Murdock looked at his watch again, wondering if she was late again. This was the third time in a row that she had been late to visit him. With so little to look forward to in his monotonous life, Murdock had come to treasure Amy's visits all most as much as he treasured Face's. Still, Murdock wouldn't have left the VA for anything in the world. It was better to be safe, in here, then outside, out there, whether in the jungles of LA or the jungles of 'Nam. He heard a key turn in the lock and Amy walked in, her purse hung askew over her shoulder. She looked exhausted.
"Hey Murdock."
"You alright baby? You look terrible?"
"I just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all." She sat down on the chair next to the window and let out a long sigh.
"You want to talk about it Amy?" She looked at him for a moment, then let out a short laugh.
"You must be able to read my mind Murdock." She let her purse fall to the floor in a heap. She looked up at Murdock, and stared at him, long and hard. "Murdock, have you....have you ever been in love?"
Murdock smiled, looking down for a moment to try and collect his thoughts. "I guess I have...I mean, there have been times when I thought that I was in love. But I don't know, I guess. Why do you ask?"
Amy looked out the window, as if trying to avoid his gaze. Slowly she began to speak again.
"If you were in love with someone, would you tell them?"
"I think I would."
"What if.." She faltered, her voice betraying her insecurity. "What if you knew that the person you were in love with would never be in love with you?"
Murdock was silent, an idea beginning to form in his head. Amy continued to talk.
"I mean, what if you knew that, that if you told him, he would return the feelings, but only for a little while, and then you knew he would run off to be with some other girl. Would you tell him, I mean her, I mean....whoever?"
Murdock stared at her for a long time.
"I mean, what if you hated him you. I mean, I know that sounds crazy, loving someone and hating someone at the same time, but what if you did? What if he was a womanizer and he lied and he was a cheat and..." She closed looked back up at Murdock, trying to sound natural. "What if the man you were in love with was a conman?"
Murdock stared at her, stared for a long time. Then he looked down, trying to conceal the thoughts that were running through his head. "Face?"
Amy swallowed. "I have to leave."
Murdock reached out to bar the door from her. "Amy, what are you saying?"
A tear trickled down her cheek and on to her blouse.
"I love him." She whispered softly.
Murdock tried hard to realize what was happening. He had never seen this side of Amy before. He was used to seeing her so calm and controled, not like this irrational, emotional woman standing before him. Face? She was in love with Face? The thought kept running through his mind like a hamster on a treadmill. Face?
Amy looked up at him. "I want you to know Murdock, it isn't, it's not what you're thinking....I mean it isn't....it isn't his looks Murdock. I......"
"Amy.." He took her hand in his and helped her to sit on the side of the bed, leaning over to gently wipe a tear from her eye. "It's alright Amy."
He looked deep into her eyes, whispering softly, "Just start at the beginning......."
Amy looked up, and, very slowly, she began to speak.
"Well, I mean, even from the beginning I was attracted to him....I mean, a woman would have to be in a coma not to be. And then it was easy.....easy to" She stopped, looking to Murdock as if she expected him to retch. "Easy to tell myself that I didn't love him, that it was just a stupid, sexual attraction, that....that he meant nothing. But I got scared."
"Scared?" Murdock questioned?
"Scared" Amy said slowly and precisely "Because I found out there was more to him then just a pretty face."
Murdock closed his eyes slowly and leaned back against the wall, trying to absorb what he was hearing. He had never heard a woman talk about Face like this. Face probably never had either. Was he hallucinating? When he opened his eyes again, Amy had dried her tears, and a small smile had begun to form on her face. "It feels so good to tell somebody this" She whispered softly.
"Amy...." Murdock began to speak, but the question died on his lips. Why was she telling this to him? Deep down he knew the answer. Because he was Face's friend. She wanted him to break her confidence, and tell him. He knew that deep down inside her, she wished that Face would return the love that she so desperately wanted.
"Murdock?" She asked softly, "You promise not to anyone this....espeacailly Face?"
Murdock smiled. "I promise."
Amy got up slowly and pick up her purse. On the way out, she turned and whispered, "Thank You".
Murdock lay down on the bed, letting the thoughts roll through his head as he tried to comprehend what had just happened. Amy in love with Face? It was too much like a day time soap opera. But the way the she had looked when she had spoken his name, the way the tears had fallen down her face.....she seemed so sincere, so, in love. Murdock closed his eyes.
He heard the key turn once in the lock, and then the sound of a crisp British voice outside the door. "Don't worry nurse, I should be able to tell if he is suitable for the study with a quick fifteen minite conversation. Thank you nurse, yes, thank you again." Face walked in through the door in a crisp white physicians uniform, the phony smile on his face quickly fading as he closed the door behind him.
"Hey Murdock, we've got fifteen minutes to kill. You ready to eat?"
"Oh, sure Face" Murdock mentally bashed himself for forgeting that Face had invited him and the team out for dinner that night. Slowly he hefted himself off teh bed, "I better go get dressed..."
