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| HOW TO AVOID |
| FARMERS |
| The only existing picture of Earl "Slaya Killa" Johnson, reputed Bossie of the Davnport/Moline based Urea Gang. |
| Most children are taught as early as kindergarten to avoid farmers. With their shirtless bodies hiding behind overalls and John Deere mesh hats, the farmer is a recognizable symbol of evil in the modern world, analogous to Satan or the Bogeyman. This is not merely a stereotype -- an astonishingly overlooked fact is that eight of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted are now, or at one time have been farmers. For example, Hopeton Eric Brown, wanted in connection with drug-related activities as well as murder and attempted murder, was a goat farmer in his hometown of Montego Bay, Jamaica. When not committing numerous mob hits, James J. Bulger, better known as “Whitey,” ran a small cranberry bog just east of Boston and also raised poinsettias. A search of bank robber Victor Manuel Gerena's home uncovered charming backyard hedgerows where tomatos, asparagus, and habanero peppers were abundant. To be sure, some farmers do not fit this mold. Satisfied with lives of poverty because of the decrease of crop market value as well as the proliferation of the corporate “factory farm,” some farmers merely exist to keep the tradition started by their grandparents alive, and to hang on to their homes and dignity. But these, unfortunately, are the minority. Most farmers are unsatisfied with the conditions with which they have been presented and have reacted with organized crime, sabotage, and murder. 62% of all convicted felons have agriculture backgrounds. Conversely, 93% of all students in college agriculture programs have criminal records, or are learning their trade by correspondence from jail. An astonishing 98% of the sophomore class at the University of Massachusetts’ Stockbridge School of Agriculture is behind bars. When did the American family farmer turn from a symbol of hard work, perseverance, and hope to one of pure evil that kills nuns, hooks children on PCP, and poisons reservoirs that provide drinking water to orphans? “Our best guesses say right about the early 1900’s,” says National Farmers Union President Leland Swenson. “By then the industrial revolution was already underway and the farmer was beginning to become an unnecessary cog in the machinery of agriculture. Rather than adapt, or learn a new skill like architecture or jockeying, they decided that rape and murder was the way to go.” This trend continued through the Depression era, when disgruntled farmers began using much needed surplus crops to make sour mash whiskey and moonshine which was sold to mobsters, most of whom also had some ties to the agriculture market. The American Farm Bureau Federation, founded in 1919 as a tax haven for bootleggers, used its many political ties to insure that the spread of crime could continue unabated. In the 1960’s, farmers started the war in Vietnam in order to corner the rice market. Their failure to win the war contributed to the exorbitant prices Americans are forced to pay for rice today. The repercussions are still being felt – economists say that by 2004, we could be paying as much as 19 cents a pound for rice. Today, their mob and political ties firmly in place, farmers enjoy a country without law where they are free to use their power and influence to earn millions of illegal dollars. Noted farmers like Donald Trump, Bill Gates and Dick Cheney connect with mafia groups like the Gambino Farm Family in order to corner entire markets. The FBI recently reported that three-quarters of Wisconsin, two-thirds of South Dakota and almost all of Iowa are under the influence of farmers. And as we sit, helpless to defend ourselves against the onslaught of these hairy harbingers of death, one can only wonder how long it will be before farmer rule takes over this country. |