Chapter 1 Lest You Break Him
A/N- This plot bunny bit me after watching Mesmer too many times. It's only a short ficlet, about three chapters long, and hopefully I will have it finished by the weekend. Hope you enjoy. Cheers.
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Prologue
“Shhh boy, if you know what’s good for you,” the fat, drunk man slurred into the ear of the seven year old boy.
The boy whimpered, but only a little bit. It was nothing new. The pain was not new, the pounding in his head, the strange white noise buzzing in his ears. The thick hands were all over his body, he could almost see them in his perpetual darkness, prodding, groping squeezing.
The boy fought back a wave of nausea that always came at the end when the fat man spilt inside of his torn hole. The hot stick fluid slid down his legs, and when the fat man was gone, the boy cried.
Curled up on his small bed, in a cupboard under the stairs, the boy smashed his head against the wall. He winced at the pain, but that pain was better than the pain the man caused.
“Harry. I’m Harry,” the boy whispered, just once, his voice raw and aching. Little Harry kept his forehead against the wall and began to rock back and forth. The rocking motion calmed him, caused him to fall into a state where he could climb inside his mind. He could be happy there. Away from the hands, from the pain, from the smell of whiskey on the man’s sour breath. He was safe.
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Chapter One
Three years later, the screeching voice of the woman in the house as she found her drunken husband sodomising her unwanted nephew filled the house. The extremely small boy whimpered and pressed himself against the wall, as though he wanted to melt into it.
The drunken man slurred his excuses, his reasons. The woman would not listen. She was too angry, at her husband, at her sister for leaving her with such a burden.
“How long, Vernon,” she demanded. “How long has this been happening.” The fat man shrugged. “Some time.”
“And this is why he’s… not sound?” she asked, gesturing to Harry who was rocking back and forth, his head against the wall.
“Dunno,” the fat man said. “He’s always done that.”
“I’ve had enough,” she said, and pursed her lips.
The next day, Harry was left at a hospital, labelled a lunatic, and locked up. Harry didn’t feel the hands any more, he didn’t feel the pain, but he also didn’t feel anyone around him. He was now just another mad person. He didn’t mind it so much, because no one would try and take him away from what he had, inside of his mind.
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Two Years Later
“So this is him, eh?” the tall, black haired man asked.
The nurse nodded and shrugged. “He doesn’t talk. Doesn’t do anything that we don’t do for him. But you can talk to him all the same. Who knows, maybe if someone took some interest in him he’ll pull out of this.”
“What happened to him?” the man asked, taking his hands out of his pockets and kneeling beside the twelve year old boy.
“No idea, Mr…”
“Black, Sirius Black,” he said absently. Sirius Black reached out a hand and attempted to touch the boy’s hair.
Harry could feel a stranger’s presence beside him, and shoved violently toward the wall. Drawing his knees to his chest, Harry began to rock back and forth, mumbling incoherently.
Sirius stared at Harry’s vacant green eyes, and waved his hand in front of the boy’s face. When he got no response, he looked up at the nurse. “Can he see me?”
“No, Mr Black, he can’t. He came to us as is, just two years ago. Nothing wrong with his eyes, which is the strange thing, but all the same, he’s blind as a bat.”
Sirius sighed. “May I have some time alone with him? I won’t try to touch him again, I promise.”
“Of course,” the nurse said and left the room, closing the door tightly behind her.
Sirius let out a deep breath and carefully manoeuvred so he was seated at the end of the boy’s bed. Clearing his throat, he began to speak. “Hello Harry. I’m your godfather, Sirius. I used to be your dad’s best mate, and I knew you when you were really young. You won’t have remembered me, I’m sure, you were just one, but I did love you. Still do. I’m sorry. If I’d known what your family had done… well… fuck Harry, I don’t know what I’d have done, but I’d have done something.”
Sirius trailed off and raked his hand back through his hair. Harry hadn’t seemed to respond, but he had stopped rocking and mumbling. Sirius took it as a good sign. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, Harry, but I’d like to hold your hand. Might I?”
Sirius slowly reached out and let his fingers brush over the top of Harry’s hand. The boy let out a small hiss and pulled away further, seeming to shrink into himself even further.
Sirius pulled away. “Fair enough. I won’t push it. You’ve only just met me, after all.” Sirius took a deep breath. “Why don’t we just… get to know each other?”
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Six months passed before Harry allowed Sirius to touch him. A year passed before Harry would allow Sirius to move him from the bed and aid him to the bath or the toilet. Six months after that Harry allowed Sirius to eat with him, and five months after that, Harry silently asked Sirius to read him a book.
By Harry’s seventeenth birthday, the teen was further out of his mind then he had ever been. He started to learn Braille, though he preferred Sirius to read to him, and he had taken up a strange sort of art where he painted with his fingers. It was child-like, but it was also enthralling to watch, as Harry had no sense of colour or shapes or things that the normal eye could see. It was also a wonderful stress release for the teen, and it was encouraged.
Sirius visited him every day, sometimes twice a day. He spoke at great length about his live, his travels before Harry’s parents died. He spoke of loving and losing and the things he’d wanted to do in life.
He was affectionate with Harry, and the only one who touched him. Sirius was almost hysterical about new staff seeing Harry. When a new doctor, Remus Lupin, arrived at the hospital, intending on treating Harry, Sirius questioned him for two hours and demanded to see all of his certificates.
Remus Lupin was given the okay, but like the others, Remus was not allowed to see Harry without Sirius present. No one argued this, because Sirius had done wonders with the teen that no other could. Still, it worried people.
Especially since Harry still had fits. Screaming, clawing at his skin to the point of bleeding. Harry would bash his head on the walls or floor until he knocked himself out, and no one, not even Sirius could control them. Sirius didn’t seem overly concerned by the fits, and didn’t react to them. He would simply lay hands on Harry and whisper things in his ear.
“I will give you anything you wish for, Harry. Anything at all. I will make the world yours, Harry, that I promise.”
No one but Harry heard these things. And those things seemed to calm the distressed teen.
Just after Harry’s eighteenth birthday, he spoke. Only to Sirius, and strangely enough, it seemed to unnerve the black haired man.
They were having tea and Sirius was reading out of a book called Cry To Heaven, when Harry cleared his throat and distinctly whispered, “Read the bit where Guido confesses his love.”
Sirius froze, book falling to the floor and he looked at Harry with almost panicked eyes. “Did you just… speak?”
Harry gave a small smile. “Please, read that part again.” His voice was a bit louder, hoarse but understandable.
“You can talk,” Sirius repeated, making no move to retrieve the book from the floor.
“I could always talk,” Harry said after a pause. “I was afraid.”
“Of what?” Sirius asked.
“Everything. The ugliness of words. But words have beauty too, just like when Guido finally confesses his love. I want that. Read it again.” Harry fell silent, and after a few moments, it became clear that Harry would not speak again.
Sirius retrieved the book, thumbed to the proper page and read it aloud. Harry finished listening with a small smile, and soon drifted off to sleep. When Lupin came in to see how things were, Sirius, in his stunned state, confessed all.
Lupin’s grin broadened. “Excellent. I had a feeling he would begin to speak soon. He’s not insane you know, just traumatised.”
“How do you know?” Sirius demanded angrily. “What do you know of him?”
“A lot more than you think, Mr Black. A colleague of mine is coming to visit the hospital in a few weeks and I thought, if you will agree, that he might soon take over Harry’s primary treatment. He’s rather good at these sorts of things. A bit unorthodox, if you will, but I’ve seen him damn near work miracles.”
Sirius’ eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I’m not going to allow some barmy old quack to lay hands on my godson. Harry’s been through enough pokes and prods. He’s doing well enough on his own.”
Remus gave a soft, sad smile. “Will you meet him, please?”
Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but for the sake of peace, he finally nodded. “I make no promises,” he warned.
“Of course not,” Lupin said, and closed the door after he left.
Sirius sat down in the chair across from Harry’s bed and watched him sleep for a long time. A thousand thoughts were running through his head. Eventually, Sirius stood up and walked to Harry’s bed. Placing his knee atop the covers, he bent down and ran his fingers over Harry’s hair gently. The raven-haired teen shifted, waking slightly and whimpered.
“Hush now Harry and I will make sure you have everything you wish.”
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Three weeks later, a doctor called Severus Snape appeared at the hospital. He was not a typically attractive man. He was gaunt and thin, his nose was prominent and his hair was long and inky black. The colour of his eyes exactly matched his hair, and they had an icy quality. When he looked at you, it was as if he could see straight into your inner most thoughts, and that unnerved many people.
Severus did not coddle, either, which gave him poor bedside manner. But his techniques were revered by many, though shunned by a lot of the medical profession. His techniques strayed from modern medicine, and went straight into energy, life force and the ability to control yourself.
