No,
goofy: use the tape measure, or calculate its height using triangle
trigonometry and angles! Now, listen up Romeo and Juliet, do you really
have to.... well, you know, eh? No way! Just do your homework on this
matter, and keep your shirt on!
SOME THOUGHT STIMULATORS:
Although I don't promote it, there were brothers marrying sisters or the
like in the Bible:
"12 And yet, she is my sister; she is the daughter of my
father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife."
Genisis 20:12, referring to Abraham speaking to King Abimelech about
Sarah, his wife. YET, ISAAC WAS normal... not DEFORMED as some would say
that brother sister inbreeding would cause! In fact, (single first)
cousins share a full 25% the amount of similar genetics as brothers &
sisters. Remember when I said I'd explain it? Well, here it is:
"Scientists have long known that people typically chose mates who closely
resemble themselves in build and intelligence. But a survey of more than
10,000 people in 37 cultures on six continents, conducted by University of
Michigan psychologist David Buss, reveals that men value physical
attractiveness and youth in a mate more than women do; women are more
concerned with a prospective mate's ambition, status, and wealth."
(Reader's Digest. November 1993 Issue. Their Source: Condensed
from U.S. News & World Report: (July 19, 1993) by William F. Allman.
Reader's Digest page number: pp.81-82.)
Talk about brother/sister stuff, check out what they do to animals:
"Experimentation is somewhat easier in organisms such as the fruit fly,
Drosphila, which has a generation time of about two weeks and can
be inbred by brother-sister mating for many generations to yield almost
identical genetic constitutions. In such pure lines, a new type having,
say, white eyes instead may appear with a frequency of about one in a
hundred thousand." (Ruth Sager and Francis J. Ryan, Cell
Heredity Copyright © 1961 by John Wiley & Sons Inc. Library of
Congress Catalogue Card Number: 61-11498. Page 35.)
** Also, it is common knowledge that geneticists breed inbred strains of
mice where the sibling kids mate and have mouse pups; then those siblings
inbreed, etc. The mice, which are known to be genetically similar to
humans (that's why they're studied so much!), do NOT have bad health or
genetic defects very often at all. Hmmmm.
Oh, and here is a gem: are our scientists on top of it? In don't think so.
Check out this:
"How do you go about creating the 49 combinations of progeny from the
seven men and seven women featured in the Time picture
chart shown below? Doing so by the scientific rules of genetic engineering
-- themselves extremely complex and not yet fully understood -- would be
impossible. Instead, Time chose a software package called
Morph 2.0, produced by Gryphon, to run on a Macintosh Quadra 900."
(Time (Special Issue), Fall 1993, Vol. 142 No. 21, (Copyright ©
1993 Time, Inc.) ISBN Number: 0040-781X. Page 66.)
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Children get 1/2 of their genes from each parent. So, brothers & sisters
could get identical (100%) or all different (0%) genes. On the average,
however, they get are 50% alike. The Uncles & Aunts are sibling to the
parent, and so share 50% with them, or 50% of 50% with the kids. They have
about 25% of the same genes of those that do vary. The Aunts' & Uncles'
kids are cousins with their siblings' kids. Another halving of
similarities means that cousins share ~12.5% similarities in genetic
inheritance, a full quarter (25%) as do brother sister marriages. Thus, we
would expect cousin marriages to produce 25% as many deformed or retarded
children. Put another way, you multiply the very small incidence of
observed problems with cousin marriages by the number four (4), and you
still get a very small number of problems that would be expected with kids
of brothers & sisters who married and got away with it. Now, The
Register does not endorse this type of marriage because it is against
current norms. But, when it does happen, in either animals or humans,
usually no problem results. Surprise!
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