Complicated Love

Complicated Love

Pairings: um...Okay, Shinya and Kyo have become like, my favorite couple at the moment. So.... Shinya and Kyo, Toshiya and Die and Kaoru and Kirito. *grin*

Band: erm...Dir en grey, and Kirito. That's like....it. X_x sorry to all those who wanted me to write something other then DEG. It doesn't happen.

Notes: um....don't buy DVD's from Japan. ~_~ you can only play them in Japanese DVD players....;_; at least that's what my DVD player told me. *sniffle* er...Also, this takes place a little bit (At least that's where it starts...) after Toshiya Joins the band...cause this is when Shinya's being all secretive. And another thing, Die and Toshiya aren't together in the beginning and Kaoru is silent about his relationship with Kirito. ^_^;;; and you know....middle of story kinda thing. Um...Lately Shinya has began to get a crush on Kyo....blah, blah, blah, blah....yatta, yatta, yatta,....you know. ^_^

oh...

*'s mean thought's.

Part 1

"Kyo?? Kyo-chan??" Shinya sighed. *why do they make ME go and wake him up? Why not Die??* with a slight blush Shinya pushed his way into Kyo's apartment and glanced around. *This place is a mess...bleh...* With a frown the skinny man walked over and knocked on Kyo's bedroom door.

"KYO WAKE UP!!!!" Shinya yelled then opened the door slightly to peer into the messy room. *eh....does he not know HOW to clean?*

"Emmm...uhhemminey..." Kyo mumbled as Shinya sweat dropped and walked over to Kyo placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking him slightly, causing the sleeping man to part his lips and moan softly. *Eh?...Oh no....stop it!* Shinya blushed at his thoughts and looked down at the small man in the bed. *He is rather cute....NO! Stop it!* Shinya mentally kicked himself and blushed harder. He looked away and started at the bathroom door. *shut up...remember WHY you don't give the others your phone number? Or let them know where you live?? CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW YOU LIKE MEN!! BAKA!!!* Shinya growled softly and blushed again. With a small sigh he turned his eyes back to Kyo and found the other man staring back at him. Before he could excuse himself Kyo laughed and poked his nose.

"What's wrong Shin-chan?" Kyo purred and held out a hand for Shinya to help him up.

"N...nothing....Nothing." Shinya blushed scarlet and helped the vocalist up and out of his bed realizing a bit to late that the other man was naked. Turning around and adverting his eyes Shinya managed to keeps his eyes off Kyo.

"Shinya?? Why did you come?" Kyo placed a hand on Shinya shoulders.

"Cause, Baka, we have practice today....exactly..." With a glance down at his watch the drummer smirked. "Twenty minutes ago. And you weren't up or there...so Leader-sama told me to come get you."

"Oh, is that it?" Kyo sounded bored and turned back towards his bed to sleep. Shinya grabbed his elbow and shook his head.

"No. You are NOT going back to bed. Come on. Kaoru will skin me alive if I don't bring a vocalist back." With a slight grimace Shinya imagined all the ways Kaoru must have to torment people who didn't do what he wanted.

"So go find one who wants to be up at this ungodly hour." Kyo muttered Shinya choose to ignore it. It was almost 5 PM ....*Ungodly my ass.* Shinya thought.

"And, yes. That's all I came here for, come on. Get dressed. I'll drive you. Kay?"

"Um hum." Kyo yawned but did as Shinya asked.

"Oh fuck..." Shinya muttered and pushed a hand through his hair. They were sitting in the car at a red light about half way to the practice studio and Shinya had just realized he had left his drumsticks and the jacket he had borrowed from Die that night last week when he had, had to walk the ten blocks to his apartment in the cold.

"What?" Kyo pulled his eyes away from watching the people on the street and stared towards Shinya.

"I have to go by my apaato. You don't mind do you?" Shinya grumbled slightly at the thought of having to take someone to his apartment.

"No. Not at all." Kyo smiled and visibly brightened at the thought of seeing where the drummer lived.

"Um...promise you won't show anyone?" Shinya glanced at Kyo and turned down his street.

"Promise...but you have to give me you're number. The one at you're house. Not just your mobile phone..." Kyo smirked as Shinya paled.

"Kyo...." Shinya pushed a hand through his hair and pulled into the parking place. He turned in his seat and looked at Kyo as soon as he shut the engine off. "Why? No one needs my home phone..."

"Well...what if we want to do something. I promise I won't give it to anyone. If they need it I'll dial....please?? It's not fair that you're so secretive." Kyo gave his friend puppy dog eyes and Shinya sighed.

"Fine... and you know, some people are secretive because they have secret's they don't want known." Shinya said very softly before getting out of the car and going towards the lift, leaving Kyo and blink and stare after him before jumping out and following.

When they got to Shinya's door Kyo watched the drummer pull key's from his pocket and blinked as the door swung open to revel and very, very nice apartment. Though it didn't have a lot of furniture the walls were decorated and the place was clean.

"It's....clean..." Kyo said wondrously and kicked his shoes off running to the middle of the living room and turning in a circle. He didn't notice when Shinya gathered the two idem's he had forgotten and stood watching him.

"Yes. It is." Shinya nodded in agreement.

"It's....beautiful....look at the view...." Kyo run and stood looking out the window and then turned to run to Shinya and grin up at the other man. "I like you're place Shin-chan...."

"I'm glad. And it's not really that great..." Shinya blushed pink and gave Kyo a smile, which was very special because Shinya had never REALLY smiled around the group before. Kyo blinked at Shinya and pushed a hand through his own hair.

"Why don't you do that more often?"

"Do what?"

"Smile...it make's you look beautiful...really....beautiful." Kyo spoke softly and then smiled up into Shinya's face, making the taller man blush harder and turn away picking up a pad and pen. He scribbled something and ripped the paper off the pad and handed it to Kyo.

"Here's my number...lets go....the others are going to be pissed..." Shinya smiled his real smile at Kyo again and walked out the door.

Shinya sighed and pushed the door open.

"Sorry..." He muttered and slipped past Kaoru to sit behind his drums.

"SORRY?? Kyo...." Kaoru growled and began yelling at the vocalist.

"It's not his fault...Kaoru, don't yell at him. I had to stop by my apaato and get my sticks and Die's jacket that I borrowed...so...it's not Kyo's fault." Shinya tosses the jacket at Die and the tapped out a rhythm on his drums Kaoru glared at Kyo then looked towards Shinya.

"Oh...okay." Kaoru glanced at his watch. "Lets start just as soon as Totchi gets back..."

