We are continually faced
with great opportunities
which are brilliantly disguised
as unsolvable problems.
- Margaret Mead

The first stage in solving any problem is to recognize that it exists.

This is often difficult. There are many reasons why people don't recognize the problem.

They may deny that there is a problem. This denial makes them feel that if they don't do anything about something as ugly as the problem is, then it will just go away by itself. Unfortunately it rarely does and possibly never goes away by itself.

It means accepting the fact that there is a problem, of course. But there's more. sometimes things happens, somebody says something and we might be over sensitive to an issue that really isn't any problem at all. While, in other cases, things are said or done and we just don't realize that there is a problem growing.

A boss or a spouse may make a gentle suggestion and we may think about it as optional or not all that important, when in fact, they are trying to be tactful about a serious issue that must be handled urgently. If we do not recognize this and we feel that the matter can be dropped or overlooked despite the urgency that is really behind it, then we have a bigger problem. We have not recognized the real monster of a problem that really exists.

For most of us this is a very common occurrence. We learn not to make a fuss about things that could be a problem, and as a result we often miss things that are a problem. This means that we ignored things and did notice but at the time we thought that it would be better not to make a fuss about them and as a result the problems grew, grew.

It is important to recognize a problem for what it is, after which we can take the necessary steps to handle it.

Those necessary steps will include consulting with a confidant in order to determine the best path of attack and not to go about it alone.

This method is the most mature way to achieve an independent way of dealing with the problem.

It will then be important to determine whether it is a problem which you can solve. Well there is something that you can solve or whether it is something in which it is better just to give in gracefully and not even try to solve.