A BAY OF BLOOD aka Twitch Of The Death Nerve, Bloodbath, Bloodbath Bay Of Blood, Carnage, Ecology Of Crime, Last House On The Left II: (1972, Italy)

Directed by: Mario Bava

First off much like Argento's Deep Red which has the also known as title Suspiria II this one has the also known as title Last House On The Left II. With both cases Deep Red is not Suspiria II and A Bay Of Blood is not Last House On The Left II.

I've heard a lot about this film and how much of a classic it is but I can't see why. It inspired Friday The 13th no doubt but more so the sequel, the similarities are hard to miss unless your blind.

Bava is good at capturing beautiful photography and makes sure the murders are bloody enough. The downfall of the film is the characters. You felt nothing for them, not even one. They were all cold hearted thieves out for personal wealth.

Follow a simple plot involving a countess and her fortune for the taking with the heirs to it killing each other off with knives and spears then you have the film

One remarkable gore scene I'd rank up there with the Dawn Of The Dead machete in the zombies head would be the blade in the face scene. The double spear impaling was also quite impressive and used in carbon copy admittingly by director Steve Miner for Friday The 13th part II.

The surprise ending was good but I had no idea why it happened, the motive. Not a bad film but its no classic in my opinion.

Rating: 3 ½ Skulls

A BETTER TOMORROW II

Before Hong Kong action director superstar John Woo dove into the American action market he made a number of unique, stylish and simply amazing Hong Kong action films. These films have now become famous due to Woo's way of film making and necessity of blazing, nonstop shoot'em up firepower. Woo's films are known as a sort of action ballet as this is the way with which the scenes are acted out, very carefully choreographed.

Woo's regular Hong Kong action hotshot Chow Yun Fat stars as Ken, the twin brother of Mark in the first film. Fat is a restaurant owner who must get his uncle back on his feet after he kills someone mistakenly and loses a young family member to boot. Soon Fat must defend his uncle from traitors and the mob who are after him. There are a number of story lines happening at the same time as an undercover cop infiltrates a mob organization. Eventually all the sub plots come together at the conclusion. The story line is quite complicated and hard to follow so I'm sure I've messed it up trying to explain it.

If you dislike subtitles and in this case they are poorly done and poorly spelled to go along with it you won't be disappointed with the performances and the intense action. You have to be aware of Woo's film making style to fully appreciate this. Unlike Woo's classic film "Hard Boiled" which is almost non-stop action this is more of a drama with all the action happening more so towards the conclusion and what a conclusion it is! Were talking one of the most bloodiest gun battles ever put on celluloid as Chow Yun Fat and his two relatives slaughter a house full of gangsters. We get blood splattered walls, piles of bodies, empty shells on the floor and even one of the good guys cutting down the baddies using a ninja sword. Its really incredible and far beyond believable but thats what makes it so enjoyable. The heroes get shot around six times each and still keep going.

If your looking for a different action/drama then this is for you but if you are a Hollywood movie fan and you watch little else then avoid this like the bubonic plague. If you like Woo's other Hong Kong efforts you shouldn't miss this along with The Killer, Bullet In The Head and Hard Boiled. Less Hard Target (in uncut form its not so bad I guess), Broken Arrow and Face/Off and more of these type films.

Rating: 4 ½ Skulls

THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES (1971)

Vincent Price takes charge once again in one of his most memorable roles as Dr. Anton Phibes. Dr. Phibes is a horribly disfigured musical genius and biblical scholar, not unlike Erik in Phantom, the disfigurement the result of a car crash. His wife was killed by a team of surgeons who he felt let her die. He then avenges the death of his wife by inflecting Old Testament curses on the doctors responsible. The grisly methods used against the surgeons are very ceremonial and all well staged. The style of the movie is spectacular, the setting is the 1920's and the use of art deco style is prominent, yet a few erroneous anachronisms pop up (Sinatra record?). The campy feel of the movie balances the gore with plenty of humor. The movie shares a unique similarity with Se7en in that the bible is used in various crimes, yet unlike Se7en, Dr. Phibes uses only the curses of the Old Testament rather then the 7 deadly sins. Good nods to Price as the vengeful doctor, yet the only thing really missing is Carolyn Munro who portrays his wife yet does not appear on screen, appearing only in a photograph.