"Thanks for bringing my jacket, Shin-chan.." Die muttered and watched the door. Shinya shrugged and leaned back on the wall looking at his hands. He could feel Kaoru and Kyo's eye's on him but he didn't dare look up, in fear of catching one of their eye's and, with Kaoru, being questioned if he lied for Kyo, or with Kyo, having to explain why he stuck up for the small vocalist. He heard the door to the room slam and glanced up to find Toshiya grinning.

"Finally...Kao-Kao's been going psycho...what took you so long?" Toshiya grin and plopped himself down on Shinya's lap with a slight purr. Shinya blinked and leaned away from the imposing bassist.

"I had to go to my apaato after I picked Kyo up." Shinya realized his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth.*shiiiiiit...*

"You took Kyo-kun to your apaato!!!???" Toshiya squealed. "He knows where you live!!??"

"...." Shinya was silent and pushed his hand through his hair again.

"DIIIE!!!!!!!! KYO KNOWS WHERE SHIN-KUN LIVES!!!!! SHINYA TOOK HIM TO HIS HOUSE!!!!" Toshiya screamed and ran to Die falling into the other man's lap laughing his head off. Die blinked and looked towards Shinya.

"You took Kyo-chan to you're house?? What? You like him or something?" Die asked and raised a brow. This caught Kaoru attention and he jerked his head up to stared at Shinya. Kyo blinked and looked from Die to Shinya and back.

"Of corse not, stupid. But I didn't want you yelling at me fore leaving your jacket behind and I didn't want Leader-sama to chew me out for leaving my sticks at home..." Shinya glared at Die and tossed his head slightly with a shrug.

"No...I think you like Kyo. REALLY like him... I've noticed how you've been watching him at practice...." Die pushed Toshiya of his lap gently and stood up walking over and standing in front of the other mans drums.

"Yea...it's kinda called being the main part of our group and also it's called he's standing in front of me most of the time. It's not like I can move very much..." Shinya tried to keep his temper under control and stay calm but Die was beginning to bother him. *I don't need this...I don't need them finding out.*

"So you're telling me that you watch him because he's the vocalist and he stands in the center? Yeah right, Shin-chan. You like Kyo. Why do you deny it?" Die smirked at Shinya and raised a brow. Shinya growled and got up walking around and standing in front of the red headed guitarist, their noses almost touching.

"I do not like men like that."Shinya sneered up into Die's face and raised a brow, not noticing that Kaoru, Toshiya and Kyo had gone silent and the few people that had been scurrying around had stopped and were looking at the two men.

"Right....we all believe you...not."Die grinned as Shinya turned red.

"Right. Like anyone would believe you didn't have it bad for Totchi....the way you sulk and watch for him when he leaves..." Shinya growled softly.

"Stupid Shinya...everyone know's I like Totchi...I was wondering when you'd notice."

"Shut up. I don't notice things like that. I don't notice things about people who don't matter to me. I don't notice things about you, Toshiya, Kyo or Kaoru. Cause none of you matter to me. NONE OF YOU. You're my band mates. And barely my friends. I don't care about one single thing in any of you're live's. So why can't you stay out of my life!?" Shinya yelled into Die's face.

"Cause you love Kyo." Die laughed.

"Fuck off, Die. You know nothing about me, who I like or what I like. So stop presuming that you do. Go back over to you're little boyfriend. And everyone wonders why I'm so secretive..."

"That's why, isn't it. You're gay and you don't want anyone to know so you stay away from everyone..hiding from the world...." Die poked Shinya and snickered. Right before Shinya's fist slammed into his stomach, that is.

"I'm secretive because I have secrets and I would like them to stay secret. It's my right to have secrets. So stop trying to figure them out." Shinya whispered softly into Die's ear as the other man doubled over. He let Die fall to the floor and then turned and grabbed his drumstick and sneered down at the red head.

"I told you, I'm not gay." Shinya growled and turned leaving. "I'll see you all at the next practice..."

With a sob Shinya threw the door to his car open and flew into the drivers seat. *Why does he always have to be like that?? Why can't he just act like a friend instead of an ass??* Shinya sighed and reached under the seat of his car finding the bottle of vodka he kept under there.....

Two bottles and three hours later.....Shinya buried his face in his hands and sobbed, not noticing Kyo standing next to him until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Shin-kun? What's wrong I've been sitting in my car watching you....please don't cry..." Kyo knelt down in front of Shinya and took the drummer into his arms holding him as he sobbed and coughed uncontrolably.

"Go away, Kyo..." Shinya pleaded sitting back and wiping feriously at his eyes.

"Why?" Kyo looked up at Shinya and pushed the other man into the passanger seat. "I'm driving you home, you'll probably crash if I don't. So shut up."

"...." Shinya stayed silent except for a few coughs, sniffles and sneeze's.

"You have a cold?"

"I think I have the flu...or something I was real sick earlier...but it passed. And now I feel like shit again." Shinya grumbled and rested his head in his hands.

"It might have something to do with the fact you worked yourself up about what Die was saying. That could have made someone sick. All those feelings." Kyo muttered and pushed a hand through his hair pulling into a parking space at Shinya's Apartment building. He shut the car off and got outthen walked around and opened the door for Shinya, who promptly puked on the pavment.

"Eh....Kyo....chan...I feel yucky." Shinya whined and rubbed his head. Kyo blinked and made a face before wrapping his arms around Shinya and lifting him up and out of the seat.

"Oi....Shin-kun, you're heavy..." Kyo grumbled and held Shinya close carrying him up to his room and earning a few weird looks from people. When he got to Shinya's door Kyo was presented with a slight problem, Shinya had fallen asleep in his arms and he had no key. With a frown Kyo switched his weight and held Shinya tight and tried the door, finding it...locked. *Of corse...*

"Er.. Okay, I can do this...." Kyo muttered and put Shinya down very gently, not wanting to wake the drummer. He slid a hand into the other mans pocket and blushed feeling it run in to **that** place. "Er...other pocket maybe?"

"Kyo...what are you doing??" Shinya mumbled sleepily.

"Trying to find the damn keys. Where are they?" Kyo replied, a bit annoyed, finding nothing in the other pocket.

"Back left pocket..." Shinya yawned and leaned foward snuggling against Kyo happily, and tiredly because of the alcohal sickness.

"Oh..." *that's just....dandy.* Kyo muttered under his breath and sliped a hand into Shinya's back pocket, found the keys, opened the door and picked his friend up once more. "Fuck..."

"Ehm.." Shinya moaned and clung to Kyo's shirt.