Remus brought Severus to Harry’s room, where the teen sat at his table, painting in a furious way. Harry stood with his head cocked to the side, his fingers almost ripping across the page in a flurry of blues, greens and reds. His mouth was set in a frown, and when he ceased movement for the briefest of moments, it was clear his hands were shaking.
Sirius Black sat in the corner of the room, almost curled up in the armchair, watching Harry with a neutral expression. His gaze flickered to the two doctors for only a moment, before it returned to Harry.
“Mr Black, Mr Potter, this is Doctor Severus Snape,” Remus said.
Sirius looked up at Severus again. “I’ve heard of you and your… profession. Are you even a proper doctor?”
“I am,” Severus sneered. “Not that I have to justify my credentials to you.”
“Get out,” Sirius said firmly.
“I will not,” Severus said. “I am here to assess this patient, whether you like it or not.”
Sirius stood and blocked Severus from reaching Harry. “I determine who sees him and who doesn’t. Get. Out.”
Severus opened his mouth to deliver one of his infamously scathing replies, but before he could make a sound, Harry collapsed to the floor. His paint covered fingers flew to his temples and he began to scream. Clawing at his cheeks and eyes, Harry writhed on the floor.
Severus moved forward but both Remus and Sirius stopped him. “Just let him be. He just needs to get through it.”
Severus shook off both of their hands angrily. “He’s causing himself harm, you imbeciles.”
“This is common, just let it pass,” Remus said gently.
“Common for whom, exactly?” Severus hissed as he bodily shoved Sirius out of the way. Dropping to his knees, Severus took Harry’s hands and pried them to his face. Harry let out a guttural sound and arched his back. “Do not do yourself harm,” he whispered as he leant in close to Harry. “Listen to my voice and be calm.”
“Let him go, you bastard,” Sirius shouted, making a grab for Severus.
Remus, however, noticed the immediate change in Harry’s demeanour and grabbed for Sirius. “Let Severus be, he knows what he’s doing.”
“My arse!” Sirius shouted. “He’ll not touch my godson.”
“Get him out of here, Lupin,” Severus growled and returned his attention to Harry. “Listen to my voice, and calm. I promise you will feel no pain, and no one will harm you. Hush now… listen to me and hush.”
Harry calmed, and stopped fighting Severus’ hands on him. Sirius watched with mute fascination and almost horror as the man calmed a fit that no one could before.
Several moments passed where Severus merely stroked his hands up and down Harry’s arm. The teen calmed and eventually his breathing evened out. Severus let out a slow breath and carefully aided Harry to his feet. “You are in control of yourself, Harry. You control the pain, you control the madness. It’s in you, Harry. In you.”
Harry swallowed thickly and tightened his grip on Severus’ arm. “In me,” he whispered.
Severus nodded. “In you,” he repeated, and then let Harry go. Casting a glare at Sirius, Severus walked toward the door. “I’m going to clean up now. You, Mr Black, would do well to remember what just happened here, and remember that this man does not deserve the pain. Not from you or from himself.” With that, Severus turned on his heel and walked out of the room.
Remus, who was still holding Sirius, pulled away and looked into Sirius’ face. “That means he’ll accept Harry as a private patient,” he said.
“Over my dead body,” Sirius bit out. “Over my dead, rotting corpse.”
Remus sighed and put his hands into his pockets. “Then perhaps you should ask Harry what he wants.”
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The hospital was dark, the patients were sleeping soundly, and the nurses had finished their final rounds.
“Anything you want, Harry. Anything I can give you,” Sirius whispered into the teen’s ear.
Harry stopped struggling and turned his face toward Sirius. “I want that man. Snape. Take me to him.”
Sirius stiffened, and then placed a rough kiss on Harry’s neck. “As you wish,” he replied.
Chapter 2 Lest You Wake Him
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Sirius said as he pulled in front of the manor. The house was slightly dark, looming over them. “I don’t know why you think you need him.”
Harry stiffened, his hand clutched round the door handle tightly. “He can help me, Sirius. I could feel the power in his hands.”
“Rubbish,” Sirius spat, shaking his head. “He’s a fraud, Harry. He’s going to convince you of a bunch of crap that isn’t true.”
Harry tensed. “Why do you say that? How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“You didn’t feel his power,” Harry whispered. “I felt it.” The man fell silent, pressing his forehead against the window.
Sirius stared at his godson for a long moment, his cobalt eyes narrowed. “We’re here now,” Sirius said with a low growl. Getting out of the car, he quickly walked round and aided Harry’s steps as they headed toward the front door.
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“Severus, are you out of your fucking mind?” a tall, platinum blonde man no older than Harry demanded. “Look at him. He’s… well he looks mad.”
“He only thinks he’s mad,” Severus said, prying the young man away from the window. “I can heal him.”
“Heal him my arse,” the blonde muttered as he pulled his arm out of Severus’ grip.
“Draco, shut up and go check on your cousin. I tried to calm her but that idiot mother of hers gave her a dose of Valium.”
“Because she was having a fit,” Draco complained as he headed toward the stairs that led to the upper level of the house.
“I could have calmed her,” Severus said tersely.
“You’re not helping her, you know. You’ve only managed to make her fall in love with you. This is just utter madness, Severus. You’re nearly as mad as your patients.” Draco headed up a few steps before he turned again. “I hope this one actually has some fucking money. You can’t live on my good graces forever.” And with that, he disappeared to the upper floor.
Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt constantly misunderstood, which was fine with him. He never got on with the general population and never expected to. Still, with the blonde constantly nattering about Severus getting a proper job, treating “normal” patients, Severus’ indifference was wearing thin.
Severus’ thoughts were interrupted when the bell rang, and he slowly approached the door. He couldn’t explain what it was about the young man that caused the sudden desperation to help, but it wasn’t the first time Severus had felt it either. Then again, Severus could feel something different about this one.
Gripping the handle tightly, Severus swung the door open. He was immediately met with the sceptical, angry face of Sirius Black. Harry’s hand was resting on Sirius’ arm, and his green eyes were wide.
“Good afternoon,” Severus murmured as he drew them inside. Closing the door, Severus took Harry’s free hand and placed it on his own arm. “You may return for Mr Potter in three hours time.”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “Are you fucking mad? I’m not leaving Harry alone here.”
Severus opened his mouth to deliver a scathing reply when a dark haired woman walked down the stairs.
“Sirius!” she exclaimed familiarly.
Sirius’ jaw dropped. “Andromeda, what are you doing here?”
“I should be asking you that,” she said. “Severus is treating my daughter.”
Sirius clenched his jaw. “My godson has requested Snape’s treatment as well.”
Andromeda looked over at Severus for a moment and let out a slow sigh. “Come on then, I’ll fetch us some tea and we can catch up on things.”
Sirius looked as though he wanted to protest, but just then Harry released his arm and moved closer to Severus. Severus, in turn, smirked and pulled Harry toward the terrace door, leading out into the garden.
“You know where to find me, should you need anything,” Severus snapped at Andromeda. “She should sleep for hours though, with the dose you gave her.”
“She was upsetting herself,” Andromeda said tiredly.
“No, you were upsetting her,” Severus responded and pulled Harry outside. When the doors shut, Severus paused and waited until Andromeda and Sirius walked out of sight. Letting out a slow breath, Severus returned his full attention to Harry.
“You don’t mind a walk, do you?” he asked carefully.
Harry cocked his head to the side. “No, not at all.”
Severus smiled at the coherence in Harry’s voice. “Excellent. I’ve a large garden, orchard in the distance. We can walk out there.”
“Can Sirius see us out there?”
Severus paused. “No.”
Harry smiled. “Good.”
Severus smirked just a little and very carefully led Harry down the stone path, down past the large fountain and into the canopy of cherry trees. Eventually they came to rest on a small stone bench.
“It’s nice out here,” Harry commented. “It smells wonderful.”
“The blossoms,” Severus said. He stood up a moment and reached overhead, picking one of the fragrant blossoms. As he sat back down, he reached out with a gentle hand and placed the flower under Harry’s nose.
Harry flinched for a second before taking a deep breath of the sweet scent, and he smiled. “Thank you,” he said softly.
Severus chanced a rare, tense smile and watched the blossom tumble from his fingers. “Why are you here, Harry?”
Harry turned his face toward Severus. “I want to see.”
“I don’t cure blindness,” Severus said mildly.
Harry chuckled. “No, I suppose that’s not the kind of doctor you are. But I’m not… well I am blind, but they don’t know why.”
“They?”
“The hundreds of doctors before you,” Harry said with a light chuckle. “They could never figure out what was wrong with me.”
“Do you know, Harry?” Severus asked carefully.
Harry reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. “Sometimes… sometimes the dark is too much. Sometimes in the dark, I can’t breathe. I’m tired of it, and I want to see the light again.”
“For Sirius or for yourself.”
“For myself,” Harry responded immediately.
“Are you sure?”
Harry nodded firmly. “Yes.”
