You must have long term goals
to keep you from being frustrated
by short term failures
- Charles C. Noble

The first stage in setting appropriate goals is to accept the existing situation.

A girl may want to marry a Yeshiva boy so that she has a home that is filled with Jewish learning. This is admirable. However, a person who devotes himself to Torah studies in a good Yeshiva is not likely to think about his own future as a family breadwinner. These concepts are considered to be incompatible in the Yeshiva world.

This person should be guided to accept the situation. At that point, she will be able to consider various realistic alternatives to family finances. Her confidant should be able to help her accept the limitations of her date.

A person who is excessed from his place of work has to first accept the situation. After considering all of the options (whether to go to court, whether to fight the decree, whether to argue) he can then take profitable steps and determine how to provide for his family.

A person whose child has left home may be filled with anger, recriminations, frustrations, and thoughts about how to reverse the situation. Perhaps some of these feeling will lead to action.

However, that person will not be able to work with those who remain in the family in order to keep them together until he accepts the fact that his family has suddenly become smaller.

The fairness of the situation is not the issue here, nor is the question of צדיק ורע לו; רשע וטוב לו. He will have to decide - and very quickly - whether to accept and then rebuild the situation, or whether to reject the situation and try to reverse it. The two concepts are mutually incompatible, and many people will have a great difficulty working on both alternatives simultaneously.