"Bah...hold up for a minute, Shin-kun..." Kyo growled and pushed into Shinya's bedroom laying the drummer out on the bed and standing back. *Better get my shoes off now...and his....* reaching down Kyo got his shoes of and then pulled Shinya's off walking out of the room and dropping them by the front door. Walking into the kitchen, Kyo frowned. *hum...soup? I should be able to do THAT.* Kyo blinked and then thought better of it. *I'll just take him some medicine...yeah...* Kyo found a bottle of medicine in the cupboard over the stove *Thats a weird place for medicine...* and a spoon and walked back into Shinya's room to find the drummer awake and staring at the ceiling.

"Good, you're up you can drink some medicine..." Kyo smiled and sat on the edge of the bed holding the full spoon towards Shinya. The drummer smiled and took the spoon putting it in his mouth and swollowing the medicine.

"Thanks..." Shinya laid back on the pillow and winced slightly.

"What did you mean??" Kyo looked at Shinya curiously.

"About what?"

"Earlier....when we were getting out of the car. You said ‘some people are secretive because they have secret's they don't want known'. What did you mean?" Kyo looked at Shinya, watching him blush pink and look down.

"I meant that people shouldn't ask me so many questions. I don't really want people in my life...it's to hard. I have...secrets, that I'm ashamed of. And if a person gets close, they'll find out...I don't want that." Shinya blushed softly and pushed a hand through his hair. Kyo blinked slightly. Shinya felt something tighten in his stomach. *Damned medicine*

"You have secrets? Like what?" Kyo crawled up on the bed and laid next to Shinya.

"KYO! You're so kawaii. Really you are. Look at you. Laying on my bed next to me, like we're two girls haveing a sleep over and trading secrets. So kawaii." Shinya giggled and coughed.

"I AM NOT KAWAII!!" Kyo yelped and pounded on Shinya's chest. "But...if you tell me a secret I'll tell you one...."

"Nope." Shinya shook his head.

"Well...I'll tell you a secret AND let you call me kawaii. Only you though..." Kyo nodded.

"Em....no." Shinya shook his head again.

"Hum....I'll let you call me kawaii, tell you a secret...AND...um....er...um....let you...um....er....I dunno....I'll buy you take-out for a week, anything you want. And I won't tell no one what you tell me...." Kyo nodded happily and poked the drummer.

"Well...okay.i'll tell you second biggest secret. But you...can't freak out....or tell anyone...promise."

"Promise."

"What Die said was true...about me..." Shinya stared at the floor and sighed softly.

"You...like me?" Kyo stared at Shinya.

"No, the other part....about me...being...different." Shinya blushed bright red and shook is head snugiling down into the bed coughing and sneezing.

"Oh...that's cool. Why would I freak over that?" Kyo blinked and scratched his head looking at Shinya's still form.

"Because, a lot of people think it's...sick...and you're my friend...and I don't want you to think I'm sick..." Shinya blushed slightly feeling a bit petty at his confession.

"But...I'm not like other people...am I?" Kyo asked softly and inched towards Shinya, reach under the covers and taking Shinya's hand, turning it over and kissing the other mans palm gently.

"Kyo..." Shinya's head came out from under the covers and the younger one looked at Kyo.

"Shinya." Kyo answered and held Shinya's chin bringing his lips down to meet Shinya's. Shinya kissed back for a moment before pulling away.

"What is this?" Shinya asked with a confused frown.

"I don't know..." Kyo muttered softly. "How do you feel?"

"Really, sick." Shinya sniffled and snuggled against Kyo.

"Then let's sleep. I'll stay here to keep you warm..." Kyo smiled and got under the covers pulling the younger man against his chest.

"Mmm.." Shinya purred softly and fell asleep before anything else was said.

Shinya woke to find the bed empty and the house silent. *what did you expect. He was just trying to make you feel better...it didn't mean anything...and you have practice in twenty minutes...* Shinya stood up and tried not to feel sad or cry over the cold bed. What had he expected? Kyo wasn't gay. It wasn't like they had, had sex....

A half hour later Shinya walked into the studio. Coughing and sniffing and sneezing. He found all the others sitting on the couch waiting for him.

"Sorry, I woke later. I'm sick. Sorry I hit you yesterday, Die. Let's practice...I really want to sleep...so please? Can we get this over with soon?" Shinya began coughing then and doubled over with the force of the spasm's. He stumbled over to his drums and sat the leaning back against the wall coughing and completely worn out already. He frowned as he noticed the others staring at him, and began to worry when Kyo kept avoiding his eyes. *oh...shit...* "Wh **cough, cough, cough** what?"

"Shinya...listen.." Kaoru looked at Toshiya and moved around uncomfortably.

"What? What's up??...."Shinya let his head loll back against the wall.

"We know you're gay...and Kyo told us how you tried to seduce him...and when he wasn't giving in...you tried to rape him." Die growled out. Shinya was looking at the light watching the dust in the air, and it took a few moment's for what the red head had just said to sink in. When it did Shinya blinked and tilted his head staring confusedly at his band mates. He blinked and then lifted a hand to his head scratching it before being hit by another wave of hacking coughs.

"I did...what?" Shinya spoke scratchily and coughed again.

"You tried to rape our vocalist." Kaoru said stonily.

"I tried to rape your vocalist." Shinya repeated.

"What? You don't remember?" Toshiya asked icily.

"Don't remember?" Shinya repeated.

"Stop repeating everything. Did you or is Kyo lying??" Die asked raising a brow.

"Did I rape...Kyo?" Shinya asked and blinked, stunned off his ass.

"Yes...did you?" Kaoru raised a brow.

"No...why do you ask?" Shinya blinked again, his thought process didn't seem to be working quite right. His thoughts were disconnected and the idea was so unbelievable that it was almost funny.

"Because he said you did." Toshiya glanced worriedly at Shinya then looked at Kyo.

"He lied..." Shinya couched and yawned blinking around and scratching his head. "I told him I was gay...cause he told me I could trust him...and..he lied then too....but...he said I could trust him cause he was different...and then his kissed my hand and kissed my lips and then told me we should sleep. Because I felt sick... Isn't that what happened??"

"No...that didn't happen Shinya....I gave you medicine and then I was talking about what Die had said and you jumped me..tried to talk me into sex before you tried to rip my clothes off..." Kyo looked down and blushed deeply.

"That didn't happen. Nope. Not happen." Shinya purred out before starting hitting his drums slowly.

"It did too." Kyo growled slightly.

"No it didn't. Because if it had then I would have been there. And I don't remember it. And if you gave me....oh shit." Shinya's thoughts snapped into place and the drummer dropped his sticks to the floor.

