index

12.17.03 PM

Well where the hell have I been o.o;

Soon, I realized that no one comes here, period. I mean, why should they? All it is is a site about me, and an incompletely never updated site at that. But I'm bored out of my mind so...might as well talk to myself.

Umm...well, footballs done. So like...yeah. Annnd....lately, I've been sick with the flu -_-;..missed school few days, then I went back today...like...whoa. Ugh, I can't wait for vacation...school is soo....GAH....well...wow, that's it. Bye.

11.3.03 PM

Where's the air freshener.....

Well, school was...school. We had a party in Spanish...hardly a party, though. Everyone seemed to forget something, and the things brought kinda sucked...I got 2 munchkins and some tortilla chips -_-;. Mrs. Lender, my math teacher, must've taken some bitch pills today or something. Geez...what was up her ass. Well, then again, it's nothing new...she's so....ugh. All strict as if we're in some prison cell....and how does she expect us to know how to solve the problems...when she doesn't even know?! I mean, honestly...it's not a good thing to hear your teacher constantly say an answer, then stare down at the paper and say, "Wait...that's not right...let me do this out again..." .....This is her first year of teaching geometry....great. Just.......great...and um...other than that...everything was cool...except last period. We had a sub, and she was like....o.o; She spoke in the third person constantly, and...the thing is, she spoke...and didn't quite know when to...not speak, saying it nicely. I don't know if she realized it was a study hall or not, but she went on talking about herself and where she was from, how she was, where she went to school, and then she noticed some of us doing geometry and began trying to ask us questions....like whats the measure of a pentagon...whats the equation for this..and so on o.o;. Luckily the few of us were in the back, and trying hard not to pay attention. Her intentions were good I guess but....yeah -_-;.

And of course, I'm still on the sideline in football...which causes mass remarks and irritation from the coaches. Myself, Nick, and Tom just sit out all day....being useless....but, as I always remind myself, it's not my fault I'm out....I, for one, actually care about my health and would rather be safely, yet boringly on the sideline than on the field, where lies a big risk of nailing myself again, and sitting in my bed for the next year with half my brain missing. But, this of course wouldn't bother the coaches, so long as we win our last 3 games. Yep...I'm so glad there's so much concern and patience around me.

And no school tomorrow, yay...but of course, we have practice at 2. You know, I would rather have it at like 8 in the morning...because if I get up at like 9...I'm not going to be able to have any time to myself and fun at all, because I'll be all worried and dreadful as the hour to which I have to leave comes. It's better to simply get it over with and have the rest of my day peacefully to myself. But sigh...so are the pains and frustrations of the sport known as football in America.

And so yeah....that's...about it. I'm gonna..just...um yeah

I'm starting to run out of these hug endings...

11.2.03 PM

Mmm...I love chex mix...

Been a while again...but I've just been lazy. Nothing too much has happened. My Halloween was all right...went out with Zack and John. We didn't really get too much...since we went to his neighborhood, which kinda sucked. But oh well. Zack wore this old freaky mask, and he stared down little children, lol. He even caused some adults to get freaked out o.o;. This one lady went, "Look down look down!" to her son or daughter because Zack was staring....lol. John wore some skull mask I think and a cape...yeah. I just wore this dumb old skull thingy, and I wore a white undershirt only. Zack and John were freaked out for some reason...my nipples were able to be seen? So what? Ugh. Sickos. So they made my put my hoodie on. Then later we went back to his house to check in, and made signs to put on our shirts. Mine said "Danger Prone," John's said "Sugar Lust!!!" and Zack's said "Please Don't Stare"...it was a dumb idea of mine, but we were bored. Then we found Zack's younger brother and his friend. Ok, HIS BROTHER assaulted him first, so Zack had the right to attack back and steal his candy....well...he gave it back and we ran...yeah. Then we found then later and stalked them. It was fun. Yeah...umm..then yesterday I went to practice, just watched again...umm...went to the mall with Zack. I bought a magazine. Whoo. It came with the FFX-2 video and demo....so it was cool. RPed with Mandy....o.o; is all I have to say lol. And ummmmmm...then today I pretty much did nothing...schoolwork, project...yep. No school on Tuesday...yay. And that's it.

