A couple that is considering marriage should determine their direction in life. This should be part of the dating process. However, couples that have not worked on their direction in life up until now can still do so.

Once a couple has a goal in life then they can start achieving the things that they want to do. It will be important to prioritize the list of things that they want to achieve, their goal or goals, and then start checking them off working from the most urgent item to the least urgent item. It is good to be able to have a list which has an order of things so that the couple can see the progress in their life.

Of course it's not all over when they reach the end of their list. However, that just means that they can go on to other issues in their life now that they have done the main things that they want to do.

For example, a couple whose main goal is to make aliyah will have a number of steps to take before they actually get on the airplane. However, once they arrive in Israel everything is not over. Then they have a new set of priorities and things that they want to accomplish. One list has led to another. However, they will have the satisfaction of knowing that their life is moving in the direction that they want. They will know that they have been able to work on and accomplish a project together. That will be a significant factor in bonding the two people together.

Parents of children who are about to reconcile after a difficult period of rebellion may also set a list of goals in order to be able to return to normalcy.

Home and job

You may also have to make some serious choices between your home and your job.

In much of the Western world, the job takes priority. In many parts of Israel, the family reigns supreme - sometimes at the expense of advancement at a job. Job advancement also affects the age that some people marry - or whether they will marry at all.

You will be hard-pressed to find justification for this approach in Judaism. We are a family-oriented society, and a fatter pocketbook is not an excuse for postponing or neglecting marriage and its concomitant obligations. Nobody can force another person to marry, but Judaism certainly has an opinion about its necessity.