Severus looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “You know… the first person I ever healed was myself. I was broken, bruised, scared and half mad. Then… one day… I just realised that I didn’t need the scores of healers and doctors and the bottles upon bottles of pills. I realised that I was in control of my own life. And when that happened, I stopped hurting.” During this, Severus had reached out and took Harry’s hand in his. He began absently stroking along Harry’s forearm, his gaze fixed far off in the distance. “I will heal you, Harry, but you have to trust me, and you have to believe I can do it.”
Harry smiled and tightened his fingers over Severus’. “I do.”
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Harry took a deep breath, letting it out very slowly as Severus had instructed. He was seated in a chair, his head tilted backward and Severus was standing behind him, his fingers pressed against Harry’s temples.
There was a strange sort of music on in the background, something Harry had never heard before, and the drumbeat resembled that of a heartbeat. “Listen to the beat, and let your heart fall in sync with it. Just breathe, Harry, and I promise this won’t hurt.”
Severus’ voice was soothing, reassuring, and Harry calmed considerably. His hands unclenched and he started taking slow breaths. The beat became louder as he sat, just listening, and the thumping in his chest soon started to fall into the same pattern as the music.
When Severus saw that Harry had completely relaxed, he closed his eyes and began his practise. He began to feel out Harry’s energy, feeling it pulse against his fingertips, and he began to manipulate it. His practise was considered strange and fraudulent by many, but Severus knew it worked. Severus knew, because he understood that he could control his own mind, his own energy, his own everything.
And he could aid others on that path as well.
As Harry’s breathing slowed with the slowing of the music, Severus began to whisper. “You control the darkness, Harry. You control it. You are not at the mercy of anyone or anything but your own soul. You can keep the darkness away; you can open your eyes and see, Harry. No one can touch you if you don’t let them. No one.”
During this, Harry tensed and Severus felt it. Harry’s eyelids fluttered as though he was dreaming, and Severus pulled back. “What is it?” he whispered.
Harry whimpered, and fisted his hands in his trousers. “No… stop. Stop!” Harry lurched forward, crying out loudly.
Severus immediately pulled Harry back into the chair, placing calming hands on either side of Harry’s cheeks. “Harry,” he said firmly, “calm yourself. I’ve gone too far, I’m sorry.”
Harry pulled away from Severus’ hands and took in a deep, shaking breath. “It’s… not you,” he said gently.
Severus knelt down and placed his hands atop his thighs. “What happened?”
Harry hung his head forward and clasped his trembling hands in his lap. “Sometimes I can hear things no one else can,” he whispered after a long silence.
“What sorts of things?” Severus asked, mentally acknowledging the change of subject.
“Things. Music from a far distance, the leaves on the tree waving in the light breeze.” Harry dropped his voice so low Severus had to strain his ears to hear it. “I can hear the beat of a human heart.” Harry reached out and touched the centre of Severus’ chest.
Severus swallowed thickly, and tried not to be captivated by the heat coming from Harry’s hand. “When I was little, the sound of a heart was the only thing that could calm me. After my father… well, after bad things happened, I would run to my gran. She would hold me, and I would press my ear to her chest and fall asleep that way.”
Harry smiled, lifted his head and pulled his hand away. “I can listen to it from another room. Your heart beats fast.”
Severus peered over at the clock and sighed. It had been just over three hours. “Do me a favour, Harry.”
“If I can.”
“Bring me the things you’ve painted.”
“They aren’t good. They can’t be very good when you can’t see them.”
Severus cupped Harry’s cheek. “Bring me what you’ve painted.”
Harry smiled.
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“Aaaaaaaah! Gnh! Aaaaaaaah!”
Severus woke to the screams, and sighed heavily. Throwing his feet out of bed, he stood and pulled on his dressing gown. Toeing on his slippers, Severus left his bedroom and headed up the stairs. Draco was awake, and met him just outside the girl’s door.
“She’s been at it for twenty minutes. I can’t believe it took you this long to wake,” Draco snarled.
Severus rolled his eyes and pushed Draco aside. Stepping into the room, Severus made his way to the canopied bed and saw the girl lying atop the covers. A thin sheen of sweat covered her face, her blue eyes were wide, and half rolled back in her skull. Her hands were clenched and her arms were tense, crooked slightly at the elbow. She was making the most pitiful sounds, as though she were in agony.
And Severus didn’t doubt she was.
In one of her coherent moments, she described the feeling as shards of glass flowing through her bloodstream. She didn’t have coherent moments any longer.
Pulling his long hair from his face, Severus knelt down and placed his palms against the girl’s cheeks. “Hush, Tonks, Hush. Control the pain, the darkness, you know you can.” Severus kept his voice low, even, hypnotic. “The pain is under your control, it can’t touch you unless you let it. Tonks, you can do this, the pain is yours.”
Severus repeated it as a mantra whilst Draco stood by and scoffed. Severus paid him no mind, and continued to speak until the girl calmed. Her laboured breathing slowly evened out, and her hands unclenched. Her eyes refocused, and she slowly turned her face to look at him.
Severus smiled, just a little bit, and ran his hand over her matted, dark brown hair. “Welcome back,” he whispered. Severus touched her cheek again, and Tonks nuzzled into his palm.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Severus sighed and stroked her skin gently. “You think you do.” Taking his fingers, he gently ran them over her eyelids. “Sleep now and no more nightmares.”
“No more nightmares,” she murmured, and just moments later, she was asleep.
Severus drew away from her and turned to face Draco. “She should be fine.”
“For the moment. If she wakes again, you better get up before I do.”
Severus rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. He didn’t see the hypodermic Draco pulled out of the bedside table drawer, nor did he see the sadistic smirk on the blonde’s pointed face.
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“These are what I’ve brought,” Harry said, shoving the black satchel toward Severus.
Sitting in Severus’ makeshift office, the older man took the satchel and unzipped it. Inside lay a stack of papers, all covered in smears of various colours.
The colours were not amazing, but the patterns were very intriguing. Severus could feel the emotion pouring off of them. Lost. Alone. Terrified. Above most people.
Severus had once felt all of those things. “May I keep these? Just for now.”
Harry shrugged. “Do what you will with them. I don’t have much use for them once I paint them. I didn’t used to keep them, but Remus thought they were worth saving.”
Severus looked down at one particular painting. It had jagged strokes, heavy use of blue, black and green. “So they are.”
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Tonks sat perched on the edge of her bed, her knees drawn to her chest. The soft tinkling of Brahms Lullaby played gently as she watched the two figures in the snow globe dance with each other. The strangest thing about the figures in the snow globe. They were dressed in clothing so similar that one could not discern if they were two males, two females or one of each. Both had dark hair, and barely painted on faces. When the globe was shaken, little flecks that were meant to be birds floated round them.
Severus sat in a chair in the corner of the room, the tip of his finger resting on his closed mouth. “Sing it,” he said softly.
Tonks’ wide eyes looked over at Severus, and the words gently left her mouth.
“Guten Abend, gute Nacht, Mit Rosen bedacht, Mit Naeglein besteckt, schlupf unter die Deck' Morgen frueh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt Morgen frueh, wenn Gott will, wirst du wieder geweckt.”
As the words left her mouth, Tonks began to rock back and forth. When she finished, and the music ended, the girl collapsed against her pillow and cried. Severus looked at her for a long moment before calling Andromeda and he went to his office to think.
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Harry sat in his usual chair, waiting. He smiled suddenly when the softest touch caressed his cheek. He reached a hand out to confirm what it was. His fingers met with something much like a very long feather.
Severus smiled, standing just to Harry’s left, a large male peacock feather in his hand. His heart fluttered at bit when Harry smiled so brightly. He ran the feather across Harry’s outstretched palms.
“It’s a peacock feather,” Severus said, kneeling beside Harry. He turned the feather over to the younger man for a full inspection. “It comes from the tail of a male peacock. The colours are amazing, Harry. Blues, greens, purples. Much like what you paint.”
Harry rubbed the very tip of the feather over his cheek, his head cocked to the side. “Are they angry? The colours, I mean.”
Severus’ brows furrowed, “No.”
“How long have you been treating me, Severus?”
The older man let out a slow breath. “Two months.”
“I still cannot see.”
“Who reminded you?” Severus all but demanded.
Harry shook his head and closed his hand over Severus’. “I will see. I will.”
Severus reached out and cupped Harry’s cheek. “You will see what you wish to see, Harry.” Severus moved round to face Harry, still kneeling and he placed his hands on Harry’s temples. Closing his eyes, he allowed the energy to flow into the younger man. He began to repeat the familiar words, and as he did, Harry let out a series of sharp breaths. It was as usual.
Just as Severus felt his energy reaching its peak, the door flew open, hitting the wall with a loud bam. He was jolted from his mind, and turned to glower at the intruder. “
So this is your treatment? Snogging sessions?” Draco snarled, crossing his arms.