"Shin-chan??" Toshiya blinked.

"You said you gave me medicine...where did you get it??" Shinya sat shaking slightly on his stool and turned his eyes towards Kyo.

"Erm... the cupboard over the stove..." Kyo blinked.

"Dammit...That...that was my roommates medicine....I never knew what it was...but he took it sometimes then got drunk off his ass on Vodka before leaving for a date...when he came home the next day...it was always the same...story. The girl had come onto him...and he had fucked her...but...the girls...said he raped them....but he swore black and blue he didn't...he went to jail...a while back...it was some sort of memory lapse thing...it made it so he could remember the sex...but not that he raped them." (Um...okay...none of this is real...just bear with me....-MC) Shinya blinked and sat with his legs spread and his hand pressing against the stool supporting himself. He stared down at the floor as memories of the night before came rushing into his head. Him pushing Kyo down and holding his wrist's, him slapping Kyo telling him to shut up. Shinya didn't feel the tears begin to fall down his cheeks. Didn't realize he was sobbing until he began coughing. He jumped up and stumbled blindly towards the door tripping, one hand grasping his chest, the other his head.

"I have to get out....out...away..." Shinya spun blindly wildly looking for a way out of the room. He didn't notice the door he had passed through only minutes earlier. With a strangled cry Shinya threw himself at a window trying to rip it open and get out, never mind that it was about seven stories up. Kaoru and Die grabbed Shinya and hauled him away from the window throwing him onto the couch.

"What the FUCK!? Shinya...Shin-kun...Shin-chan..." Kaoru shook Shinya's shoulders watching the younger man break in hard sobs, his whole body shaking with the force. Shinya's eyes stared blankly as he shook.

"I'm so sorry...god....my god....I tried to....Kyo...oh....Kyo..." Shinya moaned and fell over into a deep sleep.

Shinya woke slowly hearing scuffling. He opened his eyes to find himself staring at Kyo's concerned face. With a slight glance around Shinya determined he was in his room and that someone must have been sitting by his bed for at least four hours by the mess. He shifted his eyes back to Kyo and felt tears begin to falls down his cheeks.

"I'm...so sorry...I never wanted this to happen..." Shinya whispered softly.

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't control it." Kyo smiled kindly at his friend.

"I'm still sorry." Shinya murmured.

"Forget it...you're my friend. My best friend. It wasn't your fault. It's okay." Kyo nodded as if he was attempting to convince himself of this fact.

"...."

"So..."

"Totchi's moved in with me." Kyo blurted out. Shinya blinked and winced, though it wasn't visible.

"Really...why for?" Shinya felt his heart pounding.

"Because, him and Die....erm...we've been...um...." Kyo blushed bright red.

"You've been having three some's...." Shinya blinked and tried to keep his voice steady, though he knew his heart had shattered. He could still feel the sharp edges poking him, could hear the tinkling, almost like breaking glass. His voice cracked and he yawned to cover the tears in his eyes. "Eh...watery eyes...eh...yuck."

"Shinya...."

"Hai...?" Shinya pushed himself out of bed and walked to the dresser pulling open drawers and looking for something to wear.

"I...nothing." Kyo smiled and turned walking out the door. A moment later Shinya heard Kyo's voice talking. He picked up the phone line in his room and listened in on Kyo's and Kaoru's conversation.

"He just woke up...I've talked to him. He's fine now...he's sorry and everything...." This was Kyo.

"Yeah..well...he should be. You going home to Toshiya soon?" Kaoru.

"No..." Kyo.

"Does Shinya know he's living with you?" Kaoru.

"Yeah...but he thinks its because me, Die and Toshiya are sleeping together. Even though were not." Kyo.

"So he doesn't know it's because you and Toshiya are scared he'll try it again?" Kaoru.

"No. I really don't want him to know that." Kyo.

"No medicine or vodka in the world could have made him not remember that he tried to rape you. He's full of shit. If we just ignore him...he'll not butt in. He won't even talk to us..." Kaoru. (I'm making him evil. X-x sorry.-MC)

"Yeah. Well I gotta go make sure he's okay. Then I'll tell him about practice tomorrow and leave. Promise." Kyo purred at Kaoru.

"Okay. See you." Shinya heard a click and silently place the phone down. He walked back over and stood looking out his window. If his heart had shattered before, the piece's were being stomped on now. *So they don't want me to talk to them...I won't. Not a word to any of them. Ever.* Shinya only smiled one of his fake smiles at Kyo and waved the other man away. He looked out over the city and felt a tear slip down his cheek.

When Shinya got to practice the next morning, he said nothing but walked over and sat on his drum stood, tapping out a beat and watching a beatle crawl on the floor. He poked it with one of his sticks. It squished. (O.O-MC)

"Hey...Shin-chan...you wanna go for a drink after practice today?" Die asked and glanced at the others. Shinya shook his head no and looked towards Kaoru raising a brow, as if to ask when they would start practice. The purple headed guitarist looked around and practice started. About three hours later they took a break and Shinya got up to grab a drink from the vending machines. Kyo followed him and watched as the drummer got his drink.

"Why aren't you talking to anyone, Shin-chan?" Kyo asked with a slight frown. Shinya just shrug and sipped his drink.

"You won't even talk to me. If I guess will you nod??" Shinya nodded.

"Okay...does it have to do with me?" Shinya made a motion with his hand to indicate that it had a small something to do with him.

"Something to do with what happened?" Shinya nodded. Gripping his drink he walked back to the practice room to find the other three DEG member's sitting around whispering. They all shut up when he entered and watched him walk over and pick up his drum sticks *I have to leave. This is getting bad...* He faked a smile and waved to the others, before he left.

Shinya was watching a music video. When he had gotten home he took a shower and now he was laying naked on his couch. It didn't matter. No one would come over anyway. And if they did he had a robe. The phone rang. Shinya sighed and debated his options. He could answer it or he could let it ring. Reaching over he lifted the receiver.

"Moshi Moshi?" Shinya whispered a bit huskily since he had been silent the whole day.

"Shin-chan? Kyo." Kyo's voice drifted over the line and Shinya debated hanging up.

"Hai?"

"I want to talk to you."

"Talk. I'm listening." Shinya flipped through the channels.

"No, can I come over?" Kyo sounded almost desperate.

"No. I'm just leaving. Sorry Kyo. See you next week at practice, ne? Bye." Shinya dropped the phone back onto the cradle and curled up on his couch. The phone rang a moment later. Shinya sighed and picked it up.

"Moshi, Moshi?" Shinya sniffed.

