San Francisco Missions Adventure 2004: The Journal of Jonathan Esterman Saturday, March 20th, 2004 Today, we left for San Francisco at 10:40 am. We (the missions team and me: Heather S., Linsey, Kay, Heather W., Natalie, Scott, Kim, Laurie, Janelle, Bernie, Justin, TJ, Pastor Brian, Jesse, Miles, Aaron, and Courtney) all arrived around 10:00 am, and Brian assigned Aaron and me to load the sleeping bags on top of the van. We went in an eleven-passenger van and a Durango, which belongs to TJ. Everything was packed and ready to go, so we picked up Laurie at her work, and headed off. I sat in the third row of the van, and discovered that the speakers in that row were not only the sole speakers on the bus, but they needed to be muffled to hear yourself talk. For the first part of the trip (to Redding), Janelle and Natalie sat in the back with me, Janelle placed in between because of the relationship Natalie and I were in before leaving for the trip (NO relationships permitted on the missions trip). We arrived in Redding, and Janelle skipped out on us. That left Bernie forced to sit back there with us, him next to the speaker, Natalie and me sitting together. We attempted to interact with him, but to no avail, that is, until he requested that I switch spots with him. Thus, I was next to the speaker, and Bernie began to open up to Natalie and me. It is just now that I realize that he requested to switch places so he could sit behind his girlfriend, Heather W. She will be referred to as Heather for the rest of this journal, and Heather S. as He-Man, her given name from last year's missions trip. So he did open up to us, and I got to learn a little about him, but he seemed to be more interested in learning about us. We talked for some time, until I looked out the window to notice a car beside us telling us that we lost a sleeping bag… We stopped at the next rest stop, and some rearranging of places was made so that the Durango could head back and pick up the bag, while the van pressed on. Eventually, we all made it to our destination (sorry, but mind foggy on the details). I do recall that at one time, Bernie and Heather broke the no PDA rule, so Natalie and I followed suit. It was only holding hands, but it would be worse as we become attached during the missions trip, in both good and bad ways. Hilltop Community Church in Richmond, California. We have reached our final destination for the day. We got situated for the night, and had a worship service, led by TJ and me. It was then that we began the almost-daily singing of "Trading My Sorrows", and the daily singing of "You Said." Our version of the chorus in "You Said" replaced "the nations" with "San Francisco." Thus, we had a theme song; well, a Christian theme song. After worship service, Scott gave his devotional, about the spiritual armor of God. After the message, we headed to bed, with the thought of how our last song we sang during worship tied in exactly with Scott's message. Did I mention that we don't get to shower until we get to the YMCA? Oh well, lights out. Sunday, March 21st, 2004 Early wake-up call, gotta get moving before Sunday service starts. We are in a church, after all. Our breakfast consisted of Burger King and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. We made it back for the 9:00 am service, and sat down in the second to the front row. It would now be a lie for me to say that I haven't been to a Gospel church, or anything of that sort. We had Johnny Cash style worship, Gospel style worship, Gospel Choir, and solo performance. The message was about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, that the entire battle was one by the prayer time. This was in reference to the Passion film, and everyday life. After service, we headed to the vehicles to spend a day at Six Flags: Marine World.  We arrive at Six Flags, no trouble at all, and are just about to pick up our tickets from Kay when she mumbles something to Brian about having the wrong tickets. For a moment, I think they're kidding, until I see that the tickets say "Great America" on them. Um… that doesn't sound like Six Flags to me… Brian manages to negotiate a deal with the Six Flags customer service, getting a group rate. The cost handed down to us (not covered by our back-up money) is $3 and no lunch. Well, looks like we're all going hungry! So yes, we did make it in. Bernie, Heather, Natalie, and I headed to the Medusa. Twists, loops, drops, and forces of pure terror reverberate through my mind. Scary. This is where the relationship rule definitely gets broken. Bernie and Heather pull off kissing, holding hands, and holding onto each other. Natalie and I pull off the same (minus the kissing, since we were not at that point in our relationship - but I did kiss her face, just not the lips). After the Medusa, we headed to Kong, only for it to shut down before we could ride it. So we headed to a roller coaster that had around seven or eight loops. Luckily, it shuts down, just as we are next in line. With that, we decided to head back to Medusa, seeming to be the only ride that won't break down. We ride it again three more times, then find ourselves with a group (thus we must follow the no-relationship rule, since there are adults to enforce it in the group). Just being in the group and having nothing it eat causes me to have a grand meltdown. I