Severus felt a rage build in him like never before. He stood, and as he stalked toward the blonde, Draco backed himself against the wall. Severus drew his hand up, placing it round the blonde’s neck. “I heal, Draco, but I can also kill. If you ever dare interrupt one of my sessions again, you won’t wake the next morning.”
The blonde gulped, his grey eyes wide with fear and anger. He pushed Severus away roughly and stormed toward the door. “So this is why my bed has grown so cold. Have it your way.” And with that, he was gone.
Harry still sat in the chair, shaken. His arms were wrapped round his middle and he started when Severus placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Severus whispered.
“What did he mean by his bed growing cold?”
Severus hesitated, and then answered carefully. “Once, I deemed him worthy of my affections. But he is not for me, not any longer.”
“Since when?” Harry asked very, very softly.
“For a long time now,” Severus replied, and took his position in front of Harry once again.
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When Severus returned from London, he immediately checked his messages. There was a particularly long one, in the angry voice of Sirius Black.
“My cousin saw fit to tell me of your methods. I’m appalled, and renew my opinion of you. I’ve had enough, Harry’s made no progress, and I’ve had enough. We have had enough.”
That was the end of the message. Severus listened to it once more, and sighed. He wondered if he would see Harry again. He knew Harry’s troubles were getting better, but it was not a problem he could fix immediately. Not when something was taking away from Severus’ progress. He needed Harry to be closer to him at all times. There wasn’t much he could do when Black was so opposed to him, and it didn’t help when Draco was feeding the flames.
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An hour passed, then two, then three. No one could calm Harry. He had been hysterical, screaming himself hoarse. His face was covered in scratches, his arms and legs bruised from flailing about. It had started round eleven that night, and had continued on into the wee hours of the morning.
The screaming had woken the nurses, who alerted Remus. Sirius was phoned, and was soon at the hospital. No one could touch Harry; no one could get near enough to talk him down.
“I should phone Severus,” Remus said and walked toward the door.
“No you idiot,” Sirius said, grabbing Remus and pulling him back. “Snape is not to go near my godson again.”
Remus’ eyes widened. “Sorry?”
“He’s not to come near Harry. That was why Harry needed to be sedated earlier this evening. I told him of my decision.”
Remus’ eyes narrowed. “Why wasn’t I informed that he was sedated?”
“Dr Kingsley approved it,” one of the nurses said. “He was the physician on call tonight.”
Remus turned and glowered at Sirius. “He’s a right to decide for himself, Sirius.”
“He still can’t see!” Sirius bellowed.
“Severus does not cure blindness.”
“Then why is Harry being treated for it?”
“He’s not,” Remus bit out. “Severus is helping Harry take control of what he thought was out of his hands. You and I both knew that right from the off.” “
Well look, he’s still having a fit,” Sirius pointed out angrily. “He’s not calmed for three hours!”
“Because you upset him,” Lupin said angrily. “I’m bringing in Severus on this, and if you try and stop me, I’ll have you thrown out.” With that, Remus turned on his heel and marched out of the room.
Sirius, in a half panic, began to pace as the nurses tried to keep Harry from further injuring himself. Eventually, about one half hour after Remus had gone to phone in Snape, Harry began to calm. His screams stopped and he sat with his head pressed against the wall. His hand slowly snaked out and splayed across the plaster. After a moment, his fingers began to tap in a rhythmic sound, mimicking what sounded like a heartbeat.
Sirius frowned at the strange behaviour and slowly crept forward toward Harry. Reaching out his hand, he took Harry’s wrist. “Harry, I’m right here.”
Harry pulled away and screamed. “No Sirius… please! Not again!”
Sirius froze, and the room stilled. Sirius looked back over his shoulder and saw Severus standing there, his eyes dark and narrowed. “Everyone… out,” he hissed.
Stunned, Sirius complied and followed the nurses and Remus out of the room. When the door shut, Severus knelt down a few paces from Harry who had begun to rock and hum to himself.
“Harry,” Severus whispered. “Harry, listen to me. You can control it. You can control the darkness. You are in control.”
“I’m not,” Harry cried, sounding wounded. “I can’t stop his hands; I can only make them gentle. They’re gentle if I’m silent. Only if I’m silent.” He lowered his face and began to cry in earnest.
Severus felt his heart lurch and he reached to Harry. The younger man stiffened and then melted into Severus’ arms. Severus pulled Harry to his chest and rocked him gently. “It’s not your fault,” he whispered. “Not your fault at all.”
Harry buried his face in Severus’ chest. “I’m so sorry. You were fixing me, he was breaking me.”
“He won’t touch you again,” Severus whispered. “He won’t touch you again.”
Harry reached his hand up and settled it on Severus’ cheek. “He’s afraid of you. Afraid of what will happen if I see him, if I look into his eyes. I can hear it in his heartbeat when I speak your name.”
Severus frowned and closed his hand over Harry’s. “Oh Harry,” he whispered.
Harry lifted his face and pulled away from Severus slightly. “Can he see us in here?” he whispered.
Severus looked at the closed door. “No, he can’t.”
“May I see you?”
Severus flushed just a little, and ever so slowly brought Harry’s fingers up to rest on his cheeks. Harry smiled slightly, and slowly traced his features. As his nimble fingers traced over Severus’ prominent nose, he smiled, and as they ghosted over his lips, Harry paused, delighting in the hot puffs of breath.
Eventually Harry dropped his hands. “I want to see, Severus. I want to heal.”
Severus cupped Harry’s cheek almost forcefully. “And you shall.” Severus stood and pulled Harry up with him. “I’ve seen enough.”
Severus made his way out of the room, Harry’s hand gripping his arm and he turned to face Remus and Sirius who had clearly been rowing just down the corridor. “He’s coming with me now,” Severus said.
“No,” Sirius cried.
Severus looked at Lupin. “You know the truth of it, Lupin. You’ve seen it before… in me once, and in others. I’m taking Harry with me, and you will allow me, if you want him to get better.”
Lupin looked at Sirius and then back at Severus. “Yes. I have. Go now, and be quick about it.”
Severus nodded and pulled Harry along. As they started toward the door, Sirius panicked and shouted, “This isn’t the end. You won’t get away with this!”
Severus smirked. “I already have.”
Chapter 3 - Lest You Take Him
A/N- This story is officially going to have four chapters instead of three. Sorry this took me SO long, but classes and essays and homework and exams and... *head!explodes* Hopefully I will be faster with the next updates. Hope this chapter is up to scratch. Cheers.
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“You… you’ve really gone mad, haven’t you?” Draco hissed as Severus shut the door to Harry’s room. “You can’t just house some lunatic here!”
Severus glowered and bodily shoved Draco down the hall until they were behind the closed door of Severus’ office. “Do not presume to tell me what I can and can’t do in my own house.”
“That I pay the bills for,” Draco snarled, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’ll have the authorities on your arse in two seconds, Severus. You can’t just take some fucking involuntary lunatic patient into your house.”
“I suspect Black will involve the authorities soon enough, I’m prepared for it,” Severus responded coolly as he walked to his liquor cabinet. Pouring himself a scotch, he turned and looked into Draco’s fury-reddened face.
“You’re out of your fucking mind. What are you going to tell them? It’s okay, sirs, I use my psychic powers to heal his energy. They’re bloody well going to lock you up along with him.”
“Draco,” Severus said with a heavy sigh, “fuck off. I’ve had a long night and I’d like to have a bit of peace.”
Draco raked his fingers through his hair and shook his head. “I’m not going to stand by and watch yourself ruin your career and reputation… well what’s left of it… for some potty bloke with a pretty face.”
“You can happily leave at any time, Draco,” Severus said with a shrug, and without waiting for a response, he brushed past the blond and went into his room.
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When Harry woke the next day, he was heavily confused. His head was foggy from the amount of sedatives that had been injected into his arm, and everything about his surroundings was unfamiliar. The smell, the feel of things, the sounds.
He struggled to remember the events from the night before, and he wondered why he was so sore. His fingers reached out to inspect the nearest object, and it happened to be a bedside table with nothing on it. Harry felt a slight wave of panic when the door opened and soft footsteps sounded.
Severus, the person entering the bedroom at that moment, looked at the panic on Harry’s face and realised he was confused. “Harry, it’s me, Severus,” he said in soothing tones.
Harry immediately relaxed a few degrees and his fingers toyed with the edge of the duvet. “Where am I?” he asked, his voice hoarse and strained.
“You’re in my home,” Severus said softly as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. “Do you remember what happened last night?”
Harry shook his head. “My memories are all fogged. I hurt though, a lot.”
Severus saw the inflamed scratches on Harry’s face and knew there must be more damage done to the rest of his body as well. “You had a fit last night, seeming because of Black, and I took you with me.”
