"I'll be the first
to praise the sun,
The first to praise
the moon,
The first to hold
the lone coyote,
The last to set it
free."
-from "Welcome Me" by Amy Ray
Several Weeks Later
"I couldn't eat another
bite! That was so delicious, Lita, domo arigato!" Dair said
to the beaming chef as she pushed her chair away from the table.
Serena's group of friends had accepted her readily, and the six of them
were practically inseparable. That night they were at Lita's enjoying
some of her gourmet cooking.
"So where's Darien tonight, Serena?" Raye asked casually.
"He and Benton Mallory went out somewhere or something," the usually cheerful blond said with a frown. "They're spending a lot of time together and I miss Darien."
"Cheer up, Serena," Dair told her. "I miss Mal as much as you miss Darien."
"Oh, it's not the same. Benton isn't your boyfriend!"
"Yeah, Dair, what's the deal with that?" Mina demanded. "If I had a hunk like him as my best friend, I would make a move!"
She shrugged. "It's not like that with Mal and I... kinda like you and Ken, Lita. He's your best friend, ne? You almost can't imagine your relationship being anything more."
Lita nodded her understanding. "Hai, that's very true. But I've known Ken since we were kids; you just met Mal."
"Benton Mallory really doesn't seem like boyfriend material to me," Serena piped up. "He's just so serious."
"And Darien isn't?" Raye asked.
"Not as serious as Mal," Dair told her. "But you just have to get to know him... he can be heaps of fun, you just have to know which buttons to push."
That set Mina off giggling. "Oh yeah, and I bet you know just which buttons those are, ne?" she asked.
Dair rolled her eyes. "Mina no baka!" she said affectionately, tossing a shrimp tail at her friend.
It caught Mina square in the forehead. "Hey!" she cried, grabbing an entire shrimp, complete with sauce, and tossing it straight at Dair.
"Mina!" she yelled as it bounced off her cheek. "Take that!" she said, throwing a handful of food across the table. Most of it hit Mina, but some found its way into Raye's hair.
"Ack!" Raye squawked, grabbing some noodles and throwing them at Dair. They missed completely, and Serena was doused.
"Aaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeee!"
she shrieked, bouncing a muffin off Raye's shoulder. In another moment
the food fight was in full force, quiet Amy even getting in on the action.
There was sauce, noodles, salad and curry chicken everywhere, including
all over the girls. Serena was chasing Raye around the room with
a
bottle of teriyaki
sauce when the doorbell rang, startling them all.
Laughing, giggling and exhausted, they ran as a group to answer the door, Lita in the lead. "Konban wa, Lita, we--" Darien stopped suddenly as he noticed the state they were in. "Did the kitchen explode?" he asked with a laugh.
"Oh, muffin, it was all Dair's fault!" Serena cried. "No, wait, Mina's... no... Raye's... I don't know whose fault it was, but it was fun!"
Darien laughed and kissed her, careful not to get food all over him. "The movie was really bad, so we decided to join you here," he said, indicating Benton Mallory.
Dair smiled brilliantly. "Mal, hey... this is a nice surprise. Um, Lita... do you have any towels?" Lita laughed and ran off to look for them, leaving the others in the living room with a strict order not to sit down.
"Dair," he said, an uncommon smile toying with the corners of his mouth, "you're looking delicious tonight."
"Ha. Ha." She gave him a huge, tight hug. "Have some," she said sweetly.
He laughed, a sound that startled them all for its rarity. "Domo arigato gozaimasu," he said sarcastically, "I guess I deserved that."
Lita returned with the towels and threw one to each of them. "Hey, you guys wanna stay and watch a movie?" she invited.
Dair glanced at Mal, knowing that, for some strange reason, he felt rather uncomfortable around this friendly group of people. "I don't think so, Lita... I'm pretty tired. Mal, would you mind terribly walking me back to school? Unless you need me to stay and help clean up?" she asked the girl.
"Oh, no," she said with a wink, "it's ok... you two go on ahead."
Dair rolled her eyes. "All right, minna, I guess I'll see you later. Dinner was delicious, Lita, and I'm sorry about the mess. Have fun!" she called as she grabbed Mal's arm and led him from the apartment.
"You didn't have to leave on my account, Dair," he said once they were in the elevator.
She shrugged. "I still don't understand why you don't like them, Mal, but you were my friend first. Besides... I am pretty tired."
He turned to look at her, a troubled expression turning his eyes a dark, stormy purple. "It's not that I don't like them," he explained once again, "it's just that I... I feel as though I know them, yet I can't place it. It just makes me feel... disconcerted."
"Mal, it's all right. I know you can't remember much about your past, and I don't want you to try and force it. If being around Serena and her group makes you uncomfortable, then we just won't hang out with them. I will, on my own time, but when we're together... it'll be just you and me, ok?"