ADRENALIN: FEAR THE RUSH: (1995, USA)

Directed by: Albert Pyun

Director Albert Pyun who has a reputation for making films in weeks directs this in the near future action film. Pyun can really pump out the films but to say that they're any good is a whole new topic. The only film he made that really struck me was a sci-fi action movie titled Nemesis with martial arts expert Oliver Grunner.

Adrenalin could have been an enjoyable film, what is severely lacking is a good plot or story line. The film is pretty shallow toward those aspects. The movie has cops played by Natasha Henstridge and Christopher Walken along with two other cops hunting a cannibal like killer infected with a deadly and highly contagious virus.

What makes the film so shallow is that the whole film is made up of the cops chasing the killer through a number of deserted buildings and thats it, nothing more, no more story line to it than that. The acting isn't too bad but Lambert never was that convincing, he doesn't do a bad job though, Henstridge could do a lot more with a better role because she can obviously act.

The film is 76 minutes long but was cut for US release from over 90 minutes due to un-needed filler. The 76 minutes it plays for drag and feel like 2 hours. One memorable scene has the killer shooting Lambert and another cop and each shot being zoomed in on by the camera as it comes in to and impact and hits. The film was shot in Romania which is kind of funny because the film is set in the U.S. and all the police cars read Policia on the side while most of the actors have french accents.

Rating: 3 Skulls

AFRICA, BLOOD AND GUTS aka Africa Addio: (1966)

From the producers of Mondo Cane comes a documentary which attempts to look at the effects of revolution and post colonialism in Africa. We first see the uneasy takeover of Kenya from British control in 1963. This is followed by scenes of Mau Mau terrorism, death along the Congo from a civil war, race riots, revolutions in newly formed countries like Zanzibar and genocidal slaughter of tribes by Rwandan natives. This is mixed in with images of dead animals on game parks and according to the narrators the film crew had barely escaped death themselves. One infamous scene has a group of natives moving in on a family of hippos as they spear the poor animals to death. They spare the baby only to inflict an even more cruel death as the animal is speared and cut to pieces as it dies a slow painful death. The narrators explain they were in the area to film native rituals yet the timing of their arrival made it more of a treat as they used the revolutions and political upheavals to make this film more exciting. Yet as with the earlier film the validity of such claims is questionable. There are numerous scenes which are too convenient and just don't seem accidental, the hippo scene in particular just screams of blatant exploitation which was probably staged intentionally for the camera. It is certain that people do die as their are scenes of political executions and death at the hands of natives. As with many of these films the message coming from the producers is that the departure of colonial white control has left these savages to prey on one another, yet again we find the comparison of our civilized society versus their barbaric ways. The implication that because they are black and primitive they are uncivilized would figure into so many films of this type well into this day and age. We do know that there is plenty of political struggle and death in Africa even to this day but never let the racists message of this film cloud your understanding. This is not a geniune documentary but merely an attempt at exploitation. The film was released in a number of cut versions, the American copy wore the label Africa Blood and Guts and had some of the more potent scenes deleted.

AFTER HOURS

Enjoyable and bizarre black comedy from movie making maestro Martin Scorsese was one interesting trip. Some scenes are just strange for no reason while the movie is notable for its fast pacing and lack of logic but its compelling enough to rise above these flaws and result in something people will enjoy if they are in the mood for something different. Griffin Dunne, who I've always liked in American Werewolf In London is a computer operator who is obviously lonely and looking for someone "special" to hook up with. One night Dunne meets a young woman played by Rosanna Arquette in a cafe and she gives him her phone number, he then goes home and calls her. Dunne's night will never be the same as he loses his cab fare before arriving to his destination. Dunne meets up with Arquette's interesting roommate played by Linda Fiorentino until she arrives herself. After this everything goes wrong for Dunne as he has an argument with Arquette and tries to leave but can't because subway fare just happened to go up. He goes back to apologize to Arquette and finds her dead body lying on a bed holding an empty bottle of pills. Besides this he's accused of being a burglar and hunted down by the neighborhood locals headed by a crazy ice cream lady in her truck played by Catherine O'Hara. He meets up with bar owner John Heard and waitress Terri Gar who are quite interesting to say the least, he must hide in a paper mache sculpture and he keeps having run ins with Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong who are art stealing crooks. All the characters are what make the film enjoyable and you really appreciate Dunne's nice and regular guy role who only wants to go home. Some memorable scenes include Dunne putting up arrow signs leading to Arquette's Body for the police to find her and Dunne witnessing a murder and just ignoring it being pissed off with everything and not caring anymore. The scene where Dunne explains his night is one of the best with the stage-like stand up comedy lights hanging in the background. The ending is brilliant and really makes you chuckle to yourself. Its less violent compared to Scorsese's other work. A nice quirky and appealing film.