Huggable

10.29.03 PM

It's been a while, but the stress continues to overload me.

These damn headaches are starting to seriously get on my nerves now. They're not as strong, no, but they're resilient. Advil doesn't work. Perscription doesn't work. NOTHING seems to work. Yesterday, as soon as I got home I went directly in bed and stayed there for hours. I didn't even touch the computer, that's how serious it was. It wasn't all because of the headaches though, it was also because of football practice too.

I cannot wait for this damn season to end. I really cannot. I'm on the sidelines, I'm an "injured" player. Everyday, for almost 2 and a half hours, I just stand around and watch. It's very difficult to do that, either that or just being lazy. I don't really wanna be in there though, I want it to end NOW. I won't quit, no way will I quit, but I'm gonna have a hard ass time sticking it out. My head STILL bothers me, but that doesn't seem to get to the coaches. To them, I'm just making excuses up. That...that just PISSES me off so damn...UGH! With all the schoolwork, then sitting around for hours on a field doing nothing while getting spat on by the coaches, then coming home and being my normal lazy self, having to do my homework and keeping everything straight and dealing with the pain....I feel like I'm just gonna explode any second. Seriously. I'm sure there are people out there who have it much worse than I do, and are able to battle it out,but I'm not you, maybe I'm not as mentally strong as you, so pat yourself on the back while I fall and break apart.

Geez, my layout sucks...I was so excited about it before but now I'm seeing all these cooler ones around...

Having someone's sympathy would be really nice right now. Anyone? Anywhere?

Look in the mirror.....G - U - H

10.24.03 PM

I suddenly got another blog urge.

I'm starting to feel kinda stressed and pissed off. I've got a stabbing pain in my left temple that doesn't seem to know when to give up. I've got a tooth that has a nerve that is always sending painful messages to my brain. I've got a weeksworth of schoolwork to do. I've got football to miserably look forward to. My friends seem to be losing it. People seem to always have something or someone else on their minds, when I at least should be in there somewhere. And if I am, I'm surely not getting any note of it. No, I really don't want to be greedy or rude, but it would really be nice to be recognized sometimes for being a good friend to some, a good listener to some, a nice person in general, just whatever. I feel like I'm just like everyone else, or like I'm just being thrown around in peoples' personal manipulative games. Thanks people, thanks for using me and eventually gonna throw me out onto my ass. Thanks. I'm so glad I could amuse you. Don't think as if I'm clueless though, I know all right. Just go on and continue...I won't ruin your fun.

Why am I even doing this? HARDLY anyone comes and reads this. But whatever.

So I'm feeling rather upset, irritated and paranoid right now if you haven't noticed. Feel free to sit back and not really give a damn about it, as everyone probably will, or if anyone seems to care for a lowly soul, please, do something. Anything. Say hi. Say you're cool. Anything that comes to mind. If not, just go on with your beautiful lives and ignore me.

Must I hug myself?

10.24.03 PM

Gimme some sugah, I am your neighbor!!....I'm so pathetic.

I got the cat scan today. Man, I was nervous. I was all alone, and in some tube, and then the machine turned on and all these sounds began erupting and I was like o.o; with my eyes closed...then I began moving around....bah. No results though yet. So yet another day home from school. Whoo me.

I had to go for football pictures though...I got a pretty warm welcome from the team, surprisingly. It was coold o.o;. Yeah...4 more weeks left...I can't wait until its over. I dunno when I'll be back though...oh well. -Sigh-

I'm starting to feel all depressed lately again...having those bad scenario thoughts at night, those sad thoughts throughout the day,....I feel as if I get no love really from anyone....and I don't mean from family. Just people in general....well, I mean, not LOVE but...you know. I feel kinda ignored sometimes...just alone. Feels as if no one really cares...again. Ugh...I guess I don't really deserve any from anyone...though...

