Holiday fruitcake sure is sweet
Keeps me chewin'
It's a holiday treat
Holiday eggnog, holiday high
Sip of rum to get me by
Ooow we're gonna get nauseous
Ooow we're gonna feel sick
Ooow we're gonna get hungover
Holiday holiday feastin feastin
Make me make me feel so sick

Holiday cookies mighty fine
Only bake the holiday kind
Holiday sprinkles, red and green
Holiday bingeing
Eat what-ever is seen
Ooow we're gonna get nauseous
Ooow we're gonna feel sick
Ooow we're gonna get hungover
Holiday holiday feastin feastin
Make me make me feel so sick

Alka Seltzer what I need
To straighten out my head
Holiday feastin sends me
Off early to bed
Oh yes it will
It's a holiday sprinkles, red and green
Holiday goodies you know their
Good as good can be
Ooow we're gonna get nauseous...

Now that I'm Santa, what would you like?
A toy from my sleigh, a shiny new bike
Can you tell anymore?
I can't tell anymore.

Now that I'm Santa, what will we do
Will we ring a red bell
Out on Sixth Avenue
Are you ready for that?
I'm not ready for that.

Run'round the globe,
through snow and through slush
Hurry the reindeer--I'm in a rush
It's almost dawn
My elves are all gone

Hang up your stockings
Deck out your tree
Then with a recipe make cookies for me
It's a holiday snack
I'll share with the pack.

Now that I'm Santa, what do you need
A pony that prances
Or maybe a steed
Can you write me a list
So I'll get the gist.

Now that I'm Santa
Totally jolly
Shall we put up the lights
Or deck it with holly
It's a tradition of sorts
For you and your co-horts.

Don't make me leave
Through a chimney too tight
If I can't even breath
How can I say "goodnight"?
Now that I've filled up them all
That are pinned to the wall

I'm reviewing my list
And I'm checking it twice
I don't want you missed
Due to noisy house mice
Those elves are to blame
That I'm out of that game

Now that I'm Santa
Don't shed a tear

If I forget about Christmas
Til this time next year
This holiday's fun for just you
Not me.

She wore an apron that was covered with holiday themes
She had a mistletoe hat, and stockings with seams.
I was merry, I was jolly, I was due for a nap
She dropped a steaming latte right in my lap

I was alone, otherwise I would have decked the halls
But I was soothed by the carols and the colored lightbulbs
The cream was chewy and the cookies were bland
I'm not a snowman, but I was missing my winter wonderland

Chorus:
And I feel, and I feel, and I feel like an eggnog
I never ordered a pumpkin muffin to go
What I need is a yule log
Before I go out in the snow.
But I feel like a eggnog (feel like an eggnog)

She started sponging my pants; she mopped my belly
I gave a laugh and shook like a bowl fulla jelly
She sat down on my lap and started sharing her list
She was as naughty as nice--what a twist

We were lost in a dream on a bed of fluffy snow
When I was grabbed by an elf; he said, "it's time to go"
He had jingle bells and pointy shoes
He gave me back my shack and I sang the blues

CHORUS

I tipped heavy so she wouldn't think that Santa was mean
I saw a peppermint patty by the espresso machine
I could tell this coffee house was the snooty kind
I could have used a glass of milk, but I changed my mind

One of these yuletide days when Mrs. Claus is away
I'm gonna hop into my magical sleigh
I'll set the reindeer towards the eastern sky
Wipe cookie crumbs from my beard and then I'll probably cry:

Do you feel, do you feel, do you feel like an eggnog
To go with your pumpkin muffin to go?
We could share my auntie's fruitcake
But the elf with the knife never showed
So we'll just share an eggnog (both share an eggnog)

Jameslee we have heard on high,
Singing sweetly through the night,
And the listers in reply
Echoing unfettered delight.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.

Yahoos, why this jubilee?
Why these cheers with blue panties?
What great laughter did you share?
Which musician do you tease?
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.

Come to Beechwood and you'll see
Him whose mirth the listers bring
Come, adore with stomping heel
James Lee, de Man, Freelance Human Being
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.

See him in a café play
Whom the listers praise above;
Tracy, Char lend your aid,
Reviewing west coast gigs with love.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.
Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaames-Lee in excessive sno-ow.

Jameslee the Bejoran lister
Has a very krinkled nose
And if you ever saw him
Then you know he works for Odo

All of the other listers
Love the "Klinging singon" flip
They never let their Jameslee
Forget about his "Prime-Time" slip

Then one foggy, Reckoning night
Jameslee came to say
Listers with your tv's bright
Why not watch DS9 tonight

Now, all the listers watch it
And they shout out with glee
Jameslee the Bejoran lister
You'll go down in ST history

Oh! You better watch out,
you better not cry,
you better not pout,
I'm telling you why:
James Lee Stanley's coming to town!

He's reading a list,
He's checking posts twice,
gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
James Lee Stanley's coming to town!

He sees you when you're lurking,
he knows when you're away.
He knows whether you've been posting or not,
so post for goodness sake!

So...You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout,
I'm Telling you why.
James Lee Stanley's coming to town!

A cowboy boot and tuned guitar
Stomp, stomp, stomp and strummy-strum-tums.
James Lee Stanley's coming to town!

Little CDs that spin and play
DH Mugs, posters and t-shirts too
James Lee Stanley's coming to town!

The kids in internet Lister land
will have a jubilee.
They're gonna build a Jameslee town
and have a shopping spree.

Ohh....You better watch out,
you better not cry.
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why.
James Lee Stanley's coming to town!

Over the river and through the woods
To see a James Lee show.
John knows the road to carry this load
Of giddy lister ho--ooooooohs.

Over the river and through the woods,
Oh, how the road does bend.
He twists the wheels, we stomp our heels
As around the curves we go.

Over the river and through the woods
To hear a full night of song.
Oh, hear James Lee strumming rum-tum-tumming,
For his Lister throng.

Over the river and through the woods
And straight through the parking lot
It seems that we go so dreadfully slow;
Oh look there's a drunken sot.

Over the river and through the woods,
Now James's guitar we spy.
Hurrah for crowd--they're awfully loud.
So Hurrah for the sound system guy!