Rating: 4 Skulls

AFTERMATH

Strictly dull Spanish Guinea Pig II: Flowers Of Flesh and Blood like offering about what might go on at a morgue when no one else is around (After seeing the footage from Traces Of Death II and this I've decided I want to be cremated when I die!!!!). This strictly dark and morose tribute to the sick could have been a sitcom over in Spain for all I know since it only runs for like a half an hour or so.

All it has are the graphic procedures performed on people after death (an autopsy) and how one psycho pathologist molests and porks a dissected female corpse (he packs that young dead nubile vessel good and hard!). Loads of medical operation gore but nothing splashy like in splatter films. After the guy is done with the corpse he takes some innards home to his dog for it's lunch (not before grinding it up in a blender of course, that would be cruel if the dog got something caught in it's throat!).

I may make the film seem like a fun watch but it's just garbage I wouldn't view again. In case your wondering Nekromantik is better than this.

Rating: 0 Skulls

ALICE SWEET ALICE aka Communion, Holy Terror: (1978, USA)

Directed by: Alfred Sole

Bizarre horror/thriller based around religious beliefs and a troubled young girl. Its pretty funny that they have Brooke Shields listed as if she was the main character but all she has in this is the role of Alice's sister and she's only twelve years old in the role. Not only this but the fact that she dies 15 minutes or so into the film.

I couldn't get into this much and I found it to be mediocre fair at best. All the characters were extremely unlikable and the film felt dead and cold with all the religious hoopla. The make-up effects amounted to how much fake blood could be put on knife wounds. Not bad if you like these type of thrillers.

Rating: 1 Skull

ALIEN : (1979, USA)

Directed by: Ridley Scott

One of the best sci-fi films in history about a crew of researchers on the flight vessel Nostromo in space.  The ships computer orders them to answer a distress call on anther landed ship.  In doing so the whole crew are dispatched by a deadly alien, hence the title.  All the carnage starts when on the stranded ship a crew member ( John Hurt, I think) gets what is well known as a face hugger attached to his face.  The face hugger eventually comes off easily and dies.  Hurt starts developing a big appiteite and soon he is writhing in pain as one of the little alien bastards rips out through his chest spewing blood everywhere and on everyone (Infamous scene here)

The crew then spend the rest of the film searching for the alien and they usually find it but die.  The good cast has Sigourney Weaver as Ripley, Yaphet Kotto, Harry Dean Stanton and Tom Skerrit to name most of them.  Ian Holms plays the Android.  It all turns out that the whole rescue mission was a farce and the whole idea was to capture the alien and study it or something.  Theres some really pulled off quickly kill scenes.  The pre ending with weaver getting her cat is a bit tiresome.  Probably Weavers best role.  The ending with her hauling off her clothes made me a bit ill but I liked the film.

I would call it a popular well known film but the character development in this was zero, I mean they are so wooden and the stalk and kill approach didn't impress me much, it seemed almost like a slasher in space during a couple of scenes.  Heres an interesting fact you might not have heard. An artist named Petagno drew up the original design of the face hugger on Kanes face with a long penis like rod going down his throat impregnating Kane with its offspring.  The design was just the way writer Dan 'O Bannon wanted it but Ridley Scott cut it out due to it being too explicit.  Dan was generally pissed and the design was replaced by some shitty stock footage of blood pumping through veins.  Its interesting what you can learn from Sounds Of Death magazine!  Good film.

