Don't credit me with this mongrel prose; it has many parents.  At least 420,000 of them - Police Officers.
A police officer is a composite of what all men are, a mingling of saint and sinner, dust and deity.

Culled statistics wave the fan over the stinkers, underscore instances of dishonestly and brutality because they are "news." What that really means is that they are exceptional, unusual, not commonplace.

Buried under the froth is the fact: Less than one-half of 1 percent of officers misfit that uniform.

That's a better average than you'd find among clergymen.

What is a officer made of?  He, of all men, is at once the most needed and the most unwanted.

He's a strange nameless creature who is "sir" to his face, and "pig" behind his back.

He must be such a diplomat that he can settle differences between individuals so that each will think he won.

But...

If the policeman is neat, he's conceited; if he's careless, he's a bum.

If he's pleasant, he's a flirt; if he's not, he's a grouch.

He must make in an instant decisions which would require months for a lawyer.

But...

If he hurries, he's careless; if he's deliberate, he's lazy.

He must be first to an accident and infallible with a diagnosis.

He must be able to start breathing, stop bleeding, tie splints and, about all, be sure the victim goes home without a limp.

Or expect to be sued.

The police officer must know every gun, draw on the run, and hit where it doesn't hurt.

He must be able to whip two men twice his size and half his age without damaging his uniform and without being "brutal."

If you hit him, he's a coward, if he hits you, he's a bully.

A police officer must know everything -- and not tell.

He must know where all the sin is -- and not partake.

The policeman must, from a single human hair, be able to describe the crime, the weapon and the criminal -- and tell you where the criminal is hiding.

But...

If he catches the criminal, he's lucky; if he doesn't, he's a dunce.

If he gets promoted, he has political pull; if he doesn't, he's a dullard.

The policeman must chase bum leads to a dead end, stake out 10 nights to tag one witness who saw it happen -- but refuses to remember.

He runs files and writes reports until his eyes ache, to build a case against some felon who'll get "dealed" out by a shameless shamus or an "honorable",  who isn't.

The police officer must be a minister, a social worker, a diplomat, a tough guy, and a gentleman.

And of course he'll have to be a genius...

For he'll have to do it on a policeman's salary.

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