| If you’re like me, you wake up every morning, take care of the three SHs (shower, shave, and…um…bowel movement), get yourself a big bowl of Cookie Crisp, and pick up the paper in the desperate hope that Kevin Bacon is running for public office. However, every morning, without fail, you’re disappointed. I know he’s busy; when not making recent blockbusters like My Dog Skip and Hollow Man, he’s in a surprisingly good rock combo with his brother Michael (they do a great version of - get this - Footloose). But it would be nice to have at least ONE star of Quicksilver or Animal House on the Hill. He’s never even been in any movies with Members of Congress, though he did share the screen with former New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison in JFK. He wouldn’t be the first to walk that thin line between acting and politics, of course; Clint Eastwood, Sonny Bono and James Best (aka Rosco P. Coltrane) all made the transition from the massive fame of Hollywood to the massive fame of public office. So I’ll have to do the next best thing - since it’s been consistently proven on numerous drunken occasions worldwide that every star in Hollywood can be traced to Kevin Bacon in six steps or less, so it must be for Congressmen and Senators. Granted, only a small percentage of politicians have appeared in films, but after my exhaustive research, conducted at work while drinking a frozen margarita and listening to the Phillies/Expos game, I’ve created the authoritative “Six Congressional Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” Senator Fred Thomson (R-TN): This one is easy; Fred was not only an actor before entering the Senate in 1994, he’s even done a few movies since then, the last being the 1997 blockbuster Baby’s Day Out. He also appeared in timeless classics like Aces: Iron Eagle III and Curly Sue. But he did find occasion to make a good movie once in a while, playing the White House Chief of Staff in In the Line of Fire, with former Carmel, California mayor Clint Eastwood. The villain in that film was John Malkovich, who was in Queen’s Logic with…Kevin Bacon. Al Gore: The logical path from the former Senator and Vice President to Kevin Bacon would be Robert Downey, Jr.’s abominable documentary about the 1992 election, the Last Party. While not a work of fiction, the film did feature William Baldwin, Christian Slater, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sean Penn - all easily linked to Kevin Bacon. But a more entertaining path would be through Gore’s desperate-for-publicity voiceover on "Futurama". Katey Sagal, who plays Leela on that show, was in the Good Mother with Ralph Bellamy (Joe Morton was also in Good Mother, and both he and Kevin Bacon appeared on the long-running soap “Search For Tomorrow,” but not at the same time) who was in Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts, who was in Flatliners with…Kevin Bacon. Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) - Hatch made his big screen debut last year in Traffic, along with Senators Chuck Grassley, Harry Reid, and Don Nickles, as well as former Massachusetts Governor William Weld. Benicio Del Toro won an Oscar for Traffic, and he was also good in Basquiat, which also starred Gary Oldman, who was in Murder in the First with…Kevin Bacon. Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) - Another guest star in Traffic, Boxer also did a guest spot on "Murphy Brown". Paul Reubens, aka Pee Wee Herman, played one of Murphy’s many secretaries. He also made the terrible, terrible mistake of making a movie called Big Top Pee Wee, which starred a young Benicio Del Toro as the Dog-Faced Boy. Benicio Del Toro was in Traffic and…well, you know where this is going. James Pickens, Jr. was also in Traffic, as well as Sleepers with...Kevin Bacon. Thomas P. “Tip” O’Neill - The late, great former Massachusetts Congressman and Speaker of the House certainly knew how to appeal to his constituents - he’s the only Congressman to have appeared on “Cheers.” He also made a very brief appearance in the 1993 film Dave in a scene with Frank Langella. No doubt you remember Langella’s stunning performance as Skeletor in the live action version of Masters of the Universe, which also starred Courtney Cox and Billy Barty. Barty, who is repeatedly typecast as a little person, most likely because he’s 3’9”, was also in Legend with Tom Cruise, who was in A Few Good Men with…Kevin Bacon. (A Few Good Men, by the way, was written by Aaron Sorkin, creator of “West Wing,” in which Martin Sheen plays the president, unlike in The American President, when he played Chief of Staff to Michael Douglas, who was in Traffic with Benicio Del Toro, who…) Senator George McGovern - The one-time Presidential candidate and Senator from South Dakota has appeared in archival footage in several films, but played himself in an episode of "Newhart". The final episode of Newhart featured a brief appearance by Lisa Kudrow, who was in Lucky Numbers with Ed O’Neill, who was on "Married With Children" with Katey Sagal, who was in the Good Mother...you get the idea. There are many more I could go into; former Congressman Mike Geiger of Nebraska, for example, who was in Election with Matthew Broderick, who was in Ferris Bueller's Day Off with Ben Stein, who was Richard Nixon's chief economist and had a brief part in Planes, Trains and Automobiles, which also featured Kevin Bacon (remember him chasing Steve Martin for the cab?). Ted Kennedy did a guest spot on "Chicago Hope," which also starred Adam Arkin, who was in With Friends Like These with Bill Murray, who was in Wild Things which had a whole lotta nice scenes with Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. Oh, and Kevin Bacon. Bottom line, after hanging around all this political muscle, there’s no reason why Bacon shouldn’t seek high office. Like President, for example. An office that is now filled by George W. Bush, who’s Dad had a brief, uncredited part in Under Siege, which also starred Tommy Lee Jones, who was in JFK with... |
| WHERE WOULD YOUR GOVERNMENT BE WITHOUT KEVIN BACON? |
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