A figure in the corner, submerged by the shadows, cries the river of endless tears, transparent to all that is to him. The hug is dismissed.

10.23.03 AM

HEEEEY YAAAA...HEEY YAAAA! Sorry...got the song in my head -_-;

Well, went to the doctors...and...I don't think they really know what's going on either. They checked me out, got a blood test, and got some pills to take...muscle relaxers o.o;. Yeah...so I'm missing today, and might miss tomorrow. The blood test is still pending, so we'll see what happens. I'm also gonna get an appointment for a cat scan...for more analysis. Geez, I didn't think it was this serious...o.o;. I don't really mind the days off, I mean, I get to rest all I want but...ugh. I don't feel AS bad as before, because my stomach isnt really bothering me anymore...but now I've got this sharp pain in my left temple that is really pissing me off. And I feel a little woozy when I get up...not like, the normal wake up woozy, but like...O.O;;; woozy. -Sigh-

I dunno what else to really say now...I'm gonna go lie down a bit...

Hug....

10.21.03 PM

Sorry I haven't blogged...I haven't really been into it.

Ever since Sunday...I've felt like shit. My head, my stomach, my arms, my legs...EVERYTHING is annoying me. I tried not to show it but...it's...kinda hard not to. I went to school on Monday, and hardly made it through 2 periods, went home. I missed today. I might miss tomorrow, and I'm going to the doctors tomorrow. I hope I don't have a virus or something -_-;;.

I'm not worried about the missed school days...I can make up the work. We haven't done anything too hard, as I've heard though. Football is what I'm worried about. I missed 2 weeks with a concussion, and now another with a shit feel. Not good for me.

I just wish someone would care. I'm not one to be greedy, but it really does make me feel better when someones like "aww, I hope you feel better!" Yeah well, looks like no one cares. I mean, I guess everyone has their own business to worry about but...I dunno. I just feel like no one loves me...again.

The room empties when I mention "hug."

10.18.03 AM

Just got home....tired again.

Wrapup of yesterday....school was school, had an away game against Hillhouse, we won 20-14. I sucked kinda. I've got the weekend off from practice, then hell starts on Monday and Tuesday. Yeah.

Today, school was once again normal. Nothing too new. We watched the game from yesterday and came home. I went to Walmart with Zack and his family...we stayed there for a few hours...I bought Kung Pow...wow lol. Only like $9...I had the spare change. No other good cheap movies around. We also went to Friendlys after, and waiting forever for our food to come, and to get out. It sucked. Then went back to Zack's house and watched movie, then back here.

Well, I'm tired...plus Mandy isn't on...so I guess I'll just go.

I wanna give out a hug today..Mandy : ). lol...yeah I know...sorry.

10.16.03 PM

Sorry...nothing right now.

H - U - G

10.15.03 PM

Ugh...I'm tired again...

I really don't like football anymore. I caught the ball today...but it's just so not fun anymore. Oh well...game tomorrow. Go us.

I finished my homework early today...I don't feel like listing. Too tired. School was easy.

Mandy left without saying byee ;.;...I think I annoyed her today, as usual. I wanna think of something cool to talk about or something that she'll be interested in...but nothing comes out -_-;.

I want a hug, as always, from Mandy ;.;.

10.14.03 PM

Tired.

I finished my work a few hours ago, and have been sitting here being lazy since. I wonder where Mandy is? Caught up in school work, probably.

Well, I'm tired again...early...so I'm gonna go watch some tv and sleep. I want football to end. NOW.

Hug me.

10.14.03 PM

Got some bumps and bruises today, but nothing too much to complain about.

