Dear Rosalie,
You are a precious gift from God! Althouth my time with you was short, you have changed my life forever. Because of you, so many people were united in prayer. The prayers were answered when you entered this world alive on August 26th. What a priviledge it was to hold and love you for almost 12 hours. You taught me to trust that the Lord would take care of both of us. You taught me to value life even when my walk felt hopeless. You taught me to hug Rachel and Ben a little more each day. You taught me to look past a physical defect and look deeper into the soul of the human spirit. I lift you up to Jesus who I know is holding you in his loving arms. I will always love you and cherish our time together.
Love,
Mom
To Daddy's Little Angel,
Rosalie, you have been a part of our lives since January. I remember when your mom brought home the first sonogram picture, and when she first heard your heartbeat. A few months later, we had another sonogram which revealed some problems. On May 24th, we were given the devestating news that you had Trisomy 13, and that there are only 1 in 5,000 live births. Only with God's grace and all the prayers were we able to endure this heartache. I was reminded constantly of Proverbs 3:5-6,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths."
Rachel and Benjamin have taught me that life is precious and that life is a gift from God. He gave us you, Rosalie, for a specific purpose, and we chose to honor and respect His gift to us, even though we faced a hopeless situation.
I love your mom so much, and I give her thanks for caring for you these past 3 months, knowing that any day could be your last. We chose to honor life and God returned an abundant blessing to all of us. I thank God I was able to hold you, feed you, kiss you and love you for a lifetime in those 12 short hours. Our strength comes from the knowledge that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ died to give us eternal life. Because Jesus died and rose again, I will see you in heaven, where I can hold you in my loving arms again. I praise God for you, Rosalie!
Love,
Dad
Dear Little Rosalie,
How are you, sweetheart? Are you having fun, honey? Are you and the other kids doing ok? Of course you are - you are with Jesus, who loves you even more than your Mom and Dad do, more than anyone else ever could. But I miss you, Rosie. I miss you more than I could ever have imagined!
I remember the day I found out you were going to join our family. It was such good news. I knew that your Mom and Dad wanted to add another baby to their family - Rachel wanted a little sister, and Ben - well you know what he wanted. A brother!
A few months later, your Dad called to say that the doctor thought that you had some problems with your mouth. I was sorry, Rosie, but I thought it would all be ok. I thought about how I would hold you and encourge you not to worry too much if you looked different than other kids; that you were still beautiful to me and everyone else who loved you. I also knew that your Mom and Dad would find the very best doctors in the world to help you out. So I was concerned, but not too scared.
A few weeks later, your Dad called me at work. I knew it must be very bad news because he could hardly say the words, they were so painful to him. He said that you were very, very sick. He said that you probably would not live to be born! It was the worst news I had ever heard. How could this be? Worse yet, there was nothing anyone could do to help you. You know, Rosie, your Mom and Dad would have done anything in the world to make you better. They would have even given their lives for you, if it would have helped. But it wouldn't have changed a thing. We were all so, so sad!
Although things for you looked very bad, we all knew that there was one person who could help. Someone who had already given His life for you. So we all asked Jesus to help you, and help us, to make it through the next few months. (I know you know who he is now! Say hello to Jesus for me, sweetheart!)
I don't know how many people were praying for you, Rosie, but ask Jesus - he knows us all by name. There were people in New York, Atlanta, California, and lots of places in between, all praying for you, honey. We all prayed that God would make you better, and that he would help us in the days ahead if he chose not to completely cure you. And we all prayed that, the Lord willing, we would be able to hold you, if just once, before he called you home. Well, you know that God listened to all the prayers, and gave us such an awesome gift - you were born alive!
On August 26, 2000, while you were busy that morning poking and prodding your Mom, I was riding my bike up to camp. All of a sudden, I saw your Mom and Dad driving toward me in their car. Your Dad pulled the car over and told me that you were in a hurry to get out, and that I should get it. I really couldn't believe it. Not that I was surprised that you were coming out almost a month early - we knew that you could be born any day for the past month. What shocked me was that the Lord was having it happen in such an unforgettable way. You see, Rosalie, ever since your Dad called to tell me you were so sick, I had been praying to God that he would please let me hold you, even just once, so I could cuddle and love you before you went home for good. I had been praying that for three months, Rosie. And I know that God can do anything He wants, but my goodness, was He really going to give me "abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine"? (Eph 3:20) He sure was!
