The Report

By Ihket

I’m tired, no make that exhausted beyond all reason. I have to wonder why I do this to my self, I’ve been wondering a lot lately. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat…well, I just go, I mean there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do all I have to do, well that’s not really fair, it’s more what I want to do. I do have a choice and I have chosen this life. It’s a pretty good one too, if you cut out all the serial killers, mad bombers and other psychopaths that invariably seem to come my way, I’m pretty content here. Who knew that would happen?

Certainly not me. Blair ‘detach with love’ Sandburg has a home, a real home and a friend, no, a brother. I couldn’t ask for more, okay well maybe sleep, yes I could definitely ask for sleep. Sleep would be good.

I know it’s bad, my brain is having a heated argument with, uh, its self about the abuse it’s suffering. Man I wish the locusts that seem to have taken up residence in my ears would keep it down, don’t they know I’m trying to concentrate here. I know what’s coming, I am defiantly heeded for a crash, it’s kind funny really, though I know Jim won’t be amused. Things are really getting weird in this brain of mine, I want to laugh as I look at Henri, he’s not doing anything really just sitting at his desk tapping a pencil against his head, but the look on his face, he’s not there, I mean he’s totally gone. His mouth is hanging open and his eyes are glazed over, man Henri you really need to take a break. A break, now that sounds like a plan, of course a break would mean moving from the desk and walking away which is not something I think I am capable of right now. Huh, I guess no break for me. Oh well, back to typing for me. That’s odd the monitor is filled with Z’s, that’s not really odd it’s hysterical. I’m hallucinating! I know I laughed out loud this time, I can tell because people are staring at me, including Henri who seems to be back from where ever he went earlier. I didn’t actually hear myself laugh, who can hear over those damn locusts, who said they could move in there anyway. Geez, locusts partying in my ears. Sandburg you are really loosing it. Hey would you look at that, the reports back. Note to self, remember to thank the computer fairy.

I have a headache now and I am really starting to feel like crap. I really should go home now, but I have to finish something. What? That is such an excellent question, wish I knew the answer. Okay who’s the wiseguy that’s playing the jeopardy theme? Must be the locusts. Now what was I doing? Report, that’s it Jim’s report…what the- how did that get there? Okay so we’ve moved beyond weird and now are firmly planted in surreal, cause there are sheep dancing around the monitor. Ohmygod, they’re baa-ing, oh man one just fell asleep, I’d really like to join him. Shit there’s a space ship, run sheep run! This cannot be good, one of them just got beamed up, what the hell do aliens want with sheep any way?

"What’s so funny, Hairboy?"

Henri is standing over me, looking at me like I am insane, which at this point is very likely true. "Sheep man, there’s sheep in the computer." It’s all I can do to contain my self, because I know sheep have no business in Jim’s computer. Henri rolls his eyes and walks back to his desk, mumbling about practical jokers and silly programs. The sheep are all sleep now, which is very much what I’d like to be doing. Maybe I could just keep watch the sheep; I could sleep vicariously through them. Sheep are really cute when they sleep. I really need to finish this report, but I don’t want to disturb the sheep, they look so peaceful with those little Z’s floating above them.

"SANDBURG!"

Shit! I’m on my feet now, which is not a good thing cause the room is spinning, really spinning. I look up and see Jim and Simon staring back at me, and I was right. Jim is definitely not amused. He says something to me, but the locusts have kicked it up a notch and I can’t hear a damn thing over the noise and then I’m falling, I know this because I don’t see Jim anymore, I don’t see anything.

The locusts have moved out. I am overjoyed. Really I am, the buzzing was grating on my nerves. There are a couple of things I need to figure out. First among them where am I? Second is why cant I see?

"Chief? Open your eyes buddy."

Jim, that’s Jim and that’s good news. It means I’m okay. He sounds concerned, and I wonder what happened.

"Come on open your eyes."

My eyes are closed, more good news, I’m not blind. Okay so I should open my eyes, easier said than done though, my eyelids seem to have developed an attitude problem and refuse to obey. It’s an order guys not a suggestion. Finally I can see, huh? Oh man, well there’s another mystery solved. According to my surroundings I am in the hospital… again. So this less than thrills me and now I really want to know what happened. I take a minute to evaluate my condition, I don’t hurt anywhere, well except my head. I remember having a headache, did I hit my head? Okay so other than my headache I feel okay. I am obviously not going to figure this out on my own. "What happened?" was that my voice? Do I have a cold or something?

"You passed out chief, how do you feel?"

I did? "I did?"

"Yes you did, not sleeping or eating for days on end will do that to you."

Uh oh, he’s not happy with me, but I do remember now and he’s right, this was bound to happen, I have no one but my self to blame. "Sorry man."

"We’ll talk about it later, and we *will* talk about it. Now how do you feel?"

"Okay I guess, head hurts a little." maybe I could work the sympathy angle here and he won’t yell later, well he doesn’t actually yell a lot, he discusses with vehemence. Still it’s something I’d like to avoid if at all possible. "When can I go home?"
"A couple of hours, they want to check your blood sugar again."

He sighs and I can see the lines of worry etched in his face. I feel terrible bout this. "I am really sorry."

"You scared the hell out of me chief. You’ve got to stop doing this to yourself, how long had it been since you slept or ate for that matter?"

I don’t know how to answer that. Really I don’t mostly because I can’t remember. Uh that’s not good, even I can recognize that. "A while I guess." It’s as honest an answer as I have at this point.

"Yeah a while. Well you’re off for the next week."

I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off.

"Simon’s orders, he’s going to need that long to recover from the heart attack you almost gave him."

Oh man, Simon I am really sorry. "So I take it I face planted infront of everyone?"

"Yep."

He’s grinning at me. I passed out infront of everyone and he’s grinning at me, does he have any idea how embarrassing that is? I just want to bury my self under the covers and never come out. Could this get any worse? "I am so humiliated." What a moment ago I thought was impossible happens. Jim’s grin gets even bigger as he pulls out a folded paper.

"Henri thought you might want to save a copy of this."

He hands me the paper. "What’s this?"

"The report you were working on."

Here I am lying in a hospital and Jim can hardly contain his laughter, there is something so not right about this. I unfold the paper and begin to read and I learn all to quickly that indeed things can get worse. "Oh man!"

"I especially like the part about the alien sheep-napping. Henri preferred the not disturbing the sleeping sheep, thought it was, and I quote ‘precious’ and Rafe-."

"Stop okay, oh man I’m sorry but now I can never go back. I can’t believe I wrote all that, oh man!" I want to die now, really I do. How the hell did that happen, last I knew it was impossible for your brain to leak out your fingers, onto your keyboard. Yet magically it happened because there it is staring back at me, the insane ramblings of exhaustion. Where does my mind come up with this stuff? I can never face those guys again. I can’t believe this.

"Get some rest chief, I’ll go see about getting you sprung."

Please oh please yes get me out of here, I don’t know how I know but they’re coming. Simon, H, Rafe, Joel they’re all coming and I can’t very well hide in a hospital now can I? At home at least I can lock my self in my room. "Okay Jim, I would *really* like to go home."

"Sit tight junior, I’ll be back."

I nod as he leaves, this will never happen again, I will never let my self get that fried ever again. Jim man I hope you get back soon, cause I think they’re on their way here and I really don’t think I can handle them. Maybe tomorrow or next year but really really not now, just get me out of here and I promise I’ll take better care of my self. I swear, just get me out of here before they get here-

"Hairboy!"

Oh man!

~fin~