"Shinya? Toshiya." Toshiya's voice sounded strained.

"Yeah?"

"Kyo said you wouldn't talk to him. That you had something to do."

"I do. I need to go now. Please tell him to not give out my phone number...please." Shinya almost pleaded before dropping the phone down on the cradle again. Exactly five minutes later it rang again. Shinya picked it up.

"Hai?" Shinya growled out, annoyed.

"Shinya? Die."

"Yeah?"

"Talk to Kyo."

"I'm busy. Lemme alone." Shinya hung up. The phone rang again. He gripped the phone and answered it.

"What?" Shinya asked sounding angry.

"Shinya? Kaoru." Kaoru stopped talking and Shinya could hear shuffling and whispers in the back ground.

"Listen. Tell Kyo to leave me the fuck alone. I really don't have time for this. And I have no interest in talking to him at the moment. Bye." Shinya dropped the phone back onto the cradle once more. And phone rang again about three minutes later. Digging his nails into the couch Shinya pulled the phone up and screamed into the receiver.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT PEOPLE CALLING MY DAMN HOUSE. AND TELL KYO TO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO TALK." Shinya screamed and almost hung up when Yoshiki's voice came over the line.

"Shinya? I'm sorry...It's Yoshiki. Practice has been moved back a day next week. Okay?" Yoshiki sounded a bit amused but Shinya sighed and blushed a flaming red.

"Oh...Yoshiki-sama, I'm so sorry....okay. I'll remember." Shinya hung up the phone and went to bed. After unplugging the phone, that is.

After a few weeks the others had stopped trying to talk to him. He never replied. Sometimes even walked away when he was spoken to. It didn't matter to him. The only time he had said anything was when Die had sat and talked to him for three hours straight without pause, or without letting him leave. He had said ‘Listen, Die, everyone...why do you insist on trying to be part of my life? I'm not a part of your's. After all...No medicine OR Vodka in the world could have made me not remember that I tried to rape Kyo. I‘m full of shit. If you just ignore me...I'll not butt in. I won't even talk to you.....' Shinya had looked straight at Kaoru when he said that and then went on. ‘And anyway...I do know Totchi moved in with Kyo because Kyo and you all are scared I'll try it again' He looked at Kyo and smiled bitterly. ‘So maybe you all should just leave me alone, nee?" Then he had walked out, and no one had said a word the him after that day.

Shinya stood up and grabbed his water bottle along with his drum sticks. He heard the others laughing and they were all yelling that they were going out for drinks. Teasing each other Shinya stood and walked past them leaning sadly on the wall and looking out a window over the city. It was night and the lights had just come on. They were lighting up all over. The stars seemed to be in perfect coordination with the lights. Shinya gasped and for the moment forgot his no speaking rule.

"Hey....guys...look at the lights in the city...it's beautiful..." Shinya had to almost yell to make himself heard. Everyone fell silent and they came over, standing next to him and looking out the big window. He heard gasp's and mutters of appreciation. Shinya whispered. "It's so beautiful...all the lights...lighting up and the same time as the stars...like angel's are lighting candles in the sky...and the world is following their example. So beautiful..." Shinya felt a tear slide down his cheek as he watched the lights. He didn't notice the others watching him until Kyo reached over and wiped the tear away.

"You're really deep, Shin-kun..." The smaller one whispered and stared into the drummers eyes. Shinya blushed and then sighed. It couldn't be real. Not Kyo. Maybe the medicine was lasting a way long time, Shinya looked away and then grabbed his drum sticks of the window ledge and walked past the group with a shrug. He could feel eyes burning into his back and sighed stopping at the door and he turned to look at them. Kyo was watching him, Kaoru was watching him too. Die was looked at him and then at Kyo. And Toshiya was watching him quietly. Shinya faked a smiled.

"See you." He could hear the air of finality in those two words and hoped no one had heard the deeper meaning. "I really love you all..." With that he faked another smiled and hurried home.

Shinya stood on his balcony and stared out over the lights of the city. He knew it was over. Something told him that it was time to give up. Life didn't hold anything for him anymore. And over the last weeks he had slowly been self destructing himself. Bit by bit and piece by piece. When he had fallen for Kyo, he had never meant to hurt him. Everything he had done, wasn't real. It must have been someone else. Someone else who looked like him. A dream, maybe. But it was over now. He wouldn't be missed much. Shinya sighed and debated what to do. He could jump. But that didn't guarantee that he would die. He could slit his wrist's...but that wasn't for sure either. He could be found before he died. If he took a million pills...that wouldn't work. He could shoot himself. But he had no gun. Anything Shinya thought of, had a disadvantage. He finally settled on slit his wrists and taking a lot of aspirin. It would thin his blood and he would bleed to death. Getting a knife out he laid it on the table and went to get the aspirin. He put that on the table also and sat on the couch looking at the bottle and the knife. There was a knock at the door. With a sigh, the drummer stood and knocked over the Aspirin on accident. He bent over and picked up the ones he could find and then hid them and the knife in the couch. He ran to the door and opened it to find Kyo standing there, looking a bit scared and a bit worried.

"Yeah?" Shinya asked leaning on the door frame.

"Can I come in?" Kyo asked softly.

"No. I was just getting ready to um....take a...bath. Yes. I was just getting ready to take a bath. So maybe you could come back...next week. Ne?" Shinya smiled a fake smile at Kyo and began to close the door. Kyo stuck his foot out and shook his head.

"It's...important." Kyo muttered and pushed his way in, kicking off his shoe's and sitting down on the cough next to the place where Shinya had hidden his knife and bottle of pills.

"Okay...what is it?" Shinya sat down and put his leg down on the spot where the knife and bottle were hidden.

"Have you ever been in love?" Kyo asked softly.

"Yes...once." Shinya replied feeling the splinters of his heart ache.

"Well...what if you really loved this person. And they were going to do something stupid. But you didn't know how to stop it." Kyo asked and looked around. His eyes going everywhere but Shinya's face.

"Well...does this person know you love them?" (Shinya's dense. X_x-MC) Shinya frowned slightly wondering why Kyo was coming to him with this problem.

"No. He's thick headed." Kyo muttered.

"Oh...well...first you should tell...him? You're...gay?" Shinya couched and scratched his head.

"No. I'm not. Go on." Kyo blushed and waited.

"Well...first I would tell this...guy...that I love him, then I would tell him how much it would hurt me to see him hurt. Who is it that's going to hurt themselves? Totchi?" Shinya frowned.

"Shinya...." Kyo looked straight at him.

"Kyo?" Shinya blinked.