I know you were busy during the ride to the hospital, sweetheart, but you would should have seen the trip! Your Dad was driving with one hand, passing cars, going through red lights, driving 90 miles per hour, while with the other hand, he was keeping the seat belt off of your Mom's stomach because it was hurting her so much. All the while, he was timing your Mom's contractions - 2 minutes apart, lasting for 40 seconds! I was in the back seat, getting not such good directions to the hospital, and then changing out of my stinky biking clothes. Your poor Mom knew that we were kind of lost, and pointed out that fact to your Dad and me, in between telling us that she didn't think she could do this (not that she had any choice at that point).
Well, the good Lord got us through the traffic and pointed us in the right direction, and we finally made it to the hospital. Boy, were you ready to get out! Ten minutes after we got there, I walked in the room to see you in your Daddy's arms. I couldn't believe it!
Rosie, you were so precious! You looked at your Dad and opened your eyes for him, if only for a few seconds! You were tired out from all the work, but only made a few peeps that afternoon, even though you got passed around to all those people. All those people who loved you so much! It was so sweet to see - even the nurses and the doctor fell in love with you! We all wanted to just hold you and love you and protect you from your sickness. But we could not do it.
Rosie, honey, your heart was so awesome! For a lot of reasons, I wish you were healthy and had stayed around longer. One of them is because I know you would have been a terrific biker- babe! With that heart, and your gene pool of very strong-willed women, you would have been unbeatable! But we both know, God had other plans for you.
What do you remember about your time with us, Rosie? Do you remember how we all treasured every moment with you? Do you remember all of your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousin, and friends being so happy to hold you in their arms?
Do you remember when you gave us all a scare around 5:30 that evening, but bounced right back. And how about at 10:30 that night? Remember - everyone had gone home for the night except for your Mom and Dad and me. What an awesome gift it was for your Mom and Dad to let me stay with you guys that night! We got moved into a new room, and your Mom (finally!) got into new clothes. Since you were in such a hurry to get out, she had been wearing the same shirt since the morning. At 10:30, I was holding you, and you were breathing so very slowly that I didn't know if you were still breathing at all. So your Dad took you in his arms and he put your mouth up to his ear to see if he could hear you breathing. Then he thumped you with his finger a few times on your chest to see if that helped. And then the most remarkable thing happened. You opened both your eyes, and looked right at us, and kept looking, almost like you were trying to tell us something! In the seven hours since you had been born, you only opened your eyes when you were first given to your Dad, and then only one eye would partially open, for just a few seconds at a time. But this time, both eyes were wide open! One of my favorite pictures of you is when your Dad is holding you at that time. And on the videotape, it is even more amazing. You must remember that, don't you, honey?
What were you trying to tell us, Rosie? I think you were letting us know that you were trying really, really hard to hang in there for us; and you were also telling us that you were ok - that things were going to be ok, we didn't need to worry about you - Jesus was calling you home, and that you were going to be fine. We didn't need to worry. You were going to be ok. You were going to Jesus.
After you opened your eyes, you did great for another hour or so. It gave all of us, including you, a chance to rest for a little while. One of the sweetest gifts from that time was that you were able to lay in bed in between your Mom and Dad, and you all took a little nap together. Not that we could really sleep, knowing that your time on earth was not going to be very long, but it was a moment for you to just rest in the arms of your loving parents, and for them to enjoy the gift of being able to cuddle with you for a little while.
At around 1:30 a.m., nurse Bonnie got us all up to try to give you something to eat. Your Dad fed you a whole ounce around 8:00 or so. When it was time for your next feeding at midnight, you looked too comfortable - nobody wanted to disturb you . The first time your Dad fed you, you were swallowing like a champ. This time, you were having a really hard time. You just couldn't seem to do anything with the milk. And when your Dad tried to burp you, it was not good - you were spitting up blood. Tell me, Rosie, you weren't hurting then, were you sweetheart?
