WELCOME!

1-25-99: All morning I had been trying to get our profile online so Patrice at Unique Adoptions could print it out to present to a birth mother due March 18th.

At around 11:20am I got paged on my beeper by Patrice, thinking she figured out how to print our profile that we had spent all weekend redoing, again for the 3rd time, I got offline to call her. As I was dialing the phone number my phone rang, my first thought was Patrice had beat me in the phone call but I was wrong. It was a sales lady. Geez. I calmy told her I had an important call to make and hung up. Finally Patrices phone rang as another page came over the beeper it read "911" then her number, so I knew something was wrong! Patrice answered the phone:

"Shannon?!"

"Yes." was my reply

"You arent going to believe this!! There is a baby girl ready to be released from the hospital in San Bernadino... When can you get there? It only takes me 45 minutes to get there."

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, really, oh my gosh!!"I said over and over again

"What do you need to be ready?" She asked calmly, I couldnt figure out how she could be so calm when I was turning into a basket case! We were far from being ready to have a baby NOW. Yes we had a crib but it was packed away in the garage until we were matched with a birth mother. We had very little besides a few items of clothing (which ended up to be way to big for our angel).

"I need Trevor. I need Trevor." I said in a daze, "And we have to pick up a carseat/stroller combo on the way down." By that time I had forgotten someone had given me a carseat as it was tucked away in the closet.

We made plans to meet at the hospital in the nursery at 2:30pm, just enough time for Trevor to get home, change clothes and for us to stop by Toys "R" Us to get a few things.

I called Trevor from work saying, "Honey I need you to come home NOW cause we have to drive down to San Bernadino (about 1-2 hours away) and pick up a baby." I swear I told him all about her but when he finally got home he said I told him nothing, so we will never know what I really said since I can barely remember the conversation.

In panic I ran through the house for clean clothes the baby could wear home. Nothing I had would fit a 5lb 7oz baby!! With the help of my friend Janel calming me down over the phone, I gathered all that I could find, then went to my closet for somehing which ,of course, I couldnt find a thing. By the time Trevor got home I was showered and ready to go. One thing that kept going through my mind was my plans to breastfeed. I felt like it was too late to start since I had no notice of her coming but I figured I would give it a try anyway.

We were so anxious and nervous to see our little girl. OUR little angel.... never thought we would say those words.

Finally we are there!! Walking to the nursery we had gone the wrong way and walked into the viewing room and saw our little girl. I'll never forget it, 3 ladies (2 nurses and Patrice) were around her smiling. Oh she has so much hair and my she is sooo tiny! After washing up we were allowed to hold and feed her. About an hour or so later we were putting our percious angel into the car to take her home. I started FENUGREEK tonight as well, 3 pills 3 times a day.

We did not meet our birth mother. As soon as she knew a family was on their way she left the hospital. She said she didnt want to get attatched to the baby, which I can understand. She doesnt want any contact with us at this point, not even letters or photos from the baby. One thing that bothers me is the birth mother has 2 other children (a boy and a girl) which Gabriella will not know. She didnt tell the children about Gabby. She did state that when Gabby is older and wants contact with her that is okay with her. The birth father is known but she has no way of getting in touch with him.

That night went by so fast, except mommy didnt sleep much as the new baby noises kept her wide awake wondering if it all was "normal". She was such an angel (do I keep saying that?;) sleeping for mommy and daddy almost all night.

1-26-99: My lactation appointment went well I think, not as good as I wanted it to. Gabby and I tried the Supplemental Nursing System, which the hospital gave me and also the cup feeding both are pretty messy in the beginning. Since I thought the cup feeding was too messy they gave me the Soft Feeder. The nurse gave us lots of goodies today to get my milk to come in and help the baby latch on. They said Gabby latched on better then the other mothers and babies in the room (yes, there was a full room). Also when I complained of my flat and already sore nipples they gave me breast shields called Soft Shells and a special Lanolin "lotion" called Lansinoh (Also Medela has this product called "Purelan"). For Daddy they gave us specially shaped breastfeeding nipples (never even knew they exsisted!) from White River Concepts.