finally forced myself to get over it by apologizing to Natalie for my unfair expectations, and Kim joins us to go on the Kong, in the dark. Did I mention that this one is a suspension coaster? That means that I can feel us hanging from the top, and that causes my fear of heights to kick in. Faster, more turns, more loops, and even rougher on the next, I end up with a headache for the rest of the day, and a neck pain that would last the rest of the missions trip. Poor Natalie, though, this is the day that her stomach pain began, which a week into April, it would still hurt, leaving the doctors stupefied. I bought a bucket hat for Natalie and for me, on the promise that she would wear hers. I also got some glasses to go with the hat, to be in the trend. We left Six Flags to dinner, then from dinner back to Hilltop Community. We still have yet to get to the YMCA. Brian gave us some time to get ourselves ready for worship and devotions time. Amazingly enough, the last worship song matched the devotion that Natalie shared. It seems that the only devotion I clearly remember the topic of was Scott's. Brian made note that God was showing us that we are where we are supposed to be, and that He is with us, from everything that has happened. On making everything go smoothly, solving every situation, and causing the worship to match the message, Brian was quite right. Then, it was time for bed. Lights out. Monday, March 22nd, 2004 Early wake-up call again. Today was the day that we got to begin daily showers, at the YMCA. So we got our showers and headed back to the church. Everything was packed up, and we headed out early. I managed to cut myself packing up, so Bernie took my place packing for the rest of the week. It wasn't too bad, but he really wanted to do it, so I let him. I think I've mentioned how there is a no-relationship rule, right? Well, by breaking that rule in the beginning, today began to be hard for me right off the bat with Natalie getting in a different vehicle. Throughout the day, I knew it was going to be another meltdown for me. This needs to end and fix itself fast. Unfortunately, I can say, it didn't get better just yet; there would remain suffering to come. We made it into San Fran, and discovered that the roads were so steep that we would have to run stop signs or whatever else would get in our way, just to keep the van moving uphill. We found the Assemblies of God church in downtown San Fran, and parked the vehicles there. Our goal would be to make it to Pier 39 by 11:00 am, it was 10:15-ish am, and there lay thirty city blocks between Pier 39 and us; time to start walking. Natalie said that she would wear the hat I got for her today, but left it in the car, since she didn't like how it looked on her. Sometimes, it drives me nuts how much people care how they look. Most times, actually. After about ten blocks, Natalie, Kay, Courtney, Brian, and Justin decided to catch the train to get there. Brian went to get the tickets, the others because they were tired and too lazy to walk the rest of the way. So the true warriors pressed on. In other words, we weren't going to pay $2 to get a ride. We got there around 11:30 am, and discovered that Brian got there just five minutes before us. The others caught a taxi and arrived half an hour before Brian did. So we all got our Alcatraz tickets, and found places to eat in Pier 39. After we all ate, we headed to Alcatraz, where I would wander the halls aimlessly in self-pity, all because I couldn't handle Natalie ignoring me the way she did. So I had to avoid her, so it wouldn't be such a problem. After staying at the prison for about one and a half hours, we headed to the Pier for a few hours, and then Brian and Laurie arrived with the van and Durango, so we wouldn't have to find our way back. Leaving, we made it to Youth With A Mission at 5 pm, which would be our home for the rest of the week. They served us dinner, and I was assigned to dinner clean-up crew for the rest of the week. That evening, we had orientation, and the YWAM staff of Heather, Carla, and Rhonda (our cook was Michelle) sent us our in our mercy teams to break the ice with the homeless, in a treasure hunt assignment. My mercy team included Kay, Heather, Aaron, and Natalie. After the treasure hunt, we debriefed and had our worship and devotion for the evening. Our bedtime for the rest of the week would be whenever we fell asleep, but noise curfew began at 10 pm, and lights out entirely at 10:30 pm. So lights out, the day of suffering was finally over for me. If things between Natalie and me would continue like this, then there is no hope of a working relationship when we get back from the trip. Goodnight. Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004 Wake-up at 6:30 am; showers and getting ready done by 7:00 am. Breakfast at 7 am, required attendance. That would be when we eat breakfast, of course, and pack our lunch for the day. I found that even though I tried to eat alone, there would be someone who wouldn't allow me to all week long. Whether it be Justin inviting me to a table, Brian or Bernie sitting next to me, whatever it be, I was not allowed to eat alone. But that showed to me that they cared, and that they knew that this trip was very hard on me, and that it would be. We were told that our devotion and worship time would be given to us in the mornings, not at night. So today, we had our team worship, devotion, and private time for prayer and Bible reading. After that, we were summoned downstairs, where the YWAM staff would introduce to us a different nation to pray for each day. That's where it all fits with the theme Worship: Every Nation. Then we had a short worship time with the YWAM staff, and they told us what we were going to do for the day. To begin, our plan would be to go to the civic center and have a lunch with a homeless person down there. The sack-lunch time lasted about an hour or so, so we could also interact with whom we shared a lunch. Then we headed back to YWAM to debrief, where they told us to not say anything about our day until debrief, so word wouldn't get back to the person that opened up to us. That way, secrets would stay secrets. We were given free time until the evening. So most of the group went shopping, and poor Natalie to a drug store to eliminate the stomach pain. I stayed behind with Laurie, Bernie, and Heather. Now the official theme song would begin as a piano tune, "A Whole New World", from Aladdin. Apparently, another leader stayed behind, of whose name I cannot recall, and left with Bernie and Heather a few later to catch up and go shopping. That left Laurie and me alone, to give us plenty of time to interact and learn about each other. I shared what I was dealing with concerning Natalie, and she told me her testimony. After that, we played ping-pong, and she taught me how to score, until our attention was redirected. We noticed that city workers were using a manhole just outside, so we went out there to check it out, and see what was underneath the manhole. Apparently, the workers were devising a way to rid the waterways of the rats. A little later, we packed some snacks to give out, and went for a walk around in the TL, breaking the three or more persons rule. When we got back, everyone else had returned and were waiting for us, so we all went downstairs for the briefing of what our next assignment would be. We headed out around 8 pm in our mercy teams with hot chocolate, down to Polk St. There, we gave hot chocolate to male prostitutes, and just talked with people. Our team was altered a bit, Aaron and Heather left us, and Brian joined us. Only for this assignment, though. We met a man by the street-name of Yoyo, who was planning on committing suicide. He had such a bad life, addicted to drugs, and had to have surgery a few times because of the side effects of his habit. Brian talked to him for a bit, and he decided to not kill himself, so we instantly saw God's work right there. After about an hour of talking to Yoyo, we headed back for debrief. We shared stories about the people we met, and went to bed. While Brian shared a bedtime story with us yesterday, Scott began to share them for the rest of the week. His story was this: "there once was a kid who didn't listen to his leader, so we killed him. End of story, go to bed." With that, lights were out, and I shall keep silent of the horrors that would occur after lights out every evening. Goodnight. Wednesday, March 24th, 2004 Wake-up, ready, and eating breakfast at 7 am. After breakfast, we packed lunch, and were ready for the day's activities. Here, my memory runs short, as I cannot recall if we did the bucket brigade yesterday or today. Either way, I'll explain it here. Bucket brigade is going to businesses in the TL, and offering to wash their windows, sweep their floors, and just clean up the business free of charge. Many businesses said no, but there was one that my team ended up cleaning. So whether it was Tuesday or today, it no longer matters. We had a briefing for our next assignment, where we were asked if we like kids. Pretty much the whole group said yes. Our assignment was going to Hunter's Point and working at the after-school program, doing dramas, and separate group times. The time began with everyone working at different areas, like Arts & Crafts, Homework Station, Outdoor Activities, or a more intensive study group that I found myself in, but unable to remember what it was called. In this group, my job was to make sure that the kids sent there finished the things in their packet. Kim worked with me at this table, and this table seemed to be an utter failure. One kid just left, and another threw a tantrum, which resulted in the kid having their packet taken away. Through all this, at the Arts Table, Kay was having her hair braided as one of the crafts to choose from. It was time for dramas and small groups. Here, their view of respect is that you can just barely hear the music to the dramas at full volume. Frustrating, very frustrating. The dramas began with "revolution", a dance drama that our group made as an attention-getter, with music that would fit their genre. The second drama was the "Car", in which the drama showed different lifestyles all in a car. Me being the driver, I get slapped for some of my actions, which the kids would talk about incessantly for the rest of our time with them. The last drama for this evening was the "chair", which showed how allowing yourself to touch sin can get you attached for life, and that the only way out is trusting God to help you out.  