Two Humorous Cocktail Party Conversations by Tony Rothman PhD

Cited from Instant Physics From Aristotle to Einstein, and Beyond


Cocktail party Conversation # 1

A physicist is wearing a "Physics is all There Is" T-shirt and is surrounding by admirers. You, wearing a "Cosmology Takes GUTS" T-shirt, approach.

You: Do you really believe your T-Shirt?
Physicist: Of course. Everything is based on physics. Everything stems from the interactions of the fundamental particles through the four known forces.

You: And once you have a theory of everything you will explain everything?
Physicist: That's the idea.

You: Like the four forces?
Physicist: Absolutely.

You: Like why you like bagels?
Physicist: Well--

You: Or why people fall in love?
Physicist: Well, in principle it's all got to be a result of physics.

You: Isn't it going to be pretty tough for a Theory of Everything to calculate why people fall in love?
Physicist: That's just a practical difficulty.

You: Is it? Don't things like chaos and the Heisenberg uncertainty principle put a theoretical limit on what you can calculate?
Physicist: That is true--

You: So how can you even consider calculating why you like a bagel? Isn't this in principle impossible?
Physicist: Well, um, I'm not sure. Probably.

You: So your theory of everything can't explain why I prefer cream cheese, no lox--
Physicist: But--

You:-- or why Central Europe has fragmented, or why Andy Warhol got even 15 minutes, or why the NRA always misquotes the Second Amendment, or the sound of mountain streams, or--
Physicist: Okay, okay, maybe it's a Theory of Almost Everything--
Physicist:-- a Theory of a Few Things--

You:-- or why junk sells, or--
Physicist (moving off) : A Theory of a Couple of Things?

You: -- or why terrorist activities--
Physicist (continuing to they move away): A Theory of More Than Nothing? A Semi-Grand Unified Theory? An Impressive Attempt to Unify Physics? A Failed Attempt at Advertising Physics? An Excuse to Stop Doing Physics? The Theory That Will End Funding. . . .

You: A bagel and cream cheese, please.

pp.236-237


Cocktail party Conversation # 2

A physicist, wearing a "Tetractys of the Decad" T-shirt, is surrounded by admirers. You, wearing an "Alchemist Anonymous" T-shirt, approach.

You: Do you really believe mathematics describes the real world?
Physicist: Better than poetry.

You: Then why do science profs always say things like "assume the cow is spherical"?
Physicist: Well, one must . . . um . . . simplify!

You: A spherical cow? Isn't math describing something that doesn't exist?
Physicist: hmm, by the tetractys, this cannot be denied.

You: On the other hand, I've heard that most equations describing real systems can't be solved exactly.
Physicist: Well yes, we usually approximate.

You: So, how can mathematics be such a great description of the real world? On the one hand you can describe things that don't exist; on the other hand you can't describe things that do exist. Sounds a lot like poetry to me.
Physicist: But we can make our approximations as close as we want.

You: Didn't Einstein say, "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality"?
Physicist: Did he say that? Excuse me-its time for some nectar and ambrosia.
(Physicist disappears into the crowd.)

pp.10

Page is Copyright of Vincent Sapone, 2002

With Tony Rothman