Rating: 4 skulls

ALIENS: (1986, USA)

Directed by: James Cameron

This explosive sequal is on par or better than the original.  It picks up right after  the original where the only survivor of the Nostromo Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) some 57 years after being in a deep sleep chamber (I wonder if she had bed sores!).  The ship which hosted the aliens in the first film is now colonized.  Ripley along with a group of rough marines including Bill Paxton, Michael Biehn and Maria Conchita Alonso and Android Lance Henrikson along with the chief organizer of the
colonization Paul Reiser (who is an asshole in this) must go to the ship and see what is happening.

Once there they realize the place is deserted except for a little girl. Soon the aliens attack and they must fight for thier lives againist the hordes of the buggers similar to the one in the first.  The good thing is that this time they have some impressive weapons and manage to stay alive for a bit longer(not much).  Again Ripley is left alone but this time she has a cool weapon and a little girl instead of a cat.  Weaver made herself out to be quite the 1980's female Rambo much similar to
Cameron's Linda Hamilton character in T2.

Ripley blows the hell out of the alien hives and does battle with the mother alien in some sort of cool bionic suit and does away with it in a similar fashion to the first.  This one again has absolutely no
character development or atmosphere as in the first except that we already know Ripley is a strong missus, the marines are tough jokers and Reiser is a jerk although it provides a stronger dose of special effects and action that Camerons films became known for.

Camerons original Terminator was quite the film as well but don't talk about T2, who hasn't seen it much like ID4.  Check out when android Henrikson is ripped in half by the mother aliens tail, quite the scene. Must see sci-fi action

Rating: 4 Skulls

ALLIGATOR: (1981, USA)

Directed by: Lewis Teague

Above average killer animal (reptile) on the loose flick about a giant mutated alligator. A young girl (who is really Robin Rikers character as a child) buys a baby alligator. It gets flushed down the can and then mutates from eating dead carcasses of testosterone injected dogs who were victim to a research experiment.

Years later something is ripping apart citizens in the sewers. When cop Robert Forester loses a partner to the gator he goes after it even when people think he's crazy. Along with reptile specialist Robin Riker he eventually does and gets it as expected but not before it chomps many folks.

The alligator looks exceptionally well and so do the effects involving it. This is a good film and more than a Jaws wannabe although I hate to say it the ideas used in Jaws are somewhat prevalent here like the upward underwater view of a person thrashing in the water. Still this is a pleasing film to watch. Followed by a wretched sequel.

Rating: 3 ½ Skulls

AMITYVILLE HORROR : (1979, USA)

Directed by: Stuart Rosenberg

What I thought would be a superb haunted house horror tale turns out to be a total bore which is tough to watch and very slow moving. Even with the nice eerie music and menacing presence of the house the movie falls flat. It just doesn't work at all for some reason.

The story concerns a couple played by James Brolin and Margot Kidder who buy a house where the previous family were shotgun executed in. When Brolin and Kidder move into the house with their two children strange occurrences begin to happen. Brolin slowly turns into a madman who likes cutting up firewood with an axe.

A priest played by Rod Steiger seems to encounter endless physical problems with the house that plague him after he enters it only once. From then on he is cursed with different problems. After a lot of awry goings on the family decide to hit the road and leave their belongings behind. What can I say, it's a bore to have to watch this. I didn't enjoy it.

Rating: 1 Skull

AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION: (1982, USA, Mexico)

Directed by: Damiano Damiani

A step up from the original which was a total bore, this sequel is nothing special but thanks to some nice atmosphere, satanic voices and some decent effects it is watchable. This story I actually happens before the first Amityville where a families teenage son is possessed by the evil in the infamous house. The possessed son shotguns to death his whole family.

The family are very unlikable especially the father played by Burt Young, an actor that I personally dislike, he always plays the same bum in every one of the films he stars in.

After the possessed son kills off his family a priest gets involved and tries to free the boy from the evil in his body. The film even has incest overtones involving brother and sister. I wouldn't rush out to pick this one up, I caught it on a pay TV channel. The conclusion is probably the high point of the film.