1-27-99: Well Gabby latches on fine but gets frusterated since no milk comes out. So I tried the SNS again but it doesnt seem to work for us. We have a hard tome of it infact. She will the the nipple and tube but as soon as she finds out where the milk is coming from she spits out my nipple and sucks on the tube. VERY frustrating!

1-28-99: Woke up this morning and breasts are tingling, which is a sign of milk production! Another Lacatation appointment (I go everyother day, gets old.) Since the baby is latching on good they are putting me on meds plus Fenugreek or Fenugreek instead of working on the "technique" and my milk coming in with just stimulation. So according to the nurse I should have milk tomorrow or the next day if all goes well. I am pumping every hour, from when I start, (or I try to) for 10-20 minutes. I am taking Fenugreek 3 pills 3x a day and Metoclopramide (Reglan) every 6 hours and baby is suckling every 1 1/2 hours.

1-29-99: Baby was fussy from gas I think starting at 3:30am and most of the day. My breasts are heavy, sore and "lumpy" today which the nurse said would be normal. Anxious to see how much longer it will take for my milk to come in. I can hardly stand the wait. As the day goes by my breasts are getting heavier and more tender. I think this is working!!

1-30-99: Went back to the lactation consultant to weigh baby and check the cord since I thought it looked nasty. They said it was normal. She suckled a bit at the clinic, still wont take the SNS though. She likes to suckle at mommys breasts but after a while she gets frustrated when she is hungry and nothing comes out (still). Someday it will. Its in there I can feel it, it's just being stubborn coming out. Since daddy is home we have been mostly feeding with the special nipples the hospital gave us.

1-31-99: We suckled throught the night and morning. Havent tried the SNS since she doesnt like it. I continue to pump (probably not often enough, hard when you are running around going everywhere!) during the day but cant seem to make myself wake up during the night to pump, I really should try harder but for someone who needs atleast 8 hours of sleep per night (not week!) I am having a hard time of it. Didnt think I'd be able to function on such little sleep but I seem to be doing really really well. I am pleasently suprised!

2-06-99: Boy getting a chance to write is nearly impossible latley. Gabby is wanting to eat more, about every 20 minutes, since I have colstrum in now, my pump doesnt get but a few dropplets each pump. I finally broke down and bought another pump by Ameda called Purely Yours, it cost me $199 but I think its worth it. It pumps so much better then my other one. We are still having problems with her latching on for long lengths of time. She does better on my left side then my right for some reason so now I have more milk in my left breast. She gets frustrated then I get frustrated, but together we are learning fairly fast. She hardly slept at all last night, cried a lot so we didnt get much sleep. I think she wanted to be held on top of eating every 20 minutes. I hope eating that often doesnt last long, dont know how much longer I can take that! She has her first Well Baby appointment on Monday the 8th and Trevors parents should be here tpday or tomorrow. We AREN'T ready to share her yet!!!

2-11-99: Well today is a special day we hope. Gabby's birth mother should hand over the papers this afternoon. I am a little nervous about it but she seems content in her choice of adoption. Gabby is doing better at latching on but her has her days where all she wants is a bottle then her times all she wants is the breast. I still dont have a while lot of milk in, or I should say the pump doesnt get a whole lot of milk out. But I have noticed a change in Gabriella's diapers, which is a great feeling!! She is atleast getting a little breast milk. My left breast is still the favorite and had the most milk. I can squeeze it now and milk dropplets appear but I cant do that with the other side. She cried most of the night and I think its because she refused the breast yesterday and spit out most of the bottles we gave her so she was hungry. I think she is getting used to the taste of breast milk. I still pump but still not as often as I should. I am always running around somewhere. Trevors parents left this morning so things will calm down a bit then my parents will be here Saturday night and staying for a week. I just want to stay home (preferrably alone with Trevor) and enjoy my daughter (and pump so I can have more milk).