As Severus spoke the few words, Harry slowly remembered what happened. As he did, he went completely pale and began to shake. “Sirius… he must be absolutely furious.”
“He was,” Severus said honestly and reached out for Harry’s hand. “I’m not going to let him hurt you anymore, Harry.”
Harry’s fingers clutched at Severus’, almost desperately. “He… I needed to see you, Severus, I needed you to help me, and I had to… to submit.”
Severus felt a deep ache in his chest and he moved a bit closer to Harry. Reaching out, he stroked his fingers over the younger man’s unruly locks. “It was wrong, what he did, and he won’t touch you again. You’ve been injured, and I do need to clean you up. I’ve run you a bath, and I’d like you to let me help you.”
Harry swallowed thickly and nodded. “Okay,” he all but whispered.
Severus slowly aided Harry out of the bed, and together they padded into the bathroom. Severus led Harry toward the deep, claw-footed tub and sat him on the low ottoman. “I need to take off your clothing,” he said very carefully. “Can you trust me?”
Harry nodded. “Of course,” but the shake in his voice belied his confident words. When Severus eased him out of his pyjamas and his eyes took in the damage.
There were deep scratch marks on his torso and back. His hips were covered in finger-shaped bruises, and on the right side of his arse, there was a mark that looked suspiciously like a bite-mark. Severus’ eyes narrowed and he shook his head.
“Are you, ahem, torn?” Severus asked carefully.
Harry flushed a little and shrugged. “Possibly,” he whispered.
“I’m going to have to look when we’re done with the bath,” Severus said. “I’ll have to treat your wounds to prevent infection.”
Harry lowered his head and nodded. “O-okay.”
Severus sighed and reached out, petting Harry’s locks gently. “Don’t be ashamed,” he whispered. Reaching out, Severus slowly guided Harry into the warm, soapy water.
Harry hissed as the water made contact with his aggravated wounds, and Severus made sure to keep the bath quick. He washed Harry carefully, and after only five minutes, he eased the younger man out of the water and began to towel him off.
After placing a dressing gown round the younger man, Severus led Harry into the bedroom and sat him on the bed. “Lie down on your stomach,” he said gently. “I’m going to have to apply some disinfectant to your wounds and I want to examine the rest of you.”
Harry paled further and shook a bit, but complied, hugging a pillow to his chest. Severus watched the younger man with a note of sad familiarity as he pulled out his medical bag and retrieved what he would need to cleanse the wounds.
After tending to the most obvious, Severus slowly inspected Harry’s entrance, finding that only the outside had been torn. Severus cleaned the area up, noting that it did not need stitches, and quickly aided Harry into a thick jumper and loose pyjama bottoms.
Once it was all finished with, Severus took a seat next to the bed and looked at Harry. “Do you want to tell me what happened, Harry?”
Harry let out a slow breath and shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Harry, I ought to take photographs, for evidence. You were badly injured, and he needs to be punished.”
Harry looked up, his blind eyes wide and panicked. “No… no please.”
“Why not?” Severus all but demanded. He couldn’t understand it. He knew if he’d been given the chance to punish those who’d hurt him in the past… but no, it wasn’t about that. “Please Harry, I’m just trying to understand.”
Harry took a calming breath and turned to he was facing Severus completely. “Sirius didn’t mean it.”
“I don’t understand how you can say that,” Severus almost growled. “He tore you open, your back is shredded, you have a bite mark on your hip…”
“He’s afraid of losing me,” Harry said simply. “He was always just trying to help me.”
“By hurting you?”
“He found me,” Harry said in a very quiet voice. “I was so lost… and he found me. I owed him… something.”
“Not this,” Severus snarled loudly, causing Harry to start. “Not this, Harry. You owe no one that.”
“Severus,” Harry whispered meekly, drawing Severus out of his sudden rage.
Severus turned to Harry and the pale shaking creature on the bed made him calm. Kneeling before the younger man, Severus took Harry’s hands in his. “What he did was wrong, but the choice is yours. I’m not letting him near you though, not as long as I can help it.”
“He’s worried about me,” Harry said, tilting his head to the side. He squeezed Severus’ fingers and rubbed the older man’s knuckles with his thumb. “I’m comfortable here, though. I’m not afraid.”
Severus sighed and cupped Harry’s cheek almost roughly. “What happened to you, Harry?”
Harry let out a strained laugh. “He said I couldn’t see you anymore. I can’t see you now, Severus. I can’t, but I want to.”
Severus blinked a moment, and then brought Harry’s fingers to his cheeks. “See me, then.”
Harry drew his bottom lip into his mouth and allowed his fingertips to trace Severus’ features. “Ah,” was all he said as he pulled away.
“Do you really wish to see so badly?”
Harry nodded. “I do. I very much do.”
“You can, if only you weren’t so afraid.”
“And you truly think I am that afraid?”
Severus let out a short breath. “I do. Just like I was. And I think you’re afraid to look all of the ugliness in the face.”
“You mean Sirius,” Harry whispered.
“Among other things,” Severus responded mildly. “There are many ugly things in this world.”
Harry reached out again and caressed Severus’ cheek. “Sounds to me like you know them well.”
“Too well,” Severus sneered as he leant into the touch. “Far too well. And I know the ugliness you know far too well. It wasn’t meant for one like you.”
Harry froze and pulled his hand back. “One like me.”
Severus let out a slow breath. “One like you,” he repeated and paused. “I want to continue your treatment.”
Harry cocked his head to the side. “Now?”
“Now.”
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Bam!
Bam!
Bam!
“Draco, for fuck’s sake, answer the door,” Severus shouted, irritated that the person would not just go away.
“Who is it?” Draco called back from the parlour.
“How the fuck should I know, I’m busy,” Severus shouted back. He wasn’t exactly busy, he was thinking and he didn’t want to be distracted. Harry was having a kip in his bedroom and Severus didn’t want him to wake either.
The younger man was just getting used to things. He’d been there for a week now, and not a word from Sirius or Lupin.
Draco, who didn’t feel like being interrupted either, cursed colourfully and headed for the front door. When he opened it, however, his smirk changed into a huge grin. “Oh it’s you, is it? Bout fucking time.”
Sirius Black and Remus Lupin stood in the door. Remus looked extremely uncomfortable and nervous, but Sirius wore a smirk of self satisfaction. “Afternoon dear Draco, how are you?” Sirius drawled.
“Dreadful. Come to get your little catamite?”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “As a matter of fact…” he said and fumbled about his pocket for a folded up piece of paper. “As a matter of fact, I have.”
“Oh Severus love… you might want to come down here,” Draco shouted loudly.
“Fuck off, Draco,” Severus shouted back. “And do shut up, I don’t want to wake Harry.”
“He probably should wake for this, love,” Draco called gleefully.
Severus heard the mischievous tone in Draco’s voice and was immediately on his feet, heading for the stairs. When he saw the two men standing in the foyer, Severus’ face reddened and he stormed down.
“What are you doing here, Black? Do you have a death wish?”
Sirius shoved the paper in Severus’ face as soon as the black-haired man’s feet hit the ground. “You don’t frighten me, Snape. Ready his things.” “
Fuck you,” Severus hissed, shoving the paper back at him. “He’s not going. This only states that you have a right to be near Harry, not that you can force him back with you.”
“Er, Severus,” Lupin said timidly, “the thing is, Sirius could drag this out and have Harry forcibly committed. It was only by luck that I convinced the court to let Harry stay out of the hospital. To have Harry remaining here ah… well Sirius and I will both have to reside here as well. It was the only thing I could do to keep Harry here.”
Severus’ hands curled into fists and he fixed Sirius with an icy glare. “If you even think about touching him… just once… I will make you regret it.”
“You still don’t scare me,” Sirius said casually.
“No, but the stack of photos and Harry’s recorded testimony should,” Severus sneered. He was lying, he had no such thing, but Sirius was properly cowed by the lie.
“You’ll not be showing them to anyone, Snape,” Sirius snapped, though the effect was muted by the shaking of his voice.
Severus smirked and crossed his arms. “I’ll need time to think about that one. Draco,” he snapped and turned toward the blonde, “ready rooms for them. I’ll be in my office.” Turning on his heel, Severus stormed up the stairs and locked himself in his office.
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It was a full day before Harry and Sirius were in the same room together, and they weren’t permitted to be alone. This irritated Sirius to no end, but it brought Harry comfort. He stayed directly next to Severus and answered Sirius’ questions politely, though he said nothing more or nothing less than what Sirius asked.
Severus was mildly pleased by this, though he knew having Sirius in the house would only complicate matters and delay Harry’s healing. Still, he knew he could do it, and he was determined to bring Harry his sight.
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Harry fingered the long strip of soft cloth that was placed in his hands, his face softening into a small smile. “What is it?”