After dramas, in which they did not understand nor care about, we had small group time. In the small group time, the kids would not be silent for the separate groups. The group I was assigned to had Miles give his testimony to the children. At one time, he said "he got into many brawls", and the children didn't know what a "brawl" was, so they thought he said "bra", which caused all of them to laugh without end. However, there was one kid who needed Miles to stop, because if the story didn't end, he would start crying, and in this district, crying is a sign of weakness and inability to be a man. So the story ended, and they headed upstairs for snack time. After snack, we left and a short debrief at the base. We took the bus both ways, and some people "Urban Surfed". Upon the end of the debrief, we had our Missions Challenge. There were different medias put out for our team to use: painting, journaling, clay molding, washing feet, or just prayer and worship. The YWAM staff turned on an hour-long worship CD, and let us worship. I remember Carla commenting about how long we spent, as everyone participated for the first hour, and most for the second hour. I wrote a journal entry, which became a poem, and just stayed in God's presence. After an hour, I headed to bed. No bedtime story that I can recall, just going to bed. The poem is on the next page. Goodnight. The Road Newspapers lay scattered on the filthy streets. I walk past, and feel an overpowering hopelessness for this land. Here, There is one apartment, Many homeless, And a bondage to sin. An ambulance Races Past. As I turn My head, I discover Myself the only One to notice; It passes as a common occurrence to others. When I began my walk, I was like a tourist - I could care less. But now- After being tested, Tried, And refined by the fire- The eyes of my heart have been opened. I pause for a moment In my walk, And see my distance That I've covered: Eating lunch with homeless, Serving hot chocolate, (The Road, cont.) Carrying conversation, Drama, Reaching out to children, Just being a friend. Before this trial Was who I was Before the missions trip. I turn my eyes to above, To see the cloud in the sky That I am to follow. I look down, And see a cross On my chest, A "worship" bag On my shoulder, Tired shoes, And the middle Of this connecting path. I look forward And see My Lord and Savior Guiding me forward through This trip- And into the rest of my life. There is hope. "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart; I want to see you, I want to see you." Thursday, March 25th, 2004 Wake-up, etc., breakfast at 7 am. A prank was pulled around 1 am last night, breaking YWAM rules. Maybe I was just grouchy that morning, or ticked-off, I don't know, but I do know that the prank made me extremely angry, even though it happened on the girls only. At the end of the day, it was revealed that Laurie, Kay, and Janelle threw toilet paper all over the girls, and painted on their faces. The only one escaping paint was Natalie, as she almost woke up every time they tried to paint her face. Kudos to Natalie. It was said that Courtney woke up and noticed what was going on, Kay told her to go back to bed, and she just went back to sleeping. So, in tribute of them trusting her to keep secret, all she ended up with was a black dot. But we aren't at the end of the day yet, just the beginning. We were briefed that our journey was to the Food Bank, to help them package food for those who cannot afford food on top of rent. Did I mention that a three-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment ran at about $5,000 each month in the Tenderloin? We took the bus there, and they immediately put us to work. Our job: unpack the ten-pound bags of pasta, and put them into five two-pound bags. We had an entire palate to do. The staff there firmly believed that we would not finish the palate, as no other group as ever come close, and the other groups had more people than us. We proved them wrong. The competition began between the groups of Scott's team, Brian's team, and Kay's team, in which I was unfortunately a part. After being snapped at and lectured that I was going too slow to win the competition for some time, they stopped when they noticed that I would go slower each time they opened their mouths against me. It was break-time, and by law, we were required to take break. Some ate and drank what they provided, but I refused to indulge myself in such I way, I only cared about going to the restroom. From learning the sign language alphabet from Kim and Scott yesterday on the trip home, I began to learn words today. So to signal to them that I wished to go to the restroom, I "shook a't'." After the restroom, waiting forever, and contemplating for at least the tenth time so far about ending the relationship, which foreshadowed the reality that the relationship would not last much longer than the end of the missions trip, break time was finally over. Getting back to the pasta, my speed greatly increased to that of such that my putting the pasta into two-pound bags caused a nice pile of pasta waiting to be weighed, taped-shut, and placed back into the box. It came to the point that I was able to comment about the others going to slow, as my way of vengeance, and saying "ha". The palate was quickly finished, and we headed back to the base, in the rain. When I say "rain", it isn't like that in Bend, but like a continual downpour, that in ten minutes, leaves your clothes dripping, and your body