It may not be wise to send your child to a professional – unless he needs it.

Sometimes you or your child may feel uncomfortable or uneasy working together on intimate issues. In such cases, a friend or relative might feel somewhat detached, and therefore be able to handle the issues more successfully. That other person should not be too detached - he should be involved in and care about your child. Don't pass the buck to the other person. You should still remain involved, and you should ask for progress reports if you are not part of the discussions.

This intensive work is an art. Not everybody is capable of doing it. This may be one reason why it is often ignored. However, you know that it is too important for your own child to forfeit or ignore this introspection.

Whereas parents and children do naturally draw apart from each other and the child becomes more and more independent, this procedure serves as a means of bonding yourself with your child. That does not mean that the trend towards independence will be weakened. To the contrary, this bonding with your child will give him the comfort of knowing that his future independence will receive your support and blessing. He will be able to carry it out without resorting to demonstrations or rebellions. He can see that it is possible to work together on joint projects. This knowledge will be of benefit to him in the future as well.

Many children in their upper teenage years experiment with different things. Some are legal, some illegal; some are fun, some less fun; some are worthwhile, some less worthwhile. They try everything, because they don't have a particular direction in life and they want to experiment with things that may suit them.

This method is risky. After all, they choose to experiment with things that others recommend, but not all recommendations come from positive sources.

On the other hand, children who have a direction in life and who know where they are going, may also experiment. However, their experimentation will be limited to issues that relate to their direction in life. They will be engaged in positive experimentation. They will not accept every idea that a friend says just because of peer pressure. Since they know what they want to accomplish in life, they will restrict themselves to suggestions that relate to their goals. They will be less inclined to be drawn into escapades that run counter to their future direction. They will try to follow their goal.

They will have less of a tendency to waste money on things that do not lead to a goal. They will want to save their money for things that they will need in order to accomplish their goal.

In other words, setting goals in life solves many issues that children have during their developing years. It can prevent much of the grief that parents face when their children follow foolish directions from their peers.