by Callista

comments: erm, sorry for the title, but I couldn't help it^^;;;
The fic is kinda strange [ you'll see next parts ^^; ], I dun really
know about what it is, n I dun know what's going to happen ^^;;;
genre: AU, romance~~ :/
Pairing: KaoruXToshiya [ for now, as I think ^^;; ]

PART 1 ~MISSA~

Another, lazy, non-sunny day came. Toshiya opened his eyes,
wondering, why he needed to wake up. He would love to stay in a warm
bed, not needing to get up, and go for practice. Toshiya put his hand
on forehead. Maybe, I'll tell them, that I'm sick, or sth. He
thought, but he knew, that Kaoru would check on him, and realize that
he's fin. Stupid. Stupid jerk. Why he always need to ruin my ideas?
Toshiya sat on bed and looked at his hands. They're were shaking. Wha
the..? Or maybe I am sick...? Fuck... I'm stain' home. He lied
heavily on bed, closing eyes, trying to fall asleep.

FLASH BACK

"Yoooo~~!!" Die yelled at Kaoru while carrying another drink for
Toshiya. Toshiya was sitting almost unconscious on the floor. Die
came near to him. "Hoi~!! Toshiya! Wake up!! It's your fuckin' birth,
kid! Ya need to drink moreee~~!" Toshiya looked at him, and smiled
innocently. "Me?"

"No, me!!" Die laughed in his face. Toshiya also broke in laughter.
Kaoru was standing and lookin' at them very seriously. "Maybe, you
guys stop drinking like pigs, ne?" He started to look angry a bit.
Die blinked "Whaaaa~~?? Are you talkin' to us?? Are WE drinking like
pigs?? And maybe I dunno person who's always makin' himself vomit,
because of alco, heee??" Kaoru glared at him. Die put his hand on
Kao's shoulder. "Common, Kao kun, drink with us, it's Totchi's
birthday" Kaoru didn't say anything. He looked at Shinya, who was
drinking his mix slowly. "Nevermind" And he just leaved place. Die
looked a bit shocked. Toshiya was hurt deeply. He looked at
floor. "Die... I want to go home". Die looked at him worriedly. "Are
you sure?" Toshiya nodded.

END OF FLASH BACK

Toshiya remembered now, why his hands were shaking and why he really
didn't want to go for practice. He didn't want to see Kaoru. Kaoru...
The one man, who hurt him so much. Just because of one word.
Nevermind... That day, that yesterday, was very precious for him. He
wanted THESE birthday to be happy, to be.. not like other ones.
Toshiya closed his eyes. He told himself that he need some rest.

***

Kaoru looked around. "Where's Toshiya?" Die put his guitar
down. "Hm.. I dunno, he's late for about 30min." Kaoru phoned missing
member. No one was answering. Kaoru started to get angry. "He is not
picking up phones" Kyo looked at Die. Kyo knew, as well, as Shinya
and Die, that there is something wrong with their leader. He's
getting angry very easily, not as usual. Shinya picked up his
sticks. "Maybe he's on the way here. Try his cellphone". Kaoru nodded
nervously and phoned Toshiya again. In short time he threw machine on
floor. Three other members looked at him in fright. "I'm going to
pick him up" Kaoru said coldly, while turning around and leaving
three shocked man. Kyo first broke the silence "I'm... I'm wandering
if Toshiya will be okay... After..." He didn't finish. Other guys
didn't need to hear the rest. They knew exactly what Kyo had on his
mind.

***

Kaoru ride nervously to Toshiya's home. He was very angry. He didn't
want to make practice wait.

Finally he stood in front of Toshiya's flat. Even without ringing, he
just kicked the door and walk in. No sound. No clue of Toshiya
anywhere. But the door was open? Kaoru thought while walking through
the rooms. Finally he heard sounds from bathroom. Kaoru stood near to
the door. He could clearly hear Toshiya, delicately singing while
taking bath. He thought of waiting till the bassist would go out, but
then he remembered that Toshiya really likes baths and he might take
this one very long too. So he just opened doors.

Toshiya was so shocked when he sow really angry Kaoru walking in to
his bathroom, while he was putting his boxers on. He stood in fright,
not knowing to do, he just didn't do any move. Kaoru stood close to
him, almost touching him. Suddenly, older man punched Toshiya in
belly. So hard that Toshiya almost fell on the floor. "You jerk! What
you think you're doing!!" Toshiya heard Kaoru's voice. He was so
shocked, he barely could move. "We're wasting our time, because you
don't want come for practice!" Toshiya felt as older man pushed him
on the wall. Toshiya hit the bathroom's wall, then heavily bent down.
Kaoru stood in front of almost crying young man. Toshiya hardly
looked at guitarist. "Why..?" he asked silently. "Why?? You're
asking, WHY??? I'll tell you" Kaoru kneeled in front of
Toshiya "Because, I, want to have practice, and without you, it's
impossible, got it?" Kaoru stood up and walked out of bathroom.
Toshiya couldn't hear him, so probably he leaved. In the corner of
beautiful eyes tears are showing up.

