The Bible According to Kids
It is said,
The cute statements below are said to have been
written by actual
students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched
or corrected:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got
tired of creating
the
world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in
pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of
fire by night.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray
by a Jezebel like
Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the
ten amendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and
mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who
lived in Biblical
times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she
sang the Magna
Carta.
When the three wise guys from the east side arrived,
they found Jesus
in
the manager.
Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one
to others before
they do one to you.
He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat
alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and
managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12
decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a
taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy
acrimony, which is
another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is
called monotony.
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