2-15-99: We FINALLY got the papers from the birthmother today!! What a relief that is. We are one step closer to being free of them taking her back from us. In California the birth parents have 90 days to revoke the adoption unless they sign the 2 day waiver (which we are working on at the moment). I guess the birth father moved to New Mexico somewhere and she can't get a hold of him. I am sure word of mouth will reach him soon enough. They did say he had another daughter 6 years old whom he doesnt care about so they suspect he wont about Gabriella either.

2-16-99: Another lactation consultant appointment today. They are a little upset at me for not following their suggestions. I havent been able to pump like I should be since we have had company for nearly 2 weeks straight now. So I pretty much have to start from the very beginning as my milk has dried up a little and Gabby is nipple confused from all the bottle feedings. Today they wanted me to feed her from the breast with the SNS only but I feel bad when she cries and cries because she wont latch on right and doesnt have enough patience for mommy to help her. Not sure what I will do with that. I guess I will have to cup feed her and suckle her when she will as well as pump every hour to get my milk back in like it was. They said if I pump for 15-20 minutes every 1-2 hours my milk will be in 3-5 days. We will see. Oh she weighed 6lbs 4oz today!

2-18-99: I am so exhausted right now I can barely think. She hasnt been sleeping very well and crying a lot, sometimes for hours for no reason at all. Mommy doesnt know what to do when she cries like that so early in the morning. My friend suggested I take her for a walk in the stroller but I cant do that when its dark out. She wants to be close to us all the time and will no longer sleep in the bassinette we have for her. I hope this is only a phase she is going through. She wants mommy then she wants daddy, she does this all night. We tried to snuggle together hoping she would get what she needed from the both of us but she only wants one at a time! :o) Picky girl!

Suckling has been going good since I started using the soft feeder again. She needs the sucking and the breast is all she gets so she takes it. I tried the SNS yesterday but she refused to take it and was too impatient to keep trying. So I will try with every feeding until she latches on good. She LOVES to sit in her bouncey seat and watch mom play on the computer most days.

Hopefully this weekend we can get more pictures on the net to share with everyone!

2-22-99: Talked to a dr on Saturday. She said it was okay for me to use the Reglan until I am done breastfeeding so that is good. My milk will come in faster and better then before. She said it might take up to 6-8 weeks for it to fully get in it will at all. She also told us to finger feed the baby to teach her how to suck properly. So hopefully this time next week I will have a good milk supply in, or atleast started again. She wont suckle unless there is milk, she must smell it or something.

Last night was the first time Gabby copied us when we did something. Daddy stuck his tongue out at her and she did the same, it was so cute. He was so happy and proud, you could see it all over his face. He is a really good Papa, better then I ever imagined.

2-23-99: I am so excited!! When I was pumping last night I happened to squeeze my breasts while the pump sucked and milk came shooting out right into the bottle. Before I was only getting little dropplets out but now I have spurts like a squirt gun! LOL It was so funny, I started screaming at Trevor to come look I was stomping my feet and waving my arm. :o) He thought I was nuts. But I think its so exciting that I got more milk in!!

3-23-99: Been a while since I wrote last. Gabby now weighs 7lb 4.5oz and is 20 inches long. She is growing fast. Breast feeding is going great she is taking the SNS now and is also taking the Lact-Aid. I have more milk now but not a full supply. That is my fault because I dont pump as often as I should because Gabby is so demanding and also for the reason I forget. Dont ask how but I do. I am still taking Reglan with no side effects. They are still working on getting me a different kind to take, and taking their sweet time! This week I have a goal to pump more often to get more milk in if it will. I have not had a period since the beginning of Feb so I have to watch that as well. Possible I could be pregnant, but doubtful.
She will have to have surgery here soon for her hernia's as they are getting worse, just waiting for the dr to call me. Its scary to think about!!

5-17-99: Well her surgery was on the 10th of May, she did really well. Mommy was a basket case but it took a little over an hour so it wasnt too terrible (I thought I would die at the time). She was "talking" and kicking just hours after, that made us feel really good.