Rating: 3 Skulls

ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA

First of all, be aware that this film comes in two formats, rated and unrated...I haven't seen the rated version but I have seen the unrated version and couldn't come up with anything worth cutting out. A hilarious and totally amazing telling of the Dracula story (although it really has nothing to do with Stoker's novel), ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA must be seen to be believed.

O.K., first of all, the film features a vast cast of actors who are all foreign, yet who must speak in English, and therefore speak slowly and over-dramatically. This already makes it an interesting film. Andy Warhol's name also always promises some interesting stuff full of gore and nudity, and it delivers with high camp.

The story is as follows: Count Dracula gets bored in Transylvania and decides to search the countryside for fresh virgin women. He comes to a small town and finds a house full of three daughters, all promised by their parents to be virgins. Well, little do the parents know that their trusty handy-man/gardener/servant is getting it on with the two oldest sisters, sometimes at the same time.

The sisters all go for Dracula, since he's royalty and has money. Yet, when he bites them and finds that they are not virgins, he goes into really violent fits of vomitting and coughing. He's only really interested in the youngest daughter, who the parents feel is too young to be married. She's pretty cool, though, and finds a connection with Dracula. Too bad he can't have her. To make matters worse, he keeps getting into ideological Marxist vs. Keynesian arguments with the handyman who is a Communist and who wants to rid the world of all aristocracy.

As you can probably tell, this is a far cry from the original Dracula story. What it is is a really campy, funny movie which goes over the top with gore and nudity, but all of it is so ridiculous that it isn't too gross or scary. Among the highlights are Dracula's right-hand man using a piece of bread as a sponge to soak up blood from the scene of a car accident in which a little girl (i.e., virgin) was killed.

One warning about ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA: it's not PG at all. The handyman says things such as, "What about your little sister? I'd love to rape the shit out of her." Bad, I know, but once you understand that the whole movie is really trash and not to be taken seriously, then you can enjoy it more.

ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA is ridiculous, hilarious, bloody, and at times, sick. In other words, it's got everything you could possibly want from a late-night video rental. If your store's got this one, check it out.

Rating: *** ½ (out of a possible 4)

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: (1981, USA)

Directed by: John Landis

My favourite werewolf film of all time, this masterpiece blends humor with extreme shocks and some impressive, very impressive special effects. So impressive that the efx man Rick Baker won an oscar for them (It's a shame he's doing pussy films now like The Nutty Professor). Simple but effective story has a couple of college buds (David Naughton and Griffen Dune) on a hiking holiday where they cross the British Moores and end up victims of a werewolf. Naughton becomes a werewolf after the incident and is occaisonally warned by the corpse of his dead friend Jack (Dune) that he should kill himself or he will kill as a werewolf.

Well Naughton transforms in a scene which I must say is an example of the best werewolf transformation sequance I have ever seen in a film, it is amazing how this scene is done and even today I have not seen anything better. Naughton writhes in agonizing pain as he transforms into a savage Lycanthrope, then he hunts during the night while his love interest Jenny Agutter who is a nurse is working. A rampage in downtown London leads to a not so happy ending. A more humorous scene in the film has Naughton with his rotting friend Jack in a porno theatre where he introduces David (Naughton) to his victims he killed as the wolf. an utter masterful work in horror that must be witnessed. Great classical music score too including songs like Blue Moon and Bad Moon Rising. The sequal is titled An American Werewolf In Paris.

Rating: 5 Skulls

ANACONDA : (1997, USA)

I wasn't expecting much from this as it obviously borrows from Jaws except instead of a giant shark its a giant snake. I didn't get much out of it to think of it.

An expedition into the amazon goes wrong for Eric Stoltz, Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube along with their crew. They had planned to film a documentary on native tribes but once they run into mysterious snake hunter John Voight doing a Marlon Brando impression things take a turn for the worse. Voight sets everything up nicely so he can trap his most wanted possession, the giant Anaconda reptile which crushes and then swallows its prey whole.

Lets just say I wasn't expecting much in the line of acting skills either with Ice Cube in the cast ( day got snakes dat big!?) . The snake itself looks very good but its head does seem a bit fakey. Some great effects which really don't cut in until halfway through the film. A great waterfall scene and the nasty death of Voight where he gets swallowed whole then is regurgitated back up only to wink his eye at Jennifer Lopez before he dies.

