It is not true
that nice guys
finish last.
Nice guys are winners
before the game
ever starts
- Addison Walker

Children sometimes select friends who are not in keeping with their family tradition. Their parents may feel that these friendships are inimical to the child's moral or health standards. They may push their child to abandon these friendships, in favor of others that are perceived as being more healthy or appropriate.

The parents may face a very difficult job. Children do not always understand the importance of selecting appropriate peers. They may choose friends for reasons that the parents consider to be less appropriate: proximity to their home, a class in school, or membership in a synagogue, a club, or an after-school event. The quality of the friendship seems to be less important than convenience or chance.

Furthermore, parents who try to separate friends are likely to face unwanted battles by defensive children - and both sides may lose.

Worse - the child may draw the friendship underground. In that case, the limited supervision that the parent previously "enjoyed" will disappear. The parent may long or even pine for the days when he had a minimal amount of influence or control, when he knew that his child was playing with an undesirable friend.

A difficult, but somewhat possible solution is to encourage your children to select friends from a relatively "good" environment. However, other children in his school or neighborhood are likely to take preference.

You may have to take the extra effort to drive your child to "approved" friends - with the full knowledge that even these efforts may fail. You'll have to do your part, your Hishtadlut, since the best solutions are found before friendships are created, rather than afterwards.