He studied her carefully for a long moment, making her shift back away from him. "It doesn't look like," he said after a while, "that you made it to desert. Why don't you come back to my place and have some ice cream?" Mal knew her weakness for chocolate ice cream, so he always kept some handy.
She laughed. "You know just what I like, Mal," she told him with a wink.
Later that evening they were stretched out on Mal's bed, an empty container of ice cream between them, and the voice of Edwin McCain wafting through the air. Dair let out a contented sigh and rolled over so that her chin was resting on Mal's chest. "How's your thesis coming?" she asked, steadily ignoring the tickling of his fingertips against the small of her back.
"It's finished, actually, and I owe that all to you. Never have I met a more lovely pantheon of American knowledge than you, dearest Dair."
She frowned. "Mal, stop trying to flatter me. I thought," she said, poking him sternly in the stomach, "that our relationship had grown past all that silly flirtation stuff."
He laughed and her frown turned into a smile: she loved making him laugh. "You're right, of course, but I simply can't resist. Part of my nature, I guess."
"Hai, part of your nature to be insanely charming. You desperately need a girlfriend, Mal."
"I don't want a girlfriend," he said in a way that made her pause and look up at him sharply.
"All right, then, you desperately need a boyfriend," she replied, feigning confusion.
He laughed again, a deep rumbling laugh that vibrated his chest. "You know full well what I meant, Dair Allan."
"And I chose to ignore it, Benton Mallory."
They smiled at one another and she rested her cheek against his chest and yawned. "Would you be insulted if I just fell asleep?"
"Iie," he replied softly. It wasn't long after that when her breathing changed to the deep, even breath of sleep. Mal sighed, wishing she would stop being so damn stubborn about this "just friends" thing. He was falling in love with her, but she seemed constantly oblivious to his compliments and charm.
Dair, for her part, was having a dream that she had been free of for almost a year, but was suddenly making its unwelcome return. In it, she was her brother David as he drove down that dark road toward his death. She saw the car turn out in front of her, recognized it as Jackson Foley's -- her exboyfriend and David's best friend -- and she knew she couldn't stop.
Dair whimpered in her sleep, clutching at Mal's shirt, and he knew she was having a nightmare. "Shh, Dair, shh... it's ok, just a dream," he whispered.
"David!" she cried, her voice slurred from sleep. She woke up abruptly and saw Mal leaning down over her, his face a mask of concern. "I... it was just a nightmare..." she told him, still shaky.
"The one about your brother?" he asked pulling her up so that his chin rested against the top of her head.
She nodded, thinking. "You know what's strange? Darien looks so much like my brother." She frowned sadly. "Every time I see him, it takes me a second to realize that no, he's not David."
"Have you told him that?"
"What good would it do, Malachite? 'Oh, by the way, you look just like my dead brother. Have a nice day.' Yeah, that's exactly what someone wants to hear," she said softly, her voice sad. "It's not like he can change his looks, and I wouldn't ask him to anyway. It's not his fault he's practically identical to David."
"That wasn't what I was suggesting, Dair. Maybe you should just sit down and talk to him -- tell him about David, and how much you miss him and all that. Darien seems like a very reasonable person, someone easy to talk to: I don't believe he would criticize you or laugh."
"It's strange how you're so uncomfortable around Serena and company, but fine around Darien," she commented after a moment.
He stared up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the softness of her body against his, and said, "It is strange... but when I look at Serena and her friends, I feel as though I knew them in a way that wasn't exactly... happy. But with Darien, I feel like he is someone I could be very good friends with, someone I've known in... in a trusting sort of way."
Dair frowned. "Have you ever thought of something like hypnosis? That might help you get your memory back."
"I don't believe in such things. It will return to me when the time is right, and I just have to be patient until then."
"Have you thought about asking Darien?"
"I believe we just had this conversation in reverse, my dear. Nai, I can't ask Darien... I don't want him to think I'm nuts."
"Well neither do I. So stop bugging me about it," she said with a grin, tipping her head back to look up at him.
Without thought, he leaned down and kissed her. She pulled away at first, surprised, but he persisted, his lips pressing against hers urgently, and soon she leaned toward him. His arms went around the small of her back, pulled her to him hard, and still he kissed, afraid she would run away were he to let her go. Her arms moved around his neck, and a moment later their tongues were locked in a fiery, passionate duel that, when they finally parted, left them both gasping for air.
Dair rested her forehead against his chest for a moment, trying to catch her breath.
"Don't say anything, Dair, because I know you're going to start in on how I shouldn't have done that," he said quickly. "But, damn it, I'm sick of this! I'm sick of holding you, and yet not being able to touch you. I'm sick of loving you, and knowing that you don't love me back. I want you to love me, Dair," he whispered, "the same way I love you, because this is tearing me up inside. I've never felt this way before... at least, I don't think I have."
She looked up at him, her eyes nearly indigo and her face flushed. "I... you think... you think I don't love you?"