"I've fallen in love with you...and I don't want you to hurt yourself...because it hurts me when you do. Badly." Kyo stared at Shinya and blinked as tears dripped down his cheeks.

"You...love me....Why? After what I did..." Shinya looked away.

"It wasn't you're fault. Please Shinya..." Kyo pleaded softly.

"Kyo...You don't love me...you can't. I'm bad for you....I don't deserve you...." Shinya looked at the floor and his vision went blurry.

"Shinya....I don't want you to hurt yourself. Even if you don't love me. Don't hurt yourself."

"Kyo? I wasn't..." Shinya trailed off when he saw the look Kyo gave him.

"Liar." Kyo whispered and moved forward slipping his arms around Shinya and holding the younger man tightly. Shinya blinked and pushed Kyo away.

"NO! This is the medicine...I don't want to hurt you again....leave. Please...leave...." Shinya started crying and looked at the floor watching little drops of liquid drop to the carpet.

"This isn't the medicine. It's real...Shinya...Please?" Kyo stared at Shinya.

"NO! NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT REAL!" Shinya screamed and turned running away from Kyo. (HAHAHAHAHAHA You all thought I was going to end this fic here....right?? Have them get together all happy and stuff? Nope... ^________^ -MC) And out of the Apartment.

It was raining. He didn't know how long he had been running. But it must have been a very long time. He was cold. And wet. And alone. That's what hurt the worst. He was alone. No Kyo...No anyone. But that was okay. Because that's who he was running from. Kyo. And that dream. And the medicine. All of it made him scared. But it didn't matter. Shinya looked around. He wasn't far from Kirito's apaato. Though he really didn't know Kirito at all, Kaoru had introduced him...a while back. So Shinya headed that way... maybe he could use the phone. He didn't have any money or he would have used a pay phone.

Shinya knocked on Kirito's door and waited...and waited...and waited...the door opened. Shinya blinked at the brightness. *Eh? Kaoru?*

"Eh? Kaoru?" Shinya blinked and held a hand up against the brightness of the light. Kaoru stared at him.

"Shin-chan?" Kaoru coughed and suddenly someone else came up behind Kaoru and held the other man around the waist. Shinya blinked again. Kaoru was wearing a towel around his waist and Kirito was wearing nothing. And they both were very wet.

"Um....I'm so sorry....I was wondering around and...I had no money....and I remembered you introduced Kirito to us a while back...so I thought maybe he would let me use his phone...I don't have a way home...but....I don't want to go home....Kyo's at home...and I don't know! Oh god, Kaoru...it was awful it had to have been that medicine again....oh Kao-kun!!" Shinya wailed and threw himself onto Kaoru clinging to him and sobbing. Kaoru blinked and held Shinya tightly then looked at Kirito who was sweat dropping and looking a bit amused. At the whole thing.

"Shin-chan...it's okay...don't cry...I'll drive you to my place and let you in...and you can stay there. Ne? I'll even let you use my bed. Okay?" Kaoru grabbed his keys and picked the sobbing man up holding him against his bare chest.

"Kao Kao...shouldn't you put some clothes on? Eh lover?" Kirito giggled and pushed a hand through his hair.

"No. I'll be right back." Kaoru smiled and kissed his lover before turning and carrying his friend down the stairs and to his car.

Shinya watched Kaoru get back into his car and leave. He glanced around. Kaoru's place was nice. Clean. *Not like Kyo's...* Shinya's thoughts slipped to Kyo, again. *Stop it. Don't think about him. Go to sleep.* Shinya smiled and walked into Kaoru's room. Kaoru had told Shinya he could sleep there. Shinya smiled and stripped down to his shirt before climbing under the covers and falling asleep.

The next few weeks were tense. Every time Kyo approached Shinya, the drummer found a reason to leave. When Die would try to talk to him, he would duck away, pleading the need to use the restroom or leave. Kaoru didn't say anything about it. But he told the others. And Toshiya kept looking at him worriedly. In the meantime, Shinya ran to Kaoru's house whenever Kyo came by his own. The weird thing was, Kyo never followed Shinya to Kaoru's house. It offered Shinya a refuge, when he was hurt or upset, and it kept him from thinking about killing himself. But it ended one night.

"Shin-chan?" A very drunken Toshiya called out, pushing his way into Kaoru's apartment. Shinya sat in the living room on the sofa.

"In here, Totchi..." Shinya yelled and flipped through the channels. Suddenly Toshiya's arms snaked around him and held him tightly. "Totchi."

"Shinya....I want to fuck you. More then I have ever wanted to fuck anyone in my whole life....and you know why?" Toshiya growled.

"Totchi..." Shinya whispered and attempted to move away, but Toshiya's arms held tight.

"I'll tell you why. Shin-CHAN, Kyo. That's why. Because I love him...and you don't. And he loves you. And not me. So I'll fuck you, to teach you you're place. Tell him you raped me. And then he'll love me. Not you." Toshiya growled and hit Shinya across the face, hard enough to knock him out. (Okay....um...well....that little Idea Totchi just had....it makes no sense. O.O-MC)

When Shinya came to he opened an eye and glanced around. He could tell that his hands and legs were tied to the bed and that something had...violated him. *Totchi?* Shinya looked down to find the older man sleeping curled against Shinya's side. He heard a door open and close but only faintly. He was too frightened over the fact that there was blood everywhere and it hurt to move. His left eye was swollen and his lower back was burning. The bedroom door opened and Shinya heard two voices.

"Ah...he should be here, Kyo..." Kaoru.

"You left him alright, didn't you?" Kyo.

"Ha-" Kaoru cut off when he saw Shinya.

"Kao...Kao? Kyo-chan?" Shinya whispered softly. "Untie me...I hurt..."

"Shinya!" Kyo pushed his head around the side of the door and stared in horror at the sight before him. Kaoru pushed a hand through his hair and walked over untying Shinya's arms. Kyo whimpered and untied Shinya's legs then ran to Kaoru's closet and grabbed a robe draping it around the younger man when he stood up.

"Who did this...?" Kyo asked, obviously not seeing the blue haired bassist. Shinya stayed silent but Kaoru let his eyes trail over to Toshiya's sleeping form. For the first time Shinya looked around. The bed had left overs of the past night's event's. Dried semen and blood covered the bed, Shinya and some of Toshiya. Shinya could barely stand so he sank down to sit on the floor.

"Who did it?" Kyo asked again.

"I don't know....don't know....will you...take me home, Kyo?" Shinya shot Kaoru a desperate look and saw the guitarist nod slightly before he was swept out of the room by Kyo.

