Many children who rebel say that they want to do things "my way." They want to show that they are independent.

They are not being independent and certainly not doing things their way. If they grow their hair long because all of their peers grow their hair long, then they are not being independent they are copying their peers and they are slaves to modern fashions.

They are simply shifting their dependence from their parents' norms to dependence on other, artificial norms, societal norms. But they are certainly not doing things their way. They are certainly not being independent by doing so.

Children who befriend others who leave home because of conflicts with their family or with their home and then join the norms of these outcasts or those who join sects or fringe groups are not becoming independent. They are simply transferring their dependence on their family to dependence on group norms. Their new group. They are not showing that they are doing things their way. They are showing that they are doing things that they are victims of the norms set by their new peer group.

To the contrary, the group often sets strong methods to force its members to conform to group standards and norms and needs and does not allow deviation. The growing child who has rebeled often finds far more control by the group than by the family.

One of the parents' most important tasks is to help the child either directing or by enlisting the assistance of others to help the child understand and be in touch with his own independent needs and by helping him determine and establish his own independent goals.