Severus smiled and placed a soft kiss on the younger man’s brow. “Something to keep the ugliness out until you are ready to face it.” Severus pulled the cloth slowly from Harry’s hands and placed a strip over his eyes. “When the cloth comes off, Harry, you will see.” Severus tied a firm knot behind the younger man’s head.
Harry put his palms over the blindfold and let out a slow breath. “It’s a frightening thought, Severus.”
Severus knelt beside Harry and took one of his hands. “One ugliness is in this house, Harry. You must be ready to look at him for what he is.”
Harry swallowed thickly and tightened his grip on Severus’ fingers. “I will be.”
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Severus sat in his office, his fingers kneading at his temples as he tried to stave off the impending headache. He had been pouring over documents for the last few hours, trying to sort out the patients he had been neglecting.
Just as he was about ready to give up and head for bed, a soft knock sounded at the door. “Yes?” he answered irritably.
The door opened and Remus Lupin entered, bearing a tray with tea and biscuits. “I thought you could use this,” he said with a small smile.
Severus fought off a grateful smile and nodded for Remus to put the tray on the desk. Severus spotted two cups and glared up at the tawny-haired doctor. “Expecting me to invite you to stay, do you?”
“I had hoped,” Remus said with a short chuckle. “I wanted to talk.”
“About?”
Remus spread his hands and smiled. “What else, Severus? I want to talk about Harry’s progress.”
“Well it’s a damn sight worse now that his rapist is living here with him,” Severus snarled. “What the fuck were you thinking, Lupin?”
“Why doesn’t Harry press charges?” Remus asked by way of answer. “Why not take the recordings and photos to the authorities?”
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and lowered his voice to an almost whisper. “You should know perfectly well that there are no fucking photos, Lupin. You know me well enough to know I’d have that bastard arrested and thrown in prison for the rest of his days for what he’s done to Harry. Only… Harry wouldn’t let me take evidence.”
Remus’ eyes widened. “Why not? I really don’t understand this.”
“That makes two of us, then,” Severus mumbled into his teacup. “I can’t fathom his mind, Lupin, though God knows I’ve been trying. Of course… he is a different sort, different from anyone I’ve ever met.”
“Does he know about you and er… well what’s happened to you?”
Severus’ jaw tensed slightly. “Some, though I’ve spared him the details. I think he knows well enough what happens when you are raped.”
Remus moved as though he was going to reach across the desk to take Severus’ hand, but thought better of it. “Do you know why he can’t see?”
“I suspect it is nothing more than psychological blindness. Whether I can cure it or not… well the choice is his.”
“Hence the blindfold?”
“Hence the blindfold. It will come off when Harry is certain he’s ready to face the ugliness of it all.”
“Has he still been painting?”
“Not as much, though more since Black arrived.”
Remus sighed. “It was my only choice, Severus. If Harry was brought back to the hospital, it would only be a matter of time before Sirius gained power of attorney over him.”
“Untrue, you could easily vouch for Harry’s competence.”
“Not with a clear conscious,” Remus said heavily.
“What?” Severus demanded angrily. “He’s perfectly lucid when he’s not being attacked nightly!”
“I’ve not seen evidence of that, and I couldn’t make a sound decision based on hearsay.”
Severus narrowed his eyes. “Fuck you, Lupin. Fuck you.”
Remus sighed and rubbed his hand over his face roughly. “The problem, Severus, is that you’ve fallen in love with him. It’s clouding your judgement.”
“You’re an asshole,” Severus hissed. “Get out of my office.”
Remus cast one last, saddened look toward Severus before leaving. Severus hated Remus in that moment, only because Remus had seen the truth, and spoken it aloud. And Severus did not want to hear it.
Chapter 4 - Lest You Lose Him
A/N-- This is the last chapter, hope it's not rubbish. It's difficult to write coherently in the throes of a fever, but I think I concluded it well enough. Sorry if it seems rushed, or unrealistic. I don't know anything about law, so I simply guessed. Review and let me know.
Cheers
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“I’m ready,” Harry whispered, his fingers reaching up to toy with the cloth covering his eyes.
Severus quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms. He was standing across the room from Harry, his head cocked to the side, his back leaning against the wall. “You’re certain?”
“Yes,” Harry answered firmly.
Severus slowly closed the distance between them and reached out, taking Harry’s shoulders gently. “Have you spoken to him?”
Harry flushed. “Yes.”
“About what he did?”
“It’s… different… than what happens to others.”
Severus tightened his grip on Harry’s shoulders. “Why do you defend him? He’s a monster, he hurt you!”
“You’re hurting me,” Harry whimpered, flinching under Severus’ rough fingers. “He loves me.”
“He doesn’t, and you’ll never see unless you realise this.”
Harry swallowed thickly and gently laid his fingers on Severus’ cheek. “I don’t want to see for him, Severus. I don’t want to see him at all.”
Severus let out a shaking breath and carefully leant into the touch. “Why, then, do you want to see so badly, Harry?”
Harry chuckled and stroked Severus’ cheek with the tips of his fingers in an almost scratching motion. “Haven’t you figured that out yet, my clever one?”
Severus’ heart fluttered slightly and he shook his head. “No Harry, I don’t understand you sometimes.”
Harry’s grin widened. “Because I love you, Severus, and it’s you I want to see. No… it’s you I need to see.” Harry trailed his fingers over Severus’ features once more.
Severus pulled away, quickly but gently and took Harry’s hand in his. “You couldn’t possibly,” he all but whispered.
Harry shook his head. “I could, and I do. Please don’t fight it, and believe me when I say I’m ready.”
Severus nodded and dropped Harry’s hand. Carefully, Severus walked round behind Harry and reached up to the knot. With deft fingers, Severus loosened the knot and reached round to press the cloth to Harry’s temples as the back fell loose.
“Ready?”
“I’m frightened,” Harry whispered, reaching up to cover Severus’ hands with his. “Please… I can’t wait.”
Severus drew his bottom lip between his teeth and very slowly, lowered the blindfold.
Harry stood there, his eyes screwed tightly shut, and he began to shake slightly.
“Is there a light, Harry?”
Harry opened his eyes.
He blinked.
Then sighed.
“Darkness.”
Severus’ hands fell to his sides, and seemingly of their own accord, his feet took him to the other side of the room where he collapsed along side the armchair. “No,” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Harry choked out, groping about, trying to find where Severus was. His foot met Severus’ after a moment, and he knelt down. “Please… I’m sorry.”
Severus looked at Harry’s hands, and drew one to his chest, placing Harry’s palm over his heart. “Perhaps… perhaps seeing me isn’t enough for you, Harry.”
Harry’s face hardened and he drew Severus up. “It’s enough,” he bit out angrily. “It has to be enough.”
“You weren’t ready,” Severus said, cupping Harry’s cheeks.
“I was… I am,” Harry sobbed. “I have to be. I love you, I need to see you.”
“Love… rubbish,” Severus spat. “It’s never enough. It…”
Severus’ words were cut off by the door flying open and a hysterical Nymphadora Tonks bursting into the room. She threw herself at Severus, knocking Harry back quite roughly.
Severus caught Tonks and frantically tried to reach for Harry as the younger man fell, smashing his head on the side of the desk.
“What’s going on?” Severus roared. “Nymphadora, calm yourself.” Severus quickly aided the distressed woman to the sofa and pushed her matted hair out of her face. There was a mark on her cheek, that was bleeding freely, and her breathing was laboured.
“What is it? What happened?”
Tonks whimpered and pressed her face into the cushion, refusing to answer.
Severus turned his head toward Harry. The younger man was lying on his back, his hand pressed to his temple, and his eyes were blinking rapidly.
“Harry?” Severus questioned. Removing himself from Tonks’ iron grip, Severus slowly made his way to Harry’s side. Kneeling down, he peered into the green eyes and swallowed thickly. “Harry?” he said again.
Harry turned his face toward Severus, and blinked. A small, disbelieving smile formed on his lips, and very carefully, he brought his fingers to Severus’ face and hair. “Severus,” he whispered.
And laughed.
“Is there… can you…”
Harry laughed loudly and threw his arms round Severus’ neck. “See you? See you?” he shouted as Severus lifted him to his feet. Harry pulled back and focused his eyes on Severus’ face. “So… so beautiful. Oh… oh what a wonder you are.”
Severus licked his lips and shook his head. “No, Harry, I’m not. I’m not.”
“You cannot know, Severus, what a wonder you are. How beautiful your face is to me.” Without another moment’s warning, Harry leant in and pressed his lips to Severus’.
Severus hesitated, savouring the warmth coming from the other man, but when Harry’s tongue snaked out and traced his lips, he opened them, deepening the kiss. It was short lived, but the feelings coursing through him were beyond words, and he could not keep from gasping.
And then all hell broke loose.
Draco and Sirius burst in the room, eyes wide as they took in the sight of the two men just a breath apart. “I knew it. I fucking knew it!” Draco shouted.