At the next practice, three days later, Shinya stayed away from everyone. He sat behind his drums, and when someone came over to talk to him, he made up some reason to get away. He had only spoken to Kyo and Kaoru, Kyo because he had to thank him for taking care of him the last few days, and Kaoru because the purple haired man had needed to tell him what had happened after Shinya left, which wasn't much. Die had attempted to approached him during practice, but Shinya had suddenly need some water, Toshiya had looked like he was going to come over and talk to him, and that time, Shinya had just ran blindly from the room. Waiting about a half hour before returning. When he did he only found Die in the room.

"Shin-chan...stay here, I need to talk to you...please?" Die asked quietly.

"But...I..."

"Shut up. You don't have anything to do. You just took a piss and got a drink. Just...talk to me for a moment, please."

"Fine...what is it?" Shinya sighed and sat next to Die on the couch.

"What happened?"

"What?"

"What happened? Toshiya...he's...ignoring me. And Kaoru's ignoring him. And Kyo's crying over you. And you're ignoring everyone. What's happening...I know I'm not the smartest person....but please, Shin-kun. Tell me." Die took Shinya's hands in his own and stared at the drummers face.

"Die...I can't...please? Don't make me..." Shinya whimpered softly.

"Please?"

"Fine...but please...don't repeat this to Kyo...and don't hate me...or Toshiya...and don't say anything till I'm finished."

"I love him..I couldn't hate him..."

"Promise me..."

"I promise."

"Okay...well it started that day you sent me up to wake Kyo-chan up..." Shinya sighed and told Die everything. About how he had run from Kyo, found Kaoru in Kirito's apartment, how he had almost killed himself, but Kyo had found him first, staying at Kaoru's apaato, being raped by Toshiya, and figuring out that the bassist was only using Die and a replacement for Kyo, how Kyo didn't know, how he had cried for days, everything. "And...so that's all...so far."

"...."

"I'm so sorry Die..." Shinya whispered and stared down at the floor in embarrassment, seeing as the last few days he had convinced himself that it was his fault that Toshiya had raped him. Die shook his head and hugged Shinya close to him.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. I knew Toshiya didn't love me. I knew he wanted Kyo. But I always...hoped that one day he would realize he needed me..." Die said softly. "But...Kyo loves you...he doesn't want Toshiya, or anyone else. He wants you." Die smiled and kissed Shinya's forehead before standing up and leaving the man alone on the couch. Shinya sat the for about three hours before leaving.

"Ah...this is Kyo, I'm...not home, leave a message. I'll call you back when I can..........BEEP!" Shinya sighed into the phone.

"Ah...Moshi Moshi, Kyo-kun...I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out for a drink tonight, but since you're not home...I guess we can't. Anyway, maybe some other time, ne? Call me. You have my number. Bai." Shinya hung up and flipped through some channels. The door bell rang. Shinya sighed and stood up. Grabbing his robe and slinging it onto his naked shoulders, Shinya opened the door, holding the fabric closed. Kyo stood there looking up at him.

"Kyo...what are you doing here?" The drummer asked, stepping back enough to let the vocalist in. The smaller man kicked his shoes off and stepped into the living room, sitting down on the couch. "Do you want some tea..."

"No. I just came to tell you something. Sit down." Kyo motioned towards the seat next to him and Shinya sat down slowly.

"Yes..." Shinya blinked.

"Me...and Toshiya got together. I just wanted to let you know, seeing as he told me that you liked him...I just wanted you to know...and, I'm sorry about all that's happened. I really thought maybe I had a chance with you, but I see I don't. And I really think I can fall in love with Totchi...but I just needed you to know, so you don't try to get with him." Kyo looked away and Shinya almost felt like crying.

"You and Totchi...what about...Die." Shinya sighed and almost ask ‘and me' but, knowing it would only get a negative response, left the ‘and me' part off.

"Toshiya broke up with him." Kyo smiled and then stood getting ready to leave. Shinya reached up and grabbed his wrist keeping his face down, and looking at the carpet.

"Kyo...I'm sorry, that I was so rude...when you said you loved me...and I don't know what changed your mind about me...but I'm sorry...and....I hope...you'll be happy with Toshiya." Shinya mentally kicked himself for not telling the smaller man how much he cared for him. Kyo smiled, but Shinya didn't see. If he had been looking up, he might have seen the sadness in his friend's eyes. And if Kyo had been paying attention, he would have seen the tear the rolled down Shinya's cheek. But neither was watching.,..and Kyo left, and Shinya cried. And outside, it began to rain.

Shinya didn't sleep at all for the next week. And when practice started again, Shinya always showed up late. Die showed up on time, though it was clear he didn't sleep either. Kaoru was stressed, and Totchi and Kyo were very cozy around the band. As if rubbing it in, that they were together. Shinya's eye's had bag's under them, and the thin Drummer was getting thinner by the day, he was eating very little, and his drumming began to suffer.

Kaoru held up a hand and practice stopped.

"You guy's...what the hell is wrong with you all? No offense but..." Kaoru trailed off and waited for an explanation.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine." Toshiya chirped out happily.

"Me too." Kyo said with a yawn and clung to the mic stand, almost falling asleep where he stood.

"Nothings wrong here, just a bit tired...I wrote a new song..." Die said slowly, like something was preventing him from speaking correctly. Everyone turned their eyes to the back of the room, awaiting Shinya's response. The drumming, after all, had been to worst out of all of the instrument's. Shinya blinked slowly, his thoughts not quite working the proper way. Something wasn't connecting the way it was meant to. He just sat there and blinked staring at his friends.

"Shin-kun?" Kaoru asked again.

"Hai?" Shinya blinked and turned his head around to look at the guitarist.

"Are you okay, why is you're drumming suffering?"

"I'm fine, Kao-Kao. It's okay. Fine.....lets play...come on....wasting time..." Shinya babbled on with no apparent direction. He went on this way for about three minutes before drifting off into silence. Everyone was staring at him but Shinya didn't notice he just stood up and smiled really big. "Let's take a break, ne? I'm thirsty."

"Uh...sure, Shin-chan...can I talk to you though?" Kaoru glanced towards Die with a concerned look on his face, Shinya nodded not noticing the look, or the fact that Toshiya was gnawing on his lower lip and that Kyo was sitting on the couch looking very concerned. Shinya waited for the purple headed guitarist and then they both walked out of the room. Shinya walked down the hall and popped in some money, getting a pop from the machine. Kaoru leaned against the wall. When Shinya got his pop he opened it and leaned next to Kaoru sipping his drink.

