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CAMPING WITH HANNIBAL

Day One: Hannibal, myself and Alec drive to Topanga Canyon for some gritty camping and outdoor fun. We took Alec's SUV. The 10 minute drive took forever. Alec played the Carpenters Greatest Hits CD FULL BLAST the entire trip. By the time we arrived to the campsite, Hannibal was starving. And Alec was already sporting a 5 o'clock shadow.

Day One: That's me and Dr. Lecter and Alec Baldwin camping. You should have seen Dr. Lecter trying to roast those fava beans. What a cut up! Seriously, Dr. Lecter can tell some scary campfire stories. I told him a really scary story too. About the time me and Peggy Ashcroft got drunk and we mooned Sir Ralph Richardson, back in 1976. We were doing "John Gabriel Boorkman" at the National Theatre. The wet t shirt contest was hysterical. Ralph Richardson wouldn't put down the hose.

Day Two:These guys sent ME to chop the fire wood while they ordered out for chicken and pizza. What sissys! The guy in the background, Sal Manella, was the same craftservice guy Scorsese uses

Day Two: The snow melted pretty quick and I managed to take a skinny dip in the lake. These two mashers were watching me the whole time. What hose monsters! I had a hard time trusting them after that. Seriously, if this were "Survivor" they would be voted off for that.

Day Three: Hannibal couldn't wait for more chicken to arrive. Hannibal talked the bear into joining us for dinner. He loved the chicken wings. Turns out the Bear was a big Alec Baldwin fan. This was where our trip started to get a bit ridiculous.

Day Three:Hannibal coaxes the bear with some Extra Crispy. You believe this guy? I can't use my curling iron. Duh! No electrical outlets. Plus I lost my mascara. This camping trip was becoming brutal. And Alec was freaking out because his cell phone was constantly on "roam". I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea.

That night Hannibal read the rest of my Who Whacked Uncle Vito script OUT LOUD. Alec loved it. Geez! I suppose I'll have to give HIM a part too.

Day Four: Back to civilization. A month later Hannibal and I took off for Mexico. Only Alec couldn't make it. HE had a movie to work on. Wow! He really thinks he is hot stuff. I had to put a rinse on my hair so I wouldn't be recognized. After all Hannibal is a wanted criminal(slash) Cannibal!

Me and Hannibal incognito working for a wealthy tycoon. I'd tell you but it is a secret. He said he is researching his next cook book.