Sirius seemed momentarily speechless, and then gulped loudly when Harry turned and fixed his bright, seeing eyes on him. “Harry,” he whispered and cleared his throat. “Can you… did it work?”
Harry nodded very slowly. “It worked. Sirius.”
Sirius smiled, and then realised the implications if it all. “Harry please, d-don’t. Don’t look at me.”
Harry looked back at Severus for a moment before stepping back. He seemed slightly unsure on his feet, still groping a bit as he walked forward, though he kept his gaze fixed on his godfather. He made his way toward the door, brushing past Sirius and then he turned. “I see it all now,” he said softly, and walked away.
Sirius turned angry eyes toward Severus. “This is far from over.”
“You’re right,” Severus said just as coldly. “You’re absolutely right.”
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Later that night, Draco and Andromeda had gone north for the weekend. Harry was sleeping, as was Tonks, Sirius was somewhere in the house, and Severus and Remus were in the parlour chatting softly.
“It’s still a miracle,” Remus said, smiling into his snifter. “I never thought anyone could do it.”
Severus held his glass in a white-knuckled grip and shook his head. “He says he loves me.”
“Lucky you. The feelings are clearly mutual.”
“He’s my patient.”
“And he can be more, you don’t have to treat him the rest of his life, Severus.”
Severus raked his hand through his hair and let out a bitter chuckle. “He’ll never be better. Not until he stops defending that fucking dog of a godfather. I still don’t understand it.”
“There are many things Harry will have to realise, many things he will have to come to terms with. But you can help him with that as a lover and a doctor, you know you can.”
Severus opened his mouth to answer but a loud shout from Tonks’ room interrupted them. “I’ll go,” Severus said with a resigned sigh.
“I’ll join you, I’ve grown rather fond of her. She’s a sweet girl.”
“I was helping her, and still could if her ruddy family would stop sedating her every five minutes,” Severus snarled as they trudged up the stairs.
Remus chuckled. “I agree, they are far too eager with that damned needle. What is it they give her?”
“Valium.”
Remus pulled a face. “Jesus.”
“Not my choice,” Severus snarled as they approached Tonks’ door. Pushing it open, Severus led the way inside.
Beyond the bed curtains, the young woman was writhing and crying out. She had fisted the sheets in her hands and the blanket was twisted down near her feet.
Severus immediately took a seat next to her and placed a calming hand on her head. “Nymphadora… hush love. Tell me what’s happened.” He still hadn’t been able to get the story out of her concerning the mark on her cheek, and it worried him.
“N-no…” she murmured. “N-n-no. No… NO MORE!”
Severus jumped a bit, startled by her sudden scream. Reaching out, Severus took one of her hands and began to draw soothing circles on her arms. “No more what, love? No more what?”
“No… no more… hurt. No more hurt,” she whispered. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and focused a moment on Severus, then on Remus. “No.”
Severus smoothed back Tonks’ hair and cupped her cheek. “I can stop it, if you tell me what it is.”
“Him,” she all but growled. “No more him. No more hurt.”
“Him who?” Severus asked, leaning in.
“D-d-draco,” she whispered. “Hurts.”
Severus reddened. “How?”
Tonks brushed the back of her free hand over her wounded cheek. “This. Mouth. Hurts.” She thrust her hand in between her legs. “This. Hurts me.”
It dawned on Severus, that it went further than smacking, or drugging. In his house, by his former lover. He was in a sudden rage and had to physically calm himself. “He… he hurts you often?” Severus demanded.
“When you go, he hurts,” Tonks whispered, clinging to Severus’ hand desperately. “When you brought him, he hurts me.”
“Fuck,” Severus cried out and pulled Tonks to his chest roughly. “Fuck. Love, I am so sorry, so bloody sorry.” He began to rock her gently, and Tonks calmed, eventually drifting off into sleep.
Once Severus was certain she was out for a while, he put her back on the pillow and turned away from her. Dropping his face into his hands, he let out a harsh sigh. “I didn’t fucking know.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Remus said carefully.
Severus looked up, his eyes blazing with fury. “I should have known! I should have known in my own fucking house, with my own fucking lover! I should have known!”
Remus placed a hand on Severus’ shoulder and refused to let it be shrugged off. “You’ll wake her if you don’t calm down.”
Severus blinked and then gave a quieter sigh. “I’ve been so preoccupied with Harry. I just… he’s so…”
Remus chuckled and squeezed Severus’ shoulder once before letting go. “You’re in love with him. It’s okay, Severus, it really is.”
“I shouldn’t love him,” Severus spat. “And the foolish man says he loves me as well.”
“He does,” Remus said. “Just be careful there, it could get more complicated.”
Severus made to say something, but was distracted by the sound of something solid hitting the floor in the room directly below Tonks’ room.
Harry’s room.
Severus and Remus exchanged frightened glances before standing up and dashing out of the room. Severus made it to Harry’s door first, and found it open. The sight froze him for a moment, with shock and surprise.
Sirius was bent over Harry, straddling him with his knees pressing on his arms. Harry’s mouth was gagged and Sirius’ thumbs were digging into Harry’s eyes fiercely. Harry was fighting fiercely, bucking his hips and crying out against the gag. He was also completely naked, though Sirius had loosely done trousers on.
The worst part was Sirius repeating over and over, “It has to be as it was, Harry. It has to be as it was.”
The sound of his voice shocked Severus out of his daze and he rushed forward, grabbing Sirius round the neck. Severus ignored the shouts of Remus who rushed forward to free Harry from his bonds.
Severus’ vision was completely red with rage, and he saw nothing, knew nothing until he gave Sirius a violent shove down the stairs. He watched in a sort of mute horror as Sirius toppled forward, over and over, landing at the bottom with a sickening crack. His neck was twisted at an unnatural angle, and blood flowed from the corner of his mouth. His eyes were wide, sightless and dead.
“Oh sweet Christ,” Remus gasped as he came up beside Severus. “Is he…”
“Most likely,” Severus said in a deadened voice.
“Fuck,” Remus said, and drew his fingers through his hair.
“Harry?”
“He’s in his bed still.”
Severus turned toward Remus, the sudden realisation becoming apparent on his carefully schooled features. “Is he hurt?”
“A bit,” Remus said quietly. “I didn’t examine him thoroughly.”
“We should,” Severus said, and took a step past Remus.
Remus followed Severus into Harry’s bedroom where the found the younger man sitting up in his bed, the duvet clutched to his chest.
Severus immediately went to his side and knelt beside the bed. “Harry,” he whispered.
Harry looked over at Remus before looking at Severus. “Severus,” he said, sounding anguished and tired.
Severus took Harry’s hand and looked into his face. “Your eyes…”
“They’re not hurt, not really,” Harry said in a broken voice.
“And the rest of you. Did he… did he force himself on you?” Severus had to force the question out, but it had to be asked.
Harry winced and looked down at the sheets. “I’m bleeding,” he whispered. “It was worse than the times before.”
Remus sucked in his breath and quickly ran out of the room to fetch his supplies. When he got back, Severus already had Harry laid out on his stomach and was surveying the wound. Remus walked up to help the inspection, and quickly treated the wound.
“It’s only superficial, but you have a lot of scarring and I’m not sure you can take much more tearing here,” Remus said in a tense voice. “You’re lucky.”
“It won’t happen again,” Severus said as he aided Harry into fresh pyjamas.
“Where is he?” Harry asked as he carefully sat on a pillow.
Severus looked at Remus and then down at his feet. “There was… I mean…”
“He was drunk,” Remus said softly.
“I know,” Harry said. “He drank a bottle of rum all on his own.”
Severus and Remus, both having not known their lie to be true, let out simultaneous breaths of relief. “He fell,” Remus said. “He fell down the stairs and… his neck snapped.”
“Oh my god,” Harry gasped.
Before Remus could respond, there was a cry from the foyer as the front door slammed against the wall.
Remus and Severus both looked at the door sharply before rising and dashing out to the landing. As they looked over the banister, they both took in the sight of Draco standing over Sirius’ dead body, his mouth agape.
“What the fuck?” Draco demanded as he took in the sight of Remus and Severus.
Severus suddenly remembered Tonks and rage filled him again. Draco was on his mobile, phoning the authorities, and Severus bounded down the stairs. Without giving any warning, his fist shot out, hitting Draco square in the mouth.
Draco gasped and dropped the mobile, toppling over Sirius’ body and hitting the floor. Remus shouted and bounded after Severus who couldn’t stop himself from pounding his fists into Draco with fierce abandon.
“Let him go!” Remus hissed as he pulled Severus back. “Bloody hell man, we’ve got to get the fuck out of here!”
“But Harry!” Severus hissed as he fought against Remus’ arm.
Remus ignored him and shoved him outside. “Take my car, and go. Just… just drive. I’ll take care of everything here, and you just go. Don’t leave the country, and wait for me to phone you. I’ll protect Harry.”