School days seem to be flying by really fast. I think it's because I dread going to practice everyday, so it seems to come faster...making the school days go by quicker...whoo, I'm smart. Anyway...I didn't do too well on the English test today. Those questions were tricky...it could've been any of them -_-;;....AND I know I got the first part of an essay wrong...I was getting all nervous though. I go really slow when taking tests, I try to take my time, make sure I know what I'm being asked, and answer. But when I look up and see everyone tapping their pencil and staring at me with their paper face down, I'm like o.o;;. So...psh on that. My grades are really good in English, though, so overall I'm still doing well. I think I did really well on the History test...I didn't have any problems on it. And that was really it for school. What's the homework tonight?
-H Geo - pg 57 1-13, pg 58-60 1-36. Not too tough.
-H P. Science - read pg 54-58, answer 1-9 on the review page. Science homework, as usual, no sweat.
-Health - Do report...which I already did, just gotta revise some stuff. He doesn't teach us JACK...um...yeah.
-History Project - I've done my job...he has the board home today due tomorrow.
-Spanish - Worksheet...finished in class.

So that's school. Football wasn't all too bad today. Going in, I had a really bad mood and I wished I was anywhere else but there. Of course I got yelled at, once again, not aggressive enough. So ugh me. But at the end when we were doing sprints, we did line races....2 lines, people sprint to 40, touch, and back...soon as the person ahead of you runs, comes back and crosses you, you run. We did it only twice...and I added a boost of speed for my losing team : ). I think so anyway...everyone was all "YEAH SAMSEL!" when I crossed so whoo. The losing team had to do up downs (we won, by the way :))...only 5 but..nonetheless, up downs. Good day. I smell...should take a shower.

Ok so...off to shower, work, here.

I deserve a hug today : )....after my shower though...unless you're feeling risky.

10.13.03 PM

I really don't like football practice.

I had a horrible day. I messed up on most of the plays...got yelled at a lot, hurt myself more, and ended up throwing up. Not a good return. Prior to today, I've had a little stiffness in my inner thigh, so running and sprinting wasn't all too easy for me. Nothing too much I can do about it but suck it up. I can't block...for...ugh. I can't even run through a guy whose like, feet shorter and definitely not stronger than me! The thing is, he IS shorter...and they're asking me why I can't get lower than him? Well, you know, it's not all that easy when I'm pretty tall, and the guys like heads smaller. Maybe I'm just not aggressive enough. I'm really, honestly, a fairly calm person. So, finding some pent up anger to let loose and pump myself isn't all that easy to find. I've lost a lot of motivation to keep playing this game...but oh well. I'll stick it out. Also, I ended up throwing up after only 2 double 40-yarders front and back. That's simply pathetic. I think I'm losing a lot of respect from many people....so I'm not really at a high point of self esteem right now.

Now, I'm gonna finish up any homework I have, if possible try to get something done on the site, then rest.

I'm complaining too much. I don't think I deserve a hug today.

10.12.03 PM

Well, I've done nothing since my last blog some hours ago.

I tried installing a tag board, but it was too big and confusing. Too tired anyway. I've been sitting here for the past 13 hours...how sad is that? Ugh...I'd better go do the project I've been neglecting all day. And I have football practice tomorrow...ugh. This just..sucks.

I really do need a hug.

10.12.03 PM

Wow..I'm actually still working.

I got the "Everything Me" layout and page done/up, so that's there...now just gotta get the sublinks. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. Yep. But I still kinda suck at making these designs compared to other people, such as Mandy for instance. I dunno how she does it. It's amazing. Maybe someday...gotta keep it up : ).

I think I'm feeling the aftermath of the aftermath of the concussion, because I'm getting strong headaches again. Either that, or because of the fact that for the past few days I've been hearing the pounding of nails, windows shaking, hammers dropping and things being drilled right above my room. They're installing a new floor and door. Not fun.

I need a hug.

10.12.03 AM

Well well...look whose got a new layout : ).

This one was actually made by me...and personally, I like it. Not too much color or amazing designs here but...hey, I think it works.

Disorder? Yep...well, look at it. Enough said.

So yeah, I'm gonna try to work on some other pages and work some blogs up here. Wish me luck.