Ophelia: female, ageless
(Laughing and drying her tears)
No, it’s not my first day. I’m sorry. I never could contain all these emotions in a body. I hate this. Really. Normally, I’m very good at what I do. I make a very convincing death. It’s just so hard, you know? I mean, sometimes you run into people who just don’t want to die, but they don’t know it. They’re so scared, and there’s nothing you can do to comfort them. I’m just as scared as they are. I don’t know what’s going to happen to them. I just do my job and move on to the next person. Not only that, but I work the suicide beat. When I flash someone’s life before their eyes it is so depressing. You people are really full of regret and self-loathing, did you know that? I can tell most of them don’t want to die, they just feel they have to. Well, let me let you in on a little secret, Andrew. You have something we angels don’t have. It’s called “Free Will.” You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to! Isn’t that great? What are you, an accountant?
ANDREW
Financial analyst.
OPHELIA
Whatever. You hate it, right?
ANDREW
Sometimes.
OPHELIA
Don’t lie to me. I’m death.
ANDREW
Mostly.
OPHELIA
Okay, you “dislike” it, we’ll say. Well, guess what? You don’t have to be an accountant!
ANDREW
Financial—
OPHELIA
Whatever. My point is, you can do what you want with your life! So your girlfriend dumped you for an actor. So what? You can make your life better! It’s all about choice. But you don’t want to make a choice, do you? “It’s too hard.” What I wouldn’t do to have a choice in my existence. I hate helping people throw it all away. Is it any wonder I’m on mortem probation?
ANDREW
How do you know?
OPHELIA
Because, you all--
ANDREW
No. How do you know you don't have a choice?
OPHELIA
Because. I don't.
ANDREW
Have you ever tried to make a choice?
OPHELIA
Tried to make a choice? You make it sound so simple.
ANDREW
It is.
OPHELIA
For you.
ANDREW
What makes you so certain you can't do anything you put your mind to?
OPHELIA
What makes you so sure?
ANDREW
Huh?
OPHELIA
Don't you think this is a little like the pot calling the kettle black? Huh, Suicide Boy?
ANDREW
Ahhh...touche....
(Pause)
Then maybe we should work together here.