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Jayden was born on August 20, 2001 at 28 weeks gestation, with identical twin Blayze Allen. The boys had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), a condition causing the blood vessels in the placenta to fuse together and direct the blood flow more to one baby. One baby (Jayden) becomes the donor, getting little or no blood and making little or no amniotic fluid. (Also referred to as the "stuck" twin.) The other (Blayze) becomes the recipient, getting an overload of blood and making too much amniotic fluid. So they were both in danger. Jayden was in danger of becoming anemic and not getting enough nutrients, and Blayze was in danger of heart failure because of too much blood for his little heart to pump.

So the long wait began in the hospital (OSUMC in Columbus OH). We were there for a month waiting until the big day arrived, and hoping each day that we could last another few weeks. Our hopes were ended on the afternoon of August 20, when the doctor said"it's time". We were so excited to see the boys, but so afraid that it wouldn't go well. At 5:25, Blayze Allen was born, and at 5:26, Jayden Anthony was born. They weighed (Blayze) 2 pounds and (Jayden) 1 pound 12 ounces. Very small, but doing OK. They were put on ventilators and rushed to the NICU. The next few days were a blur. Lots of new faces, telling us words we didn't completely understand, and watching our babies fight for their lives on machines doing all that they could to save them. It was devastating, and yet we were thrilled and proud as new parents, wanting so badly to show off our new babies. Soon, they told us that Jayden was the more stable of the two, and would most likely come home first. Blayze was having a more challenging time, and could not adapt to all the noise of the world. Jayden seemed to be doing pretty well for the first few days. Then they realized that his kidneys were not working, and things didn't look as good for him. While in utero, he never recieved enough blood to filter through his kidneys, and they never started working. They said it was just a waiting game, but if they didn't start working, he had no chance. They sent over doctors to look at him and do tests on him, but there was just nothing they could do on such a small patient. He lay there so sweet and innocent, just trying his hardest to live. I asked him every day to please hold on, to please fight, and once he made it past all this, I would take care of him. He tried so hard, and he was such a fighter...

His kidneys started to work a little after about a week. His doctor came and got us and told us though it was only a few drops, they were "drops from Heaven". We were thrilled. Then he started to get sick from an infection, and it went downhill, and our dreams of raising our twin boys together slowly slipped away. His kidneys were suppressed because of the medication, so even though they had slowly started to pick up, they were not working at all again. It could have been just the way things went, but maybe it he hadn't gotten the infection, and maybe if it hadn't spread through his bloodstream...I could drive myself insane with the "maybe's" and "what if's" but it wouldn't bring my baby back. The end result was, although he fought as hard as he possibly could, he just couldn't fight off all the things that were stacked against him. He made me so proud, and as he left this world that was so cruel to him, I hope he found comfort in his Mommy's arms, with Mommy and Daddy both right there with him.

His Journey's Just Begun

Don't think of him as gone away
His journey's just begun;
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
That we could only know, today,
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.

And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched...
For nothing loved is ever lost
And he was loved so much.

Adapted from Ellen Brenneman's poem