Despite everything else that has been said about speaking up, there is certainly an advantage to remaining silent. How do you know whether you should speak up or not?

You're not going to like the answer. You're not going to appreciate it, but the truth is that you can only tell in hindsight.

The truth is that sometimes speaking up can cause damage. You can make a greater problem by speaking up and in those cases you might kick yourself for not remaining silent and not minding your own business.

In other cases it will improve the situation and the more skillful you are in your interpersonal relationships the more likely you are to be a success, but there is certainly no guarantee that speaking up is going to work for you. It depends on too many variables and factors.

When you succeed with speaking up then nobody is going to pat you on the back for it and nobody's going to show appreciation except possibly the person that you spoke up to, if that person is willing to accept criticism.

On the other hand, if you fail when you speak up, if you fall on your face and you don't accomplish what you want then any counselor that you go to will tell you, well of course it failed. You should have done the opposite. You should not have spoken up or you have spoken up in a different way, and so on.

Thanks, guys.

That's not much help.

The truth is that the best way to deal with things if you don't know what to do is likely to be to speak up. You may not accomplish what your goal is, you may not achieve the right results.

However, even if you fail, by speaking up you will know clearly where you stand. In addition, you will not live with a feeling of doubt. I wonder what I could have accomplished by speaking up. I wonder if I could have succeeded. I wonder if I could have been able to change the situation. Perhaps improving it and making it good and positive and worthwhile.

This alone tilts the balance towards speaking up.

However, it's tilting the balance but it's not a guarantee. It is not a definite recommendation.

In addition, you should not allow other people to persuade you to speak up or not to speak up. That's something that only you can decide.

Again, the situation will be comparable to the previous situation: If you succeed then the person who recommended that you speak up will take all the praise and brag about it. If you fail then the person who gave you the recommendation will not take the blame and will place it on your shoulders saying that you did it wrong.

You might want to consult with somebody who is going to be able to accept the fact that you are listening but you are not committing yourself to following their advice. Under those circumstances you may consider whether to speak up and that will help you form your own opinion, but make sure that the opinion that you have at the end is yours and only yours and that you are not being pressured into doing things that you did not want to do.