For ten hours we had been riding a roller-coaster of emotions. So elated that you made it out alive! So worried when you had some bad moments. We had the doctor and nurses suction the stuff out of your lungs a few times, but we knew that it would never take care of the real problem - that you were very, very sick. And as much as we wanted you here with us, we did not want to cause you any pain or discomfort by doing things that would only be a temporary help.
At 2:00 that morning, we all knew that you had fought all you should. We wouldn't suction you again; we would just hold you and love you and encourage you go to go to Jesus. Even though your breathing became less and less frequent, your incredible heart continued to beat strongly. Until finally, at 2:47 a.m., when you hadn't breathed in a long time, nurse Bonnie checked for your heartbeat, and there wasn't one. I will never forget how much that news hurt! When Bonnie shook her head, and said that you were gone, it was like my heart broke into a million pieces, Rosie! We all just cried and hugged each other, and held onto you.
I know you were, at that moment, together with Jesus. But your body was still with us. I went with Bonnie to help pick out one more outfit for you so that we could take some final, special pictures of you. Before all of this happened to you, I would not have understood how important it is to have as many pictures of you as possible, including ones where you were already gone. From Victoria's Story on the Trisomy WebRing, we all learned incredible information about what to expect, and what to do. So Bonnie and I picked out a pretty little white dress for you, and, in the very bottom of the last drawer, we found a blanket with tiny red roses! Of course, that was your blanket, sweetheart!
When I went back in the room with your new clothes, I saw the most tender, sweet, loving sight I will ever see if I live to be a hundred. Your Dad was tenderly giving you your one and only bath. Then he gently put your new clothes on you, and we took a few more pictures. Then we hugged you and held on to you for a little while longer. As strange as it seems, we did not want to give you away, even then! That is how deeply you were loved, princess!
Rosalie Marie, I know that I will see you again someday, and I know that you are in a better place. But let me tell you some of the good things you did not get to experience down here since you left so soon.
Your big sister, Rachel Marie, was so proud to have you as her sister! You know you got your name from her! She was so happy to be able to hold you and love you. She probably said more prayers for you than anyone else, except your Mom and Dad. You would have loved spending time with Rachel - she is so sweet, and loving, and so wanted to have a little sister. Rachel would have taught you her ballet steps, and you would have had to fight her, if just a little, for her Britney Spears tape.
Your brother Ben is all boy, not that it's a bad thing. I guarantee you that nobody would have been able to pick on you around him - except him! Benny would have loved teaching you double-leg takedowns, and, since he's just like his Dad, Ben would have probably gotten you into a few fights over the years. But you would have never had a better friend in the entire world! After all, "a friend loves at all times and a brother is for adversity." Pr 17:17
Your Mom, Rosie, is such an incredible Mom. Her heart is so big, and she loved you and cared for you during all those difficult days like nobody else could have. Your Mom gave you every possible chance for life, which is so rare these days. Your Mom will always, always feel like a part of her is missing since you are not here with her. Your Mom would have nurtured you and hugged you and loved you like no other baby, Rosie. And I'm so sorry you didn't get more time with her.
Since your Dad is my brother, and I know him best, I am most sad that you will not have the awesome experience of being his little girl here on earth. Your heavenly Father has you right where he wants you to be, I know that. But your earthly Dad loved you so, so much! If ever a man loved children, and saw them as a total gift from God, it is your Dad. When he looked at you, he saw the most beautiful girl in the world! He would have played with you, wrestled with you, cherished you, and loved you all the days of his life. He would have taught you to "love the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." And he would have been so proud to be your Dad.
And for me, Rosie, how I wish you were around to hug and love and play with! We would have gone biking, and rafting, and I would have taught you how to defend yourself against Benny-boy! And I would have loved being able to see you grow up to be an awesome blessing to your family and to God.
Rosie, darling, I praise God for his incredible gift to me of being able to spend your entire life with you. It took God to put this entire sequence together - for me to be on my bike, on the road your Mom and Dad were on, at just the right time. I miss you terribly, sweetheart, and I wish that you could have been born well, but I know that God had plans for you that were different than ours. Yet I praise Him that He died for my sins so that I will see you again someday. (Amen, come Lord Jesus!)
See you soon, sweetheart Rosalie Marie! I love you!
With lots of love,
Aunt Heidi