In an act of discrimination, and jealousy, lead singer Mike Jones, and former bass player Zach Walizer were evicted from Helium Bomb Central, also known as Brownstone #2 last week. The apartment had served as the practice headquarters for Helium Bomb when Zach was in the band, and the neighbors were constantly entertained by the well crafted, highly structured symphonic bliss that is the music of Helium Bomb. Then one drunken morning, after a night of doing drugs and strippers, Mike and Zach decided to re-convene to give the neighbors a free concert at around 10 in the morning. The crowd was the perfect Helium Bomb crowd, unwilling, unsuspecting, and really pissed off. As Mike and Zach tore through song after song the neighbors had had enough. The neighbor girls upstairs, 3 churchy bitches from Price commented that the manly sexy screaming of Lead Singer Mike, who they described as "A big hunk of love who oozes sex through every pore" was causing them to think very unpure and unrighteous thoughts, and requested he be removed so they could resist the uncontrollable urge to fuck the living shit out of him. The girl next door, a coffee shop going, Ani Difranco lovin' little girly girl, who already had a hard enough time containing her lust for Mike (nightly masturbation sessions and high pitched moaning were heard through the walls, every time Mike entered the room) could no longer contain herself, and ended up knocking on the door completely nude and holding 2 bottles of booze chanting "Please let me blow you! I can't take it anymore" right about the time the Landlord showed up.
The landlord, a married
young churchy fellow with several small children, instead of
fucking her on the spot, like lead singer Mike would do, instead
insisted her nudity was a problem, but not her fault, after all,
what girl wouldn't strip down naked and proposition Mike after
hearing the music of Helium Bomb. The final straw came, when the
downstairs neighbors, an asshole wife-beatin' jock, and his
submissive bitch of a wife realized that Helium Bomb was simply
the best music they had ever heard in their life. And they simply
could not handle that, for if they were drawn into the music of
Helium Bomb, Satan, hookers, and about 50 drunk people would
follow shortly behind, and since they just cleaned the carpet
they weren't about to have any of that. So they marched over to
the landlord and demanded he evict Helium Bomb before they turned
the entire complex into a bunch of DrugDoing FuckMonsters. So the
LandLord marched over to the apartment, and handed Helium Bomb a
letter that stated this. "Dear Helium Bomb, our complex is
no place for talented profound rock stars such as you, because
quite frankly, we suck. If Limp Bizkit or No Doubt moved in here,
we could handle it, as the suck ratio would be equal to our
population, and not overwhelm them with greatness. Furthermore,
there is a law in Ogden against making girls horny via rock and
roll, and since just about every girl in this complex is thinking
sinful awful naughty thoughts about you, we are going to have to
ask you to leave. Furthermore, may I have your autographs? As in
the very near future I expect you boys to be touring the world
with Judas Priest." Lead Singer Mike was visibly upset, and
was quoted as saying "This is the same thing that happened
to Jim Morrison! It's not my fault every girl on earth wants me
every time I open my mouth! Why am I so wonderful! God
damnit!". When asked why Zach returned briefly to Helium
Bomb for the concert with the neighbors, Zach replied "I was
listening to "The Evil Black Knights of Satan" at full
blast and shooting the ceiling with my gun, and they had the
nerve to bitch at me. 
So I figured perhaps they
just wanted to hear some Helium Bomb instead, and that's why they
complained".Drummer Jason Davis was quoted as saying,
"It shouldn't be a surprise, Getting kicked out of places
and turning on women is the helium bomb way!"