I am sorry to say I have stopped breast feeding, it was a very hard choice for me. She just wasnt eating enough to keep my milk up (they wanted 8-12 feedings a day, she is eating maybe 6 times, plus she would only eat from on side). They took me off of Reglan and I honestly couldnt afford to buy all the herbs (fenugreek and blessed thistle) they wanted me to use (adoption is so expensive). But the experience I had with her will never be forgotten. I will cherish it always. Also she started to bite me and I thought she would eventually take my whole nipple off! Atleast I can say I tried it and it worked.

Gabby is growing fast. She weighs 10lbs 12.6oz and is 22 inches long. I cant believe she is nearly 4 months old! She can hold her head up really well now and it wont be long before she is sitting up. It seems that is all she wants to do. She is finally interested in toys and sticks EVERYTHING in her mouth. She "talks" to us all the time and says what sound like "Maaaammmmaaa" she loves to say "mmmmbbbboooooo" and "aaahhhgggaaaa". I think she is going to be a professional soccar player as she is ALWAYS kicking her little legs. All our friends cant believe how strong our little girl is (either can I!).

Saturday was a special day for us. It was Trevors birthday and he got the best present of them all! Saturday the 90 day wait for the bmom to come back was over!! I just hope all goes an easy with the bfather as it did with the bmom. Just want this to be over with!

5-28-99: Well got her pictures taken today, she is such a big girl. The pictures printed out darker then she really is though. Monday at her 4 month well baby appointment she weighed 11lbs 6.5oz and was 22.5 inches long. She sat up for the first time by herself today and is already trying to crawl. We finally meet with our social worker the 9th of June then go visit our families the 18th-28th, they should enjoy Gabby.

7-29-99: It's been a really long time since I wrote last. Our vacation went great, poor Gabby got passed around a lot but the family enjoyed her. We were glad to get home and relax a while. Didn't realize how many family members we really had, they all came out of the wood word when the baby was born. When we got home she somehow got her first ear infection and had a temp of 102.2 that scared mommy to death!!

At her 6th month well-baby appointment she had developed into her 9th month. She weighed 13 lbs 10.5oz and was 25 1/4 inches long. She still is a small baby but thats ok by us, her clothes will fit a little longer! :o) She has been eating baby food since her 4 month bday and can now drink out of a sippy cup (started to try it at 4.5 months) and can hold it on her own. We got an exersaucer while we were at my parents, Gabby just loves that thing! She bounces in it and stands tall on her little legs. She "walks" now if mommy and daddy hold her hands. Her crawling has gotten better, she still scoots quite a bit but is finally learning what to do with her arms. She usually gets her butt in the air and forgets to move her arms, thus doing a perfect 10 face dive into the floor where she promptly rolls to her back crying for mommy or daddy. She is moving so much now I am suprised she doesnt have rug burns on her arms and legs. As I write this now she is playing on the floor slowly crawling to my entertainment center where on the bottom shelf I have a doily with a picture, clock and a teddy bear music box. She loves to grab at the doily and pull.... all my stuff ends up on the floor. So I guess that means I will have to find a better spot for those things. She has yet to discover my plants that I have on the floor, one of these days I will turn my back and she will be wallering my the dirt from the knocked over plant. Just the thought makes me cringe. Not sure what I will do with those when the time comes, I dont want to get rid of them though.

Well I have finally added her 5 & 6 month pictures and some that were taken at a birthday party. Her hair is getting really curly now and I can finally put it in a ponytail. Its still not quite long enough for that my mommy couldnt resist trying. I got a picture of it and as soon as I get them developed I will put it online.

9-26-99: Well we are offically getting a tooth now! I didn't think she would ever get them. She is a little more grumpy then usual. Normally she is really happy but seems bit irritated now. I dont blame her, getting teeth does hurt!

Got her 8 month pictures done yesterday, she does such a good job now it takes no time at all. So I have uploaded her 7 & 8 month pictures. Ran to the doctors office to get her weighted and measured. She is at 16lbs 5.5oz & is 27 1/4 inches long. She has crawled up the stairs all by herself (mommy behind her).