He frowned, confused. "Do you?"
Dair laughed brightly. "I wanted us to be just friends because I knew you were gonna be trouble from the first moment I laid eyes on you, Mal. I could've pulled away from that kiss, but I didn't, and that's because I wanted it too. I love you, Mal, but I was afraid... you're just so... so damn mysterious... I didn't want to do anything that might cause me to get hurt."
"Oh, Dair, I would never hurt you!"
"I know that you wouldn't, not on purpose, but what if your memory returns and you realize that you hate Americans or something?" she asked with a tiny smile.
Mal laughed his deep, joyful laugh again. "I could hate every single person on this planet and yet could never hate you," he whispered, cupping her face in his large hands. "I have vague memories of being in love... memories of blue eyes... I don't know if they're your eyes, Dair, but I feel as though I've known you for far longer than I have."
"I feel that way too, Mal! It's so strange... I didn't realize it at first, but now when I look at you, it's like I've known you forever... and I don't mean that in the sense that people usually do when they say it. I mean it literally."
He held her to him tightly and she laughed again. "This is the strangest thing I've ever felt, Mal." He said nothing, overcome by emotion, and she kissed his jaw lightly. There was a long silence, until Dair suddenly said, "May I ask you something? You might think it rude, or forward... but the other night when you fell asleep at my place, you said something in your sleep about... about someone named Zoisite... you said the name over and over..."
"Zoisite?" he questioned. "Zoisite..." his voice softened, and he closed his eyes, trying to remember. "Zoisite..." The name conjured up feelings similar to those that filled him when he thought of Dair, but these were darker, more dangerous, and far more vague. Zoisite... Who is Zoisite? Someone I knew... An image of a handsome young man, his long, curly blond hair back in a low ponytail, flashed in Mal's mind. That same dark, sensual feeling washed over him and he shivered.
"Zoisite was someone I knew... before... I think... I think I may have... loved him... but... not in the same way I love you... it seems much less... real... and much, much blacker."
"Him? Zoisite is a man? Mal... tell me everything you can remember about your past." She sat up, concern etched in her pretty face and glowing in her blue eyes.
"There's not much... but I get these flashes sometimes. Some of them seem much more recent than others and the recent ones..." he trailed off for a moment. "Dair, I'm afraid that... in my more recent memories... I fear that I wasn't a very good person. No, more than that... I fear that I was quite... horrible... evil, even... I think that's when I... loved... Zoisite. And... I think that's when I knew Serena and her friends."
She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "And what about the others?" she asked after a moment.
He smiled brightly. "The others are beautiful, Dair! I wish I could explain... they fill me with feelings of love and warmth and happiness. Everywhere there's beauty and peace... and I'm content, Dair, truly content. It's the polar opposite of those I just told you about. The strangest thing is... that's when I kind of place Darien... but Serena's group is there too, a little bit... only different..."
Her brow creased in sadness for him. "That must be your home, Mal. I almost hope you never remember about the others... what must have happened to you? Listen to me: whatever you remember, whoever you were before, I know who you are now, so it doesn't matter about that. If you remember, when you remember, don't hesitate to tell me, even if it's something seemingly small and insignificant. I won't run away, and I certainly won't stop loving you."
Mal pulled her close again. "I love you, Dair, and I won't ever hide myself from you. It's difficult not knowing... I wish I could remember, and I wish I could tell you everything about myself -- even the things that must not be very good."
"Tomorrow, Mal, I want us to sit down with Serena, Lita, Amy, Mina, Raye and Darien and talk to them about this. They might remember you, remember something you can't. I know you don't want to, but I think it's for the best."
He studied her for a long time, wondering. "All right," he finally said, "I'll do it. I hope we don't find out anything too horrible."
"We won't, Mal," she whispered. "I have faith in you."
"Serena?" Dair spoke into the phone the next morning. "Hey, this is Dair... listen, I was wondering if the whole group could get together today -- including Darien. Mal will be there too."
"I don't think anyone has plans. Want to meet at the arcade?" she asked in a rush.
"Actually... um... do you know of any place more private? It's really important, and I don't want the whole world to know."
There was a long, curious pause before she finally said, "Hai, how about Raye's temple? You know how to get there, ne?"
"Sure do. Meet you there in two hours?"
"Two hours it is. See you there!" They hung up, and Dair turned to face Mal.
"Two hours at Sendai Hill Temple. Are you sure about this?" She walked to him and put her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest.
"Nai, but I think it's something I should do. I want to remember, ne? Even if they can't help, it's at least a step. We have two hours, you said?" he asked, a mischievous glint in his eye.
She laughed and pulled away. "Hai, two hours... that's plenty of time for me to go home, take a shower and get changed. I'll pick you up in an hour and forty five minutes. Love you." With that and a long, gentle kiss, she swept from his apartment on her way to her own.
End II