It Ain't Half Hot Mum episode 8

Plot:
The Bearer arrives late for the very first time in his life as he has been selling a cow, and the Concerty Party have been sent on a five mile route march by the Sgt-Major. Upon their return, the Sgt-Major refuses to let them fall out for a drink of water, and makes them stand in the sun so that it makes men of them.

Whilst they are stood there, they decided that it is inhumane, and they hatch a plan for one of them to pretend to faint, so that the Sgt-Major will let them fall out. It is decided that Lofty should be the one to faint as he is already closer to the ground than anyone else! So, Lofty performs his "faint" and collapses face down in the dust. The Sgt-Major returns and orders Solly to turn him onto his back.

                             Graham: "But Sgt-Major, if he stares into the Sun, he'll go blind!"
                          Sgt-Major: "By the looks of him, I know what'll make him go blind. And it won't be the Sun! "

The Sgt-Major covers Lofty's face with his helmet, and again leaves the men standing out in the heat of the Sun. Lofty then tells Solly that he thinks he really is going to faint, and promptly does! It is then up to Gloria to do her full performance, which involves a lot of screaming of "I can't stand it". Once again the Sgt-Major is back to tell them that he is going to make men of them, and that he has plans to do so.

The Sgt Major asks the Colonel if he he can train them like real soldiers and get them on proper duties. The COlonel tells him that it isn't possible as they won't have time to rehearse their shows if they are on duty, and besides, they can't do guard duty as they all have different hats! And as it is only a holding depot, he is not authourised new uniforms until the men are posted up the Jungle.

The Sgt-Major reluctantly agrees with the Colonel, but is already hatching a plan in his head. If he can get the Concert Part to wear matching hats, then he will be able to get them on duty and behaving like real soldiers! And the only way to get the hats is to get Solly to perform a Military number, which means they'll get matching hats for their "costumes".

Later, he goes to the Concert Party Basher to talk the men "off parade" and tries to convince them that it would be a nice idea to do a Military number. He tells them that he does actually have an interest in their shows as he once used to sing "on The Road To Mandalay" as a turn many years ago. He tells them that he would love to see them all perform it in Jungle Greens, with riffles, side by side (without the Piano!) and all looking alike, but how can they when they all have different hats! Solly says that he can get the hats as he has a friend in the Quarter Masters store who owes him a favour.   After the Sgt-Major has left them, the Concert Party discuss the sudden interest in their show, and are suspicious. But they come to the conclusion that he has probably now realised that he can't get rid of them and is waving the flag of truce, and they decide to give him what he wants.

Meanwhile, after a mix up in the Office, The Colonel and The Captain suddenly realise that they are due a visit from the General at any second. The General arrives, and demands an inspection of the Camp. The Colonel and the Captain reluctantly agree.

Rehearsals for the show are going ahead, and the Sgt Major spies on them and watches them perform the "Road to Mandalay" number in matching uniforms and even more importantly, matching Hats! They move as proper soldiers and even look like proper soldiers. He comes out of hiding and informs them that he has got them, and immediately gets them to parade at the double.

The General is very unhappy with the camp, and tells the COlonel that he intends to put in an adverse report on the Camp, and that it is a disgrace as evreyone seems to have different hats! He overhears the Concert Party being shouted at by the Sgt-Major, and remarks that he is impressed by their appearence, and wants to inspect them!

Outside, the Sgt-Major tries to get the men to drill, but they all move independently and not as they did earlier. It turns out that they are unable to move as one as they have no music to "perform" to. The General appears, and the men have to stand to attention, the Sgt-Major fears the worse and gives the order - As he does so, the Bearer moves to a distance and sings "The Road To Mandalay" which makes the Concert Party move perfectly.