Gilligan's Maui-Wowee(c)

by nANCI mEEK 5/98

aka"Gilligan's Island Bob Denver Paradise Lost"

A tropical island setting with palm trees and sand. Gilligan is lying down next to a rock in his red shirt, white pants and white hat. Maryanne is wearing a midriff top with pedal pushers and sandals. She is cradling his head.....

MARYANNE Gilligan! Gilligan! Wake up! Wake up! Gilligan!

Gilligan Oh wow.......Oh thank God...Maryanne! I had the most horrible dream....I dreamed I was a washed-up actor who'd been pulled over by the police...and they fingerprinted me and I was supposed to report to work on the new Fantasy Island.....

MARYANNE Relax....Gilligan. It must've been those brownies I made......from now on I'll stick to coconut pies.....

SKIPPER enters.

SKIPPER Hey there little buddy........how's my first mate?

GILLIGAN I'm ok skipper....I guess it must've been Maryanne's brownies.......

GINGER enters. She is wearing sequined skirt and go go boots with a Spice Girls T-Shirt...... GINGER Ooooh Gilligan..........I'm soooooo glad you're alright........

GILLIGAN Oh hi Ginger! And boy was I......At least I think I was.

SKIPPER Gilligan ate too many of Maryanne's brownies and passed out.

GINGER Here comes the professor........

PROFESSOR Gilligan thank goodness you're alive.

GILLIGAN It was Maryanne's brownies....

PROFESSOR I know Gilligan...... you see I got tired of playing with this radio with batteries that never seem to run down...So I decided to run a few tests on Maryanne's brownies.

SKIPPER Good Idea Professor.....what did you find out.

PROFESSOR Well if you'll stop holding your arms up as if you were a Tyrannosaurus Rex....

Skipper looks at his arms.

PROFESSOR (continued) After running a battery of tests on Maryanne's brownies which had Gilligan listless and placed him in an untimely stupor...

MR. HOWELL (V.O.) Lovey......come back here this instant..

MR. and MRS. HOWELL enter. MRS. HOWELL is quite flustered and perturbed with Mr. Howell.

MR. HOWELL Lovey......please...I beg you....think of what our friends in Palm Beach would say....not to mention Ron and Nancy Reagan...(I wonder if they'd remember me..)

MRS. HOWELL I don't care.........I think it is time everyone knows the truth....

SKIPPER What is it Mrs. Howell....

GILLIGAN Yeah...Mrs. Howell what is it?

MRS. HOWELL Oh Gilligan...my darling boy...are you alright?

GILLIGAN Yes, Mrs. Howell. What happened was I ate too many of Maryanne's......

SKIPPER Never mind that Gilligan.....Go on Mrs. Howell...

MRS. HOWELL Thurston sabotaged the boat and we were stranded on this island all these years because ......

SHOTS fired. Mrs. Howell falls down.

GILLIGAN Mrs. Howell!!!

Ginger screams. Both her and Maryanne rush to Mrs. Howell.

Mr. HOWELL Yes... that's right Gilligan....My business partner John DeLorean had skipped out and I was forced to file chapter 11..... The sequel to "Mr Magoo" was decades away and I was unemployed.

SKIPPER But what about all the money in the suitcases? And your cell phone and

BEEPER sounds. They all look at Mr. Howell.

MR. HOWELL Excuse me....I thought it was on vibrate.

GINGER Don't you see...Mr. Howell was on the run from Columbian drug dealers he owe'd money to.

PROFESSOR But what about the Cannabis I found after I analyzed Maryanne's Brownies?

MR. HOWELL Just a little left over from a New Year's Party Lovey and I attended with Mayor Barry.....

MARYANNE If you were already going to tell us about the Columbian Drug lords then why did you have to kill Mrs. Howell..

Mrs. Howell begins to wake up.

MR. HOWELL I didn't kill her....This is just a starters pistol.

Mrs. Howell rises and goes to her husband.

MRS. HOWELL Oh Thurston......darling...Now that everyone knows the truth about your sabotaging the boat to avoid the FBI and Drug Cartel.....we can finally get on with our lives.

MR. HOWELL Yes we can my lovey. EVERYONE? I'm sorry.

MARYANNE Oh Mr. Howell....we forgive you

ALL Yes...it's alright (etc etc)

They have a group hug.

GILLIGAN Hey everybody! Now that we know Mr. Howell's got a cell phone and it's been 30 years since we disappeared What do you say we get off this island..

SKIPPER Gilligan's right! Good idea little buddy... Or should I say little "BUD"...... (wink wink)

THEME MUSIC Actors freeze as........

NARRATOR After 30 years the Castaways were rescued.. The professor went back to work at Cal State Berkeley where he teaches Botany and owns a chain of Radio Shack stores.

Ginger! You guessed it...she replaced the other ginger and became Old Spice!

The Skipper finally nailed Maryanne and they both run a successful restaurant at the beach entitled oddly enough "The Castaways" And to this day won't give out her recipe for those coconut pies or the secret ingredients in the brownies.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell are living under the Witness Protection program at 1293 Elm St., Yucca Valley, California 92240

Gilligan entered politics and was recently appointed by President Clinton to be the Secretary of Agriculture.

THE END

TAG MUSIC for ENDING

And now I think we know my friends Why the Castaways always smiled And didn't try all that hard to be rescued from Gilligan's Isle

As always DO NOT perform this parody without prior consent or my cousin Vinnie "PaperCut" Argiro will be at your door. This is not a joke. By the way, Vinnie loves brownies!

Craving some of Maryanne's Brownies? Some Coconut Pie?

BACK to Gilligan song parody

FACTS:

Broadcast History: Sep 1964-Sep 1965, CBS Sat 8:30-9:00 Sep 1965-Sep 1966, CBS Thu 8:00-8:30 Sep 1966-Sep 1967, CBS Mon 7:30-8:00

First Telecast: September 26, 1964
Last Telecast: September 4, 1967

Broadcast History:

Sep 1964-Sep 1965, CBS Sat 8:30-9:00
Sep 1965-Sep 1966, CBS Thu 8:00-8:30
Sep 1966-Sep 1967, CBS Mon 7:30-8:00

Total number of episodes: 98 (36 black and white, 62 color, plus 3 sequels)

Cast:

Bob Denver as Gilligan
Alan Hale, Jr. as Jonas Grumby (The Skipper)
Jim Backus as Thurston Howell III
Natalie Schafer as Mrs. Lovey Howell
Tina Louise as Ginger Grant
Russell Johnson as Roy Hinkley (The Professor)
Dawn Wells as Mary Ann Summers

Theme:
"The Ballad of Gilligan's Island," by George Wyle and Sherwood Schwartz

Bob Denver's Web Page

JIMMY HOFFA "The true story and where he is today"

Can't find two cans and some string?