Face was sitting in the chair by the window when Murdock came back, dressed in his wrinkled tuxedo. "You thinking, Faceman."
"I guess so." Face said pensively.
They sat in silence for several minutes. Face stared absently out of the window, as if Murdock wasn't there at all.
"Murdock?" Murdock looked up from his comic book, startled by Face's sudden question.
"Yes?"
"Murdock, have you ever, thought, you know, about...Amy?"
"Amy? Well, of course, I mean I've thought about her!"
"No....I mean, as a, you know...as a woman."
"A woman?"
"Yes, you know what I mean." Face had a strange look on his face. He looked almost drunk.
"Well, no, I mean I guess I've always considered her a friend. Why?"
Face shifted uneasily in his seat. "I guess I've just been thinking a lot about her lightly. She....She scares me."
Murdock stared at him in shock, trying to make the many scattered pieces falling towards him make sense. "She *scares* you."
"Well, I mean.." Face buried his head in his hands " I mean, *she* doesn't scare me, I guess, it's just, the way I feel around her."
From the way Murdock was staring at him, Face could see that he was confused. Face continued, "I mean, when we were at Ray's funeral, and those guys went after her and Trish, I was scared, scared that something would happen to her because....because I..."
"Because you love her." Murdock finished the sentance for him.
Face got up and started pacing the room yelling "I don't LOVE her Murdock!!! I mean for God's sake, she's a woman, alright. And I'm a man. Why shouldn't I be attracted to her. It doesn't mean I LOVE her. I mean it's not like she's that amazing...I mean she's good looking and all, and smart I guess, and gentle, and.." His voice began to fade, as he turned away to look out the window . "Murdock, I?" He turned back to Murdock, a questioning look his face. "Murdock, what..what if I do love her?"
Face looked towards Murdock as if he was about to cry.
Murdock closed his eyes, trying to avoid that puppy dog stare of his. Why was he supposed to have all the answers? He couldn't even get a date without somebody elses help and all of a sudden everyone was coming in and pouring their hearts out to him. The next thing he knew, BA would probably be coming to tell him that he had the hots for Hannibal!
"Why don't we go Face, it'll be better if we talk on the way."
It was a long, silent drive, while Murdock watched Face struggling with the strange emotion burning in his head. As they finally pulled up to the restaurant, Face turned to him. "She's in there you know."
"I know."
"Murdock, I'm not sure I can do this." Face looked down, trying to avoid Murdock's piercing stare.
"Why Face? What's the problem? I thought you didn't love her?" Face looked up at him and let out a short laugh.
"What do you want me to say Murdock? You want me to admit that I have feelings for her, right? Well, sorry to disapoint you old buddy. I've spent the greater part of my life avoiding love, and I'm not giving in now. Amy...I don't need her...just like she doen't need me."
Murdock hastily glanced away. What should he say? Should he tell Face the truth and break her confidence, or let them run in circles around each other forever?
Murdock looked at Face for a long time. Then, slowly, he stood and jumped out of the 'vette.
"C'mon Faceman, inside."
They walked in, Murdock in front of Face. They were led to their table, where Hannibal, BA and Amy were already seated. Murdock thought he heard Face take a sharp breath in as they approached. He had to admit that Amy looked ten times better then she had that morning.
"Well lieutenant, nice of you to show up to you're own dinner." Hannibal smiled at them from across the table.
"We got stuck in a little traffic."
"I'm sure."
The head waiter came over and set down several glasses of water while he took their orders. After he had left, Face cleared his throat.
Some slow music was being played by the band in the corner. A few people got up and started dancing in the center of the room.
"Face, do you have a pen?" Face looked at Murdock witha piercing stare.
"I have one" Amy handed it to him across the table.
Murdock picked up the paper napkin from under his glass of water and started scribling on it. After a few minutes he slid it under the tabel and into Face lap.
Face uncrumpled the napkin and read it, a look of horror mounting on his face. He recrumpled the napkin and dropped it on the table. He spent a few moments staring at Murdock, then slowly, he turned to Amy.
"Amy....do you..umm. Do you want to dance?"
Amy looked up at him, as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Then she looked to Murdock, whose was grinning from ear to ear. All that Amy could do was nod.
Taking her by the hand, Face slowly led her to the dance floor. As they began to sway to the music, their two bodies began to melt together, not a sliver of light fitting between them. BA and Hannibal, not knowing what was unfolding on the dance floor behind them, started talking. But Murdock couldn't take his eyes off Face and Amy, as they waltzed slowly across the floor.
As the song ended, Face leaned down, and kissed Amy gently on the cheek. Slowly, she pulled his head back down to hers, their lips meeting for what seemed like an eternity. When he finally pulled away, he leaned down to whisper something in her ear. Then he looked up and smiled at Murdock. The two left the dance floor. Their bodies still mostly entwined.
"Something wrong Captain?" Murdock looked up at Hannibal for a moment and smiled.
"No Colonel" he answered, "I think that something was just made right."
FINI
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