Severus looked pained and panicked, but as the reality of the situation hit him fully, he realised what he had to do. Moments later, he was in the car and speeding down the motorway, away from his home, his lover and the man he’d murdered.
dbdbdb
“… and there’s nothing you can do?” Severus asked for the hundredth time.
Remus sighed and squeezed Severus’ shoulder as he passed him, fetching the tea. “He’s okay, just in the hospital. He’s traumatised and he’s stopped talking. I’m not sure what’s happening now, but all we have to do is await the summons. Draco is pressing charges against you.”
“I’m well aware,” Severus said with a sigh. “I need to see him.”
“That wouldn’t be wise.”
Severus nodded and accepted the cup gratefully. Walking to the large window of his new office, he looked over the city of Paris and sighed. He’d been there for weeks, his partnership with Remus had flourished and he was making an excellent living.
The problem?
He just didn’t care anymore. Not when Harry was so far away, the memories too fresh, and his love just out of reach.
“Did we have the official ruling on Black’s death?” Severus asked after a moment.
“Accidental. The blood alcohol level confirmed the story with him being intoxicated and the state of his body proved that he fell down the stairs.”
“Was thrown, but they don’t have to know,” Severus said bitterly.
A knock at the door interrupted the two men, and Remus went to answer it. When he came back, he sat down heavily in the chair, digging into the pile of letters in his lap.
“So now we wait for that little ponce, Draco, and see what he can dig up,” Severus muttered.
“We won’t have to wait long,” Remus said, and when Severus looked at him, he saw a letter in his hands. “The summons is here.
dbdbdb
In the court room, testimony after testimony was heard. Not only was Draco pressing charges, but he was also attempting to have Severus’ medical license revoked for fraudulent practise.
Severus was questioned at length, and stuck to his story. “I attacked him, I’ll admit that. The reason is simple, Draco was raping his cousin. She had admitted it to me that very night.”
Draco’s lawyer shook his head. “Do you have proof? Witnesses?”
“No, but I’m sure if you allow me to speak to her, I can confirm the story for you.”
Draco smirked as the news was given to Severus. “I’m afraid that is impossible, Mr Snape. Nymphadora Tonks was found dead from suicide just two weeks ago.”
Severus’ face paled and his blood turned to ice. “Sorry? Suicide?”
“She injected herself with a fatal amount of Valium.”
Severus locked eyes with Draco and saw the self-satisfied smirk on his face. The blonde had won that round. Only that round.
Eventually Severus was charged with assault, though he was not sentenced to any jail time, just a hefty fine.
When the attack on his profession came, Draco’s case was plain. “He claims to have healed a blind man, which is ridiculous. I happen to know first hand that the man was and still is sightless.”
“Not true,” Severus growled.
“Can we prove this?” the magistrate asked.
“Happily,” Draco’s lawyer said, and moments later, one Harry Potter was guided into the courtroom. As he took his seat, his head cocked toward Severus and he shuddered.
“Please state your name for the records.”
“Harry James Potter.”
Harry was then asked a series of questions before the proper one was asked. “And, Mr Potter, can you now see?”
Harry clenched his jaw.
“Harry, I love you,” Severus suddenly whispered, his voice so low no one else could have heard. But Harry heard and he jumped just a bit. “Help me.”
Harry blinked a bit. “I…” he said and faltered.
“Mr Potter, please answer the question. Are you or are you not, blind?”
“Please,” Severus whispered again.
“I’m… I can see,” Harry blurted.
There was a collective gasp and Draco’s lawyer narrowed his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Mr Potter. I know full well you are blind.”
“I can prove it. Ask me anything,” Harry said, defiantly.
Draco clenched his jaw and stood up. “Alright Potter, what am I wearing?”
Harry turned his eyes toward Draco and listened for Severus to describe it for him. And, of course, Severus did.
“You’re wearing white shirt sleeves, a black blazer and trousers. You have a silver ink pen in your pocket, and you have a lock of hair over your right eye.”
Draco sputtered. “But I… but he… he’s blind!”
The magistrate rolled his eyes. “I’ve heard enough. If he can see, he can see. You’re free to step down, Mr Potter.”
Harry followed the careful directions of Severus, and sat down on the bench.
Three hours passed, and the ruling was given. Severus was cleared.
dbdbdb
Remus waited in the car as Harry slowly approached Severus on the steps of the courthouse. Severus reached out and took Harry’s hand gently. “They said you weren’t talking.”
“I spoke again. Talked to a few doctors. They let me out.” Harry sighed and turned to face Severus fully. “I can’t see, you know.”
“I know,” Severus said in a hollow tone.
“You abandoned me. You left me there, with it all. You killed Sirius, didn’t you?”
Severus swallowed thickly. “I’m not sorry, I can’t be sorry when he hurt you so badly.”
Harry reached out and touched Severus’ cheek softly. “You were the only thing worth seeing. When my eyes opened, I was so distracted by the ugliness, that you were lost, even in that short time I could see. It was enough for me, you know. I loved you, and I still do.”
Severus closed his hand over Harry’s and pulled him in closer. “I love you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it all.”
“It needed to happen, it’s all ugliness, and I prefer to see it this way.”
Severus looked back at the car, at Lupin waiting and then let out a short breath. “I live in Paris, I practise there.”
“I heard,” Harry replied, tensing slightly.
“Are you really… really free?”
“So they say,” Harry said with a shrug.
“Come with me, and perhaps I can chase away some of the ugliness of it all.”
Harry blinked his sightless eyes, and then, ever so gently, smiled. “I think that is one thing you can do, Severus.”
dbdbdb
“Are you certain?” Severus asked very softly. He was standing at the window, behind Harry, his arms round the younger man’s waist.
Harry leant his head back against Severus’ shoulder and kissed the side of his face. “Yes, Severus, I am. Show me how it can be beautiful.”
Severus swallowed thickly and kissed Harry gently. Releasing Harry’s waist, Severus first drew off his dressing gown before aiding Harry out of his. With gentle hands, he explored Harry’s body, using his fingertips.
“So beautiful,” Severus whispered as he kissed his lover. “So beautiful.”
Harry moaned into the kiss and clutched Severus’ shoulders tightly. Severus grinned just a little and slowly led Harry to the bed.
“Trust me,” Severus whispered as he lowered Harry to the pillows. “I will not hurt you.”
Harry bit his lower lip and nodded, saying nothing. His green eyes were wide with anticipation, fixed just above Severus’ left shoulder, and his hands were roaming about Severus’ body, seeing Severus as only he could.
Reaching over, Severus grabbed the tube of lubricant and squeezed a generous amount on his fingers. Kissing Harry’s neck, Severus trailed his fingers down to the puckered opening and traced the outside with one gentle finger.
Harry tensed and let out a small gasp.
“Shall I stop?” Severus asked. “You don’t have to give me this, you know?”
“I know,” Harry managed, relaxing just a fraction. “I know, but I want to. I need to.”
Severus, who knew perfectly well that very need, said no more and slowly eased his finger inside. Harry gasped, then groaned as Severus gently probed him.
“It’s… different,” Harry said through clenched teeth, and took in a calming breath. “It’s… it’s not pulling or tugging on me.”
“Hmmm,” Severus said and hooked his finger over Harry’s prostate with a feral grin.
“OH!” Harry cried out, bucking his hips a bit. “Oh… what… was that?”
Severus did it again, thrilled to see the look of passion on Harry’s face. “That, my love, is what will make this experience well worth it.” Severus slowly eased in another finger and continued to hit Harry’s prostate every time.
“M-more,” Harry groaned after several moments. “All of you… please.”
Severus, who could not deny Harry, quickly slathered his prick in a huge amount of the lube. Positioning Harry onto his back, Severus propped the younger man’s legs up, and put the head of his cock at Harry’s entrance.
“If it hurts, please tell me to stop,” Severus said and began to ease inside.
Harry’s face contorted, but he didn’t say a word until Severus was fully sheathed. “So full,” was all Harry whispered.
“I’ll go slowly,” Severus vowed, using all of his self control to keep a gentle pace. He began to move just a little, angling himself a bit each time until…
“OH! OH YES!” Harry cried out and pressed back against Severus.
“OH fuck,” Severus cried and slammed hard into Harry. He stopped, realising what he’d done, but Harry didn’t seem to mind.
In fact, the younger man seemed to be encouraging it. Severus, taking this as a good side, began a more furious rhythm, and as he felt his climax approach, he reached down and fisted Harry.
“Oh I’m… I’m…” Harry said, but trailed off as he arched his back and came.
Harry’s muscles clenching was Severus’ undoing, and moments later, he spilt inside of Harry with a loud cry.
When it was over, Severus slowly eased out of his lover and fetched a cloth to clean them both up.
As they snuggled under the duvet together, arms wrapped round each other as though they might be ripped away at any moment, Harry smiled.