Phil Vs Homey: Pizza Hut

Phil: Hello Welcome to... oh… you... what do you want?

Homey: Yo dude, how much fo a soft taco guy?

Phil: {Looking around the RBO than at the homey} This is Pizza Hut.

Homey: Oh... Sorry guy... Can you hook a bother up.

Phil: Did you get me a birthday gift when it was my bday?

Homey: Yo guy, what's you be talkin bout

Phil: No you didn't! And you call yourself my brother...

Homey: It's just a sayin man

Phil: Some brother you are

Homey: Yo guy, you being racist?

Phil: To my own brother? Hell no

Homey: Fuck guy, I was just sayin that, like your my friend.

Phil: So you're calling your friend racist?

Homey: Why you be playin games?

Phil: Friends play games, it's fun... Like when you steal the hot sauce packets from Taco Bell to survive cause you can't afford real food.

Homey: Are you saying i'm poor?

Phil: Yes

Homey: Fuc...

Phil: But what I don't get is how you have enough money to pay for your prostitot girlfriends when they want to come see a movie.

Homey: Guy you being...

Phil: Do you jack some white boy who walks through Bayshore?

Homey: I'll jack your white boy ass, yo.

Phil: Okay, I will be walking through Bayshore tonight at about 11:45, 12 o'clock... That good for you?

Homey: I'll get my posse to fuck you up!

Phil: And take your spot? I couldn't do such a thing... anyway, I hear you like it in the ass... At least that's what your mother likes.

Homey: Why you be bringing my mother into this dawg?

Phil: No no no, you're mistaken, I brought this into your mother... Know what i'm saying?.... Dawg!

Homey: Yo fucking guy, I'm gonna bust a cap

Phil: Gotta love them cap guns. Really, I tend not to be afraid of any gun with an orange tip.

Homey: You suck

Phil: Your mother doesn't complain

Homey: Fuck you!

Phil: Yes she does.

{Homey tries to jump over the counter at Phil but can't}

Phil: Aww... is that blingy blingy shit around your neck weighing you down?

{Homey gives up and walks away}

Phil: Have a nice day!

Homey: Yo man, how much for a poutine

Phil: What?

Homey: How much for a poutine

Phil: You don't have enough

Homey: What you mean man?

Phil: Do you live in Bayshore?

Homey: Yah

Phil: Than you don't have enough.

Homey: What da fuck man

Phil: Why don't you take the money that you do have and buy yourself a new box?

Homey: Yo dawg, yo racist to my fo shizzo bizzo

Phil: Sorry, I don't speak Mexican

Homey: I'm not Mexican dog

Phil: Well obviously, if you were, you would have been all up in my face saying "Yo quierro taco bell" or something

Homey: What?

Phil: Oh, forgot! You don't have a tv.

Homey: Fuck you man!

Phil: And get one of your many diseases? I think not... And anyway, I think I have my share of diseases from your prostitot sister last night.

Homey: I wanna talk to da manager

Phil: Why?

Homey: So I can get yo ass fired!

Phil: And?

Homey: Than you won't have a job and you'll be homeless.

Phil: So i'll turn out like you?

Homey: Fuck you, you fucking racist guy.

Phil: Wait... are you saying that because i'm white?

Homey: No dawg, you're saying cause I be black yo

Phil: No no, you got me all wrong. I didn't think you were black, I thought you just been sleeping in a gutter too long.

Homey: I want da fuging manager

Phil: Go ahead and pick one cause I sure don't want them.

Homey: You dissin yo boss?

Phil: Yes

Homey: I'm gonna get you fired boya!

Phil: What are you? 4 years old? I'm really not worried at all.

Homey: I'm 17 dawg

Phil: 17 dogs? or 17 in dog years? Wouldn't that be 119? I doubt you're that old... Though the food you eat could be.

Homey: I'm gonna jump yo desk and fuck you up

Phil: Are you gay?

Homey: Fuck no!

Phil: Than stop telling me how much you want to fuck me. Sick bastard!

Homey: I didn't say that fuck

Phil: Sure sure

Homey: Motherfucker!

Phil: I can't argue with that... yours was GR8!

Homey: Ya talkin bout my mom?

Phil: Yes

Homey: Asshole!

Phil: Right...

Homey: you heard me

Phil: Well actually, I stopped paying attention to you at "Yo man, how much for a poutine"

Homey: Fuck you, i'm outty

Phil: Bye bye

Phil: Welcome to Taco Bell

Homey: Yo what up my brother

Phil: Brother?

Homey: Fo shizzo

Phil: ...Sorry... I don't speak Mexican

Homey: No no man, that means for sure

Phil: Why are you trying to teach me mexican?

Homey: I'm not guy...

Phil: You're not a guy?

Homey: What's yo problem guy?

Phil: Sorry ma'am, would you like to order?

Homey: Ma'am? Do I look like your momma?

Phil: Only on halloween

Homey: What ya talkin bout?

Phil: Willis...

Homey: What?

Phil: Willis... you know... What ya talking bout willis?

Homey: Can I order?

Phil: Idunno, can you speak english?

Homey: Dude, why do you have to play me like this?

Phil: Look at you!

Homey: What you mean dawg?

Phil: I'm surprised you're still standing from all the fake gold around your neck.

Homey: This is real yo

Phil: Stole it from your mom huh?

Homey: Dun be talkin bout my mom yo

Phil: I'm your father

Homey: What?

Phil: Nothing... What would you like?

Homey: Dude... A soft taco please!

Phil: Sorry, we don't have those.

Homey: But it's on the menu yo

Phil: Old menu

Homey: Umm... okay... can I have a pie than?

Phil: Sold out

Homey: Sold out?

Phil: Yes, all gone

Homey: Man this place sux

Phil: Yeah, like the jizzo fly birdy

Homey: What?

Phil: And you call yourself a homey!

Homey: Yo man... what's with you're bullshit?

Phil: Do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

Homey: Wh...

Phil: Oh wait, I forgot, you live in Bayshore... nevermind.

Homey: Motherfucker

Phil: Already have

Homey: What?

Phil: Don't worry about it... So what do you want?

Homey: What do you have?

Phil: How about a one way ghetto-no-class ticket off Coliseum property via the security guards behind you.

Homey: Fucking guy!

Phil: Hello!

Homey: Can yo hook a brothah up

Phil: I can't do that dude

Homey: C'mon yo, hook me up man

Phil: No

Homey: Why not? You know me man

Phil: No

Homey: Ya in da hood, I be in da hood, relate brother

Phil: What?

Homey: How about I get my friends?

Phil: You have friends?

Homey: Yo man, don't hate

Phil: too late

Homey: Why you be dogging me?

Phil: {serious stare}

Homey: Want my possie after you?

Phil: Is that a pet of yours or something?

Homey: You'll see man, I'll bring my gang in here and bust a cap

Phil: Right

Homey: You don't believe me yo?

Phil: No

Homey: I'll show you

Phil: Are you done yet?

Homey: What if I ain't?

Phil: {Points} Security is right there.

Homey: you threatening me boy?

Phil: Yes

Homey: You suck dog

Phil: I try to stay as far from your mother as possible.

Homey: Fuck you

Phil: You're dirty, no thanx

Homey: You putting mah down cause I be livin in Bayshore

Phil: I live in Bayshore... Only difference is that I don't live in a box.

Homey: Wha ya mean fool?

Phil: My house doesn't say Kenmore on the side of it.

Homey: What?

Phil: Bye