***

Kaoru came back to the studio and as he walked in to the room he told
the rest of the members: "No practice today". And just walk out. Die
looked at Shinya, then at Kyo. But they said nothing. The knew that
they mustn't disturb leader.

***

Toshiya was still sitting on the floor. He couldn't believe what just
happened. His great leader just beated him up and yesterday,
yesterday he didn't want to celebrate his birthday. Tears were
flowing unstopped. Toshiya wasn't moving. He just wanted to rest, he
didn't want his leader to be angry. Maybe he should... leave them?

***

Kaoru stopped his car next to a pub. Yeah, and I am sick, so what?
You're gonna kick me out of the band? Fine!Kaoru slammed car's door
and walked in to the pub. He sat next to the bar and asked for very
heavy drink. He wanted to get drunk. Drunk as a schwein.
But Kaoru didn't realized that Die was fallowing him. When Die sow
that Older man just walked in to the pub, he just thought:
Alcoholism... And this one word scared him like hell. He decided to
talk to Kaoru, when he'll be a bit drunk. But he also prayed to God
for Kao's good mood. He didn't wanted to be beaten by him.

LATER, MUCH LATER

"Gimme ano*hic*ther drink, you assssshole!" Kaoru tried to catch
barman, but man just walked away somewhere. So Kaoru just bent his
head on the bar. Meanwhile, Die walked in to the room. For the first
sight, he hasn't sow Kaoru, but then some strange moving person
almost fall from chair. That was Kaoru.
"Yo, Kao kun!" Die tried to be as cool as always. "Wha r ya doin'?"
"OH~~ *hic* It's you Die, sit" Kaoru showed Die a chair next to
him. "You know? That godamiit bar*hic*man, doesn't want to give me
another fuckin' drink"
"Okay, I'll call him for another" Die asked barman for two really
heavy drinks. "So, Kao kun, wha r ya doin' here?" Die lit a
cigarette. "I'm drinking"
"Well, I see that. But why?"
"..."
"Hm? You said something?"
"It's... It's because of Toshiya"
"Wha..?" Die looked a bit shocked, Kaoru's face suddenly started to
look very sad.
Barman gave them another drinks, Kaoru started to drink it very
greedy face. Die looked at Kaoru, and realized that his leader has
really something on his mind. Kaoru, what's going on with you?
"Kaoru, but... but what's with Toshiya..?" Die started to feel really
hot. He asked for more ice to drink.
"I think that.. that he doesn't want to be in the band.." Kaoru said
almost with tears in his eyes.
"WHA?? What made you think so?" Die couldn't believe his ears.
"Can't you see??" Kaoru looked at Die. Die shivered. "He doesn't want
to play with us, he doesn't come for practices! I just didn't know
what to do.. So.. So I just..." Kaoru started to sub "I've... beat
him..." He broke in cry. Very loud cry. Die looked at him in silence.
He knew that Kaoru'd beat Toshiya, but now he sow that Kaoru suffers.
He started delicately pat Kaoru's back. "Shh.... Don't cry... I don't
think Toshiya would like to leave band. I don't see any good, really
good reason. But... but I think you should talk with him..." Kaoru
stopped crying, but Die could hear little sobs. "Besides, That's
Toshiya who supposed to cry, you're not from cryin' Kao kun" Kaoru
looked with watery eyes at Die.
"Die..."
"Yes?"
"Can I trust you.."
"Of course! I'm your bandmate and, which is the most important, a
friend"
"Die, becouse... I... love Toshiya..." Kaoru looked down. "And,
and... he doesn't love me. And after _that_ he will never love me.."
Die was even more shocked, he didn't know what to say. He wasn't
thinking of that kind strange actions. No one in godammit Dir en
grey, would never believe that. But when Kaoru is drunk, he never
lies. So Die didn't have any choice, he'll must believe him.
"Ee... Well, Kaoru, ya know... I think you should talk to Toshiya..."
Die didn't really know what and ho to say Kaoru. "Die... Please...
You talk with Toshiya... And.. Ask him what he thinks of.. of me...
Please?" kaoru looked up at Die's face with a pleading. "Weell.. Um..
Okay, I'll try, ne?" Die tried to smile.

***

To be continued...

***

Soo?? What do you think about it? C/C?
~Callista




to be continued 

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