Some naïve, young, or first-time parents may choose to send their children to a school that represents their educational or religious philosophy. They may feel that it would benefit the way that they raise their children.
Parents who live in a city with many Jewish schools may feel that they face less of a problem. They may be able to find a good Jewish school that also represents their philosophy.
However, those parents will usually have to agree to the school's cookie-cutter approach, in which all of the children turn out the same.
Most thinking parents will want the school to match their child's individual needs. More likely than not, they will discover that no school perfectly matches their philosophy.
What should these parents do?
Find a school that is as close as possible to the parent's philosophy.
This seems logical enough. One would expect to be able to deal with any potential, but trivial differences that may arise. In general, the parents may feel that they will be happy with their child's education.
In practice, however, the differences may be greater than anticipated, and the school's approach may be frustrating. After all, a great deal of the school's philosophy does match that of the parents.
That in itself causes a problem. When a child perceives that everything in school is the same as at home, except for a small difference, then he will be faced with a black-and-white decision about what is right or wrong.
That's right – the child does not see options or differences. He sees right and/or wrong. He resolves conflicts between the school and his home by making his own decisions.
If the child is trained to respect his teachers, then their explanation will appear to be right – whether he understands it or not, and whether it is contrived or logical.
This behavior does make sense to the child's young mind. Since all of the other children in the school act almost the way his parents act, the child feels that his parents are in the minority. They seem to be the only ones who do things that are slightly different. They are obviously wrong.
The child is not likely to be capable of verbalizing his feelings. However, his immature logic will cause them to be internalized. The differences, small as they may be, are likely to deal a severe blow to your ability to handle your child's education at home.
The previous approach assumed that parents would accept the school's cookie-cutter needs. Other parents may demand that the school make more of an attempt to cater to their family philosophy and needs. Since schools have to direct their teaching towards the mean, most parents are not likely to find a school that is suitable – unless they pressure the school to adjust itself to their own child, while ignoring others.
A family based its philosophy on an acceptance of both Modern Orthodoxy and Haredi lifestyles. Although the family had a limited background, they wanted their children to have a top Jewish and secular education. They lived in a Jewish area, but none of the good schools met their needs.
This family chose to send the girls to a strong, right-wing Beis Yaakov school. They were happy that the school would offer their girls the best possible religious education, albeit at the expense of their secular education. Yes, the girls were partially ostracized, and their social development was impaired. The parents were prepared to accept these issues and to supplement the secular education at home.
The parents worked intensively on their children's secular education. The Beis Yakov school did offer their children the strong religious education that they wanted. The parent's unhampered philosophy worked exactly as the parents wanted. Today, the children have grown up to be fine adults, with an unusually strong religious and secular background.
No single school could have given the girls that rare combination.
An American family living in Israel chose to send their children to a school with a mixed English- and Hebrew-speaking population.
The parents recognized the potential conflict that could arise by sending their girls to a class in which the level of English would not meet their standards at home.
These parents therefore chose to place their children in regular English classes for nearly the entire duration of their education. They wanted the contrast to be so great that the children would not be affected by other "English speaking" girls.
As expected, the girls excelled in the regular classes, sometimes to the point in which they embarrassed the teacher by correcting her mistakes. There were (predictable) problems. Sometimes the girls were bored in class. The parents had to deal with various issues in which the girls sometimes knew more than the teachers.
However, the girls did not have to deal with a contrast between "almost" the right way or "almost" the way it was done at home. They had no influences to counter those of their family. They did not have to make their own decisions about "right" and "wrong."
As a result, they knew just where they stood.
Rather than of studying English, the girls observed the teacher's methodology. They discussed and analyzed those methods with their parents, and sometimes they recommended better approaches to a particular lesson.
Today, these girls are perfect bilinguals. They opted to study English in college, and they are now superior teachers of English in Israeli schools. They have been recommended for awards, and one is a coordinator of English in two top-level Israeli schools. One girl has already written an award-winning Jewish novella in English. Neither girl has ever left Israel, yet their bilingual skills are outstanding.
Their pedagogical studies for teaching English were second-nature for them. They presented novel and successful ideas and recommendations for teaching English.
A third daughter in that family served as the control group. She insisted on studying in the classes for English speakers.
The parents acceded to her demands. Today, she rarely befriends native speakers of English. Obviously, she does not teach English.
There is no problem with her decision, of course, but it does stress an important point:
The children who remained in a class that was not "close" to their level of English were most successful in their subsequent English skills.
The one who studied in the class that was nearest to her abilities – the group for speakers of English – was the least successful in her continued knowledge and application of English.
The upshot of this case study is quite clear. Parents should think twice about sending children to schools that "almost" match their educational philosophy. They would do better to send them to a school that will offer their children what they ultimately want.
A father brought his young child to shul every morning. Under the father's guidance, the child was able to daven fluently, and felt very comfortable in shul.
The child was transferred to a new Yeshiva, where he was required to daven with his class and to stop davening with his father. The father argued that the child's abilities were well beyond those of the class, and that he would daven better with his father in shul than at home.
The Yeshiva refused to accept any deviation from its policies.
Ultimately, the child shied away from public activities in the parent's shul. Although he had previously shown promise as a chazzan and a baal koray, he refused to accept public roles for many years thereafter. His grades in school deteriorated, and he had difficulty communicating with his parents. Finally, in a strong and demonstrative act of rebellion, he married a girl who represented the antithesis of his parent's philosophy.
A boy was sent to a Haredi institution that had a philosophy that almost matched that of his parents.
As the child approached his early teenage years, he asked to transfer to another school. This child was moving from the Haredi world to the Modern Orthodox world.
His parents accepted this change, and they agreed to transfer him to a top level Modern Orthodox school that was close to the child's philosophy. He had selected the school himself.
However, the school could not meet his needs.
The child's truancy rate grew steadily, until he was removed from the school.
This child felt that he could no longer return to either a Haredi school or to a different Modern Orthodox school. He never completed his high school studies.
Parents who want to send their children to a school that is close to their philosophy may be disappointed by the school's educational philosophy.
Children should go to schools that are very close to the family's philosophy only if the family wants to have an easy life during the school years. The school will also have to deal with fewer issues.
However, other issues are likely to develop after the school years are completed. By that time, the family will have forgotten its efforts in dealing with the problems that arose in school. It will then be too late to correct the mistake.
For this reason, it may be preferable to send children to a school that clearly differs from the family's own philosophy.
Granted, the parents will then have to deal with the inevitable problems that will arise in school. However, that is a small price to pay when considering the child's long-term development.
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Keywords: Davening, Development, EFL, Method, Parenting, Yeshiva
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