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| THE WEEK IN PICTURES |
| I'm thinking it might be a good idea to leave out the Bush pictures for a little while. He's still doing things that just shouldn't be captured on film, but on the whole I think the man is doing a pretty good job. There will come a day when jabbing the Prez is in vogue again. When that day comes,, we'll be there. |
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| Further angering Palestinians, Colin Powell begins singing "If I Were A Rich Man" before every press briefing. |
| Tired of being percieved as a distressed nation, President Chavez of Venezuela changes the national anthem to "YMCA," and directs all citizens to do the dance when the song is played. |
| "See, a jury is like a woman. You've just go to know how to finesse them, relax them, and shove a knife in 'em when the bitch don't cooperate." |
| German sex therapist Thomas Gottschalk tells Cher that despite seeing the video for "If I Could Turn Back Time" 300 times, his palms haven't grown hair. |
| "Now this is good. I can definitely see why Yeltsin sucked down so much of this stuff. |
| Legally dead for over twenty years, Strom Thurmond must hold his jaw in place when giving a speech, otherwise it will disconnect from his skull and fall to the floor. |
| With the economy flagging, Bill Gates is forced to sell millions of copies of Windows XP on New York street corners. |
| The PGA begins to get suspicious when Mickey Mouse wins the 4th Annual Mickey Mouse invitational for the fourth straight year. "I'm going to Disneyland!" said Mickey. |
| The United Nations celebrates winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Confused nations worldwide recieve dozens of faxed photocopies of Kofi Annan's ass. |
| Janitors near the Palos Vedes Nuclear Testing Facility are forced to remove another Amazing Colossal Man. |
| Having accidentally swallowed Terry Bradshaw's honorary plaque, Hollywood mayor Johnny Grant is obviously relieved when it reappears. |
| I AM MICHAEL, THY GOD. THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME. |
| With Shanghai having secured the 2008 Summer Olympics, China begins readying it's top athletes. |
| A crowd begins to boo upon realizing that this comedian's impressions of Prince Charles, Clark Gable, Harry Connick, Jr., and Will Smith are all the same. |
| In the midst of massive confusion, Utah reinstates a law wherein young Asian children can marry ponies. Mazel Tov, young man. |
| CDC authorities issue a warning that signs of anthrax infection may include skin discoloration and hair growth. |
| IT'S HOCKEY SEASON! |
| We would do well to take a lesson from the great sport of hockey, where people from all nations come together as a unit, and are able to function as a team despite differences of race, creed, color and background. |
| Alright, one Bush joke. I couldn't let this go, could I? |