soaked. The only thing that was dry was my hair, thanks to the bucket hat. Our debrief was extremely short, everyone got dry, some headed to our scheduled Chinatown visit, while Natalie, Laurie, and I stayed behind. Natalie went to lay in bed while Laurie and I talked, and eventually came up to chat with us about prayer. The Courtney and Miles joined us, and we played Yahtzee, leaving Miles to build Lego's. The group returned from Chinatown late, and we cancelled High Places, which was going to the Golden Gate Bridge to pray for the town, because of the weather, and no one had any dry shoes. We had a very brief worship time, devotion, and bedtime. There was no story, but I remember that Wednesday's was "there once was a kid who flicked my wife's throat, and I killed him. End of story, go to bed." Lights out, time for bed. Friday, March 26th, 2004 The trip's almost over, but I know that the wake-up calls will be even earlier for school. Breakfast at 7 am, lunch packed, and ready for team time by 8-ish. Team worship and devotions, and then downstairs for the last nation prayer time, and a final group worship. During worship, I felt as though I was not ready to "go to the alter", so to say, and needed to journal to God, which also became a poem. It is on the next page. After journaling, I was ready to participate in worship, and did. With worship time over, it was time for our job that day. Glide Memorial. Glide Memorial Methodist Church looks down on saying anything that deals with God, supports the homeless people's lifestyles, and are at odds-end with YWAM. Thus, the YWAM staff requested that we go as Faith Christian Center in Bend, OR, and not make any mention of YWAM. We arrived, and some of the volunteers (San Fran residents) were asked to leave because they were talking about seeing Passion of the Christ. The workers there had worse language that the homeless, and the cooks were quite mean. Scott mentioned on how she lectured him about his scooping of the mashed potatoes, since it wasn't like hers. For goodness sake, we're trying to help you out! I'm referring to the cook, not to you. At least 800 meals were served, but many of those meals went to the same people, as they just got back in line. One druggie, Boris, asked Bernie where we were from. So Bernie sat down and told him that we were on a missions trip from Bend, OR, and our job was to serve him and help him out. Since talking about God was not permitted in this Methodist church (ironic, isn't it?), Boris met with us over at YWAM when our service time with Glide was over. Bernie introduced him to the YWAM staff, our group prayed for him, Bernie gave him a Bible, TJ sang "Draw Me Close" for him, he called his family in Sacramento, left his life, got real with God, and heading to join his family and accept their help. Seeing such instant results shocked the YWAM staff. Then again, it also shocked them that the community accepted us and talked about God with us, how prepared we were for this trip, and that we were the only team at YWAM for the entire week, when there are usually around 100-120 people overall. After the whole Glide/Boris experience, we headed back to Hunter's Point to prepare for the Love Feast. Arriving there, we were extremely short on time, but set-up and the lot went well. The dramas were performed, and the "chair" was replaced by "King of Hearts", which shows that we all have masks, but Jesus can help you be happy with who you really are, not the mask that you wear. This time, the entire group was absolutely silent for the dramas, and in between the dramas testimonies were given, which resulted in people responding to the alter call at the end. The love feast was serving the kids and their parents dinner. They had pasta, which apparently was cooked with over twenty cockroaches, and in a kitchen that had a freezer and refrigerator with such a great infestation of baby ants that some parts were pure black. It was a white kitchen. After that, I think I'd be able to survive the food portion of Fear-factor just fine. After the dinner, we took down, and went back to the base, where we had our final debriefing. The only members of the YWAM staff that were left were Carla and Michelle, as the others had left this morning. We found out that Carla was 21 yrs. old, Heather, 19, and we never found out Rhonda's or Michelle's. After the debriefing, everyone packed most of their bags, and we then we slept our final night. Lights out. A Prayer for Relationship God, Here I am, And I want to worship. But I know The Bible says That if I have anything Against anyone, I need to resolve it Before going To the alter. That it would Be a sin To not do such. So here I am, On the worship team, Not participating in worship Because I need resolve My problem With that other person. That other person, Natalie, Whom is very dear to me. O Lord, So many times Have I thought Of ending The relationship, At least twenty This week alone. This missions trip Is very Tiring and trying. Then when I look at her, I realize How wrong it would be To do that. (A Prayer for Relationship, cont., pg2) I remember then, At that moment, That the only thing That matters Is our love For each other. Galatians 6:5b. Now the only Thing That counts Is faith Expressing itself Through love. I realize That if I just let it all go And trust You fully, Then there is hope