Our prayers for the new month do not include a request to get or achieve what we want. Instead, we ask G-d, in His infinite wisdom, to fulfill our requests in the way that is best, so that the ultimate result is good. That is because we, in our limited vision, do not always see the big picture. We do not necessarily understand the best way that things should be done.

Sometimes, in hindsight, we can tell that things worked out for the best – and sometimes we cannot. Only G-d can determine how the entire world should be run.

Case study

A recent wedding ended with a violent and noisy disagreement. The bride and the groom left in separate cars.

What caused this awful incident?

There had been a disagreement prior to the wedding, and both sets of parents decided that it did not pay to discuss it openly. They were justifiably afraid that raising the issues would lead to a fight, and that the bride and groom might decide to cancel their wedding plans. They chose to let nature take its course.

Well, nature certainly did take its course. The wedding proceeded as planned, and then the couple broke up.

Issues are not solved by sweeping them under the rug. Although your limited vision may prevent you from seeing the benefits at the time, discussions do lead to the best possible conclusions.

The partners to this wedding should not have been deterred from having a discussion in advance. They should not have been misled by the fact that it would cause a crisis.

By their shortsighted actions, the sides did avoid a fight when they met. However, they were later embarrassed in public. They suffered from an explosion in full view of the wedding guests.

The situation could have been improved if the sides would have had the courage to discuss the issues.

That discussion would have led to two possible options:

• They may have resolved their differences in a mature and satisfactory manner, and the couple may have lived together happily ever after
• There may have been a fight, in front of a very limited audience. As a result, there probably would not have been a wedding.

If there had been a limited fight, would the two sides have had the foresight to realize that this marriage was not meant to be? Would they have been thankful and appreciative that a greater incident was avoided?

Not necessarily.

In their limited vision, they would have been more likely to argue, "See, we did have a discussion. Look what happened as a result. The marriage was canceled, and it was all because of the discussion. It was not worth talking to certain colleagues, friends, or relatives.

They are wrong, of course. The discussion was clearly justified, even though it would have led to a fight.

Unfortunately, many people like to play G-d.

• Other people choose to decide the outcome of the discussion in advance. If the discussion leads to a different outcome, then they argue that it failed
• Others use various tactics to force the discussion to go their way

In both cases, they are wrong.

Good discussions help people discover the truth. The partners to the discussion then know where they stand.

Yes, the results of an open and fair discussion may be different from what you thought that you want.

But are those results ultimately for the good?

Absolutely.