Rating: 2 Skulls

A RETROSPECTIVE- The Excorcist, Halloween, and Cannibal Holocaust

I just finished watching THE EXORCIST and came to the conclusion that it's not so much the film that scares you, its the psychology of what you may expect.

There really is only about 27 minutes of Regan lying around recking havoc. The rest of the time is spent playing with our minds. It's a well crafted screenplay that makes the film a modern classic.

The next time you decide to pop this puppy on the old laserdisc player or in the video machine, take note, you may not be seeing as much as you think.

In HALLOWEEN and it's commentry alike, Carpenter and Hill make a very good point. When trying to create fear, it's not so much on how gory you can make the film, its what you can make the audience think. As all of us know, HALLOWEEN is practicaly a goreless movie. It's the little moments that MAKE you scared.

The EXORCIST does this and achives it very well without boring the hell out of its viewer. While Regan's mother is off trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her daughter, the audience is left hanging and wants to know what her daughter is doing while Mom's at the hospitals and what not.

One cannot forget the soundtrack and sound elements (the film won an oscar for sound editing). The sounds coming from Regan's mouth OFF SCREEN are just as effective as they are ON SCREEN. The sheer thought of a non practicing religious family and their confrontation with the devil builds the film's intensity. The infamous TUBULAR BELLS by MIKE OLDFIELD only lights up the soundtrack a few minutes. While in comparison the SHAPE in HALLOWEEN fludders the score.

Now take a film like CANINBAL HOLOCAUST, a film which I know you're going to flame me for, I personaly detest. In HOLOCAUST the trouble lies within the character devolpment. No one in the film is at all likeable, so you feel no sympathy for them. People find the film so disturbing because of the craftmenship in detail of a wiggly 16mm film camera. If you took that away, the film wouldn't grab you the way it does. It'd just be another Caninbal movie. Technaicly, the film's location is effective but on other notes it fails. It fails in authentisty as well, for example: watch when one of the film makers loads the camera, he's using a German Camera. He'd have to load it in a film bag in order as not to expose it to sunlight. The scene with two central characters making love in front of the Caninbals....It's not disturbing, it's silly and voyeuristic which is where the film's sole purpose lies. We are supposed to feel like we landend on this incrediable journey while actually we simply set sail on a good idea.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trashing any of these films (HALLOWEEN happens to be my favorite film of ALL TIME) Im just giving an underminded opinion. The next time you watch these films again, take note, your not looking at what you may think you're looking at.

Film, the whole beauty of it is the creation of illusion.

My ratings:

HALOWEEN: ****

EXORCIST: ***

CANINBAL HOLOCAUST: * ½

ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 : (1976, USA)

Directed by: John Carpentar

If there was ever an unheard of or unknown cult classic, its this masterpiece of supence/action. The cast of unknowns all give their best. The menace in this which is the gang of punks play a very important role although you never see they're point of view. Story has a police precinct just about to be relocated being attacked by a gang who are after a man inside. The gang killed his daughter and the ice cream man and the father killed the gang member responsible. The gang lay siege to the police station.

The main inhabitants are a police Lieutenant, two secretaries and a couple of inmates. One played by Darwin Josten gives a very likable performance along with the Lieutenant played by Austin Stoker. Definetly one of my fav films of all time. The music by Carpentar is unbeatable but I'm sure many will disagree. Looking for something different but not off in fucking la la land, then this is for you. Its not perfect but what film is. Anyone?

Rating: 5 Skulls

THE ATOMIC CAFE : (1982)

Duck and Cover, use it and you will survive the blast from an A-bomb! Well we know better but to help calm the masses during the forties, fifties and early sixties these and many more slogans were used along with short newsreels to curtail fears of atomic war. These films and many more are included in this wonderful documentary that shows how paranoia and fear were dealt with by our government during the height of the cold war. The films are presented in a unique format which mixes documentary footage with military archive footage of atomic bomb explosions. At times you will laugh at the absurdity of the message as we are told that white bed linens and aluminum foil would help protect you and your family from the big one. Altogether a wonderful look at how the government used disinformation to help calm the masses and reassure them that an atomic war was not only survivable but winnable. A must see!