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Because of the military, political, and security situation in Israel it has led to many instances of funerals and shiva calls.

It has become clear that it is possible to generalize about which of these situations will be very sad and which ones are more bearable or to tell in which cases the people can be consoled and in which cases it is much more difficult to console them.

Apparently, people who have had a good, lengthy, proper, and pleasant relationship with the person who passed away can accept the death without having any regrets. The visit is not going to be burdensome on the guests.

On the other hand, those who wished that they would have had more time to fix the situation or fix up things because they did not do things properly or they did not have a proper relationship, those are the ones who suffered the most and those who are the saddest at this time. They wished that they would have had just another five minutes of good quality time with the person in order to be able to undo the bad situation that had existed.

In the case of a young person, such as a soldier who was killed, this theory does break down because whether the relationship was good or bad, the parents always feel the regret of not having enough time. They always feel that the child was too young to be able to pass away and of course this is justified. So, this theory relates only to older people, people who pass away at an older age.

Perhaps you might feel that the moral of this is to make sure that you have a good relationship with the people you love.

Well, duh!

Everybody would agree to that and everybody would say that that is what they want ans strive for.

However, this is not always feasible. Sometimes for reasons that are beyond your control, the relationship is not satisfactory or certainly not as good as you would have liked.

This, however, is a way of predicting what the relationship will be like what the predicting the situation as the person and of their mourning or acceptance later on.