A prioritized list will help you decide which items are most important and which ones are more open to compromise. The list will then help you and your confidant work together to decide whether your potential partner matches the important items on your list.

Those decisions must be made before you date.

Why can't you prioritize the list later?

You will tend to place the characteristics of a date who has made a good impression at the top of your list. These decisions are likely to be skewed to match the traits exhibited by your date, and will thus be different from the priorities you would have stipulated before meeting that person.

How to prioritize your list

If you can arrange the order of the list by yourself, then skip the rest of this page. However, many people appreciate some assistance.

Two methods are presented below. The first method is more complicated, but it will work in difficult situations. You may use the second method, which is similar but with fewer steps, if you are close to organizing and prioritizing the list by yourself.

Method 1

• Make two columns on a page called Page A. Label one column "Important" and the other "Not important"
• Copy each item from the list that you brainstormed to one of the two columns
• On a second page (Page B), make two columns as above: "Important" and "Not Important"
• Move each item from the "Important" column in Page A to one of the two columns in Page B
• Prepare Page C and repeat the procedure
• Repeat until only a few items remain on your "Important" list. Prioritize those items
• Repeat this entire procedure with your "Not important" list
• Copy the items from the last "Important" list to the top of a new page.
  • Below that, copy the next-to-the-last "Important" items
  • Keep working your way backwards until you have copied Page C, Page B, and then Page A
• Follow the preceding step with the "Not important" list
• Set the lists aside for a few days
• Without referring to your newly-prepared list, re-prioritize your original, unsorted list, using the method described here
• Compare the two final lists and try to resolve any differences or conflicts
• Put the list aside again for several days and then discuss it with your confidant. Any remaining conflicts can be resolved at this stage

Method 2

The following method is shorter and easier, but it has less flexibility than Method 1.

• Divide the list into items that are more important and those that are less important
• Sort the important items as well as you can
• Place the sorted items at the top of your list
• Do the same for the less important items that will be at the bottom of the list
• Review the list after several days
• Resolve any problems together with your confidant

An additional note

Be aware of certain signs at this time.

• Do certain items on the list frustrate you at this stage?
• Do you have serious difficulty prioritizing certain issues?
• Are there some issues that you would want to remove from the list at this stage?
  • Were these issues important to you previously?
  • Do these issues seem to annoy you now?
  • Is this an arbitrary desire?
  • Might the desire be considered irrational by your confidant?

  If so, then this may be a sign that you have encountered a controversial issue.

  • You may be influenced by going out on one or more dates prior to making up this list
  • You may not have made up your mind on the issue
  • You may need to think out the item more
  • You may need to consider the long-term ramifications of the issue at greater length
  • You may not be ready to complete your work on the list until those issues are clarified. Nobody said that this would be a brief, easy project!