"What did you want to talk about, Kao-Kao...?" Shinya asked with a yawn.

"What's up, Shinya? You're drumming is awful, you're face looks like someone parked a car over it, you have bags under you're eyes, you're not thinking right, you're clothes are dirty, you're grungy, you smell, you obviously haven't slept in days, and I can tell you're losing weight. Tell me what's wrong." Kaoru turned and took the pop from Shinya's hands, set it down and then held the drummers hands in his own. Shinya looked down at their hands and began to cry. He didn't want to, but it happened anyway. Kaoru blinked and then pulled Shinya to him, holding him tightly and muttering soft comfort's.

"Kao....Kyo....Totchi....it's all messed up.." Shinya hiccuped sadly. Kaoru noticed that Kirito was standing down the hall with Takeo and Aiji watching them with a bit of interest, he also noted that Toshiya was standing around the corner, trying to act like he was looking at Magazines. Die was sanding a sort way away and Kaoru frowned slightly, minus Khota, Jun and Kyo all of Pierrot and DEG was standing in the hallway watching Shinya have a break down. Kaoru noticed two people just out of his line of vision and corrected himself. All of Pierrot and most of DEG was standing in the hall trying to look like they belonged there. Kaoru resisted the urge to laugh and held Shinya tighter running his small hands over Shinya's hair quietly.

"What do you mean?" Kaoru stared straight at Toshiya's face while he spoke to Shinya.

"Toshiya and Kyo....god...Kao-Kao...I really loved him...I'm so stupid. Stupid Shinya. stupid, stupid, stupid. I can't do anything right. I've messed a lot of things up, Kaoru-chan....you're night with Kirito-sama," Kaoru glanced at his lover who was now blushing bright red and watched with slight amusement as Jun, Takeo, Khota, and Aiji raised their eyebrows. "I almost raped Kyo, Toshiya...Totchi...raped me. And that was my fault. I was so stupid...I should....should have been nicer, considered his feelings a bit more...I'm such a fuck up. Oh Kao......" Shinya wailed and burst out sobbing.

"Shin-chan...listen..." Kaoru lifted Shinya's chin with his hand and wiped the tears away with his thumb. "No0ne of that was you're fault....You didn't ruin my night with...my...er...lover..." Kaoru coughed slightly and smiled evil in Kirito's direction. "I went back remember? And what happened with Kyo...wasn't you're fault. I'm sorry I said it was, and Toshiya....he's just a complete moron to give up Die and go with Kyo. No offense to our Vocalist..."

"You mean it?" Shinya asked quietly, staring up into Kaoru's eye's.

"Yes. I do. Now...have...you even eaten at all this week? Or slept?"

"Not...much." Shinya whispered and looked down.

"Well...I'm treating you tonight....you and....hum...you think we should bring everyone along??" Shinya nodded.

"Yes."

"Well...then, I'm treating you and Kirito, though all of Deg and all of Pierrot is invited. But everyone else has to pay their own. Okay?" Kaoru smiled and kissed Shinya's forehead in a motherly gesture, then nodded at him and watched him walk back to the practice room. He noticed everyone had disappeared beside's Die.

"Okay. I know you're all there. Totchi, get you're ass out here..." Kaoru growled. Toshiya peaked around the corner and scurried over to Kaoru.

"Yeah?"

"You are a bitch. A real bitch. How could you...rape, Shinya. And then take what little love he has left and destroy it? How could you?" Kaoru asked as Kirito came up behind him and slid his arms around the guitarist's waist. Toshiya sighed and looked away, noticing Die standing in the corner. Something twisted in Toshiya's heart and he broke down and began to cry. Die walked over and slid his arms around the bassist, holding him tightly against his chest. Toshiya just leaned on him and sobbed. Die sighed and stroked the bassist's hair gently.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Daisuke....Die.....koibito....Die-bug..." Toshiya wailed and Die blushed slightly at the ‘Die-bug' name. Toshiya only called him that in private. ^_^"

"Totchi-love, it's okay...come on, lets go out to dinner with the others, ne? Help get Shinya and Kyo set up..." Die kissed Toshiya tears away and smiled when the other nodded. "You and Kyo...did break up...right?"

"Hai. After Shinya walked out." Toshiya, Die, Takeo, Aiji, Jun and Khota wandered out, talking together, to wait for the other two couples by Kirito's and Kaoru's cars.

Shinya smiled and inhaled the smell of the restaurant. It was a little Chinese place that Kaoru said he occasionally enjoyed eating at. He waited till everyone walked and stood back watching them slid into the booth. Kaoru, Kirito, Die, Toshiya, Jun, Takeo, Aiji, Khota, and then Kyo. Shinya sat down on the edge of the booth seat, it was only an eight person booth so Toshiya was actually sitting on Die's lap, but no one else felt a great urge to sit on the lap of a lover. So that left Shinya with no room. The waiter came and took their order. Shinya smiled and leaned back, very uncomfortably, waiting for the waiter to return. When he did, the group faced a new problem. Eating. The waiter smiled a bit and then glanced at Kyo and Shinya.

"Would, the sir and madam like a private table?" The waiter asked. Neither replied bu Kaoru spoke up.

"Yes. They would. Go with them. He can bring you're food to you." Shinya and Kyo blushed and avoided each other's eyes before standing and moving reluctantly off with the waiter, who led them to a booth that was basically in it's own room. Shinya blinked as the door was closed.

"This is how all the double booth's are. Closed off in little stalls...do you mind?" Kyo asked quietly.

"No. Not at all." Shinya smiled.

"I'm really sorry for making you upset with the whole Toshiya thing...I don't even like him...I only went out with him to make you jealous. Please don't be mad." Kyo fiddled with his chopsticks as the waiter brought their food to them.. When the door slid shut again Shinya replied.

"I understand, I guess." Shinya looked at his food and decided he really wasn't hungry...he didn't want to get fat.... "Actually I don't. Kyo...I don't. And...I can't help not understanding...maybe I will someday. But right now...I don't. I'm sorry. I love you....but you just hurt me. And I hurt you. I can't do it anymore. I can't. I'll see you next practice, nee?" Shinya forced a smile and stood up, and left. Kyo sat there for a moment before he realized he was crying. And outside it began to rain.

To be continued....

HAHAHAHAHAHA you thought maybe I would end it? Nope this is going to be a two part....if anyone comments. I'm not going to finish it if no one sends me comments. I need to know someone is reading. I mean why write if no one bothers to read? So send me comments the next part is already underway and has a lot of twist's. ^_^ hope you liked this part...

~Mana Crystal