The world of bullies - Pushy - Articles about Parenting

He who smiles
rather than rages
is always
the stronger
-Japanese proverb

We live in a world of tough guys, whose only goal is to get their way – and very often they are successful. They see others in the world as adversaries, to be defeated. However, they are not always happy as a result of successfully terrifying people.

Some quiet, meek people are jealous of those tough guys. They may wish that they could also achieve their goals just as easily. They may feel that they are deprived of some things because they are not tough enough. Are their concerns and regrets valid?

Not necessarily.

Many people copy the tough guys. They listen to off-the cuff advice about the necessity of being tough. They are warned to stand their ground and to put their foot down, so that people will not walk all over them. They are exhorted not to let anybody else get away with anything.

However, being tough does not come naturally to everybody. For some people, it would mean putting on a show, and bullies can often see right through it.

Those bullies may not get their way after putting on that show. Isn't it a shame that their efforts to be tough didn’t help them achieve what they wanted?

So how can you get your way if you are not a bully?

Why not try a novel idea?

Be yourself.

In a world that is filled with nasty people, the tough guys are not likely to stand out. They may get their way, but they are rarely loved, and there’s certainly nothing special or commendable about them.

As a result, you may sometimes get your way by being your own sweet, pleasant, calm, quiet, reserved, and accepting self.

No, do not try to show that you are a damsel in distress. That's going to the other extreme, and that is also putting on a show. Similarly, don't try to show that you are an underdog. Remember that your goal is not to try to be what you aren’t.

By being yourself, some people may stop and take notice. They will sometimes be kind and helpful.

You stand a good chance of gaining in two ways. You may be able to get your way, and you may also make a new friend. How often can the bully do that when he uses his methods?

In a world in which everybody is tough, the one who stands out is different. He is not tough. He is pleasant, understanding, polite, and others feel that it is a pleasure when he is around.

Yes, you are likely to get your way by being tough. You might even get your way more frequently than by being polite. However, being polite does work very frequently, and it presents the added advantage of making friends at the same time. On the other hand, those who are pushy and tough may get their way, but at the expense of friendships.

Politeness may be so unusual and different in Israel and on some aspects of the Web that people are taken aback by it. In some cases they are actually overwhelmed by the fact that somebody was polite and pleasant. It is so unusual and different that very often it works.

A personal experience

I wanted to publicize a particular forum in other related forums. Usually people who moderate other forums will not want the competition, but I put in a request first in a pleasant, quiet way and it worked. People agreed to the request in almost every case, and they thanked me for asking beforehand and they allowed me to put in my request.

Thus, politeness may give you an edge over other people who try to act like everybody else, with each one trying to be more tough and pushy than others.

Will this technique work all of the time?

Of course not. No method works all of the time.

The tough guy doesn’t get his way all of the time either.

However, you are more likely to get your way by being a softie, than by making believe that you are a bully.

Furthermore, in so doing, you will be the one to stand out. You will have made world a better place in which to live.

Isn’t that why you were placed on this planet?

And keep in mind that the bully is not likely to be able to claim that he has accomplished his job of tikkun olam.

Where do you want to go now?