And truth In us having a future Together. Even as I write This prayer, And ask for You To show Your Will, You've shown it And are showing it. The will For us To be together. The promise Of a life Together. And I will trust And believe In You on that. (A Prayer for Relationship, cont., pg3) So Jesus, Please forgive me For all That I have held Against her, And take care Of us Together. Let us worship You In our relationship Together. "I'm coming back To the Heart of worship, And it's all about You it's all about You, Jesus." Lord, Hear my cry. Come fill us up And fulfill Your Promise In us. In Jesus' name Who died So I May have this Chance, Amen It's time to worship… Saturday, March 27th, 2004 We had our final YWAM breakfast at 7 am, once again, and then packed our bags on the van. We got pictures with Carla and Michelle in front of the base, and headed out. No packed lunch today, but rather we would eat out. We departed, and Natalie and I ended up in separated vehicles. I was finally recovering from the whole relationship problem, but to be thrown back into daily life without full recovery would cause the death of the relationship, as to be foreshadowed once again. While in the van, I read the eighty-eight pages of Billy Budd, that I was assigned to do for English. After that, I interacted with Bernie and Heather very little, and wrote a poem to Natalie, as things seemed sour again. The Durango missed the turn, so those of us in the van waited at a gas station for the Durango, and that was when I gave Natalie the poem, which you can find on the next, and last, page of this journal. After the vehicles filled up, we heading to Redding, to eat dinner at In n Out Burger. Before dinner, we had stopped at Krispy Kremes on our way past Richmond, home of Hilltop Community Church. The burger dinner with a milkshake was down fast, and Natalie, Janelle, Courtney, and me raced to the Durango to get seats together. Bernie beat us there, and jumped into the back with me, causing both of us to squish Natalie and Courtney's Krispy Kremes, so they stormed off with anger at us. That caused me to have yet again another meltdown. Now that I look at all of this, I was pathetic. Then again, I was letting Satan get me in the way he could get me most, my relationship with Natalie. I realize that the relationship needed to end, as it would shortly after arriving back from the missions trip, so I could find where I need to be, and that in a future relationship, I would not allow Satan to torment me, and destroy the wonderful thing that Natalie and I had. Never again will I allow him to destroy anything we have in the future. We stopped in Klamath Falls, were I got myself a Blimpy burger for later, and the seating arrangement changed. Natalie told me that I was too sensitive; when I told her I thought she was angry with me. With she was correct, of that I know not to let occur again. In the Durango sat Justin, next to me in the back (driving me to insanity), Natalie, Courtney, and Janelle in the row in front of me, and TJ and Laurie in the front. At one point, out of range of the van's sight, TJ and Laurie switched places, so TJ could drive his car. Upon arrival in Bend, the quickly traded spots, so that no one in the van would have known what had occurred. We finally made it back to FCC, unloaded the van, and everyone went home. The following two weeks would be quite rough. Natalie was still sick, and as of today, April 9, 2004, the doctors still do not know what her problem is. April 1st marked one year of me being Christian. April 2nd, 2004, Natalie would end the relationship, and up to now, we would be striving to have a working friendship. It has yet to be such, but more of a lukewarm friendship. There are things I need to speak about with her, and hopefully we will overcome them, and have the friendship that we both desire. As far as I know, we both still feel the same for each other. Ever since the missions trip, my life has been different. I look around and see bits and pieces of my life before the missions trip, and I find myself quite stumped on how I am supposed to revert to my old life like everyone else. For me, I find it impossible to do that. The missions trip radically changed me, my priorities are different, I feel closer to those who I did not know prior to the trip, and my entire life is lived closer to God than ever before. As this journal ends, my new, closer journey with God began with its rough start March 20th, 2004. Because I love you… …I'll forget the little things …I'll do things to please you …I won't control or be controlled …I'll never give up …I'll tell you I do every chance I get …I'll take care of you as much as you'll allow …I'll be there …I'll support you …I'll understand the reasonable …I'll try to do so the unreasonable too …I won't back off …I'll show you I care …I'll flirt only with you …I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in any way …I praise and thank God for you …I cherish every moment with you …I won't let you walk all over me …I'm committed to us …I'll sacrifice my wants and needs to meet yours …I'll only be as stubborn as you When two become one, Sacrifices must me made Whatever sacrifice I must make, I will for us. And there is nothing wrong with that, Because it is for God's glory "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 Can we have that?